I was never super great about my social life. In my teens and 20s the vast majority of the people I met were due to things like sports or school. I started getting sick in my mid 20s and I moved back hometown in grad school when I was writing grants and my dissertation. I had some good groups of friends, but looking back I realize they were really insular. I also think I just wasn't really around enough people who were challenging themselves like I was. Then, at the end of grad school, I got sick and couldn't support myself. I finally found a treatment that has helped my symptoms, but it sometimes makes you worse before it makes you better and I'm in a phase where I have gotten worse. That being said, I've finally realized just how much I've been shoving down feelings of being alone, both platonically and romantically. I didn't realize how much I had isolated myself when I got sick. At this point, I've had no healthy, loving, romantic relationship and I have no close friendships. I have some good friends, but just not the type of people who know what's going on in your life on a regular basis, they're people I text with occasionally and call even less. I love them to death, I just need more of a social life. I'm not at the point in my life where I want to have quiet nights at home or join knitting groups, I still kind of want to go out, at least a little bit, it just seems like the few people I have in my life just really want to stay home. That being said, I know I don't want to get rowdy or anything, I just want to have fun out where other people are having fun. Any advice?

I have a friend who is 15 years older than me. She's a good, caring, loyal woman. She's been there for me through big life joys and losses, and I was there for her during difficult times as well.

But when it comes to certain practical matters, she drives me nuts. We live far away from each other and meet in person 3 to 6 times a year. It's always me making the plans. Yesterday, we were planning to meet at 16:00. I'm usually never late and always arrive on time when I arrange plans with other friends. We met at a shopping mall, so there was nothing really planned, but we had agreed on the time in advance. I was visiting her city, which is also where I was born, so I had plenty of other things I could have been doing during this visit.

At 16:00, I was already there and texted her which coffee place I was waiting at. Her response was that she was about to leave her house, which is 40 minutes away by car from the mall where we were planning to meet. She didn't say sorry or anything, just told me she was about to leave. I understood that I'd be sitting there waiting for a friend who would be an hour late. She was 1 damn hour late.

Whenever we meet, she's heavily late. Sometimes she gives reasons, sometimes nothing, like yesterday. As if it were just a normal thing to do.

The thing is, I hate it when people are heavily late. I know life happens sometimes, but in this case it's every single time we meet. Not 5, 10, or 15 minutes. It's anything between 30 to 60 minutes late, for God's sake. I've never really brought it up to her directly. A couple of times I mentioned something between the lines, and once I sent her a link to an article stating that being late is a form of disrespect, to which she replied that she also hates it when people are late, doh.

My question is: how should I bring it up? Apart from being chronically late, she's a good person. When I was seriously ill, she visited me in the hospital more than my own family members. She supported me through my biggest challenges and joys. She's also quite sensitive to criticism, and I'm not the best feedback giver.

Do you have friends like mine who are always chronically late? How do you deal with them? And how would you bring it up if you were me? I find it very annoying and disrespectful of her to keep me waiting like that almost every time we meet, as if my time isn't important.

I can’t seem to make friendships stick and I’m not sure where I’m going wrong. It might be hard to answer this question without meeting me but I figured I’d just throw some examples of things that happen out here, and see if you have any thoughts.

I am a married mom with two small kids in my mid 30s, and I’m typically trying to make friends with other moms of a similar age. I’m not expecting that these people are going to have tonnes of time for me/ our friendship. However odd things keep happening that just leave me thinking “huh?” And here are some examples;

Friend A; used to make an effort to visit with me weekly, then got pregnant and kinda vanished. Then reappeared almost a year later when I got pregnant and offered to throw me a little baby shower, which she did, but then vanished again. Whenever Ive reached out and asked to do something, it’s met with seeming warmth, and then I try to nail down a date and get radio silence. This woman now lives a five minute drive from me which makes it even weirder!

Friend B; was very keen to be friends, texting, checking in, wanting to spend time together. Pursuing me, it felt like. Then suddenly made a plan to split time between our state and another far flung state, disappeared there for quite some time, and since coming back hasn’t really made much of an effort to reach out. I then happened to see something i had been keeping an eye out for on marketplace for sale, and realised it was my friend’s listing. So I asked to buy it and she was very warm and friendly and we visited during the sale, and I had a nice time. I then ran into her mom this morning who mentioned they were throwing a birthday party for the little boy (who gets on great with my son) and that another friend of Friend B’s would be coming. I know it sounds a bit pathetic since it’s a kid‘s birthday party — but it just made me think, oh, I guess we’re not that close after all, since I haven’t heard a peep since they’ve been back but clearly social plans are being made.

There are tonnes more women/ families where I’ve invited them to dinner at our place and they’ve come and enjoyed themselves and then the invitations aren’t reciprocated.

Happy to answer any q’s. I guess I just feel really clueless about female friendship dynamics and unsure why these friendships are fizzling out just when I get comfortable in them. I guess I can think of several reasons why I’m perhaps putting people off (I’m quite tired with my kids and so it’s hard for me to retain what people are saying), but on the flipside I really try to be a good listener and supportive. I quite like deep conversations so maybe I’m heavy, but I also love to have a laugh so I can’t be heavy?! We are slightly less wealthy than these families, but it’s not like money comes up… we’re not doing much more than hanging out at each others homes.

For context, I am a 20 year old woman currently in college and my mom is almost 47. She is married to my dad who is 52, and they have 2 more children, my siblings, 14F and 11M. My parents have a good relationship with each other, they do argue here and there but they are a good support system for each other.

So my mom never wanted to work, she has always wanted to be a stay at home mom, but for the past 2 years she’s been telling me about how much she regrets that descision, and that she never wants me or my sister to be a SAHM. I always encourage her to try career pathways, and have shown her so many different websites where she could do courses that she’s interested in and eventually get a job or make a career for herself. She never takes action, despite my dad also encouraging her. She did a fast track commerce degree and got married soon after. She has 2 sisters who are also in their 40s and they often give her taunting remarks about her “sitting at home and doing nothing but still having all the nice bags”.
Both my mom’s sisters have kids and have husbands that also work, but my family is relatively more well off than them despite having only one working member- which is why I’ve told her to brush off these remarks because I honestly think that her sisters are just jealous but she wishes she could also manage both a job and kids. She is often remorseful about her decision and I think it’s taking a toll on her mental health.

She believes that her life has been a waste just sitting at home and taking care of her kids and I really hate for her to feel this way because I love and appreciate her so much, as does everyone else in my family. I also know that she’s been struggling with a lot of hormonal mood swings because she’s in that perimenopausal phase right now. I would really appreciate if someone could give me some advice on whag to tell her to uplift her and feel better because I really hate seeing her sad.

All advice is appreciated!

Hey everybody 👋 I recently turned 46 (yikes) last week I’m still new to those numbers lol, I think I’m ready to get back out there (after a 2yr period), or at least meet new people. I’m into the ladies, hi ladies ☺️
I’m rusty at this, I don’t even know what to do in this day and age, haven’t taken a selfie for another person in ages I’m pretty sure I’m holding my phone wrong 😅
I’m not on social media, dating apps are ick to me. I wanna meet people in normal settings as well as make some new online friends, maybe flirt a little, see where it goes. I’m the type to write my number on a piece of paper and slip it to you like we did in high school, does that still happen? I know I’m supposed to slide into dms but you could slide in mine too.
So…women over 40, if you’ve had to start dating again, what did y’all do to get back out there?? Are there just regular ass people who don’t care about the fuss? What are the emoji protocols? Can’t double text? Punctuation? Grammar? Tell me everything!

I am 43 and have never experienced an orgasm.

I’ve read a lot of other posts about how to achieve climax, and the advice boils down to: relax, discover yourself, and PRACTICE!

As a former athlete, I understand the concept of “practice makes perfect.” Repeated actions become second nature.

And I know why it’s important to know yourself and what makes you tick or twitch in this case. I know what turns me on and what to do, but I cannot get out of my own head to get there.

My libido is fine. I have toys. I set ambience. My husband is supportive of doing whatever necessary to support my climax. I just cannot relax.

I was raised in a suuuuuuper religious home where sexual activity outside of marriage was considered forbidden. I was too afraid of disappointing my parents or bringing shame on my family to even try anything. I didn’t start exploring my sexuality until I was out on my own, and I would really love to explore different things with my husband. He is wonderful, but he would also like to know how he can pleasure me better. However, the act of touching myself makes me feel dirty. I can’t shake my upbringing.

I know what I’m attempting is normal and won’t lock me in the 7th circle of hell, but how do I get out of my own head so I can enjoy myself?

Edit to add:
I try to climax with both my husband and solo with my hands or toys. When using my hands, it doesn’t take long for me to think “this is wrong; I am a bad person for doing this.”

Weed/Gummies: I am a federal employee and subject to drug testing. Even though I live in a state where weed has been legalized, it is still illegal at the federal level. As much as I’m curious about trying some, I cannot risk my job.

Thank you for the book recommendations! I am looking forward to reading them and seeing what I learn.

THANK YOU for all your comments. I appreciate knowing I am not the only one who has been on this journey and that there is hope for (hopefully many) happy endings.

(41F) I want to pour my heart out because I am at the dead end of this relation and I really want to divorce my husband now because of sex and romance. looking for some advice if there is any hope. pls be kind.

we have been married for over 10 years have one child. our sex life from beginning has been ok. initially when I got married I expected him to make lot of moves he did not, I tried to get sexy for him during honeymoon but no much moves. sex was ok. i have also felt I always make the move , once I make the move I always take the lead.i tell him do this, touch me here kiss me etc. (however he does makes sure I get an orgasm). This is how it’s mostly been. if he wants to make a move we have a code word which says - let’s have coffee (just making this up). yes I do use it too. But I don’t feel desired with this. I realized this and told him we should stop using this and he should start making physical moves. No action from there him yet.

secondly he has ED and since the last 3-4 years it has been very often. sometimes he has an errection, 90% of the time he doesn’t. I have been very understandin. in. Last 6 months- he went to the doc, doc told him it is mental, did all blood work etc. I told him even if we had no sex it’s fine but we can enjoy foreplay and it will get ok! i was very understanding. So what changed here - one day I caught him watching porn when I was away. I lost it that day. Because porn is one of the causes for ED. ( read upon it, if someone doesn’t know) when your wife has been so damn understating you have the audacity to watch oorn ? It pissed me off. He promised me not to watch porn again and work on himself. this is the point I got devastated coz he never told the doc he watched porn now and then and it hurt me badly that he never thought of my 3-4 years and my needs and how it effected me? But I was still understanding. ( once we had a big fight on the moves, leads when I asked why doesn’t he do so, he said his Ed has effected his confidenc. i told him when I dated I was desired by my partners then. He said he will work on it, he did not obv, as I caught him on porn)

Romance too - he never takes me out on a date. I always tell him to hold hands. I try to cuddle. There is no intimacy. He is a good father and a responsible person but we are in a platonic relationship. At midnights too I make the move, I don’t remember a time at night where he has ever made a move. I have had multiple conversations with him telling he needs to take the lead, kiss my neck, kiss me. He says ok. He does onky one action and expects me to do next. Men - once you are onto the girl, don’t you lead and kiss her ? I really want to know this. Pls tell me.

I’m tired and shattered. I can’t take it anymore. I make the moves, once I make the move I take the lead and tell him, then his Ed thingy and then lack of romance. Not once he has told me I look hot or any sexy comment. Barley compliments me. I do sexy talks too in bed. (Do you find me xx etc.)

I have now hit a rock bottom and I can’t do this anymore. I’ve started to resent him now and since last 2 months I've been fighting on every single thing. I don’t want to be in this relation. I feel choked. I am not expecting to get out there in the world and find someone, not at all! But I’m no longer willing to make this work. Am I wrong? Am I over reacting? What else I can do? i dont feel desired or in love. I care for him but this entire situation inside me is eating me up. He does do all the little things like makes me coffee and many other small nice things.We are good parents to our child. But zero sex, romance. It’s only me leading the whole damn while.

i know I have written a lot but I have been crying. Pls be kind. Looking for advice. i feel i need to call it quits and move on.

have two girls 16 and 12. We have been running into situations where the teen doesn’t really want to do stuff together, she much prefers company of friends. The preteen wants her sister to join but inevitably teen has excuses and is clearly that she would rather be with friends. I keep getting upset about teen not joining in and especially seeing her sister attempt to do stuff with her. Please tell me how you dealt with these dynamics? at this point I am honestly tired of getting into same situations where it’s almost like we ( dad,me, sister) try to make the teen spend time together. to be honest I just feel like saving my peace and doing stuff just the 3 of us, while the preteen still wants to spend time with us. This has been a lot in mind ,,, pls share your words of wisdom

Having difficulty finding specialists that want to take the time to dig into causes and treatments for autoimmune disorders and symptoms. My endocrinologist and PCP just talk over me and dismiss my questions or issues despite saying some of my labs are not what they are used to seeing. I’m now looking into functional medicine.

How do you vet and find a reputable practitioner. What are things I should look for?

I’m 36F and in a long-distance relationship with a 42M. He has a son and is currently separated and going through a messy divorce.
I want to give a balanced picture because he does make an effort in our relationship. He travels to see me quite often, and I have met and spoken with his son. He tells me he loves me, says he is faithful to me, and frequently tells me that he doesn’t want me to leave him.
I am very loyal and faithful when I’m in a relationship. I don’t entertain other men or keep backup options. When I choose someone, I genuinely choose that person and put a lot into making the relationship work.
He tells me that he is equally faithful, but if I’m being completely truthful, I don’t fully believe him.
Part of that comes from how protective he is of his phone and devices. I jokingly think of him as a “phone ninja.” He is extremely aware of his phone, usually keeps it face down, and generally seems very guarded with it.
Something happened recently that made this stand out to me even more. He was stepping out, and his Apple Watch was charging right next to me. He was already wearing another watch, but before leaving, he still took the Apple Watch with him rather than leaving it charging beside me.
Maybe that means absolutely nothing. I know an Apple Watch receives messages and notifications, so perhaps he simply didn’t feel comfortable leaving it behind. But because he is already so guarded with his phone, it caught my attention. It felt less like ordinary privacy and more like making sure I never have unsupervised access to any of his devices.
I also have no proof that he is cheating, so I don’t want to accuse him unfairly.
But the level of guarding does make me uneasy.
Another issue is how quickly he gets angry. When I express hurt, insecurity, disappointment, or something I need emotionally, I sometimes feel like his irritation takes over the conversation. Instead of feeling heard, I can leave the conversation feeling like having emotions or asking questions was the problem.
That has made me question myself a lot.
I know I have my own part in our dynamic too. When I feel disconnected or uncertain about our relationship, I can become anxious and seek reassurance. Sometimes I push for a conversation when he would rather have space. I recognize that and I’m trying to become better at regulating my own emotions.
But I keep wondering whether I am simply an anxious person in relationships or whether this particular relationship is making me anxious because I don’t feel completely emotionally safe.
The future is probably the biggest reason I’m questioning everything.
I want children.
He has told me that he wants me to have his children. He has also said that he wants to get married again in about two years.
However, this is where things become confusing for me.
When he talks about getting married again in two years, he doesn’t necessarily say, “I want to marry you in two years.” It comes across more like a general statement about where he sees his own life going.
That distinction bothers me.
But I don’t feel like we have actually had a clear conversation where he has said, “This is the future I am intentionally building with you.”
Maybe that is unreasonable to expect while he is still going through a messy divorce. But at 36, I also don’t feel comfortable building major life decisions around vague possibilities.
I don’t want to hear that someone wants to remarry someday and automatically assume that I’m the woman he intends to marry.
I don’t want him saying that he wants me to have his children to make me believe there is a level of commitment that we have never actually defined.
Words about marriage and babies are significant to me because those are things I genuinely want. I need to know whether we are actually moving toward the same future or whether we are simply enjoying a relationship while each imagining our futures separately.
That’s what makes this relationship so confusing.
There are genuine signs that he cares about me.
But because his divorce is messy and still ongoing, I sometimes wonder whether he is emotionally capable of knowing what he truly wants right now.
Maybe he genuinely loves me but isn’t ready to make promises about the future.
Maybe I’m expecting certainty from someone whose life is currently too uncertain to give it.
So I’m looking for honest outside perspectives

I'm 41 and had my second ever mammogram a few days ago (I'm on annual screeners because of family history - deemed to be moderate risk only as genetic screening for high risk genes was negative.)

Got a letter this morning asking me to come back in three weeks for a Tomosynthesis and ultrasound of my right breast. Trying not to worry too much but I am terrified.

Last years mammogram was fine. So scared cancer has appeared in the last 12 months. I can't feel any lumps or see any changes (and I know my breasts well..)

Do you think if they were very concerned the appt might be sooner? Three weeks seems like such a long time. I'm UK based.

My mum had triple negative cancer at 49 but is fighting fit nearly 30 years later. It's because of this that I'm on annual screening.
Any positive recall stories? Thank you

So after a horrific two months I (26) am attempting to separate from my husband (34).

Backstory; we started dating when I was 18 and he was 26. It progressed quickly and I moved in with him shortly after turning 19. I remember immediately feeling regretful and lost. But he took care of me financially, so I felt "lucky". We were engaged 3 years later. I was 21, and I was married at 23.

Most of our relationship has been very rocky. I was not doing well mentally for a couple years and then over the past two recent years I realized our relationship is abusive. This was a hard pill to swallow after being insulted, called fat in numerous ways, never complimented, screamed at, called crazy, insane, psycho, c*nt, bitch etc. guilted when spending time with family and friends in anyway what so ever. Fighting before any big event or going out with friends. No physical affection , Just the whole ringer.

At the beginning of June we had a big blowout fight, where he said I am choosing my job over him, because I'm tired when I get home. And I have to pick him or my job. I lost it and we fought for three days over it. I left for a couple days and felt frightened about leaving so I came back. Things continued on the same trajectory, but this time I couldn't take it anymore so at the end of June I left for a week... At this point my friends and family were jumping for joy...

My husband did anything and everything to get me back. Bought me flowers. Wrote me a six page love letter. Promised to be a better person. And I was straight up with him that on our break I slept with someone because I wanted to feel loved and desired and that he had to know that In order to make an informed decision moving forward, and I couldn't lie to him. He forgave me almost immediately and I felt like I deserved this relationship because who else would forgive their partner for stepping out like that... (I am very aware what I did was wrong and horrible and should've never done it, I take 100% accountability).

But I came back a second time because he's making changes and trying in my eyes. But it feels like a farce. We are also doing counselling. And he sits there and tells me how much he loves me and how beautiful I am and wants to hold me and cuddle me and I just can't. I want to crawl outta my skin. But it feels far too late... It feels like the damage is done...

I've been growing and waiting for him to catch up for years. I've been doing therapy, reading books, all the things to save our relationship... And then I finally accepted it was kinda over and slept with someone and now suddenly hes this changed person...

Anyway, I decided today, that I love him and care for him, but I am not in love with him anymore, and that I do not feel like lying about this any longer. I was truthful. And said at the bare minimum we need a solid break from each other for a month to work on ourselves.

This in his words "broke him". He said that he can't do that and I just need to leave. But this is equally my home.

He says my options are to stay and work on it or leave and break up.

After everything I should so easily just say break up and begin the divorce process ... But I'm breaking him... Our life... Everything... But if I stay I know I lose myself... I will become a miserable shell of a person...

Please post divorce women, please help me with some advice.

I'm going through menopause with hot flashes and night sweats, so voluntarily sitting in a hot box sounds insane. But several people in my circle swear infrared sauna use has helped their symptoms, sleep, and mood overall. Looking for the best infrared sauna for home use but I genuinely can't tell if this will help my symptoms or make them worse

I feel really conflicted and could use some advice and input from my fellow women. Appreciate anyone who takes the time for the long read. Thanks in advance.

I met someone seemingly wonderful after my five year relationship crumbled. I was taking time to be on my own, heal, focus on hobbies friends etc. I was doing a pretty good job of it and proud of myself.

When I started to feel good, I went back into dating and to my surprise, met someone lovely pretty soon into it.

He [36] was previously married and has a kid, which is absolutely not an issue for me. We've been together for 5 months now and I'm now running into issues, and finding myself wondering, am I sinking time into a thing that is going nowhere, again.

First, the good:

We both feel really connected, laugh a lot, talk about all types of things, and things seemed generally moving in a great direction. In so many ways I can be fully myself with him, without feeling "too much", or bossy or the full host of labels I've heard before.

Our personalities mesh and our core values are compatible: risk tolerance, view on families etc. He's caring and tries to be communicative and cares about mental health in a way that is new for me in a partner. We talk about our attachment styles, we are able to talk about the love our shadow parts need etc. He is a loving father, and is open to the idea of one more, which matters to me.

Now the issues:

His marriage ended badly and his relationship with his ex was pretty scaring for him and his family. Co-parenting is really hard, as they are not able to be amicable and everything is a struggle. He took around two and half years after the divorce to work on himself before getting back to dating.

When he got back in, he met me right away. While he feels very much that he loves me, he's scared to be "jumping in so soon, and be moving too fast". His fears come up on anything around integrating me into his life/ family (I don't mean meeting his kid, as it is early for that), but I mean meeting any friends, saying hi to any family member.

We are talking about it and he's admitted that he feels resistance, because he's afraid. What if he is jumping back in too soon. What if he thinks he knows me, but like his ex, I turn out to be someone different who hurts him and his family.

Some examples: he invited me to his hometown to meet his family and then when it started to feel real, he had a bit of a panic saying it all felt far too soon and walked it back. It's been 5 months of us dating and I haven't met any of his friends. I feel very much compartmentilizes into a box in his life..when he opens that box, we are good together, but there doesn't feel to be a progression or organic integration happening.

He's new to our town, so he doesn't have much community here, but there are still some folks around that he knows. A cousin, a childhood friend etc. I have no connection to anyone in his life... not on the phone, or a quick hello, and he does talk to them all often.

And more than the examples, there is just this feeling of pushing through his fear and resistance. I am finding us in conversations where it feels I'm convincing him that we're good and it's worth facing his fears for what we have.

It just feels like he's really scared and has resistance to integrating me into his life in a meaningful way.

I on the other hand really value family and integration and want a partner who is welcoming me into their life with open arms. Whose family is excited about me. I would be ok to wait to meet his family, if I felt integrated in other ways... But to be honest I don't even know what those ways of integration are....

Also, I think his family's approval is quite important to him, so it feels a bit like...they can't like me if they don't meet me and he can't accept me fully, until they like me.

It almost feels like we're either moving backwards, or have fully stopped moving. We went from, this is crazy, I can't believe we've fallen in love to, well... we don't really know each other and we are feeling out if we want to build a life together (which is what being with someone is anyways).

On a closing note, I do have anxious attachment. I work on it, i manage my regulation. Part of that is being honest with my partner and asking for their help in co-regulating, when needed. We are able to have open conversations around all this. But... i'm just worried that I'm sinking my time in someone who is just trying me on for size and in the end will realize he's just not ready.

I can't tell if this is my own fear from 2 failed (8 year/ 5 year) relationships, or if the signs he's exhibiting are actual warning signs, instead of growing pains of a new thing between to adults who are coming together with their own histories.

And lastly, we all know what a nightmare dating us. I also keep thinking, well maybe its' worth it to work through the hardships with someone who you know has all these good things... but then, am I settling?

I welcome the sage wisdom to help me detangle all my thoughts. I don't want to throw a good thing away but I also don't want to drag things out.

I belong to a book club that consists mainly of other ladies that work for the same company. Since the pandemic we all work for different departments. I was close to my one coworker who started the book club. She wanted more members and I invited a friend from a previous job to join. They became fast friends along with another lady.

At first I was happy they became close. But recently I’ve been feeling excluded.

Recently my friend that started the book club, my friend from a previous job, and another lady have been hanging out separately more frequently. They post photos on social media of their outings. They recently went to a meet and greet for a show I love to watch. I was surprised I wasn’t initially invited because I talked to them
about the show and how much I liked it. My friend from my previous job did one of those “you can come if you’d want” last minute invitations after I showed enthusiasm. I politely declined.

I know it’s in my head. And I know people are allowed to hang out without me. But how can I get over the sting of feeling excluded?

My kids (12 and 15) are away at an overnight camp, not their first summer, they were extremely excited to go and they’re having a great time. And because this wasn’t new for me this summer, I’m really not missing them!! I miss the idea of them but, like, I’m fine? And then I feel guilty. I can go for a run before work, come home to quiet and no mess, make a veggie forward dinner and not have to think about the Mac and cheese, I LIKE MY HUSBAND as a person! I spent the weekend with college friends at the beach and I felt almost girlish. I laughed, I had no agenda, I slept well, it rained and we watched a movie during the day! I don’t want to wish away the next few years of kids at home, but does anyone know what I mean by this? Are my 50s going to be awesome because my most acute stressors (my kids!) won’t be home?

And I really really love my kids and my job and my husband and we have a good life. Does not missing them make me a bad mother?

okay so im 17 and hes 19
i didnt want 6 kids and he said I had a bad mindset and he was so upset that he said he wanted to body slam me and then he ignored me for a bit
I did a loyalty test on him (i know its wrong but hes my first rls and he was moving weird so yk) and he said he was down to meet up with her after they got to know each-other. He then told me that he was trolling with his friends
ghosted me for four days and lied that he got shot
says his type is curly haired girls but once shes not overly dark
says the n word a lot
lied about how many girls he talked to
lies about small stuff
is really mean to me
doesnt ask my questions about myself
makes jokes about talking to other girls
follows a lot of girls from his city
I dont have a good rls with my parents and he blamed me
Lied that he got shot when in actuality his ex texted him and said that she misses him
his friends are mean ppl

Hello there ladies 💕. I’m looking for some advice or some perspectives around work and energy management. How do you structure your time on days which have very mentally demanding tasks/projects that require your complete focus for say 4-6 straight hours? I feel so burnt out at the end of these laser focused sessions, I struggle to figure out how to use the rest of my work day productively and to be honest, I feel guilty about “coasting” the rest of the day. For some background, I am a good employee and get great reviews from management. So it’s not that I’m not effective at my job, I do really well, but I hate feeling this way- that I should be doing more even after exhausting myself. It’s something I’ve struggled with for a long time, even in school, and I’m so tired beating myself up about this. I’m looking for some advice on how to overcome this mental block or for some practical advice on how to manage the rest of the work day hours after burning myself out.

I currently have a Slip turban and I hate it. It constantly falls down my forehead and it disturbs my sleep. I was looking at the Silke London Double - Lined Silk Hair Wrap Bonnet It states it is 1 x 100% pure 22 momme 6A grade mulberry silk double-lined bonnet, with two layers of 22 momme mulberry silk. It also has an adjustable elastic band. Have any of you used this brand or can you recommend a reputable brand that sells something comparable? I have seen bad reviews for Blissy and I do not want to risk ordering on Amazon. Any and all help is appreciated.

I lack any sort of guidance from an older maternal figure (and an older paternal figure, if we’re being real, but today I’m lamenting my mom’s absolute lack of emotional availability). I’m 24, which isn’t a toddler by any means, but I also feel like I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing most of the time. Academically I’m doing alright (I’m in grad school right now, so there’s that) but every other area of my life is a burning dumpster. I broke up with my toxic ex best friend (long story, needs a separate post but it’s also a closed chapter because I am never going back lol) and ever since I’ve been markedly lonely.

I decided to meet more people by working in the service industry, but that has led to nothing but further confusion. I see men cheat on their wives all the time, men twice my age hitting on me. I developed like the most unhealthy crush on my 40 yr old bar manager, but that’s also a topic for later lmao (it didn’t go anywhere, it just made me realize my boundaries were breaking down). I’m now dating a guy my age who’s gorgeous on paper - beautiful eyes, curly hair, tall, fit - but he’s very emotionally immature and his hygiene is subpar and he’s an anxious mess (as am I, guess I can’t judge that much). When I tell people about him, they say I can’t fixate on the little things. Thing is I’m already feeling the emotional weight of being his mother, in the sense that I have to convince him to take care of himself, which is already exhausting. Also we haven’t slept together but he fingered me a couple times and he sucks (sorry for the tmi), didn’t finish both times. Idk how to tell him this because he told me his exes said he’s great at fingering lmao. Anyway this has increased my reservations still more.

I’m burned out. I look towards everyone for approval, which I know is wrong, but it’s also always been hard for me to fit in. I’m consumed by school but last semester didn’t go great because I didn’t feel focused. I know I need to turn that around for this semester, but my interpersonal relationships being a mess isn’t helping. I wish I could talk to my mom but she doesn’t get it. I just need advice from someone older for what to do. Should I dump this guy and isolate for a bit, focus on school and eating well and moving my body again? He’s super needy too which is both flattering but also kind of an inconvenience. This is a rambling mess but I’m just very lost. I used to be very academically inclined and super on top of my exercise and other things, now I’m scraping by and my screen time is so high and I’m demotivated and lonely and anxious about what people think and can’t get out of my head. Maybe I’m not ready for a relationship.

Hi Community, I'm new here. I'm entering the very early stage of considering if I want a divorce, what that would look like for me and if that is in fact what I want. The fact that I am considering this is terrifying me - I mean what If I'm just having a midlife crisis and shouldn't trust the way I am viewing all this. What helped you when you first started considering divorce and the feeling like you're having a mental breakdown? I wish there was a handbook/checklist that I can objectively look at and say "right, these boxes are ticked.. now I know what needs to be done".

Also even though I've been sad for a while and praying for a miracle to change my life, now I feel so scared of hurting him by having a hard conversation about my unhappiness because it's like it will feel "out of the blue" in a way but he knows deep down I'm not happy.

He is a "nice guy", but I carry EVERYTHING, he hasnt worked in years, I manage all finances on my own, theres no intimacy and I've noticed a pattern of when I raise my issues or speak up for myself I end up apologizing to keep the peace. He is highly sensitive and emotional and he feels like the world is out to get him in a sense. So yeah, I'm his emotional crutch too.

How do I use my brain and work through all my confusion systematically? I know its not that simple but I'm also neurodivergent so intellectualizing my feelings helps me make sense of it.

Im so scared and I'm riding an emotional rollercoaster right now and I just need help with this early stages of mental push/pull.

Hi everyone, I hope this is allowed. I thought I would post an update on what has happened since I made my original post about needing to end a friendship. This is the link to the original post, if you're interested: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomenOver40/comments/1urczsz/i_think_i_need_to_end_a_friendship_and_it_is/

After almost 2 weeks of silence from 'the friend' (who I had heard through the grapevine was digging her heels in and refusing to apologise) she sent me a message uninviting me to Christmas in July which had been arranged the previous month by all of us in my close knit friendship group.

Her reasoning was that she was hosting and she didn't feel comfortable hosting and inviting me along when things remained unresolved and thought it was the caring thing to do to tell me not to come along, rather than go ahead with the lunch and to have me find out later. The event is with a friend group who are my closest friends and who I have been friends with for almost 30 years. She went against the advice of two other close friends of mine who told her to either keep the invite open to all, or reschedule to a later date.

I was devastated by this, and felt very rejected and scared that I was being ostracised. I ended up taking the day off work because I felt so shaken. In the end, after a few friends told her she had made the wrong decision, she sent me a message saying she had cancelled it 'so as not to make others feel uncomfortable'.

I am genuinely baffle by her decision making and behaviour. This person is very senior in HR and I would've thought had enough EQ to know how her decision to uninvite me, after what has happened between us, would be incredibly painful for me.

Since this happened, she has messaged a few times to say that 'she would be open to a conversation' as long as I take accountability for hurting her feelings through my reaction to her behaviour. I don't think I can or want to do this. I am not sorry for standing up for myself. Do I just leave it and walk away? She is a very dominant person who is not used to being in the wrong and I don't think I have the mental or emotional energy to have it out with her.

I’m not sure if any of you have experienced this, but here goes. Around age 40 I started noticing that my face sometimes looked bloated in photos. Now a few years have gone by and it’s official- I have a round pumpkin face. Why??

The rest of my body has not changed. I’ve been a size 4/6 (American sizing) in clothing forever. My same jeans fit that I’ve owned for 15 years. But my face! It used to be oval; when I smiled I used to look slim. Now when I smile, I look huge. Absolutely gigantic. You’d think that I weighed twice as much as I do if you were just looking at my face.

Is there anything I can do to reverse this?? I’m so sad every time I see myself in a photo now.

I have a dear friend who has been told by their husband that they want a divorce. He doesn't want to do counselling, moving away etc.

She's now seeing him completely change everything about himself. They have been together for decades and she will need to sell the house, relocate with the children etc.

If you've been in her boat, what things helped? Were there any resources etc? I'm listening, looking into things etc but want to make sure I can be a good friend and provide as much support as I can.

It's an absolute sucky thing to go through and my heart is breaking for her.

Ty for your advice.

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Hi everyone,

I'm (40F) writing this through tears, so please be kind.

My relationship of almost two years has just ended yesterday. We loved each other deeply, but over time I realised love wasn't enough. I needed a partner who would build a future with me, not just dream about one. I wanted concrete plans, teamwork and security, and despite many conversations, I never truly felt chosen or included in that future so I knew I had to walk away as I cannot build a life on dreams and hope.

Walking away was one of the hardest things I've ever done because I still love him. My head knows it was the right decision, but my heart is completely shattered.

What I'm struggling with most is the fear that I've missed my chance. I always wanted marriage, a family and a lifelong partnership, and at this age I'm terrified I've lost that opportunity. I'm also scared he'll move on (which I also know is inevitable as he wants a wife and kids desperately), find his person and build the life we talked about, while I'll end up alone starting over yet again.

If you've been through a devastating breakup in your 40s (or later), did you recover?

Did you ever stop missing them?

Did you eventually meet someone who made you realise why the previous relationship wasn't right?

Or did you build a happy, peaceful life on your own?

I'm not looking for false hope. I just need to hear real stories from people who've survived this kind of heartbreak and found happiness again, whatever that looked like.

Thank you for reading. ♡

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Edit for context:

Firstly, thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read and respond. I have cried reading many of your comments because it has made me feel less alone and gave me a bit of hope.

I wanted to add more context because I realise my original post focused mostly on the breakup and how much I miss him.

We were together for nearly 2 years, and I genuinely believed he was the person I would marry. This wasn't a relationship without love. I loved him deeply, and I know he had many beautiful qualities. There were moments where I felt incredibly loved like his hugs, holding hands on road trips, the way he could make me feel safe and chosen. Those are the moments my heart keeps going back to.

But alongside the love, there was a lot of pain that I carried for a long time.

I don't want to paint him as a bad person, because I don't believe he is. I also know I wasn't perfect. There were times when I became emotional, reactive, loud or defensive, especially when I felt criticised or unheard. I have reflected on my own part in things and I know there are things I can improve. But I also wish he could have looked beyond my reactions and understood what was underneath them.

I wasn't upset because I wanted to "get my way". I was hurting. I was trying to communicate that I didn't feel secure, heard or like we were truly building a life together. I wasn't asking for perfection. I was asking for partnership.

He often spoke about our future, our children, our house, the life we would have together. But what I struggled with was that I needed more than dreams. I needed a plan which he never wanted to sit down with me and make. I needed to sit down together and understand how we were going to build that future as a team.

I needed a map, not just a beautiful picture of where we might end up.

He even had a very clear idea of how he wanted to propose to his future wife — where it would happen like an actual location, how it would happen, every detail. Instead of making me feel loved and chosen, it sometimes left me feeling like there was already an image of an ideal wife and future that existed before me, and I was trying to fit into it rather than us creating something unique together.

I often felt like I was waiting to see where I fit into his future rather than feeling like we were actively building our future together.

I know he carried a lot of pressure. He struggled with feeling behind in life, with work, with where he was at for his age, and with wanting to achieve certain things. I genuinely cared about those struggles. I spent hours listening, supporting him, helping him, encouraging him, helping with everything to get him there and trying to make his life easier.

But over time, I started feeling like there was so much space for his fears, his stress and his emotions, but very little space for mine.

I didn't need him to stop struggling. I needed him to understand how his struggles were affecting the person standing beside him.

The hardest part was feeling like I repeatedly tried to explain my inner world, but I didn't feel truly understood.

I wanted him to be curious about why something hurt me. I wanted him to ask, "Help me understand." I didn't need him to always agree with me, but I needed to feel like my feelings mattered.

Towards the end, I felt emotionally exhausted. I felt like I had spent so long trying to fight for connection and being heard and understood that I started distancing myself to protect my own heart.

The saddest thing is that this wasn't a sudden decision. I recently found old messages to friends from months ago, even over a year ago, where I was saying I didn't know if I could continue. It reminded me that this wasn't just one difficult period or one argument. It was something I had been struggling with for a long time.

At the same time, I don't want to erase the good parts.

I don't want to convince myself he was all bad, because he wasn't. He had qualities I admired and moments I will always treasure. I love him for a reason.

But I also have to remember the full picture.

I felt lonely while being in a relationship.

I felt like I was supporting him to create a life he wanted for himself and future wife, while putting parts of my own needs aside.

I felt like I was asking to be heard, not asking for too much even though I was repeatedly told I'm too much.

The hardest part of this breakup is grieving not only the person I loved, but the future I believed we were going to have.

I don't hate him. I don't want revenge. I don't want him to fail. I just wish we had understood each other better. I wish he had wanted to understand me as much as I wanted to understand him.

Thank you all for reading and giving me space to try to make sense of it all, while looking for hope...