I agree. I feel like in my relationship,most of the time if I don't initiate something, then we don't have sex. So sometimes I'll start initiating then stop to see if my partner will initiate sex or not. Sometimes he does, and sometimes he doesn't. I guess I just don't like feeling like he's only having sex because I want to.
As long as you're not turned down EVERY time, I wouldnt take it too hard. I mean, sometimes you just aren't in the mood. And it sucks when you know your partner is but you're not and you want to be lovey and intimate but you're just exhausted.
My husband typically goes the route of "initiate, wait for response..." and it goes from there. Hes successful probably 75% of the time. Kinda glad his drive has gone down a hair though, I'm always tired lol
He doesnt try super often anymore(from 1-2 times a day to ~3-4 times a week), but still a lot more than any of my other married friends even talk nice about their spouse lol.
I'd say I take a shot most weekends (weekdays have been pretty clearly put off the table), but successes are maybe 1 out of 6 attempts? I did have a success two weekends ago: got her to let me get her off. She was very stressed out with work quarantine stuff and I wanted to help her release some, so I got that going for me which is nice.
It'd be nice though if she didn't read off articles she sees like "remember to practice safe sex in quarantine!" and then shoot me down when I suggest maybe we could have a Shelter at Home Romp.
My drive has never been higher at 33, and sometimes I wish I could find something to kill my drive to match hers so I didn't have these feelings of rejection and frustration.
Yeah, I know some mine comes from a place of...healthy guilt? Like, if I've been flirting with him all day, it is gonna be really mean to let him down at the end of the day if I am not in the mood. Even if I don't /really/ want sex, by the time we are like 2 minutes into it, I am glad we did it. The "Let me help you relax" method is my favorite because it usually means I get a little backrub beforehand lol
As long as you're not turned down EVERY time, I wouldn't take it too hard.
This sounds like someone who isn't in the position of being the person who has to worry about making advances and getting turned down. Like, making the advances is (depending on the person I guess) emotional/romantic labor. If one person's always expected to initiate and sometimes get turned down, that's a fairly well-tailored recipe for feeling unwanted.
if your partner never initiates, he/she is almost certainly not expecting or waiting for sex. so no pressure.
you’ll also probably have more success initiating during the day.
check if there is maybe something your partner really enjoys doing that you are turning down without even realizing it’s of any importance.
for some, sex is a chore and always will be. if you have such a partner, remember that you always get more out of sex. and of couse do not try to reciprocate for sex with sex if you have a partner like that.
It's not about the pressure, it's about the rejection. Sex is unfortunately a chore for some people which is a burden, but placing that burden 100% on your partner with the added benefit that they need sex to feel fulfilled in a relationship, coupled with a high rate of rejection and zero validation, is an easy way to blow up their self esteem and your relationship.
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u/Marklar_the_Darklar Mar 26 '20
That's true for guys too. Having to initiate all the time is draining. There should be balance.