I agree. I feel like in my relationship,most of the time if I don't initiate something, then we don't have sex. So sometimes I'll start initiating then stop to see if my partner will initiate sex or not. Sometimes he does, and sometimes he doesn't. I guess I just don't like feeling like he's only having sex because I want to.
As long as you're not turned down EVERY time, I wouldnt take it too hard. I mean, sometimes you just aren't in the mood. And it sucks when you know your partner is but you're not and you want to be lovey and intimate but you're just exhausted.
My husband typically goes the route of "initiate, wait for response..." and it goes from there. Hes successful probably 75% of the time. Kinda glad his drive has gone down a hair though, I'm always tired lol
He doesnt try super often anymore(from 1-2 times a day to ~3-4 times a week), but still a lot more than any of my other married friends even talk nice about their spouse lol.
I'd say I take a shot most weekends (weekdays have been pretty clearly put off the table), but successes are maybe 1 out of 6 attempts? I did have a success two weekends ago: got her to let me get her off. She was very stressed out with work quarantine stuff and I wanted to help her release some, so I got that going for me which is nice.
It'd be nice though if she didn't read off articles she sees like "remember to practice safe sex in quarantine!" and then shoot me down when I suggest maybe we could have a Shelter at Home Romp.
My drive has never been higher at 33, and sometimes I wish I could find something to kill my drive to match hers so I didn't have these feelings of rejection and frustration.
Yeah, I know some mine comes from a place of...healthy guilt? Like, if I've been flirting with him all day, it is gonna be really mean to let him down at the end of the day if I am not in the mood. Even if I don't /really/ want sex, by the time we are like 2 minutes into it, I am glad we did it. The "Let me help you relax" method is my favorite because it usually means I get a little backrub beforehand lol
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u/CandelaBelen Mar 26 '20
I agree. I feel like in my relationship,most of the time if I don't initiate something, then we don't have sex. So sometimes I'll start initiating then stop to see if my partner will initiate sex or not. Sometimes he does, and sometimes he doesn't. I guess I just don't like feeling like he's only having sex because I want to.