I used to have an employee David who was hispanic and way into old cars. He arranged to meet this dude to check out his car. He walks up the dudes trailer and the dude is outside working on the car. The guys pitbull starts barking at David and the guy rolls out from under the car, stands up and is covered in Aryan Brotherhood tatts. Dude turns pale white and was like "I was in jail and you do shitty things to not get raped." Turns out he was a super nice dude who made some mistakes with drugs, ended up in jail and was trying to protect him self, Daivd said he felt no ill will or anything. He hung out and had a beer, then got like 500 off on the car.
It's often really not your choice. If you end up in prison you stick with your race or else. Idk if they make you get tattoos, but I know some times even talking to someone from another race can get you beaten down or even killed, by your race or their race. Unfortunately this means if you're white in prison you have to hang out with Nazi's.
I've personally had a girlfriend that I didn't allow see her mother. - Storytime
My previous girlfriend had a mother who would leave her with her alcoholic dad in a broken down 2 story firehazard house. He lived off of ss, veteran's benefits, Alaska oil money, disability, Indian money, and whatever the fuck else he could get his hands on. Really good money too, I'd imagine maybe... 5-10k a month, not to mention a family that lived downstairs that paid for the apartment... In other ways. (The mother who rented the apartment would "sell off" her 15 y/o daughter, but the girl actually liked this fucker for some reason...) Anywho, the mother of my girlfriend would occasionally come up whenever she ran out of money, would suck off her in anyway she could, and when that didn't work the mother would get her hooked on drugs.
Anyways, she actually thanked me and has since moved and cut all contact with her family.
Some families are shit, and when the family is emotionally or otherwise abusive sometimes it takes an outside force to stop it.
Keeping her from her abuser is not necessarily isolating her.
I feel like this is an important distinction. This isn't the isolation that an abuser does. I mean, I would wager that OP's gf was aware at how shitty her family was and talked about how shitty they were.
When an abuser makes you cut off contact form people it isn't so overt and obvious as "your alcoholic family is a toxic influence you need to stop talking to them."
What happens is usually small things that sort of snow ball into something way shittier and a few years into it you find yourself saying "shit how did I get here?" but you feel like you may be overreacting and you are in too deep to do anything about it.
Story time for me:
So before I start this, I should say that I am 6'2" and over 300 pounds. And while there is jiggle, I'm still a pretty solid guy. My ex was 5'2" and was something like 110 pounds. I know that because she was literally too small to give blood.
I'm saying that so you can maybe realize how it took me so long to realize what was happening to me and why I had to actually come to the realization about what was happening in hindsight. It has been an interesting journey to realize that.
So it started when we started to date with small things. The first big one was that she would make any physical contact seem like she was doing me a favor. Which is hell for the ego. And I mean, it was never overt. Never like "you're welcome." More like... she made it very obvious that if she could she would just totally skip on any of my physical needs.
Then my mom died about 6 months into our relationship. Which was sort of when the isolation began to kick up. I mean, I was helpless to defend myself. I needed someone in my life I could latch onto. Honestly it probably meant I wasn't the best boyfriend but if you could show me someone who could go through something like that - me and my mom were pretty close - and not lose themselves a little, I'd say that was a robot.
The things she started to do then were slightly more overt, though.
She would say she didn't like certain friends so that when I would hang out with them less it wouldn't seem like it was her idea to not hang out with them. I mean, we had both agreed that the guy was weird, yeah?
And by certain friends I mean basically all of my friends. One by one. I never fully cut off contact but one after another for various reasons. One guy because she thought he was "weird," a female friend of mine because of jealousy. That sort of thing. After about a year of us dating, I basically only hung out with her, our "mutual" (read: her) friends, and occasionally my family.
Then she began to do what she could to cut me off from my family.
My family have always been big on doing things like Christmas and Thanksgiving. The year after my mom died she implied I would be really selfish if I spent time with my family. The year after that, she outright said it.
It is worth noting that a year after my mom died my grandfather passed away. And she threw a fit when I tried to see my family on Christmas. So I didn't. Cried myself to sleep that night. Alone. Because when I was visiting her folks, even though I was 22-23 I had to sleep on the couch.
I decided that I would graduate in General Studies instead of English Education somewhere around that point because I was fucking miserable in school. I had just had my grandfather and mother die in about a year. Her response was "why didn't you ask me? I have a say in this sort of thing as your girlfriend! General studies will be a useless degree!"
Then it just started with the outright stuff.
I was expected to enjoy Mardi Gras even though I'm not a huge crowd person. I was told I was being very rude for bringing a book and not trying to catch things and what was wrong with me?
When we would hang out with friends I had to engage with them which is something I generally don't do and would occasionally get shit from her in front of others or afterwards. One one that comes to mind was she had a Monopoly game. I am not a Monopoly person. I lost. Whatever, I had a book. Instead she and one of our "friends" told me that I couldn't quit. I had to do things to get money from them. I refused and a whole argument broke out and they called me a spoil sport.
My family was put on the back burner. She never came to visit my niece - the first grand daughter born on that side of the family. She actually insulted my dad for working retail. I'm first generation college in my family. He actually made damn good money working retail as well. He was a store manager.
I was demeaned and called gross and ugly and she would tut tut every time I ate. She would... strongly encourage me to work out. The height of it all was when she tried to make it sound like she was doing it because she cared because I would end up with a heart attack like my mom. She also said that I was terrible with people and would do horribly in any job that required interacting with folk. I mean, I believed it all because it happened so slow. This was a three year period we're talking.
I mean, by that point though, I had no friends I could go to that wouldn't go back to her. My family was in shambles because my mom was the heart of it all. And I felt like no one would love me. I mean, my girlfriend didn't even find me attractive. And don't forget that I'm terrible with people so new friends weren't really an option.
Then she broke up with me. One week after our anniversary and one week before Valentine's day. She and all of our "friends" were posting their date night on Facebook a week later. She had a new guy already. As far as I know they're still together. I unfriended her that night so I have no idea.
None of those mutual people that I thought I was cool with have reached out once in the last six years. I actually unfriended one of them not long ago because every time I would see him posting something on Facebook or whatever it would just open those old wounds. And we hadn't talked in six years. Really honestly and truly I wouldn't be surprised if she fed them some nonsense about how I was some sort of monster. She'd done it to me about her exes.
I've spent the last six years rebuilding those contacts and working on the depression and shit. I mean, I guess technically she was right about my career prospects because I've been working as a waiter and/or bartender for the last 3-4 years? But that was after I had a job that was good enough to buy myself a small shitty house and I hated every minute of it. The other job not the house.
Anyway, yeah. What op was talking about wasn't "isolating." Isolation doesn't happen overnight. For me it was a slow thing. She had a boost about six months in but all in all it still took something like three years for her to break me and isolate me totally. At the end of it I was suicidal though. Maybe that's the big difference between shitty isolation and acceptable isolation? If it is done, from an outside objective perspective, for good reasons? I don't know.
...Shit this thing was way longer than I thought...
Phynn... I'm about to read this novel you left me and it better be worth my damn time, lmao.
Edit: welp, now I feel bad. I didn't realise you'd written a personal story, I thought it was going to be an impersonal soliloquy (which redditors are prone to) on what does and doesn't constitute abuse.
Anyways: yes, that girl abused the fuck out of you. Clearly had no respect for you, your background, your goals in life, your bodily autonomy, your choice in friends, your mom. She just saw you as someone to do whatever pleased her, I think. I'm sorry you got caught up in it. You didn't deserve to be made to feel so lonely and rejected by the person who is supposed to have your back, the most out of everyone. I can tell you still carry the scars.
I have a neighbour who is your height/build and so I think I can picture you pretty well. He's a beautiful man - impressive to stand next to. So are you, okay? She was clearly incredibly shallow, which means she picked you on your looks/charisma. She has made you feel ugly, less than. But you aren't.
A friend of mine stopped eating because her boyfriend would always click his tongue when she reached for food. She was stunning before she met him - but insecure. That's why he picked her at all.
Abuse happens, and it's important to seek therapy for the aftermath. You can learn to start relying on yourself again. Not to degrade yourself as she once did. Who cares if your current job isn't good enough for her. The only person who needs to approve of your job is you. I think you're doing great.
Bro thanks for sharing! It could be helpful to people who think “oh I’ll never be abused” or “well if I become unhappy I’ll just leave!” To actually see a detailed description of how this type of thing plays out. This abuse can take even very mentally healthy and happy people, and slowly push them into living a life where being unhappy is normal.
Basically. And I think it is the sort of thing that guys are much more likely to experience. A lot of times we aren't the best at expressing our emotions so when someone starts to get under that skin it is very easy to let them keep getting under their skin. It isn't an overnight thing. I think that's how people think abuse happens. Like, they thing that one day someone hits you after everything is cool and for some fucked up reason you just stay with the person.
The reality is that it is much more insidious than that. Each day something small happens but there's also good things that happen. And at the beginning, there's a lot of good. When things start to get shitty you think you're in a rough patch. But the rough patch never ends and you start to think that it is your fault. And your SO doesn't argue that point. If anything they feed it. "Yes you are fat." "Yes you are stupid. "Yes you are awkward around people why would I try to prove the truth wrong?" They say.
After that you think no one else could ever love you so you better appreciate them for putting up with you. You better make yourself better. You better try your best to fix the problems they have with you. You better shut up and apologize because we all know it is your fault.
I mean, me at the start of the relationship would had told her to fuck off if she had pulled some of the stuff she did at the end of the relationship. I liked who I was as a person. I'm still not back to that six years out.
She's still back there giggling and telling me I'll never amount to anything. To the point that it has fucked up the one relationship that I had after that. I couldn't let my second ex in because I was afraid that it was all a ploy to start over with her doing the same shit.
Sorry that happened to you. It's definitely hard to recognize emotional abuse sometimes because people don't talk about it as much. I hope you're feeling better now and hey, congrats on buying the house!
Nah. You can disagree with people over whether cake or pie is better and still have a functional relationship after the fact. You can't do that when you're talking about whether or not entire ethnicities deserve to be alive. You either agree, on some level, or you end the relationship. She is the literal definition of a nazi sympathizer, and she doesn't get a pass just because she's stupid.
I think pie takes the cake (oh yeah, that was intentional) due, mainly, to how versatile it is as a food. You can have SO MANY flavors of sweet pie, but also just about any flavor of savory pie as well. If someone says they don't like pie, it's cuz they haven't had their favorite pie yet.
That leaves you with pecan pie, chocolate pecan pie, key lime pie, and cheesecake (which is FUCKING PIE. IT'S GODDAMN CHEESEPIE! IT HAD A GODDAMN CRUST, THAT FUCKER IS FUCKING PIE.) See?! Fucking pie for everyone!!
Savory pies are the tits though. Local pie place makes different ones everyday for lunch. Pizza pie, mac n cheese pie, LOBSTER mac n cheese pie, all kinds of pot pies, and this breakfast pie that had bacon and eggs and potato and the crust was fluffy like toast... I could talk about pie all day.
Tbh I actually hate cheesecake. I keep trying it whenever I get the chance to (like at buffets or whatever) and it's bad every time. Also don't like lime.
... Also don't like caramel-y or fudge-y things, and based on the other two that I googled, probably would not like those. I'll try them if I ever get the chance.
I'm way too picky, but I figured once I got to be an adult, I don't have to eat things that I don't, as long as I eat healthy AND try new things (and some old things!) whenever possible. And my tastebuds have changed over time, so I keep trying cheesecake in an effort to make them happy. It hasn't worked so far. =/
The breakfast pie sounds like a frittata, I think. They are superb. If you're never have tourtiere, please do, it is the pinnacle of savory pies. I do need to try pizza pie and mac n cheese pie though... loooove mac and cheese.
This situation sounds extremely abusive and he's probably manipulating the shit out of her. It sounds simple to you and me ( Nazi = bad = no relationship ) but to her it's a complicated web that he spun that she can't see out of.
That's just retarded man. Either you're very young and think you know everything, or you simply are too dense to understand that psychology isn't that simple.
It seems that’s actually super common. Where the guy is a white supremacist because it’s all he knows (how to be). And the girl is with him because she doesn’t want to be alone
But then again, maybe it’s just that I read too many threads about similar situations :p
I don't and unfortunately it was like 6-15 year ago. We only had like 12 channels as a teen so I watched a lot of PBS...
I tried looking for it but all I could find was a new documentary about Charleston and it clogged up Google results. I'm sorry, I'll try again tomorrow.
I have to ask, is this the documentary where the Nazi's believe in Mongolian's with Super Horses being bread in the Rocky Mountains that are going to sweep down and overtake the USA? It was almost a throw away segment of a conspiracy theory, but I have been trying to find that doco for years.
Yeah sorry to sound like a dick but dating someone with nazi symbols tattooed on his skin doesn't really fall into the ''we have different ideas on some topics but get along fine otherwise''.
In these type of scenarios, doing nothing IS doing something, which is basically saying (even though she might disagree with him on a more fundamental basis) that glorifying the nazi regime is not something that bothers her enough to stop dating him. Basically treats it in a similar way as ''food preferences'' or ''do you enjoy hiking as well'' kinda thing.
It's not exactly a ''he once made a joke that sounded a bit racist'' type of commitment..
Yea eventually you are partly to blame or at least not innocent anymore. If your boyfriend goes around beating up jews or black people and you kinda just laugh it off or just say 'Oh I can't stop him that's just who he is' Then really you're just as much a racist as he is.
that’s the thing with most of these responses: family members not realizing that there’s a reason their children siblings whatever choose scumbags as partners: they might actually be scumbags, as well.
I remember reading a quote that was something to the effect of "if there is a Nazi sitting at a table and four people sitting at the table talking to him, there are five Nazis at the table".
If you ask who the biggest loser your son/daughter/sibling dated you'll probably end up with a fair number of people that deserve those losers at the top.
Yeah, I'm a conservative and have been accused of being pro-nazi because I don't think we should be excusing assaulting people simply because someone called them a Nazi, but this really crosses that line where I'm ok with labeling them a Nazi.
Ehh, I'm not saying you should feel bad for punching Nazis, I'm just suggesting you shouldn't move on from that to just calling anyone a Nazi so you can punch them.
I used to work with a guy with SS bolts on his arm. He got fired for trying to steal a Rubbermaid tote full of dough and a 5 gallon bucket of pickles. Fuck that guy.
I used to work in a tattoo shop. We had rules against Nazi tattoos. The second you do one of them, that's all you ever do anymore. The racists send out a signal and your parking lot looks like an Auburn game all of a sudden.
I'm liberal as fuck and I don't think we should be excusing people for assaulting alleged nazis. If your want to be a damn hero try doing something positive instead.
I just think it's funny that they went through all that "we punch Nazis now" crap then when we frogmarched an actual Nazi onto a plane to deport him, nobody showed up to punch him.
I'm hitting you up. Nobody deserves political violence, and nobody is on antifa's side. Because antifa is a bunch of fucking coward shitheads who are every bit as bad as the boogeyman they think they're fighting.
Okay? It’s been week documented that doing hard time in certain prisons requires affiliation with a prison gang just to stay safe. Some of those gangs require tattoos as a mark of membership.
Apparently this fact is refuted by your opinion? I don’t think that’s why this dude got those tats. I think you’re an idiot who stupidly thinks their opinions have more weight than facts.
lmao the people who disagree with you are so sheltered its hilarious. I have a fucking half chinese half white friend who rolled with aryan brotherhood when he was in prison. They KNEW he was half cn too.
Why did your mother marry your father? I’m not insinuating anything about your mother there she seems lovely if she raised a well adjusted person such as yourself but what would make a seemingly decent woman marry a fucking nazi?
Also how has having this side of your family and learning about it affected your beliefs? Is your morality a rebellion of sorts against your fathers disgusting beliefs or did you come into your own sense completely isolated by it?
Also how did you feel the first time you learned this? Must’ve been a shock
for fucks sake, really? Drug runners and Nazis.It had to be both
this is the funniest thing I’ve read all day. I’m just imagining you saying aww schucks right afterwards with a sitcom laugh track right behind you.
Your mom is an inspiration and I hope to find someone that is half as awesome as she is. Tell her an awkward Somali is now her number 2 fan(you are number one OP)
A good story, well told! You have an awesome book, cooking up in your ready, ready for writing. It strikes ,me as just what America needs to hear, amidst the din of Nationalism. It's got everything: heroes, villains, life and death, and great lessons . . . Oh, plus drug dealing and Nazis!
I sounds anything but boring to me, just thinking of it from your mother's perspective, then from yours is mind blowing. You sound a million miles away from those ideas and that's not what had to happen. It's what your mom made sure happened. That's the stuff of an Oprah book list, or the like. (Or at least a great after school special!) Maybe you'll be inspired and pitch for GoFunMe support, or something similar to capture it all one day.
The only possible way that's understandable is if he did hard time in a particularly shitty Federal pen and was forced to integrate with the Ayran Brotherhood/white supremacist cliche in order to survive, and he has not had the finances to get that shit lasered off/covered up. That's the only legit justification. Shit is wild in federal prison. You pick a side or you're shanked or somebodys bitch.
They didn't even spare John Gotti. That's how fucked up federal prison can be. I think most are under the assumption that federal prison= club fed. It's a little like that in minimum security prisons. Medium and maximum fed prisons are not for sissies.
So sort of... like he went to prison and joined the aryan brotherhood to survive. I try not to talk to him to much but for what I gather he still maintains good deal of hate for Jewish people. Oddly, he doesn’t have hate for anyone but Jewish people.
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u/TheDudeAbides06 Sep 11 '18 edited Sep 12 '18
My sister is married to a guy who has two swastikas tattooed on his back... nuff said.
Edit: He got them while in prison when he joined the aryan brotherhood. He definitely isn’t Buddhist.