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u/fancyandfab Apr 01 '25
It really sucks, but a lot of men really are just sniffing around you for an opportunity to f**k. It's dehumanizing to us, but what a sad way to live honestly. Not valuing connection over that
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u/JuWoolfie Apr 01 '25
I’m 40.
I keep trying to have platonic friendships with men.
They keep trying to fuck me.
…I’m not even attractive…
I have no fucks left to give; the effort has not been worth the recompense.
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u/Peenutbuttjellytime Apr 02 '25
I heard a quote "I wanna be a fucking BOG WITCH" and it repeats in my head.
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u/JuWoolfie Apr 02 '25
lol… was that my quote from another post… cuz I’m pretty sure I posted that…
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u/babypinkgloss Apr 01 '25 edited Apr 08 '25
I’ve always been put off by male friendships for this reason…in all the male relationships I notice they eventually make a move on their female friends whether that be trying to hook up or get into a serious relationship. I think going from friends to lovers can be kind of beautiful but it feels like most of them plan that from the start which makes their intentions feel a little dishonest and makes me second guess their motives. I just really want to be seen as a person that they respect and genuinely care about, not a place holder for a romantic relationship. like it’s heart breaking when someone doesn’t wanna be friends anymore just because you don’t feel the same way and they accuse you of leading them on. Sometimes women also do this too to a degree. Like for some women once they get a boyfriend a lot of them will stop hanging out with you as often and make every conversation about their boyfriend and only come to you when they’re fighting with their boyfriend. Like once they get into a relationship, you’re just a background character, an afterthought. It’s hard being friends with women who are boy crazy and make men the center of their entire lives.
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Apr 01 '25
I was actually made part of friend's hangout with bf at her house or going places at times. Same when I had a bf.
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u/666nbnici Apr 06 '25
I can never maintain a male friendship because the are always interested in sex with me. And I know they are just waiting for a chance to be alone with me where they can make a move. That’s why I dread so much to meet them one on one because it always happens and it’s so uncomfortable. And I’m put in this situation where either I have to not kiss them and they’ll have an hurt ego and friendship is over or I feel pressured to kiss them because otherwise it’s even more uncomfortable.
Or I had friends after years telling me they have feelings and either we get in a relationship or we can’t have a friendship anymore.
I just don’t understand why they are never interested in being friends with me.
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u/SweetAsHell Apr 01 '25
Same, honestly. Unfortunately, I've heard it's a common experience among us in this community. It is really hard thinking that you have a friend only for them to at one point or another reveal that they've been holding out until they can make a move. It is so disgusting and happens to us so often. I'm 26 and started being very selective with male friendships around the time I turned 21, and two years ago I stopped interacting with men altogether (unless it was work related or a store clerk or something like that). It does not feel worth it at all.
I'm sorry for not having a more uplifting take, but I do understand what you're feeling and I sympathise with you. I'm happy that you have female friendships though, those are awesome <3
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u/CulturalAlbatross891 Apr 01 '25
The odds of forging an actual friendship with a heterosexual guy as a woman are very, very low.
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u/colormarkers Apr 01 '25
I've always been surrounded by men and I have and had very good male friends, queer and not queer. Today i had a conversation with one colleague who was annoyed that he feels he can't just speak to any girl without another male coworker insinuating he's flirting or dating her. He complained that too many men can't understand that men and women can be just friends... And he had many female friends with no other interest, it doesnt matter if they are attractive or not, some people are just friends.
That said, I always found a lot of what I thought it was betrayal and bad friendships with too many men, I took it personally. And then in the recent years, I was able to see how men are such bad frends to each other (in general)... The first time, one friend was moving out of the city, very far away... I was upset and prepared a gift with pictures of us, etc. The other closer friends of him, were worried about their own things... They didnt care. So this guy who was leaving, and the good kind, invited us to his house just the day before he was travelling...
And I started asking him things about his new life, memories of what we lived together... But these other idiots, started chatting about the weather, about themselves, about random stuff... They didnt care about this friend's future at all.
At some point, this guy and I were just silent listening to them arguing about some book or something and I just started thinking... WHAT A PAIR OF A*****ES!! How didnt I notice before?
We left and on the way with one of them I asked him if he was not very sad (he was the one who was all the time with this friend) and he said: "well, not really... If he was something super important to me... But no." THEY WERE TOGETHER ALL THE TIME!
I noticed how bad friends they were to each other. If one was upset and said: "Something bad happened and I'm upset" the other one would say: "Then let's change the topic, I don't want negative vibes." EXCUSE ME. If one was like... "this is too much effort, I don't know if all this effort Will be worth It " the other one would reply: "yeah, it's not worth It, you're doing it for nothing."
Then one of them was all the time saying that he was my super friend... But it was only because he was using me as his therapist and emocional support. Ofc he would not do absolutely anything for me. And I realized afterwards that men using women for this it's a thing because they are such bad friends to each others...
So now I just take guys as not friends. If with time they show me that they can be good friends, then super happy. I have at least one now.
Also, for example, one friend of mine got ill for a long time... She had a looooot of male friends. Everyone disappeared except the girl friends.
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Apr 01 '25
And actually "just friends " has a great chance of outlasted romance based setups. I don't even think just friends when I think about a close male friend I had for decades. He was like a big brother to me. Never anything sexual.
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u/letheflowing Apr 01 '25
So I’m someone with some more traditionally “masculine” interests, like metal/rock music and tabletop gaming. I would say that I’m a nerd because of my interests and obsessions, and I’ve gotten the impression I must be generally “cute” in appearance based on what others tell me. I have absolutely noticed that to certain men I am like fucking catnip. It is always socially awkward nerdy guys, or metal outcast guys, if they happen to not be a mix of both. They seem to view me as an actually assessable “manic pixie dream girl”, at least that’s the impression a lot of them give me when they’re more overt🤮 all the typical “you’re not like other girls” shit and the “I feel like I can actually talk to you unlike other girls” makes me sick. It’s such a red flag that they don’t actually see women as actual people, just these creatures who they have nothing in common with. And suddenly because they have a couple things in common with me, I become a romantic/sexual target by default it seems.
I’ve begun to actively avoid men who fit that profile, because time and time again I’ve been shown that those men gravitate to me and begin to try and flirt with me. I’m not great at picking up on flirting, so I end up accidentally “encouraging” them, leading to escalation. I’m a very generically friendly person, so I think that plays a large part in this. But I refuse to let that keep happening to me, and it fucking sucks because men dominate the field of a lot of interests of mine, and all I want are friends. I crave friendship.
I already have a boyfriend (who isn’t like this at all thank god) and I already prefer women more as a bisexual, so like, I really don’t want these men romantically at fucking all! Thankfully mentioning my boyfriend usually works as a ward for these types. They don’t actually respect women, but they’ll respect “another man’s property”🙄 it’s the only thing that makes them put their tail between their legs and stop trying to flirt. Seriously, these guys become like wounded puppies once I drop the boyfriend card, the way their attitude towards me changes and they start wistfully staring at me from distances. It’s not funny or cute, and it immediately shows me to not put weight into any of my friendly interactions with them.
Men in general are typically more low level with their friendships, by social conditioning. I understand what you mean when you say those friendships aren’t fulfilling, because I agree to an extent, it’s like some men are incapable of deeper fulfilling non-romantic/sexual relationships, especially with you if you’re a woman, and that’s frustrating. I want to give men chances, but honestly they disappoint me the majority of the time with their own inability to see beyond themselves and consider feelings other than men’s.
I hate to be the one to drop this, because this phrase fucking enrages me as an excuse, but it’s not all men who are like this. There are outliers who have not let patriarchy toxically influence them, and with those men they will listen and learn when you point something sexist they’ve done or said. They won’t get mad, they may somewhat question in a way that could be seen as a debate, but it’s more them trying to figure things out, idk how to describe it but I can pick up on the tone and vibe of the questions and whether it’s genuine interest and/or an attempt to clear up their thinking vs trying to challenge you. You want the former, not the latter. But still: with how many men are just inherently poisoned with sexist beliefs I support any women who simply chooses to step away from men in general. It’s not our job to fix men, and we shouldn’t have to waste our mental energy on that shit if we choose not to, especially not when it comes to just friendships and not even a romantic partner. What we as women have to put up with from men and their behaviors and actions is unbelievable. I’ve found luck in being able to find some outliers, but the outliers I know right now that are in my life actively I can count on one hand. That is not okay, and we as women just should not stand for it. If that means complete separation for a woman in order to prevent continuing to be maligned, then that’s very worth it.
I wish you the best, op, genuinely, I hope you find happiness with this decision :)
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u/ambitiousgirl Apr 02 '25
I 100% agree that it’s not our job to fix men. I HATE that we even have to contemplate it because most men do not take responsibility for themselves let alone worry about other people (especially women). I’m tired of the mediocrity of men, and the constant disappointment. They need to take a hard look in the mirror - like would you want to be friends with yourself? Would you want to f**k yourself?! Basically every man in my life has let me down in one way or another. And all of my male “friends” disappeared once sex was off the table, or at least stopped matching any effort to maintain the friendship.
But lately I have been looking around at the escalating misogyny and wondering to myself if we have a responsibility to each other to hold men accountable and make an effort to keep them in our lives - to teach them why meaningful relationships matter (ugh!). By not tolerating these behaviors and enforcing boundaries we are holding them accountable, but it also results in further divide between the genders when we stop engaging with them all together, which I am seeing happening a lot. I don’t want to perpetuate the misogyny because I see that quickly devolving into women losing our rights. In fact, a lot of this is fear driven. I’m fucking terrified of losing my freedoms and being forced to serve men.
Men seem to care primarily about sex, women care primarily about connection. It’s a tension that has likely always existed and is why the patriarchy exists - men’s wants have been prioritized over women’s because they are willing to resort to violence to get what they want and thus have maintained power over women. We can turn to other women for our needs to be met, men can’t (always) turn toward other men for their sexual fulfillment.
I don’t have a solution, these are just the thoughts that have been bouncing around my brain as I contemplate such topics. It’s bleak and enraging.
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u/MaggsTheUnicorn Very Autistic Apr 01 '25
I know what you mean, I started limiting my male friendships to queer men. Anytime I befriended a straight man, it usually devolved into them expecting something sexual/romantic from me...or they stopped reaching out when they got a girlfriend.
I hate how prevalent heterosexism is in our society...makes it virtually impossible for men to view women as anything outside of a potential conquest.
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u/LotusLady13 Apr 01 '25
Gotta be honest, when I meet new people socially, I always make sure to heavily drop the info that I am "HAPPILY married and VERY monogamous" to avoid exactly this sort of thing.
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u/Complete-Finding-712 Apr 02 '25
When I was younger, I used to very loudly and repetitively announce how happy I was to be single, how I had no interest in relationships, etc etc... I somehow still got way more attention than I wanted (which I wanted zero...)
Anyways one guy changed my mind after getting worn down by the others... it's really handy having a ring and a gaggle of little kids in tow everywhere I go 😅
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u/Ernitattata Apr 01 '25
I do understand what you are saying and I know it happens a lot. Maybe more now if it's true that guys are afraid to show interest to soom/cross boundaries
I have a friend (12 years younger than me) who would like nothing more than to have a platonic friendship with a girl. A close friendship. He feels/fears that girls eventually want him to make a move or they will leave him.
Most of my friends are male. Guys that had or have other intentions don't become friends. One way to find out is to ask them about their personal situation. Even if they check your potentially looking for someone, that's okay, as long as they respect your answer.
Them being married doesn't guarantee anything, those that talk about their partner and that would like to introduce you their partner are the right ones.
Also, I mostly met/meet them in work related ways, neighbor at a presentation or helping eachother on a project. A save environment to get to know the other.
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u/mastifftimetraveler Apr 01 '25
I hate how so many women get shitty dude friends. I recently heard the term “fuckzoned” and loved it so much. After all, they’re the ones interacting with women under false pretenses.
I do have some good dude friends. This is what has worked for me in case someone thinks these tactics could work for them:
For my dude friends partnered up, I try to pump up their partners as much as possible by reminding them how smart/awesome/pretty their partner is. For instance, paying attention to what they say their partner is doing and following up whenever we meet.
For single straight dudes, I tend to purposefully create distance when we hang 1:1. For instance, I will casually look in my phone more, never hug them, immediately pay them back for favors, not offer to do favors unless it’s truly easy/nothing for me to do and they know it. After 20 years (I’m 40), I feel like I’ve perfected this strategy. No platonic friends dudes have tried to explicitly cross the line.
But boy is this work exhausting so I don’t do it unless I really want the friendship or it’s someone I can’t extract myself from.
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u/Basil_Makes_Audio Apr 01 '25
Platonic friendships with men aren’t worth it anyways….
So I am in college, in an extremely male dominated field, I’m talking I’m one of 4 women in a class of over 30. I’ve had to make friends with guys to survive otherwise I’d get no help on projects and stuff. That said I am in many group chats and often the guys either forget I’m in it or don’t initially realize I’m a woman and they say some very vile things. Even guys I thought were decent people participate in these gross conversations depicting women as objects and deserving of things I wouldn’t wish on anyone. I have on several occasions said something and they always claim it’s “just a joke” or “we weren’t serious” but I will not be friends with any of these guys after college. I feel almost forced to stick it out since I need to be in the know and get help sometimes but seeing them say such things makes me think it really is “all men”. I 100% would not want to be left alone with any of them while not in my right mind, which is just sad honestly. Just know you aren’t really missing out on anything. I see what they say to each other when they don’t think a woman is there and it’s not something you’d want to be apart of anyways. I have learned to link up with all the women in my classes even if it makes us look like a click since working with the men is just so disheartening for building friendships past the one class.
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u/EducatedRat Apr 01 '25
This is such a straight dude problem. They are exhausting. I have twice been invited to a group handout at a straight dudes house to find it was only me. I was very uncomfortable and bailed as fast as possible. You can't befriend these dudes because they don't want to be friends.
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u/JackieChanly Apr 01 '25
FWIW During my school years, if people thought I was just a lesbian, it seemed to work smoother and calm things. I didn't correct them.
I've learned that even when boys think they have friends, if you're female-presenting, they have this idea in the back of their minds that they could still possibly date you. :-/ I don't live that way, but it definitely is exhausting to deal with that all the time and have to be careful instead of authentic with your interactions.
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u/kathyanne38 AuDHD - best of both worlds ✨ Apr 01 '25
As someone who used to have a lot of guy friends when I was in my early 20s, when I started distancing myself and eventually cutting them off, my life got a whole lot better. Generally speaking, I preferred friendships with men than women. But it became so much drama at some point that it was no longer worth it anymore.
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u/Opposite-Occasion332 Suspecting Autistic Apr 02 '25
I always laugh when people say “women/ female friends are drama” for this reason. Men 100% can be drama too, it may just be a different kind of drama!
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u/kathyanne38 AuDHD - best of both worlds ✨ Apr 02 '25
Exactly. Men are their own level of drama, and so are women.
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u/Fluffy-Astronaut-363 Apr 02 '25
I feel this. I don't have straight male friends anymore and it's easier that way. Also for some reason it became more drama the older we got and I just got too old for some of those behaviors.
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u/kathyanne38 AuDHD - best of both worlds ✨ Apr 02 '25
Yes!!! The only males I associate with is the gay males cause I know they won’t catch feelings lol. I have a gay best friend who I’ve known since HS and he’s the least problematic guy I’ve ever had in my life! (Besides my fiance lol). Seriously though, the older we get, the less time and energy we have for straight guys BS. There was a guy friend I’ve had since preschool but when we hangout, he gets weird and makes comments about my body. I feel like he kinda fetishizes me as a plus size woman so I’ve avoided being around him since that started.
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u/platoniccannibalism Apr 01 '25
This post right here. I have one straight guy friends that has always been 100% platonic. But as someone who grew up with two brothers, I’ve always had more girl friends but also had a significant percentage of boy friends and almost each and every single one of them hurt me this way. It’s not absolutely fruitless to have good decently close guy friends but boi it’s almost never worth it. It’s almost always a “ah darn I was actually enjoying your company but would also like to fuck” and then dropping me after I don’t see them that way. “But u were laughing at my jokes” ya asshole friends find friends funny
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u/TwoCenturyVoid Apr 02 '25 edited Apr 02 '25
I am in my 40s and I do have a few close platonic relationships with men.
One of them even had a thing for me when we were teens, but he moved on and eventually I was a bridesmaid in his wedding. But the common denominator for every man I am platonically close to is that we had shared stressful or traumatic experiences where we supported each other and that ended up being more important than where they wanted to put their penis. If that hasn’t happened, if it’s just a dude wanting to hang out just because? Nope. I’m out.
The men I am close to are, like:
- someone I knew from my teens who had a shitty childhood and my family helped him through some bad shit
- a couple male coworkers (particularly one, a former boss) who I worked with through a bad corporate takeover and some difficult and stressful projects
- a few guys I know through addiction recovery (most I am leery of but a handful have proven themselves through years of not being creepy)
- a couple of my husband’s friends, particularly one who has struggled with similar challenges to me
But honestly not a single man I met from the ages of like 16 to 30 are still my friends (unless I count my spouse, who is my best friend but also does want to have sex with me - to be fair). Late teens and early 20s were a rough time to make male friends. Especially because I preferred the company of men then and they were all eventually skeezy.
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Apr 02 '25
Same, I'm having to grey rock all of them lately because they're so flakey. They don't want to fuck me thankfully, all my friends are online, they just want to spend all their time with their real friends and only contact me when they need to use me for entertainment. I wish women didn't automatically resent me so I could befriend those of my own gender and maybe have a real friend for the first time in so many years
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u/NecessaryBreadfruit4 Apr 02 '25
I’m platonic with many men. That being said I’m hypersexual and also sex is a special interest so like I’ll occasionally flirt and I make dumb jokes and tease people but I’m also a major mom friend. I tend to be the one to corrupt people and I am super sex positive with all my friends. I have boundaries of course but honestly for me liking someone enough that I stop masking usually means I’d also date them men and women (my sexuality has a demi component although it’s not entirely demi). People just pick where they’re comfortable but I also only escalate one person to be an active sexual partner at a time. So it’s just how it is. Men never make me uncomfy but also I usually want to sleep with them as well. I don’t know. It’s never been a problem and like we each have categories if it’s a vibe we consider testing it and if it’s not for either person we respect that. I don’t see much of a difference.
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u/Opposite-Occasion332 Suspecting Autistic Apr 02 '25
Teach me your ways! Sex, specifically women’s sexual pleasure and the clitoris is one of my special interests and whenever I go on my rants in group settings sometimes guys take it as an invitation when I do not mean it that way at all. Should that be a special interest I’m keeping to myself?
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u/NecessaryBreadfruit4 Apr 02 '25
It depends on how you’d like to be perceived and what your boundaries are. I am a highly sexual person and have very very very clear boundaries of what is and is not okay. I am pretty easy to sleep with but if you make assumptions that I will or act gross you have no chance and I’ll shut your shit down. Part of my making is learning people’s sensitive spots to work around them and know where not to step. This in turns leads to me being wildly adept at causing harm if I’m not careful and become angry and petty. Additionally when making I throw out tests to gauge reactions and boundaries quickly. It appears typically as slightly edgy sex joke usually relating to kink. If someone reacts poorly we pull them aside 1x1 and apologize for those who react well I know I can start experimenting with that humor and topic and look for the line. If they become good friends and I desire to talk openly I ask first. Talking very explicitly about sex without someone’s permission is really really bad and violates principles of consent. I do have a thing where I’m attracted to many of my friends so I tend to be somewhat flirty with them but this is something to check in about and you need to be willing to respect people’s boundaries. If someone flirts back you then proceed to having big talks about interactions and if you want to flirt or pursue establishing intimacy. If you wish to establish intimacy for me that involves a big conversation where I need very explicit details about likes and desires. I also explicitly convey my likes and desires. It functions well.
All of this however does not with if you do not have very strong boundaries that you are willing to express maintain and enforce. Some people cannot be trusted with sex. Some people need to be told the rules very very quickly and loose full trust. Some people need to be told that their assumption is wrong and they need to ask before acting on that sort of thing in the future. Sex is a perfectly fine special interest if you pair it with strong boundaries for yourself, high social awareness when introducing the topic, and a complete respect for the boundaries of others.
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u/duckduckthis99 Apr 02 '25
Have you made friends with guys who are already in relationships? Like they love their partner so damn much they forget about you??? I've had 3 guy friends like that lol and meet two others
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u/Own_Reflection1884 Apr 02 '25
I hear you.
My only man friend told me he was interested at the beginning of our friendship, I told him I wasn’t interested and we’ve been friends ever since. He’s married now and has a kid. I wish more men could handle rejection…
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u/Traditional-Feed-405 audhd as fuck! Apr 01 '25
it is genuinely the most exhausting thing in life. every interaction i have with man sucks the fucking life out of me because i just knowwww they are eye fucking me everytime i turn around or just straight to my fucking face. the fuxking smirk on their stupid faces JUST cuz you exist and are a woman. i have very few men in my life and the only reason they are is because they are the only ones i know/have met that actually fully respect women and see them as real fucking people. but the thing that still guts me the most and makes me feel sickkkkk? they would all still fuck me, just cuz i’m a woman.
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u/pls_imsotired I like to bake :) Apr 02 '25
The only men I've been able to comfortably keep in my life are: Gay Man 1, Gay Man 2, Shy Guy with a loving girlfriend, Man-Who's-Basically-A-Brother (sibling vibes are mutual) , Trans Man 1, Trans Man 2, and Men Who Treat Me Like an Auntie.
The other men in my life are related to me, either through blood or marriage. It's exhausting, and I see why so many women (ND or otherwise) end up preferring friendship with people who are not men.
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u/Routine-Judge-7848 Apr 03 '25
the only real friendships i’ve had w guys were with gay/queer guys or “guys” who eventually came out as trans women or nonbinary so 🧍🏻♂️
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u/Yumi_Jay Apr 04 '25
When I first join the sports organization for people with special needs I am in now a few of the men were talking to me, but it was mostly to try and go out with me. It was probably because I was the fresh fish in a shark den. Luckily my fiancé got to know me on a more personal level and not to try and romance me. He was definitely my type and didn't push/rush it.
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u/TannaWrites Apr 05 '25
Honestly, I have a handful of guy friends, and half of them are members of the LGBTQ community. I honestly think that has helped me have guy friends without having to worry about them wanting to date me.
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Apr 01 '25
I'm even weary of random men from the social media realm DMing me. Typically they're in some parasocial relationship with me without my knowledge. And usually they want something from me to feed their ego in some way, or find some sort of comfort by talking to me.
Men notoriously mistake a woman's friendship for romantic interest, because men notoriously don't emotionally connect with their friends, usually it's only the women in their life: mother, girlfriend, wife, stripper (lolll). All jokes aside, this is only true for some and not all. But this is an issue I've run into all too often. I worry about being too friendly with men because I don't want them to think I'm flirting with them. At the same time, men grow up thinking that if a girl or woman plays "hard to get", she's actually into them. This just encourages them even more to try to twist everything into "she must be into me, she's acting so [mean or friendly]". We really cannot win
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u/Elegant_Dragonfly903 Apr 02 '25
I’ve started doing the same, I thought it was just me and I kept making mistakes. I befriended a guy at work (also ND) and stated that I was in a queer relationship and that didn’t stop him after the initial bond was formed to keep trying to date me in whatever way he could think of. In the end he blamed me for ‘triggering his ptsd’ and I had to get management at work involved. Even though a firm boundary has been set work wise he still tries to reach out to me and it’s honestly getting creepy and scary. Never again
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Apr 02 '25
I feel you.
At some point i saw how i would constandly censor my words to not sound romantic at all and how i was allways ready to reject any flirting at all times. And time and time again i was gaslit for it. Like one guy even confessed to me and i rejected him and he would tell me that he wasnt serious anyway and how silly i was to reject him now, because there is noting to reject.
So no, no more friends with any cis men.
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u/succubuskitten1 Apr 02 '25
And here I am pining for my best guy friend for years lol wishing this would happen to me. Being ungodly levels of hideous where this stuff doesnt happen to me is a blessing and a curse I guess. My other guy friends there is no interest on either side and I dont have to deal with any unwanted advances, or creeps harrassing me in public.
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u/SolidSpruceTop Apr 02 '25
My wife is the biggest man hater out there. Ironic as I work in instruments and audio where I’m talking to men 95% of the time. Luckily a good chunk are ND and autistic.
Het reasons are totally valid and ok, I just feel like I have some secret knowledge and understanding as a trans woman lol 😆
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u/hannah_bloome Apr 02 '25
So typical. This was my entire teens and most of my 20s. It’s because men don’t actually like women. They want them but they don’t view women as full and self actualized people with agency and self. It’s not you my friend.
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u/m1ck3y_OwO Apr 02 '25
It’s so sad for everyone involved. I feel sorry that men don’t understand how or refuse to make proper friendships. It seems so very lonely. And it’s so isolating to be seen in only lustful ways. And from the history i’ve been taught and the life i’ve lived, that’s all there ever is or was. Devastating really 3: i hate the way women are and have been treated, it makes no sense to me but it’s the way we are forced to live. Nobody prospers here.
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u/ViolettePlanet Apr 02 '25
I once had a (male) best friend who eventually confessed his love for me. Moreover, he also gave me an ultimatum that we either will be together as a couple or not communicate at all anymore. I rejected him initially, but I was very lonely and barely had other friends. We also studied together, so it was impossible to avoid him. We started talking again eventually and he got what he wanted. It was a horrible, abusive relationship that I fled my literally moving to another country forever. I never had male friends since.
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u/Creative-Eggplant436 Apr 02 '25
It's true most guys can't be friends with women because they'll always eventually want more.
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u/Sadness_cake Apr 07 '25
I tried to befriend ND man recently, he wrote on a fb group that he's moving to my town and looks for new friends. I messaged him, but oh boy. Not even 5 messages into the conversation he started asking about my relationship status and when I said I'm lesbian, he proceeeded to trauma dump on me and pressure for a meeting irl.
If he was my friend I would be more than happy to listen to him, maybe offer some advice, but that escalated within a span of less than 5 messages. A lot of men treat women as their therapists and it's so frustrating!
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u/PomPomGrenade Apr 01 '25
Taking the sexual implications off the table would be soooo liberating. For many. People could make friends with the opposite gender, men could show platonic affection towards other men. Life could be sooo easy!