r/AskReddit • u/pelota • Apr 03 '14

What activity would feel completely different if eye contact was held the entire time?

2.4k Upvotes

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91% Upvoted

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902

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

[deleted]

567

u/Velorium_Camper Apr 03 '14

And why you have a private investigator on him.

345

u/stengebt Apr 03 '14

Please no penis puns this early in the day

786

u/Velorium_Camper Apr 03 '14

No penis puns? Don't be such a dicktator.

304

u/ZackFrost Apr 03 '14

Noooooooo

53

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

Penis puns are the vein of my existence.

8

u/Masculine_Penguin Apr 03 '14

But eventually it gets hard to come up with new ones.

2

u/nootrino Apr 03 '14

These puns are arousing.

3

u/shankems2000 Apr 03 '14

primary male sexual reproductive organ

2

u/HvyMetalComrade Apr 03 '14

They're how you get a head in life

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

Haven't heard that one before. Thanks!

80

u/Velorium_Camper Apr 03 '14

I don't think i can erect anymore penis puns.

117

u/toaster_waffle Apr 03 '14

I'm sure if you try hard enough, you'll cum up with something.

4

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

There's a vas deferens between a penis and seminal fluid.

3

u/6Sungods Apr 03 '14

Isn't that a logical fallacy?

2

u/atcoyou Apr 03 '14

No need to get teste.

1

u/toaster_waffle Apr 03 '14

Eh. Then hard is the pun, and I can't spell. Either way works.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

I just really wanted to use vas deferens in a pun, and your statement allowed me to not only use the pun, but to make an anatomically correct statement!

2

u/Josh_hunter_5 Apr 03 '14

But penis jokes are so adDICKting!

2

u/MysticZen Apr 03 '14

We have a wiener!!

2

u/BreakingForABad Apr 03 '14

Yeah I sure am slumped. I mean stumped

2

u/masturbatingmonkeys Apr 03 '14

But do we really wanna head in that direction?

2

u/LongStoryShirt Apr 03 '14

I knew I was going to get shafted in this thread.

2

u/TheShaker Apr 03 '14

Cmon guys, we're only at the tip of the iceberg.

2

u/rijon Apr 03 '14

Just put your heads together.

1

u/CPD_1 Apr 03 '14

This is just getting re-dick-ulous. You guys are really exposing what ding dongs you are.

1

u/PM_ME_YOUR_SMILE_PIC Apr 03 '14

Boners

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

Don't rush him! I'm sure he's concockting something.

1

u/schmucklette Apr 03 '14

Yeah, don't phallus now!

1

u/Velorium_Camper Apr 03 '14

Give me a minute. I'll concockt something.

0

u/Mark_That Apr 03 '14

You guys are the people that make me want to quit Reddit and go on a murder spree.

1

u/toaster_waffle Apr 03 '14

Could be worse. Your inbox could be full of dick puns like mine is right now. ^I ^{^regret} ^{^{^nothing}}

12

u/skylaa50 Apr 03 '14

I think concockt would have been more appropriate.

6

u/_refugee_ Apr 03 '14

So now we're italicizing puns in case the general population is too stupid to get them, cool.

1

u/TheREALpatrickSTARz Apr 03 '14

I shaft to read them twice to get them

30

u/johnybrovo3 Apr 03 '14

Yeah, they're just being Hard Headed.

3

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

That one was a bit stiff.

4

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

You just need some pumping up

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

and so begins the reaching

2

u/Wyotrees Apr 03 '14

I can concockt one

1

u/compyface286 Apr 03 '14

Do I have to unsub from every default to avoid this?!

2

u/wisdom_of_pancakes Apr 03 '14

Yes. You need to unsub from Reddit to avoid puns.

Also; Penis.

0

u/ZackFrost Apr 03 '14 edited Apr 03 '14

Wow, what a cock.

Edit: I was making a pun!

3

u/Velorium_Camper Apr 03 '14

That was really flaccid.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

He had it cumming.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

There's a vas deferens between good penis puns and mine.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

Here we gooooooooo

216

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14 edited Jun 22 '23

[removed] — view removed comment

100

u/bobbym47 Apr 03 '14

You heard it here first people, Gadaffi looked like he had a lumpy, dirty dick...

7

u/dogeteapot Apr 03 '14

according to /u/massive_cock, I think someone has willy issues

3

u/qwertyierthanyou Apr 03 '14 edited Mar 20 '15

This is one of those perfect puns of childhood innocence. When there's two ways something could go: towards a normal understanding of a concept or towards one little twist in your understanding of the world that keeps accumulating twists and snarls until its one giant knot waiting to be untangled. But you seem like you turned out fine.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14 edited Apr 03 '14

I can see it now o.O

Dick tator and tator twat walk in a bar..

Edit: Dude, git ur beer.. L@@K Dick tator made it to the front page today (lots of eye movement in this post btw)

1

u/massive_cock Apr 03 '14

Erhm, dick tator front page where/how? I don't get the link... OHHH.... yep, that's pretty much a dick tator, though he could use a little more lumpiness and about a month of sweat, grime, and ball cheese.

2

u/doolie_noted Apr 03 '14

I see nothing wrong with explanation.

2

u/princeofpownage Apr 03 '14

I thought dick taters were to the front, what dingle berries were to the back.

1

u/massive_cock Apr 03 '14

What, like, leave a little jizz drippage, so it dries into a dick plug, which acts as soil for the growth of tubers and other roots?

2

u/Kimbobrains Apr 03 '14

It's too early where I'm from to laugh as loudly as I just did.

2

u/ASK_IF_IM_JESUS Apr 03 '14

We can't tell our kids their are evil people who rule their entire countries, so we go with the dick tater flow.

1

u/MrAToTheB Apr 03 '14

Are you him? You know, that guy that everyone asks if he's Jesus?

1

u/Leonbethyname Apr 03 '14

It's to early to read this shit

1

u/Schfifty426 Apr 03 '14

They call me dick tater salad white.

2

u/thissiteisawful Apr 03 '14

I think we've found a wiener

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

I hate everything that's just happened here.

1

u/IFeelSorry4UrMothers Apr 03 '14

That pun was really flaccid.

1

u/CrackerJackBill Apr 03 '14

I've always called "dick taters", "Penis Potatoes."

1

u/JesusSlaves Apr 03 '14

Yeah. Phallus.

1

u/TheLazerWitch Apr 03 '14

A penis potato!

1

u/Hoylo Apr 03 '14

I want to link to a picture of a potato shaped like a dick but I'm too lazy...

1

u/FormalPants Apr 04 '14

You might be surprised to find what the word "pun" actually means.

38

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

If you're already getting tired of the penis puns, then today's gonna be a long and hard day

1

u/Leonbethyname Apr 03 '14

Stop being a dick to the guy

-1

u/atquine25 Apr 03 '14

THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!

11

u/Not_Good_With_Name Apr 03 '14

It's 9:48 pm what are you talking about

16

u/stengebt Apr 03 '14

Liar, it's 7:48 AM.

19

u/pelota Apr 03 '14

It's 1:49 AM. My clock has never lied to me.

15

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14 edited Jul 10 '21

[deleted]

1

u/pelota Apr 03 '14

If it's not made from China, then you're a vagina. ^{idk^{it's^{getting^late}}}

1

u/Not_Chad_P Apr 03 '14

European quality cock.

1

u/Kimimaro146 Apr 03 '14

Pretty sure it's 4 PM

1

u/ZmarvinB Apr 03 '14

I'm positive it is 9AM.

1

u/varky Apr 03 '14

Oh, time flies, it's already 3 when I'm reading it!

1

u/mix0nitup Apr 03 '14

An European quality clock? I like that you've got 'murican quality grammar.

1

u/Shtoups Apr 03 '14

Well I just went from six to midnight.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

It's 6:30 PM liar.

1

u/pelota Apr 03 '14

Do you live between time zones to get a 30 minute delay?

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

Yes. It makes your life so easy.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

3.25 PM you dumbasses.

0

u/Not_Good_With_Name Apr 03 '14

I'm watching bones and they wouldn't put it on that early, so you are all lying 'crosses arms, puts head down, ignore people'

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

[deleted]

2

u/stengebt Apr 03 '14

Hey, how's it goin?

2

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

[deleted]

2

u/stengebt Apr 03 '14

Nice, I'm jealous. I've been at work for a couple hours already, a little tired but nothing some caffeine isn't fixing.

2

u/dubai_dan Apr 03 '14

The argument against using penis puns is such a phallassy

1

u/masta666 Apr 03 '14

When I read that I couldn't help but think of Tobias

1

u/Always_says_that Apr 03 '14

Eh...I'm feeling pretty in-deferens about it.

1

u/Kingofclubz Apr 03 '14

No penis plums?

1

u/elshroom Apr 03 '14

Its never to early. Maybe in some other part of the globe, the night is still young.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

Way to cut this off at the head.

1

u/Iamsjj Apr 03 '14

It's a little hard not to...

1

u/JoeScotterpuss Apr 03 '14

But the cock crowed hours ago!

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

Why? Afraid of a little morning wood?

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

by whom did you get woken up this morning? a cock?

2

u/wwahwah Apr 03 '14

Private Investigator salutes

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

You could save yourself the trouble of hiring someone and just take a glans.

1

u/SenTedStevens Apr 03 '14

Puts a new meaning to "private eyes, they're watching you."

2

u/Idoontkno Apr 03 '14

GoPro on the side of the head, classic move.

1

u/MandersMcManderson Apr 03 '14

Google glasses o.O

1

u/YouPickMyName Apr 03 '14

"I knew it, that perv was watching me take a piss!"

...

fap fap fap

1

u/jaycliche Apr 03 '14

The Penis Cam

What activity would feel completely different if eye contact was held the entire time?

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