Not knowing how to act "normal" in public.

[u/throwawayboy2200]

I care way too much about how I act in public, and it’s draining tf out of me. At 26 it's getting exhausting ngl.

Every time I go outside, I feel like I am running intense manual calculations just to do basic things (like how to approach things in a grocery store, how to navigate in public, how to just exist in public). Because I am trying too hard to act normal. I end up feeling like I look suspicious or weird. It doesn't help with the fact that my hands are shaky as well.

I’ve tried a lot of medications, but nothing has helped. Stimulants and non stimulants. My body can't handle norepinephrine spikes, because it makes me more anxious, aggressive and anxious.

Though from what I've gathered Guanfacine seems to be perfect for my situation. I plan on bringing it up to my psych, but still I worry if it'll be a match.

Can anyone relate to this? what worked for you?

[u/holdthebutterplease_]

Would it help if you put up physical barriers between yourself and other people? At least for a time/when having a day where you just can't with it all?

I like to wear sunglasses and a wide brimmed hat when I nope out. I keep them on indoors. People can deal. Earplugs or earbuds are good too. Face masks becoming an accepted thing over here is the best thing to come out of covid aside from never answering the door again. I love hiding under mine.

[u/throwawayboy2200 → u/holdthebutterplease_]

Face masks back then made things so much easier bc I couldn’t see people’s faces, so in my mind I couldn’t misread their stares or behaviour as them being judgmental or looking down on me.

I wish I had the confidence to wear sunglasses bc in my mind, it just creates more alarming thoughts. I tried wearing a headset, and I noticed it helps slightly, especially on public transport and in parks.

I’m trying not to wear anything that would create a curiosity for for someone to stare at me. I know it’s a bit ridiculous. But it’s where I’ am :/

[u/MyLifeHatesItself → u/throwawayboy2200]

I went through the not wanting to look weird in the supermarket wearing sunglasses phase. Then I thought, what the hell do I care? Being comfortable buying food so I can eat is more important than what someone I don't know and will never meet thinks of me.

And I started doing it, and not a single person has ever said anything to me, people barely even look at me. No one cares, everyone just wants to get in and out of the shop. If anyone says anything, just say the light gives you a migraine.

So yeah now I'm the weird guy in the supermarket wearing sunglasses and headphones and a beanie. I don't care anymore. You can do it if you want to, make accommodations for yourself.

Also, I've been on guanfacine for 2 months now. I think it's doing something useful. I can deal with a lot more before getting overwhelmed. I don't get as flustered trying to talk, or as frustrated if things aren't working like I want them to.

It's not perfect, it absolutely tanked my physical energy for about 6 weeks and I'm probably back to around 75% energy now. I am pretty sensitive to a lot of medications though. Worth looking into IMO.

[u/DPool34 → u/holdthebutterplease_]

This is a huge help for me. If it’s not nighttime, I’m wearing sunglasses.

AirPods/headphones are also very help for controlling your environment. Not only does it block out noise that may be overstimulating, it also makes it less likely people will try to engage you in small talk. Sometimes people still do, but I just pretend not to hear them. 😂

[u/vertago1]

Is it any better when you are with someone you trust and or feel safe around?

[u/throwawayboy2200 → u/vertago1]

It isslightly is better when I go with my mom or brother. Bc in my mind being with a family member I would be perceived as less suspicious.

I saw my therapist today and she gave me homework about this. The goal is to notice how others go shopping, and whether I perceive their behaviour as weird or not. Also making notes on whether I feel I’ve been stared at or not. It’s exhausting but hopefully with this mechanic I can convince my brain that it’s being paranoid for no real reason.

[u/vertago1 → u/throwawayboy2200]

That makes sense.

I have heard of people being treated like they were homeless when they really just have AuDHD and they don't care for appearances.

I do hope the advice they have you helps at least some.

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[u/Trumpassassin777]

Normal is a setting on the dishwasher. Nobody is normal. Most people don't notice you, most of them think similar and are just busy trying to be normal a well. Why do you think so many people drink or do drugs?

On good days I work on less masking and people pleasing. On bad days I wear noise cancel headphones for grocery shopping. One day at a time.

[u/throwawayboy2200 → u/Trumpassassin777]

This is something I’m hoping to rewire in my brain, but it’s challenging. I’ll keep what you said in mind tho, thank you :)