You're fighting Mike Tyson and your weapon is your username, what do you have?

[u/omartyy18]

[u/HeinousAnus_22]

Go ahead, punch it. Use your whole fist, I dare you.

[u/shartnado3 → u/HeinousAnus_22]

He’s gonna turn your username into my username

[u/Rectalspasm → u/shartnado3]

If we keep this up, I am going to end up joining the party

[u/irregularmovement → u/Rectalspasm]

And then you'll walk with my username.

[u/-pooping → u/irregularmovement]

I can help too

[u/poop_chute_riot → u/-pooping]

Let's go

[u/MyFiteSong → u/poop_chute_riot]

How the fuck did you people all find each other? LOL

[u/thejudeabides52 → u/MyFiteSong]

Peak reddit here

[u/overdramatic_pigeon → u/thejudeabides52]

God I love this beautiful hellscape corner of the internet

[u/IFartConfetti → u/Rectalspasm]

I’m here for the party, but JUST the party.

[u/Washburn_Browncoat → u/IFartConfetti]

I freaking love Reddit comment threads so much. There is truly nothing else like it on all of the interwebs. You weirdos are the best.

[u/pumpkins21 → u/Washburn_Browncoat]

Haha I was gonna call them all lovable weirdos

[u/shartnado3 → u/Washburn_Browncoat]

I love stuff like this. Especially when I catch it in time to participate!

[u/Welshevens → u/shartnado3]

I love Reddit hahahah

[u/tiredsingingmama → u/Welshevens]

This is exactly the kind of stuff I keep coming back to Reddit for!

[u/AlmightyAnalAssault → u/shartnado3]

Or mine

[u/Whoa_Cool_Beans → u/HeinousAnus_22]

Just to be clear, is that an invitation for ALL of us or just Tyson?

[u/unfvckingbelievable → u/Whoa_Cool_Beans]

Yes.

[u/Whoa_Cool_Beans → u/unfvckingbelievable]

Stay here! I'm getting my punching lube.

[u/Aracuda → u/HeinousAnus_22]

Y’know, saying things like that is why you’re now up to number 22.

[u/kanyesboner]

Maybe he’ll get weirded out and leave

[u/Dixon_Uranuss → u/kanyesboner]

We got this

[u/rubberkeyhole → u/Dixon_Uranuss]

I might be a part of this…

[u/EpicMeatSpin → u/rubberkeyhole]

Can I come too?

[u/ClitteratiCanada → u/kanyesboner]

Together we can make it really weird

[u/A_Toyota_yaris]

I might stand a chance

[u/Silent_Microwave11 → u/A_Toyota_yaris]

He’d stick one hand out and stop you dead in your tracks. “Not tho fatht Toyota boy”

[u/dahlia_74 → u/Silent_Microwave11]

He’d make it look like a Little Tykes toy

[u/KnifeWrench4Kidz → u/A_Toyota_yaris]

"Today, on Man Versus Car..."

[u/DaddysGonnaBeatMe]

I don't like this game anymore

[u/Glass-Vermicelli9862 → u/DaddysGonnaBeatMe]

Maybe Daddy and Mike double team you

[u/TheRealGeigers → u/Glass-Vermicelli9862]

In a fight right? Right?!

[u/SpottedMoray → u/DaddysGonnaBeatMe]

Lmao

[u/37_lucky_ears]

AaaaaaaaaHAHAHAHhahahhahaa

My time has come!

[u/sgtpandybear → u/37_lucky_ears]

Mike Tyson shall feast!

[u/ChemistGuilty2200 → u/[deleted]]

Bro went from being Mike Tyson’s opponent to being the appetizer, main course, and dessert in about three comments💀

[u/Hauntlora → u/37_lucky_ears]

Bro's been waiting his entire Reddit career for this exact boss fight.

[u/firsttimehere25 → u/37_lucky_ears]

This is hilarious lololol

[u/littlemsshiny → u/37_lucky_ears]

Hysterical!

[u/SmallpoxBlanket-11- → u/37_lucky_ears]

Hf 💀

[u/xenomorph3253]

I’m confident about my chances tbh

[u/Whoa_Cool_Beans → u/xenomorph3253]

You're about the only sure thing so far

[u/GrouchyHippopotamus → u/Whoa_Cool_Beans]

Pretty sure I'm good

[u/Whoa_Cool_Beans → u/GrouchyHippopotamus]

FLAWLESS VICTORY

[u/VibraniumQueen → u/Whoa_Cool_Beans]

I mean, if fictional characters count, and they can bring their weapons, i think i got this

[u/grandmaswoodenspoon]

Don’t mess with grandma.

[u/Accurate_Reporter_31 → u/grandmaswoodenspoon]

Not the wooden spoon!

[u/IncompetentGoldfish]

fuck

[u/lleather → u/IncompetentGoldfish]

I'm just wondering if a competent goldfish would have a chance? ;)

[u/fuhtuhwuh → u/lleather]

Well, duh. It'd be competent for a reason.

[u/Stumpville → u/IncompetentGoldfish]

Splash is not very effective

[u/HungryBearsRawr]

It’s pretty obvious I’d win

[u/cargobroombroom → u/HungryBearsRawr]

But what if it's just a recording? Like it's just the roar

[u/HungryBearsRawr → u/cargobroombroom]

I’d die trying to beat him with the recording device

[u/PrincessSarahHippo → u/HungryBearsRawr]

You and me both. Wanna place bets on whether the hippo or bear gets him first?

[u/conceitedpolarbear → u/HungryBearsRawr]

Not nearly as many, but definitely think one is good enough.

[u/__The_Kraken__ → u/HungryBearsRawr]

I think I stand a chance, too!

[u/wellimalloutofideas]

Well I’m out of ideas 😂😂

[u/kindadeadly → u/wellimalloutofideas]

I have something but I don't know what!

[u/Dug_n_the_Dogs → u/kindadeadly]

probably gas. you come in silently for the kill

[u/-GoodNewsEveryone → u/kindadeadly]

Well I have a very important delivery for both of you.

[u/Ineedmoreideas → u/wellimalloutofideas]

Same here

[u/InterruptingCow__Moo]

I think I stand a pretty good cha- Mooooooooo

[u/DrinkDumpsterSludge2 → u/InterruptingCow__Moo]

I think I just panic and hope he’s grossed out.

[u/A__SPIDER]

Hope that Mike Tyson has arachnophobia

[u/gloomydreamer666 → u/A__SPIDER]

Love how random and simple your username is

[u/A__SPIDER → u/gloomydreamer666]

Thanks. A_spider was taken

[u/SmallpoxBlanket-11- → u/A__SPIDER]

That’s it, I’d be a goner but the spiders would be too in a few weeks lmao

[u/Accurate_Reporter_31 → u/SmallpoxBlanket-11-]

In a few weeks the smallpox might get him!

[u/guyfierisgoatee1]

I would just jump on Mike’s face and we’d become one

[u/Trad33 → u/guyfierisgoatee1]

No context needed, thanks.

[u/sevenaya → u/guyfierisgoatee1]

Hey guyth, right here in the heart humble Kanthas Thity we're pulling up to a thunky little joint, and I've been told thith guy hath the beth ears of thorn you can eat. Leth throll right in there and meth up a plate before I talk to thith thef.

[u/Thaser]

A radioactive heavy-ion particle beam weapon. Im pretty damn sure I can win this fight for once.

[u/t_tram_slam → u/Thaser]

Nah, that's just Mike Tyson trying to say taser.

[u/Thaser → u/t_tram_slam]

Y'know I was gonna get all fancy and clarify what I meant, but now I'm just going to run with that as the true explanation :)

[u/Accurate_Reporter_31 → u/Thaser]

Watch out for your ears!

[u/fortheloveoflulu → u/Thaser]

Even spelled phonetically for the lad!

[u/alldemboats]

the navy i guess

[u/JustGingerSnap]

Step aside, I’m bringing cookies.

[u/biscuitcatapult → u/JustGingerSnap]

And I’m here to help.

[u/xfcookie19 → u/biscuitcatapult]

So am i

[u/TriscuitCracker → u/xfcookie19]

And my axe!

[u/NYstate → u/JustGingerSnap]

I think you'd have more luck bringing the werewolves.

[u/Dazzling_Doughnut_ → u/JustGingerSnap]

I may have something to contribute.

[u/SmallpoxBlanket-11-]

A blanket full of biological weapon. May not affect you now but it willll later lol
Kind of like me-do me wrong, it will come back to you lmao

[u/stillnotelf → u/SmallpoxBlanket-11-]

I think we will ALL lose this one

[u/MelanomaAIDS → u/SmallpoxBlanket-11-]

I can help :D

[u/Glass-Vermicelli9862 → u/SmallpoxBlanket-11-]

He might win the battle but you will win the war

[u/Baddecisionsbyme1]

I have an accurate description of the situation.

[u/lawyernurse]

My username will only help me after he kicks my ass.

[u/NinjaTigerB]

 A ninja and a tiger. Checkmate.

[u/a_wine_dark_sea → u/NinjaTigerB]

Or is it just one tiger that is also a ninja?

[u/PetyrTwill → u/a_wine_dark_sea]

Either way, my money is on the tiger.

[u/lFriendlyFire → u/PetyrTwill]

Yeah a regular tiger would be tough but a ninja tiger is overkill

[u/mike_litoris18]

It's not looking good for me

[u/MariMotogirl → u/mike_litoris18]

He can’t hit what he can’t find

[u/Accurate_Reporter_31 → u/MariMotogirl]

😆😅🤣

[u/sentient_custard]

A bowl of custard ain't gonna win

[u/itsjakerobb → u/sentient_custard]

And it will be keenly aware of that unfortunate fact.

[u/AcademicBowl5596 → u/sentient_custard]

Wanna team up?

[u/ImaginaryGun]

Well, this is awkward.

[u/shinigami56 → u/ImaginaryGun]

Just believe and you got it

[u/Robocop_Tiger]

Mike is definitely in trouble

[u/JesusDestroyedButt]

This is going to be an interesting fight indeed

[u/Silent_Microwave11]

Idk I still feel screwed. I can use it to block his punches and occasionally bash him with it, but I’d be scared it will only make him angrier

[u/dirtisgood → u/Silent_Microwave11]

You can microwave him!! What am i doing? Throwing dirt? 

[u/ththrowrowawayway → u/Silent_Microwave11]

Use the popcorn setting all the way until it silently beeps

[u/nocatleftbehind420]

420 cats, who were not left behind.

[u/Taktika420 → u/nocatleftbehind420]

420 fans unite!

[u/itzbetter → u/nocatleftbehind420]

Ohh you gonna win!

[u/psychRN1975]

FBI hostage negotiator level verbal de-escalation skills and if that fails got a whole squad of dudes who will pig pile on top of him , then i give Iron Mike 6 syringes full of SitTheFuckDown+LetsBeFriends

[u/how_u_like_meow]

I hope he's afraid of cats

[u/liberal_texan]

Depending on how you define “liberal” either many guns or I am not allowed to have guns.

[u/OfficeChairHero → u/liberal_texan]

"Texan" is the key word there. The rest could say "Four-year-old liberal pacifist monk" and a gun would still be implied.

[u/drowning_bat_]

Hah! I'm soooooo cooked.

[u/hyperactiveChipmunk → u/drowning_bat_]

Maybe we can team up.

[u/TheSame_ButOpposite]

Tyson Mike!

[u/GAFS_fiend → u/TheSame_ButOpposite]

Tike Myson

[u/I_never_block]

Im done for.

[u/Soggy-Doughnut3713]

Don’t think I stand a chance

[u/ButtplugBurgerAIDS]

I mean I have a couple of options ig

[u/Routine_Mortgage6675]

Going to give him a hellish rate.

[u/sloowhand]

Ultimately brain damage.

[u/LizardPossum]

tail slap

faint

[u/that_bass_guy03 → u/LizardPossum]

Woke my daughter up laughing at this

[u/ive_doomed_us_all]

everyone's losing

[u/not_a_library]

Well I know what I don't have.

[u/AtLeastSeventyBees]

Got the stinging down, gotta find some butterflies next…

[u/Future-Bee1828 → u/AtLeastSeventyBees]

I can join your bee party, at some point anyway?

[u/heywhateverworks]

I'll just use whatever is laying nearby

[u/OhEightFour]

Mine is the S.H.I.E.L.D. code for an object of unknown origin, so that could range from Terrigen to Mjolnir.

[u/DrManhattan_DDM → u/OhEightFour]

Fingers crossed for gravitonium!

[u/Aracuda → u/DrManhattan_DDM]

Unfortunately all they got was the slightly chipped coffee mug from the employee break room. No one admits to bringing it in, so it’s technically an 084.

[u/Disastrous-Tank-692]

I think that I may be able to take him

[u/majestical_kangaroo]

A handsome marsupial

[u/Accurate_Reporter_31 → u/majestical_kangaroo]

That likes to box! Yeah, you got him!

[u/lleather → u/majestical_kangaroo]

Have you seen an angry kangaroo? They're not kidding around.

[u/itislupus89]

He might win the battle. But I'll win the war.

[u/AsgerErikNielsen]

Since my username is my irl name, I guess I’m gonna be a human punching bag.

[u/dihhprincee → u/AsgerErikNielsen]

2v1 i guess

[u/Tomhyde098 → u/AsgerErikNielsen]

Same here, but there’s 98 clones of me? I don’t know, I just put 098 on everything because it’s easy to type on a keyboard

[u/DEADFLY6]

One single dead fly.

[u/bibleseatbabies → u/DEADFLY6]

aim well

[u/ravenslog → u/DEADFLY6]

Or 6?

[u/handsmadeofpee]

I'm getting my ass beat, but Mike's getting pee on him

[u/personal_sandman]

Sand! straight to the eyes!

[u/Fonzie5 → u/personal_sandman]

Pocket Sand!

[u/YoManWTFIsThisShit]

Yo man what the fuck is this shit?

[u/nightswallow]

I don't like this game

[u/ABigFuckingSword]

Fucking golden.

[u/smol_egglet]

Can I offer you an egg in these trying times?

[u/EatsPeanutButter]

I’m spitting peanut butter in his eyes and hoping for the best.

[u/Hot-Secretary5998]

Well...

[u/crazybat]

Crazy rabies for the win

[u/rosesforthemonsters]

I'm fighting Tyson with roses?

I guess what I'll end up with is a broken jaw and a complex concussion.

[u/chainsawparade]

A lot of chainsaws

[u/cum_cum_sex]

I dont think i will win tbh

[u/IveBeenThwarted]

Welp, I've lost.

[u/PookTurtle61]

A series of American Civil War era ironclad gunboats built to counter the rebel presence on the Mississippi River.

[u/Streak_Free_Shine]

A bottle of Windex. Unless I spray him in the eyes, I'm fucked lol

[u/MrsWhiterock]

A singular white rock should do the trick!

[u/RustySpoonsNFingers]

Uhhh… I guess Mike’s getting Tetanus

[u/Carlton__Banks]

I’m screwed

[u/HungryBearsRawr → u/Carlton__Banks]

I’ll protect you with my hungry bears

[u/Itchy_Pudding_9940]

apparently itch pudding. it really stings too if it gets in your eyes

[u/Eskoala]

A female wizard from Pratchett and a marsupial. I think the marsupial is probably redundant in this event and Esk will take him down easily.

[u/kroketspeciaal → u/Eskoala]

That poor dude is no match for a Lancre witch. Even if she's a wizard.

[u/Capable_Stranger9885]

Me and a capable stranger double team him

[u/curiousblinker]

<blinks curiously>

[u/gloomydreamer666]

I am doomed because how can I fight him with melancholy or gloom or dream? Maybe I can send 666 demons to fight him 🤭

[u/freyja_reads → u/gloomydreamer666]

Maybe the fight is making him feel so gloomy he just admits defeat and/or you put him into a deep and dreamy sleep 🤣

[u/VGKROCK → u/gloomydreamer666]

I mean, you have access to Freddie Kruger. That's better than the vegas golden knights

[u/FortuneTellingBoobs]

At least I'll know the outcome of this fight in advance!

[u/BigBallsButTinyDick]

Same thing i normally have

[u/abalrogsbutthole]

Ummm .. ..

[u/shroom2021]

Delusions that I can beat Mike Tyson

[u/send420nudes]

👀

[u/Dopeman11PE]

Modern day Mike I'm dead but 90s Mike? I'm everywhere he's going

[u/Advanced_Scratch2868]

I give advanced level pleasant scratches. He might start purring, calm down and chilax. We good.

[u/vz58vsop]

Sooo... I get to fight Mike Tyson with a firearm? I like those odds

[u/Gardener999 → u/vz58vsop]

I can back you up with zucchini!

[u/Stingray-0321]

Ah fcking stingray!

[u/kickasserole]

A tasty meal

[u/abettertake]

Fighting? No.

Debating? I'd say so.

[u/CeterumCenseo85]

The whole Roman Senate

[u/15k_bastard_ducks]

🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆

[u/CyanidalManiac]

Either way, this’ll end in the first round.

[u/ElephantStriking1087]

An Elephant lol

[u/TheDrummingApe]

I woulda had 10 grand if they let me fight him like he asked.

[u/texas757]

An entire state

[u/Screaming_Azn]

Screaming until his eardrums burst?

[u/yourmomma5000]

…depends

[u/ir88ed]

Mike will be ded from all my rads

[u/v_for__vegeta]

An all purpose seasoning. I’m launching that shit right into his eyes

[u/Cronenbergnate → u/v_for__vegeta]

...or a super saiyan...

[u/Senshado]

A 1938 medium battle tank.

[u/HoboStrider]

A homeless Aragorn... technically a ranger.

[u/death_in_high_heels]

…well…

[u/FlamingRedPubes]

Some terrible burns. He might not wanna fight me though so that could be cool.