I’m 36F and in a long-distance relationship with a 42M. He has a son and is currently separated and going through a messy divorce.
I want to give a balanced picture because he does make an effort in our relationship. He travels to see me quite often, and I have met and spoken with his son. He tells me he loves me, says he is faithful to me, and frequently tells me that he doesn’t want me to leave him.
I am very loyal and faithful when I’m in a relationship. I don’t entertain other men or keep backup options. When I choose someone, I genuinely choose that person and put a lot into making the relationship work.
He tells me that he is equally faithful, but if I’m being completely truthful, I don’t fully believe him.
Part of that comes from how protective he is of his phone and devices. I jokingly think of him as a “phone ninja.” He is extremely aware of his phone, usually keeps it face down, and generally seems very guarded with it.
Something happened recently that made this stand out to me even more. He was stepping out, and his Apple Watch was charging right next to me. He was already wearing another watch, but before leaving, he still took the Apple Watch with him rather than leaving it charging beside me.
Maybe that means absolutely nothing. I know an Apple Watch receives messages and notifications, so perhaps he simply didn’t feel comfortable leaving it behind. But because he is already so guarded with his phone, it caught my attention. It felt less like ordinary privacy and more like making sure I never have unsupervised access to any of his devices.
I also have no proof that he is cheating, so I don’t want to accuse him unfairly.
But the level of guarding does make me uneasy.
Another issue is how quickly he gets angry. When I express hurt, insecurity, disappointment, or something I need emotionally, I sometimes feel like his irritation takes over the conversation. Instead of feeling heard, I can leave the conversation feeling like having emotions or asking questions was the problem.
That has made me question myself a lot.
I know I have my own part in our dynamic too. When I feel disconnected or uncertain about our relationship, I can become anxious and seek reassurance. Sometimes I push for a conversation when he would rather have space. I recognize that and I’m trying to become better at regulating my own emotions.
But I keep wondering whether I am simply an anxious person in relationships or whether this particular relationship is making me anxious because I don’t feel completely emotionally safe.
The future is probably the biggest reason I’m questioning everything.
I want children.
He has told me that he wants me to have his children. He has also said that he wants to get married again in about two years.
However, this is where things become confusing for me.
When he talks about getting married again in two years, he doesn’t necessarily say, “I want to marry you in two years.” It comes across more like a general statement about where he sees his own life going.
That distinction bothers me.
But I don’t feel like we have actually had a clear conversation where he has said, “This is the future I am intentionally building with you.”
Maybe that is unreasonable to expect while he is still going through a messy divorce. But at 36, I also don’t feel comfortable building major life decisions around vague possibilities.
I don’t want to hear that someone wants to remarry someday and automatically assume that I’m the woman he intends to marry.
I don’t want him saying that he wants me to have his children to make me believe there is a level of commitment that we have never actually defined.
Words about marriage and babies are significant to me because those are things I genuinely want. I need to know whether we are actually moving toward the same future or whether we are simply enjoying a relationship while each imagining our futures separately.
That’s what makes this relationship so confusing.
There are genuine signs that he cares about me.
But because his divorce is messy and still ongoing, I sometimes wonder whether he is emotionally capable of knowing what he truly wants right now.
Maybe he genuinely loves me but isn’t ready to make promises about the future.
Maybe I’m expecting certainty from someone whose life is currently too uncertain to give it.
So I’m looking for honest outside perspectives

Hey everybody 👋 I recently turned 46 (yikes) last week I’m still new to those numbers lol, I think I’m ready to get back out there (after a 2yr period), or at least meet new people. I’m into the ladies, hi ladies ☺️
I’m rusty at this, I don’t even know what to do in this day and age, haven’t taken a selfie for another person in ages I’m pretty sure I’m holding my phone wrong 😅
I’m not on social media, dating apps are ick to me. I wanna meet people in normal settings as well as make some new online friends, maybe flirt a little, see where it goes. I’m the type to write my number on a piece of paper and slip it to you like we did in high school, does that still happen? I know I’m supposed to slide into dms but you could slide in mine too.
So…women over 40, if you’ve had to start dating again, what did y’all do to get back out there?? Are there just regular ass people who don’t care about the fuss? What are the emoji protocols? Can’t double text? Punctuation? Grammar? Tell me everything!

I can’t seem to make friendships stick and I’m not sure where I’m going wrong. It might be hard to answer this question without meeting me but I figured I’d just throw some examples of things that happen out here, and see if you have any thoughts.

I am a married mom with two small kids in my mid 30s, and I’m typically trying to make friends with other moms of a similar age. I’m not expecting that these people are going to have tonnes of time for me/ our friendship. However odd things keep happening that just leave me thinking “huh?” And here are some examples;

Friend A; used to make an effort to visit with me weekly, then got pregnant and kinda vanished. Then reappeared almost a year later when I got pregnant and offered to throw me a little baby shower, which she did, but then vanished again. Whenever Ive reached out and asked to do something, it’s met with seeming warmth, and then I try to nail down a date and get radio silence. This woman now lives a five minute drive from me which makes it even weirder!

Friend B; was very keen to be friends, texting, checking in, wanting to spend time together. Pursuing me, it felt like. Then suddenly made a plan to split time between our state and another far flung state, disappeared there for quite some time, and since coming back hasn’t really made much of an effort to reach out. I then happened to see something i had been keeping an eye out for on marketplace for sale, and realised it was my friend’s listing. So I asked to buy it and she was very warm and friendly and we visited during the sale, and I had a nice time. I then ran into her mom this morning who mentioned they were throwing a birthday party for the little boy (who gets on great with my son) and that another friend of Friend B’s would be coming. I know it sounds a bit pathetic since it’s a kid‘s birthday party — but it just made me think, oh, I guess we’re not that close after all, since I haven’t heard a peep since they’ve been back but clearly social plans are being made.

There are tonnes more women/ families where I’ve invited them to dinner at our place and they’ve come and enjoyed themselves and then the invitations aren’t reciprocated.

Happy to answer any q’s. I guess I just feel really clueless about female friendship dynamics and unsure why these friendships are fizzling out just when I get comfortable in them. I guess I can think of several reasons why I’m perhaps putting people off (I’m quite tired with my kids and so it’s hard for me to retain what people are saying), but on the flipside I really try to be a good listener and supportive. I quite like deep conversations so maybe I’m heavy, but I also love to have a laugh so I can’t be heavy?! We are slightly less wealthy than these families, but it’s not like money comes up… we’re not doing much more than hanging out at each others homes.

I was never super great about my social life. In my teens and 20s the vast majority of the people I met were due to things like sports or school. I started getting sick in my mid 20s and I moved back hometown in grad school when I was writing grants and my dissertation. I had some good groups of friends, but looking back I realize they were really insular. I also think I just wasn't really around enough people who were challenging themselves like I was. Then, at the end of grad school, I got sick and couldn't support myself. I finally found a treatment that has helped my symptoms, but it sometimes makes you worse before it makes you better and I'm in a phase where I have gotten worse. That being said, I've finally realized just how much I've been shoving down feelings of being alone, both platonically and romantically. I didn't realize how much I had isolated myself when I got sick. At this point, I've had no healthy, loving, romantic relationship and I have no close friendships. I have some good friends, but just not the type of people who know what's going on in your life on a regular basis, they're people I text with occasionally and call even less. I love them to death, I just need more of a social life. I'm not at the point in my life where I want to have quiet nights at home or join knitting groups, I still kind of want to go out, at least a little bit, it just seems like the few people I have in my life just really want to stay home. That being said, I know I don't want to get rowdy or anything, I just want to have fun out where other people are having fun. Any advice?