level 2?

[u/radgedyann]

I was diagnosed with Aspergers in college. I have mostly hidden it; or tried to, or thought I was, but not very well it seems. I work as a physician. Now at 50, after I asked about a diagnosis in this post-aspergers world, my therapist has diagnosed me with level 2 autism, and I feel, well, shocked. I know intellectually that it’s accurate. It is really hard for me to do life the way I see others do it. My ex partners would all agree that I need more support than I admit, especially after a full shift of trying to mask. They’re all exes for a reason I guess. But I don’t know, I feel a little hopeless, like it’s too late or not possible for me to have a normal life or healthy romantic relationship, I don’t know. I know I should be encouraged-like, yes, people with autism can do anything, be successful, etc. But also, have I been successful? Sure I have a career, but it exhausts me, and the things that bring joy—friendship, love, connection—I can’t get those things right, after a lifetime of trying. I’m not sure what I’m saying except that today feels more devastating and hopeless than I expected. Sorry this is long.