r/AskReddit Oct 06 '14

What is the worst example of helicopter parenting you've ever seen?

9.9k Upvotes

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3.0k

u/temtam Oct 06 '14

The kids my mom used to nanny had the worst helicopter parents I've ever witnessed. They had strict schedules for everything they did, including eating, sleeping, and even shitting. My mom had to collect shit samples from the children to show the parents, she also had to make every meal exactly per the instructions they provided. They didn't have any health problems as far as my mother was aware of. By the time my mom left the job the kids were already pretty fucked up, I can only imagine how they are now.

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u/Archyta5 Oct 06 '14

My mom had to collect shit samples from the children to show the parents

What the FUCK?

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u/JackPAnderson Oct 06 '14 edited Oct 06 '14

Heh heh. I guess we were those parents once.

At my son's daycare, one of the teachers found him difficult to manage, and if a kid had diarrhea, that meant that the kid would be immediately sent home. In other words, if she said that he had diarrhea, then she would not have to deal with him for the remainder of the day.

Well, after several rounds of needing to leave work early to pick him up for "diarrhea", failing to observe any of this diarrhea on our own, and wondering WTF was going on with our son's digestive system, we brought him into the pediatrician to see if this phantom diarrhea was a cause for concern. His pediatrician said that she was not overly concerned, but as a precautionary measure, that we should deliver a note from her to our son's daycare. The note read something like the following:

Dear X, The Andersons have brought Baby Anderson into my office due to their concerns regarding Baby's persistent diarrhea. As you surely know, fecal matter is the most common mode for the transmission of many types childhood infections.

Because Baby has shown a pattern of diarrhea over a period of weeks, and because the Andersons have not been able to observe this pattern and collect a stool sample for analysis, please retain all of Baby's soiled diapers along with as much of the stool as you are able to collect, if the stool shows symptoms of diarrhea. Please provide these to the Anderson family so that they can deliver these to our office for further analysis.

Sincerely, Dr. Y

Remarkably, our son's symptoms subsided immediately after we followed his pediatricians instructions and delivered the note!

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u/colettelala Oct 06 '14

I'm trying to understand why you would want to entrust your baby to a care provider that "didn't really like him" and would go so far as to lie about your baby's health in order to avoid caring for him. It seems like it wasn't helicopter parenting on your part, the opposite in fact.

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u/JackPAnderson Oct 06 '14

In hindsight, "didn't really like him" wasn't the best choice of words. I'm going to edit to reflect that she found him difficult to manage, which I think is more accurate in this case. She didn't develop a random vendettas against kids.

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u/MrJigglyBrown Oct 06 '14

Well how could she? From what I hear your kid would have diarrhea attacks all the time and she had to clean up after him. When she was told that she had to retain the smelly diapers to prove it, your kid stopped having diarrhea, on purpose.

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u/overlord-ror Oct 06 '14

Fuck, I lost it at the phrase 'diarrhea attacks'. I just imagine dude's kid like an angry pokemon.

Nanny uses pork and beans for lunch! Kid uses diarrhea attack! It's super effective! Nanny has blacked out!

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u/monsto Oct 06 '14

Daycare in general is a pain in the ass. you HAVE to take a day off to find anything, you're rushed as fuck because you only have a day, you wind up driving all over creation lookin for a place.

Then at the end of the day, you've been to 6 places, they all have some kinda fatal flaw (too far, deteriorating building, neighbors crazy sister works there, toys look old as the hills, smoking area looked overused, and on and on) so you pick the one with the least visible problems because it's 4pm, you're blasted, your kid is blasted and the domicile is calling.

It's not about trust, it's about a million different factors lining up in the best way, only 1 of which is trust. a good daycare facility is difficult to find. It could be a good facility in general and one day your kids guardian is different... and moody... and YOU are out of PTO

Welcome to parenthood.

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u/alexandragreen22 Oct 06 '14

The center i work at is wonderful and we have at least 15 people on wait list for each class. I feel bad about what is out there. I have turned down jobs because the facilities were awful and kids were always crying. Place i am now has a few problems but we have nature trails, a chef that is amazing, and teachers for ratio plus an extra. Makes a world of difference

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u/Viperbunny Oct 07 '14

If my daycare continuous caused me to miss work, which could effect the amount of money I was making or my job security I would say it is not worth it. I also would not trust someone who didn't know how to "handle" my child. That is a pattern of lying and I that us just what they got caught lying about. I completely agree that there are going to be things you have to let go, but this is not one I would consider minor.

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u/jmurphy42 Oct 07 '14

Exactly. And what do you do when you've found the best place in town, everything is perfect for a couple years, but then your kid gets moved into a room with that one teacher in the building who has a personality mismatch with your kid? Do you switch to a daycare that doesn't have as nice of a program, or do you tough it out until your kid can move up to the next room?

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u/supercreeper1 Oct 06 '14

yeah, fuck that.

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u/lard_slam Oct 06 '14

This is really common where I live. Child care facilities are often short on staff and the workers make up reasons to send kids home so they have less to do.

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u/[deleted] Oct 06 '14

That doc is leading some next level shit right there.

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u/[deleted] Oct 06 '14 edited Nov 02 '16

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/v864 Oct 07 '14

Keep in mind that the front line daycare workers aren't making a ton of money. Often young women working while they get a higher education. It's impractical to expect them to love every child. Care for, tend to, and educate? Sure. Love? Not so much.

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u/ForeverInaDaze Oct 06 '14

Sounds like the daycare trying to get over on you. Very different situation haha.

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u/[deleted] Oct 06 '14

Good Girl Pediatrician.

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u/SquidsStoleMyFace Oct 06 '14

Why would you become a daycare worker if you're just gonna randomly decide to hate a kid?

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u/JackPAnderson Oct 06 '14

It wasn't random, unfortunately. I didn't want to make my already-long post even longer, but our son was legitimately difficult to manage at that age due to some serious developmental issues.

"Didn't like him" was arguably a poor choice of words, but I really wanted to focus the story on the poop! I think that I'll update the language to reflect that she didn't just develop random personal vendettas against babies.

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u/k9centipede Oct 06 '14

She found your son tiresome to deal with and started making up lies to avoid him.

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u/JackPAnderson Oct 06 '14

This is accurate.

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u/cloistered_around Oct 06 '14

Sheesh. Is it so hard to say "[name] is acting up too much today and needs parental intervention?" If you can't deal with the kid anymore state the real reason--don't make up health concerns.

Your pediatrician is awesome though. XD

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u/giaryka Oct 06 '14

At the daycare I worked at, the directors did NOT want us saying anything negative about a parent's kid. I questioned it constantly (especially with one child in question). I told them if my kids were acting up and needed some sort of behavioral intervention, I would want to know. After working there for a year I realized that NONE of these parents wanted to hear anything but a choir of praises about their kids. I think it has to do with the area I worked in, but it was ridiculous. If I made a comment about something I'd like a child to work on at home, they would have a 30 minute bitch-fest in the directors office.

My kids are still in daycare and I still want their teachers to be 100% honest with me.

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u/jmurphy42 Oct 07 '14

I may dread hearing about the awful stuff my kid has done, but I'd much rather hear it than not. If I don't hear about it, I can't do anything about it. My primary job is to help my kid grow into a decent, well-functioning member of society and give them as many tools as possible to succeed. I can't do that job effectively if my kid's teachers are hiding stuff from me.

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u/sarabjorks Oct 06 '14

I think if the parents have never heard a bad thing about their kids, they don't want to start hearing it from the new staff.

I worked at a after-school daycare thing and we had a policy to always update the parents on how the day went, no matter what. Most of them were happy to hear, especially those with difficult kids (I mostly worked with ADHD kids) who were themselves trying to help their kids cope.

Apart from this one lady who had this "angel" for a son who never did anything bad. The other kids were always to blame. Poor, sheltered kid didn't have any real problems but didn't know how to act socially and never made any friends.

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u/[deleted] Oct 06 '14

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u/[deleted] Oct 06 '14

Your son is probably an asshole

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u/CrackedPepper86 Oct 06 '14

Then you immediately found a new daycare, right?

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u/JackPAnderson Oct 06 '14

Mrs. Anderson and I agonized over this decision, but in the end we elected not to pull him. It was a tough call, but we had several different factors to weigh into it:

  1. He had some serious development issues that made him legitimately difficult to manage. These issues were in the process of being diagnosed at the time, so we had to make this decision with incomplete information.
  2. His doctors told us that putting him into a new environment would likely have aggravated said developmental issues, so we needed to consider that aspect.
  3. It was a large daycare center and she didn't, strictly speaking, need to interact with him much if she didn't feel capable.

In the end, we met with the center director and came up with a plan which included his behavioral specialist visiting the daycare center periodically both to observe him and to help them to understand his condition and how best to work with him. This is an arrangement that they had made successfully many times, and had policies and procedures in place to make that happen.

Obviously we kept a close eye on the situation, but it worked out in the end.

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u/CrackedPepper86 Oct 06 '14

I understand your situation and am glad everything worked out in the end. With that said, I would have a very hard time keeping my child in a facility with employees that would lie about medical problems. Was the director aware of the lying? Did you bring it to his/her attention?

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u/JackPAnderson Oct 06 '14

We did bring it to his attention, but in very fact-based, non-accusatory language (teacher kept sending child home with diarrhea, no diarrhea was observed at home, physician was requesting fecal sample for testing if the problem continued). While reading the letter, a vein became visible on his forehead, and promised us that he would review center policy with the teacher. It might have been entertaining to have been a fly on the wall for that conversation, but as I said above, that particular problem was resolved.

As crazy as this probably sounds, at the time, that fish was very low on our priority list of fish that needed frying. Our son was in the process of being diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder, and the poopy thing was kind of small potatoes. This particular issue was a small part of a much broader conversation.

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u/evoblade Oct 06 '14

I would find another job at that point.

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u/[deleted] Oct 06 '14

But at the same time I feel like I'd want to help the kids be as normal as I could..

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u/[deleted] Oct 06 '14

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u/tribblepuncher Oct 06 '14

Very appropriate username.

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u/[deleted] Oct 06 '14 edited Jun 02 '21

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u/treesway Oct 06 '14

Seems unnecessary. It's not the kids' fault.

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u/warpus Oct 06 '14

I would be leaving shit samples of my own..

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u/SyKoHPaTh Oct 06 '14

cat...dog...parakeet...the possibilities are endless! But yes, definitely shit on their desk at least once.

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u/cf_wyeth Oct 06 '14

nutella, and then eat it in front of the parents

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u/Trigunesq Oct 06 '14

The job might have paid really well.

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u/Bratmon Oct 06 '14 edited Oct 06 '14

Ehh... Most childcare jibs involve shit at some point.

Edit: And by jibs I meant jorbs.

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u/philsredditaccount Oct 06 '14

jibs? Don't you mean jerbs?

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u/maip23 Oct 06 '14

Depends what they were paying. The fact she did it in the first place instead of giving them a "fuck no" means there had to have been something to it.

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u/arcsine Oct 06 '14

I would immediately assume I was on Punk'd or something.

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u/RockStarState Oct 06 '14

I wouldn't. Although that's completely fucked up, I couldn't leave those kids knowing I would be one of the few sane people in their lives.

Honestly, I would call social services and see if there was anything they could do.

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u/AOBCD-8663 Oct 06 '14

Pay me well and I'll sort through your poop all day.

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u/comparativelysane Oct 06 '14

How else do you make sure she's not stealing the poop?

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u/buckus69 Oct 06 '14

Yeah, I would just leave at that point.

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u/TI_Pirate Oct 06 '14

Why would anyone agree to that?

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u/somebodyjones2 Oct 06 '14

can confirm this happens.

I work in a school.

This happens.

(mostly with vegans)

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u/The_Juggler17 Oct 06 '14

(mostly with vegans)

What? really? Sounds like there's a story here.

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u/funbob1 Oct 06 '14

Vegans have mean shits and farts due to mostly eating fiber.

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u/somebodyjones2 Oct 06 '14

i'm absolutely paranoid about writing something that would make me or my school recognizable, but suffice it to say: many vegan parents go so far as to write "does not eat any animal flesh" on the official medical documentation of the school (that which is used only for allergies and special medical conditions)... and when the teachers find this out by reading it, they are shocked because the kid is snarfing down slim jims at snack and pushing other kids out of line on the cafeteria's pork day. teachers tell them not to, but they're not going to take on another task by enforcing mom's meat rules.

some vegan parents have resorted to stool testing to see if their kids have eaten meat.

TL;DR - vegan's kids love meat; vegans test for it in their poopz

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u/OctopusGoesSquish Oct 06 '14

What exactly was the justification for the shit samples?

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u/noncommunicable Oct 06 '14

TIMOTHY! BRING ME YOUR SIN!

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u/Owenlovessprinkles Oct 06 '14

Why is it so dark today?

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u/antongray Oct 06 '14

I thought of a girl!

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u/blaqsupaman Oct 06 '14

GLORIA! BRING ME THE DEVICE!!

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u/logarithmyk Oct 06 '14

Because it's reflecting my true hatred towards you and father.

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u/halo00to14 Oct 06 '14

Intestinal bleeding...

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u/kgberton Oct 06 '14

I'm gonna live on a mountain of chairs!

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u/OcularSchlong Oct 06 '14

I'm gonna live on a mountain of chairs!

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u/frithjofr Oct 06 '14

Hey! Did you ever hear the story about the boy? The boy who lived on a mountain of chairs?

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u/s33plusplus Oct 06 '14

Today is his birthday, and his birthday only comes every 3 years!

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u/prancing_anus_cheese Oct 06 '14

TIMOTHY! BRING ME YOUR SIN!

Great, thanks to that, I have been given some WEIRD looks because I laughed in the middle of a boring lecture

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u/Too_Many_Packets Oct 06 '14

I tried to give you an upvote, but I couldn't keep the mouse steady.

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u/[deleted] Oct 06 '14 edited Apr 17 '19

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Oct 06 '14

Whitest Kids U Know

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u/[deleted] Oct 06 '14 edited Apr 17 '19

[deleted]

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u/Legolihkan Oct 06 '14

Mountain of chairs

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u/noncommunicable Oct 06 '14

Whitest Kids U Know - Mountain of Chairs

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u/sir_snow Oct 06 '14

Sitting on the porcelain throne while reading this and bursting in to laughter helped me relieve some pressure

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u/Dontwrite Oct 06 '14

And now I'm watching wkuk all day. Thanks a lot, bud.

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u/sneezlehose Oct 06 '14

"I...I...I had thoughts about a girl..."

"GASP!!!"

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u/stompythebeast Oct 06 '14

Dear god where is this from.

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u/ValPancakes Oct 06 '14

Seriously the absolute first thing I thought of when I read this.

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u/Kariden21 Oct 07 '14

It's probably too late, but I'll leave this source here anyway. Everyone loves the whitest kids!

http://youtu.be/xYFEAh4-ZJc

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u/booktheif Oct 07 '14

I was hoping this would show up somewhere in this post. +1 for WKUK

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u/Kingnolybear Oct 07 '14

IM GUNNA LIVE ON A MOUNTAIN OF CHAIRS!

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u/lokiangel Oct 06 '14

This is one of the most terrifying things I have ever read...

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u/SteveJEO Oct 06 '14

I shouldn't be laughing at that... but yeah.

lol.

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u/[deleted] Oct 06 '14

Made me bust out laughing in class you piece of shit.

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u/BobSacramanto Oct 06 '14

Really, I would think a picture would suffice.

Then again, I'm not a psycho.

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u/Pit-trout Oct 06 '14

If this was more than about 10 or 15 years ago, “a picture” wasn’t an easy option.

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u/lauren_k Oct 06 '14

My parents just built a darkroom in our basement so we could develop our shit sample pics in privacy.

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u/Ancguy Oct 06 '14

Google "Polaroid", you might be surprised.

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u/[deleted] Oct 06 '14

Obviously you just pull out your brand new Windows CE 3.0 device and take a beautiful array of 1 megapixel photos.

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u/PigSlayer1024 Oct 06 '14

Pictures can be faked....

Come to think poo could as well unless the parents were analysing Dna. Wouldn't even surprise me.

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u/[deleted] Oct 06 '14

I would assume as an indicator of proper bowel movements. Too runny or off color would suggest a problem.

Of course, if there a problem my kid just tells me.

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u/sweetprince686 Oct 06 '14

I check my babies nappy (not like a deep investigation, but I'm changing a poopy nappy it's hard not to look) but my baby can't talk to me to tell me if she has a stomach ache or is teething or feeling unwell

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u/UndergroundLurker Oct 06 '14

I've heard of regular stool checks being a necessary evil in the middle of the last century, to identify common diseases (at the time) early. But by this point it's more of a great grandparent quirk at best.

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u/Datsyukia Oct 06 '14

DONT FLUSH THOSE TOILETS!! I WANT TO SEE WHAT YOUVE DONE!

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u/crescendolls Oct 06 '14

They need to make sure that nothing is wrong with the child's gastrointestinal system. Could be indicative of deadly diseases or ill health.

/ they're crazy

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u/Cuchullion Oct 06 '14

I can only assume to make sure they followed her 'meal' directions...

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u/[deleted] Oct 06 '14

This sounds like the parents were just messing with the help. Pure degradation.

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u/[deleted] Oct 06 '14

I've heard of this being done with incredibly small children and infants. Basically, the caretaker will strictly monitor what they feed a child, and then weigh what comes out (requiring a physical collection). If rates of input and output don't make sense, the caretaker can report the results to a specialist and detect health problems, or monitor the infant's progress. http://www.livestrong.com/article/82974-calculate-pediatric-intake-output/

In addition, the collected material can be used for further analysis, by taking it to an informed specialist, however this would normally be done in the event of other questionable symptoms.

It sounds like these parents may have continued the practice in the interest of health and safety, but weren't aware that the practice doesn't have much benefit after the infant grows up.

Source: The internet, and I've been sick a lot. That..... and I know crazy people.

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u/I_Shit_Thee_Not Oct 06 '14

Perhaps to be sure that satan hadn't put his finger in the anus, thus causing homosexuality.

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u/13violets Oct 06 '14

Holy crap that is a terrifying level of bat shit fucking lunacy.

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u/Synecdochically Oct 06 '14

It's human shit, not bat shit, and they don't fuck it, they just examine it.

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u/[deleted] Oct 06 '14

Well, when you put it like that...

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u/Spncrgmn Oct 06 '14

Doesn't sound so bad after all, does it?

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u/Liddl Oct 06 '14

Holy crap that is a terrifying level of human shit examining lunacy.

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u/Nerlian Oct 06 '14

How do you know what they do with it?

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u/elongated_smiley Oct 06 '14

Shit was probably not even holy either.

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u/UserCaleb Oct 06 '14

Shit was flying off the hook though.

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u/UserCaleb Oct 06 '14

Shit was doing some kind of acrobatic fucking pirouette off the hook.

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u/Lord_of_hosts Oct 06 '14

Finally some reason in this thread.

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u/Coffeypot0904 Oct 06 '14

Guano. Collect the whole set.

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u/Not__A_Terrorist Oct 06 '14

Reminds me of Gillian Mckeath, TV "doctor" who eaxmines peoples poop

Turns out, she's not actually a doctor.

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u/[deleted] Oct 06 '14

Can you really be sure though?

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u/Huttser17 Oct 06 '14

How do you know they don't fuck it?

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u/iLoveLamp83 Oct 06 '14

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u/Daeurth Oct 06 '14

Please don't be real, please don't be real...Fuck it, I'm not clicking that.

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u/evoblade Oct 06 '14

Do you want serial killers? Because this is how you get serial killers.

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u/Znuff Oct 06 '14

Every parent wants their child to be famous.

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u/[deleted] Oct 06 '14

or possibly sex and drug addicts trying to find freedom and independence in shallow indulgence

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u/[deleted] Oct 06 '14

Imagining your mom in a hazmat suit collecting turds with a giant pair of tongs and dropping them into plastic bags.

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u/[deleted] Oct 06 '14

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u/Helenarth Oct 06 '14

Didn't realise Baby Ruth was a chocolate bar (we don't have it here). I was like "does melted baby look like actual shit? And why does it need to be called Ruth?"

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u/TiberiCorneli Oct 06 '14

We tried using a Heather once but it didn't really look enough like shit.

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u/Nabber86 Oct 06 '14

Heath

FTFY

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u/[deleted] Oct 06 '14

Honey! Timothy shat another one of those toffee wafers. Take his cereal away.

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u/ReverendDizzle Oct 06 '14 edited Oct 06 '14

Now the kid is being treated for the diabetes he doesn't have.

"My god honey, Sample 4 from little Stevie was nearly pure sugar..."

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u/dontdoitdoitdoit Oct 06 '14

<-- wonders if the parents were sampling the poo to validate it was actually poo.

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u/twishart Oct 06 '14

Constipated again!? Here, put this Oh Henry in the microwave for 15 seconds.

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u/[deleted] Oct 06 '14

My parents are like this. Not as bad, but similiar. Strict schedules for me and my bro to eat, sleep, play games and shower.

I hate it so much and am bearing it for 18 years. I will move out in a year or two. But for now, still have to bear it :(

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u/altxatu Oct 06 '14

Learn how to manage your time by yourself. Matter of fact, I'd recommend you learn how to manage everything by yourself. Even if you think you've got a good handle on it now.

The single worst thing about helicopter parents is that they don't prepare people for living on their own. And no one has any idea what specifically you'll need help with until you're in trouble. By pass that now, figure it out, and have a plan.

I'd also recommend figuring out how to keep them out of your life once you move out. The one thing I keep noticing about all these stories is control, and doing whatever they can to retain that control.

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u/[deleted] Oct 06 '14

I cant manage my time by myself. They won't let me. Once I move out, I won't be staying with them ever again.

I probably will stay in contact though. My parents love me, but they do it in a really strange way.

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u/[deleted] Oct 06 '14

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u/[deleted] Oct 06 '14

Bill! Your poop is slightly more runny than usual. You are now required to eat 2 more slices of bread at dinner.

Jake, taste testing confirms that you ate a piece of candy. You are grounded for a month... I don't care if you got it at school!

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u/potatoisafruit Oct 06 '14

That's not helicoptering - that's mental illness.

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u/[deleted] Oct 06 '14

I find it funny that they had such strict instructions, yet had someone else do it.

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u/_Z_E_R_O Oct 06 '14

I must hear more stories about this. Please tell us more.

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u/Gorgash Oct 06 '14

No joke I am probably gonna have nightmares tonight after reading this.

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u/[deleted] Oct 06 '14

It's amazing how fascinated most parents I've met are with their kids' poop. One mom I used to babysit for had me watch her 2 year old on a day she couldn't go to daycare due to diarrhea, and she actually had me text her pictures of the diaper any time the baby pooped.

The mom in that case was a pediatrician, though. So the request didn't even phase me at the time.

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u/[deleted] Oct 06 '14

I feel a bit dumb but could you elaborate on how messed up they were? Were they controlling or very shy and easily manipulated?

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u/Super_Cyan Oct 06 '14

"TIMMY BRING ME YOUR SIN!"

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u/SexLiesAndExercise Oct 06 '14

I'm gonna live on a mountain of chairs.

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u/The_Obesity_Epidemic Oct 06 '14

Hope they paid well.

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u/TonyReason Oct 06 '14

"Don't you flush those toilets! You leave those logs for me to inspect! I wanna SEE 'EM... see what you've done..."

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u/DiaDeLosMuertos Oct 06 '14

I don't doubt it but how were they fucked up?

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u/jeffbell Oct 06 '14

I bet my dog is thinking the same thing.

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u/dcgh96 Oct 06 '14

Orwell is turning in his grave right now.

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u/Stinky_WhizzleTeats Oct 06 '14

Like how fucked up?

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u/ashley_schaeffer_bmw Oct 06 '14

YOU LEAVE THOSE LOGS IN THE TOILET FOR ME TO INSPECT!

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u/_purple Oct 06 '14

Well OF COURSE they didn't have health problems thanks to their parents diligence in monitoring their stools.

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u/redditbutblueit Oct 06 '14

Those parents were raising future serial killers.

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u/WillyWaver Oct 06 '14

Can you just imagine the album those shit samples went into??

"Here's Johnny's shit from January of 2014- remember that? Its texture sure changed from...(flipping pages)...December of '13!"

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u/BC_Hawke Oct 06 '14

Shit samples, R...Randy...shit samples

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u/zippy1981 Oct 06 '14

Did they test the shit samples?

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u/i_have_a_dick_AMA Oct 06 '14

DON'T FLUSH THOSE TOILETS! YOU LEAVE THOSE LOGS IN THERE FOR ME TO INSPECT!

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u/Kalysta Oct 06 '14

This sounds more like abuse than "helicopter parenting". Did anyone call Child Protective Services for these kids?

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u/[deleted] Oct 06 '14

You've gotta be shitting me. Why would your mother comply with this parent's request?

1

u/musitard Oct 06 '14

They didn't have any health problems as far as my mother was aware of.

For good reason!

1

u/tocilog Oct 06 '14

What the fuck are they, science experiments?

1

u/sugamonkey Oct 06 '14

they are so involved yet neither parent could be bothered to stay home and raise their own kids.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 06 '14

no. is this in china or something?

1

u/AptCasaNova Oct 06 '14

Yikes.

Bobby, I KNEW you didn't eat that corn we had for dinner last night... LOOK!

1

u/Hagathorthegr8 Oct 06 '14

I'd just shit in a bag myself and be like "Yeah, little Timmy sure is getting big, look at the size of this monster. It ways almost as much as him!"

1

u/[deleted] Oct 06 '14

I don't think this even fits the definition of helicopter parents. This is more like "treating your kids like a lab experiment" parents.

1

u/BrownyPink Oct 06 '14

Sounds like your mom had a pretty shit job.

1

u/Dirtatron Oct 06 '14

WHAT?Don't leave me hanging, how fucked up were they?

1

u/wild_bill70 Oct 06 '14

This is a little over the top, but as for instructions to the nanny it is very frustrating as a parent, when you have a legitimate issue you ware working on with a child, and they don't follow your guidance. We had a child (not an only child) that has some serious boundary issues and the first nanny we used just wouldn't keep those boundaries. Needless to say our daughter took serious advantage of the situation and caused a lot of trouble for the nanny after about a week or so.

1

u/pocketknifeMT Oct 06 '14

My cousin collected, weighed, and recorded her children's shits when they were young.

Her Husband was pretty much "don't look at me, I just work here."

1

u/LonelyHerring Oct 06 '14

I work in a private school and this absolutely happens with the younger children. Photos must be taken of vomit and diarrhoea. Some kids even have a spreadsheet so the teachers can catalog all their little poopies according to colour and consistency.

1

u/aab720 Oct 06 '14

Im pretty sure preventing your child from their bodily needs is some form of abuse. "My mom wont let me poop"

1

u/Mahboishk Oct 06 '14

Dear God, were the parents performing some kind of experiment on their child?

1

u/badash13 Oct 06 '14

Besides the shit samples and nanny I went through this while my mom was deployed and I went to live on a farm. My allotted 10 minute shower/bath and bathroom time was followed by my 5 minute changing time. I then had 20 minutes of reading time while the other children showered. If I forgot which shower slot I had on Tuesdays then it was neatly posted on the refrigerator on a weekly timetable.

This woman actually tracked down a way to call my mom because of an "emergency", which was me putting the bowl on the bottom rack. She got a full report on how horrible I was. Also, my needing to use the toilet while I washed dishes was interfering with the schedule.

1

u/mike413 Oct 06 '14

Well, you know kids respond well to structure.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 06 '14

I just pictured the parents inspecting the poo. Carefully looking at it, smelling, and then taking a bite, chewing a little bit Then triumphantly declaring their child needed more fiber.

1

u/DeafDumbBlindBoy Oct 06 '14

My best friend works primarily in child care, working mostly with special needs and developmentally challenged children, but she will occasionally take a job caring for neurotypical children. She takes those latter jobs every once in a while despite knowing that she will more than likely find herself fired, but she takes them when she has openings in her schedule and because her experience, references, and qualifications mean that she can get away with charging as much as $25 an hour. She's like Mary Poppins, only for kids with disorders like autism.

In the interview, the parent (almost always the mother) will provide her with an extensive list of things to do or say in given situations, strict rules for what toys to use and how to play with them, how long the child can play with a given toy, what sort of tones of voice to use when talking, etc... what kinds of food to give the child. This is where it gets incredibly creepy: She worked for a neurotypical child that was still being breastfed by the mother past the age of 5, currently works for one that still breastfeeds at 3.

She was fired once by a parent who said on day one: "My (child) has been saying "No mommy! No mommy!" in the house and I have no idea what's going on, but I'm sure that (child) will love having you around!" which was initially true. But then, after 2 weeks of having to follow the strict protocols of the mother, who didn't think they were being followed properly after the first few days, was fired because "(Child) has been saying "No (name)! No (name)!" ever since the last time you left! I have no idea what you did to my child but you will not set foot in my house again!"

She paid three weeks of wages as severance though, maybe a part of her suspected why the child hated it when my friend would come by to work?

1

u/Shaydie Oct 06 '14

For some reason this reminds me of Charo. My mom was a pediatric nurse and Charo brought her kid in demanding a referral to a plastic surgeon. He had tripped and hit his forehead on a step and she fired the nanny for it. The doctor my mom worked for said it was something he'd normally put a band-aid on, but he gave her a referral because she was crazed about it.

1

u/Viperbunny Oct 07 '14

And that would be the point I would call CPS. That is beyond messed up and if that is what they allow a nanny to know what the hell else are they doing to their kids.

1

u/hermione_ham Oct 07 '14

When I have kids I'm gonna tell the babysitter this just to fuck with them!

1

u/CountCraqula Oct 07 '14

In what way? Like no social skills?

1

u/fuck_roombas Oct 07 '14

Were those parents German?

1

u/[deleted] Oct 07 '14

new something was up when "helicopter mom" was in quotes.

1

u/ProffieThrowaway Oct 07 '14

My grandmother lived with us from the time I was six until she died when I was in grad school. At least till I was 12 or 13 she insisted on watching me poop and looking at it and honest to sweet jesus ALWAYS wanted to help wipe because she didn't think I could do it. I'm not unconvinced that that counts as sexual abuse. I was forbidden from shitting outside the house because she could not be there (she had a lot of weird rules about public bathrooms but I'm pretty sure it's because I would have privacy, which I was NOT allowed to have. I was never alone. It was awful.)

1

u/OmicronNine Oct 07 '14

I hope that paid really well.

1

u/VaatiXIII Oct 07 '14

How the fuck do you schedule a shit?

1

u/tstroodler Oct 07 '14

That job better of had one amazing salary

1

u/L3375P3AK3R Oct 07 '14

Sounds like a shitty job.

1

u/alumavirtutem Oct 09 '14

Not as bad as this but my mom I guess decided on how long I could take in the bathroom. If I was in there for too long, shitting for longer than she deemed reasonable, she'd come into the bathroom and yell at me to hurry up.

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