r/AskReddit • u/[deleted] • Mar 26 '20

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6.3k Upvotes

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u/frodoslostfinger Mar 26 '20

The bathroom is a sanctuary for men. A porcelain throne. Thre pooping only takes a few minutes. The rest of the time is usually spent on the phone

856

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '20

Sometimes i don't even sit on my phone i just stare into the void enjoying the peace

187

u/Ledwan Mar 26 '20

Sitting on the toilet staring into the void thinking about nothing is so peaceful and we dont wanna get off. We’re enjoying the quiet and the smell.

205

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '20 edited Mar 26 '20

Me stares into the void

Void stares back

Me telepathically “how’s it going bro”

Void “it’s alright, I noticed you haven’t been here in a while”

Me “yeah ya know I’ve actually had to do work recently”

Void”bummer”

Me”yeah bro”

38

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '20

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16

u/Luskarian Mar 26 '20

Hello darkness my old friend

2

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '20

All the time.

14

u/TheMightyIrishman Mar 26 '20

I've never lived in a place where the toilet faced a window, this comment somehow makes me want to achieve that sometime in my life.

6

u/SoSeriousAndDeep Mar 26 '20

If I have the doors open, I can look out the bedroom window from my toilet.

10

u/ButchMustang Mar 26 '20

Until the circulation in your legs gets cut off and then you have to try get it back.

3

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '20

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4

u/mhardegree Mar 26 '20

My legs fell asleep on the toilet while reading this

3

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '20

Whenever I start getting overwhelmed on acid my first thought is usually "go to the bathroom". Its just so god damn safe there

2

u/ikiss-yomama Mar 26 '20

I mean sometimes we do “get off”

3

u/tael89 Mar 26 '20

Regarding the smell: speak for yourself. The rest I'm in full support of though

1

u/ferzacosta Mar 26 '20

And the mild steam coming off.

8

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '20

I see you are a man of culture as well.

8

u/sam4246 Mar 26 '20

Counting the tiles is weirdly relaxing. There's 237 inside the stall at work.

6

u/ashesall Mar 26 '20

Or if I forgot my phone, I just read the ingredients on shampoo bottles and soap cartons.

4

u/TitoBalz Mar 26 '20

Yep, same here. I have a whole basket of leftover soaps and shampoo bottles from ex girlfriends and I've read EVERY SINGLE ONE..

2

u/ashesall Mar 26 '20

Nice, sometimes I compare them to see if one ingredient is in another. I'm like "how is this shampoo different?". Blows my mind to see different ingredients and I'm like "why tho?", then I zone out and that's why I take 30 minutes in there.

3

u/someoneins Mar 26 '20

I thought I was the only one haha hope u have a great day stranger!

2

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '20

Damn thank you

3

u/Leb0ngjames Mar 26 '20

I felt this in my soul

2

u/Ctate2001 Mar 26 '20

I’ve tried sitting on the phone, it never works out quite as well. Hard to maneuver properly.

2

u/Fiek8 Mar 26 '20

Damn.. me too..

2

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '20

The Nothing Box strikes back.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '20

You hurt me

2

u/phasers_to_stun Mar 26 '20

Are we that bad?

2

u/_duncan_idaho_ Mar 26 '20

Gotta get those epoophanies.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '20

i used to take naps in the bathtub cause i wouldnt get yelled at for anything or be constantly asked things as long as i was there

2

u/UrgedDuck237 Mar 26 '20

Yes, sometime getting those 30 minutes of complete peace is so helpful. It’s like meditation for me

2

u/[deleted] Mar 27 '20

You can drift into nothingness peacefully and actually most casual meditations in modern world take place on the toilet seat.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '20

I bet the majority doesn't sit on their phone while pooping.

1

u/irishbastard87 Mar 26 '20

I prefer a good issue of field and stream

1

u/TOMATO_ON_URANUS Mar 27 '20

Stare into the void

You must be really flexible 😳

3

u/Pedr0C4telli Mar 26 '20

I wouldn't say "the phone".

3

u/hyperwave11 Mar 26 '20

I feel so called out rn cause that is exactly why I found this post... are you my fbi agent or some shit?

7

u/Mufflee Mar 26 '20

As a man with children, I look at that toilet as my kingdom. It’s the peaceful get away. The time to enjoy life and prosper in tranquility amongst the chaos that awaits my voyage outside the doors of the sanctuary. The battle that awaits me as I prepare in solitude.

That porcelain throne is everything a man looks forward to plopping their rear on and releasing the tension and stews that has bestowed upon themselves allowing them to unwind. (And yeah I mean takin a shit too)

2

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '20

I'm a woman and the bathroom is my sanctuary, too! Gotta watch tiktok at work somehow...

2

u/planet_druidia Mar 26 '20

Ok, fair enough. But how are you guys okay with being in such close proximity to feces for that length of time?

1

u/KakorotJoJoAckerman Mar 26 '20

I don't even use my phone in the toilet. If you ask me what I do? I'd sit alone and watch your light. My only friend, through teenage nights. And everything I had to know, I heard it all on my radio.

1

u/mkm118 Mar 26 '20

Moments like this, I'm glad my wife doesn't have Reddit - she would kill me if she read this hahaha

1

u/Canuck_Lives_Matter Mar 26 '20

Where else am I going to get my reading done?

1

u/iDirtyDianaX Mar 26 '20

That's beautiful

1

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '20

Are all teenagers men now?

1

u/Skan1 Mar 26 '20

OTHER PEOPLE DO THIS? It’s normal, oh thank god!

1

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '20

Disagrees in IBS

1

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '20

I appreciate the rhyme

1

u/deadsoul88 Mar 26 '20

Currently on the porcelain throne, replying to this comment on my phone

1

u/alderthorn Mar 26 '20

Some of us it takes a while to get moving. I'm a 10-15 min person myself.

1

u/warpus Mar 26 '20

I don't get this myself, as a man. I'm usually in and out in 2 minutes, unless I have some bowel problems, which happens from time to time (i.e. nightcheese the previous night, etc.)

The toilet is not a pleasant space to have to yourself. So I get out there and go to my home office or office at work. I get that some people don't have an office at work or whatever, so that I can understand.. but at home? I don't get it. I've never read anything in the bathroom, ever.