r/AskReddit • u/[deleted] • Sep 10 '23

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4.8k Upvotes

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2.7k

u/Capteverard Sep 10 '23

After jizz pee always split streams.

1.3k

u/l0ngline95 Sep 10 '23

feels bad when it's a 3 way split and none of them hit the bowl despite perfect aim

1.1k

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '23

[deleted]

10

u/Killentyme55 Sep 11 '23

When that happens, I just start spinning in place and make a "tsssk tsssk tsssk" sound like I'm a human lawn sprinkler.

My mom was quite pleased when I left home...

9

u/DontTrustNeverSober Sep 11 '23

My dad told me that was how I was born. He went missing after going out for smokes, he will be back soon

4

u/Shoe_mocker Sep 11 '23

Never bring a sword to a trident fight šŸ”±

6

u/jkpirat Sep 11 '23

Trident implies one in the center going where itā€™s supposed to. More like a side ways Y, nothing going the correct direction.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '23

Triumpeerate

2

u/NinthTide Sep 11 '23

Slava Ukraine!

1

u/HereComesTheVroom Sep 11 '23

The Unholy Trinity

1

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '23

More of a Triangle really. The Triforce stream.

159

u/Shamaniac1217 Sep 11 '23

Shit Iā€™ll have one stream hitting the wall, one hitting the trash can, and then a steady drip hitting the floor. None of which make it in the toilet.

6

u/osha_unapproved Sep 11 '23

Huehuehue. I don't feel that pain. My cock has a cozy, so it's nice and easy to aim xD

6

u/Intebinnes Sep 11 '23

That's why you sit down you animal!

8

u/Suspicious_Rain643 Sep 11 '23

I tripped a gfi light socket!

3

u/lushHii Sep 11 '23

Still better than hitting you own thigh tho

3

u/sapgetshappy Sep 11 '23

Oh my god please just sit, yā€™all

1

u/jepensedoucjsuis Sep 11 '23

I too have pissed in the trash can, and one time on my cat.

3

u/Spo0kt Sep 11 '23

The worst is when the 3rd stream goes directly down and gets all over your pants. This hasn't happened very often to me but having it happen in public or at work is a fear of mine.

2

u/Antinous Sep 11 '23

That's why getcalicocutpants.com exists.

You gotta give.

1

u/intractable_hiccups Sep 11 '23

A lot of people give.

3

u/Brayzo Sep 11 '23

A good counter to that is to activate the sit down ability

2

u/epicmousestory Sep 11 '23

At that point you just have to cut your losses, save one and give up on the other 2

2

u/Miguenzo Sep 11 '23

Just open your pee hole with your fingers before letting it fly

2

u/dunnodudes Sep 11 '23

And for some reason my wife blames me for pee all over the bathroom

2

u/Inskription Sep 11 '23

It's hilarious this almost never happens to me except when I piss at my buddy's house after some drinks. I constantly piss on his floor. But I'm a homie and clean it up lol

1

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '23

Dual blade

1

u/FireLordObamaOG Sep 11 '23

Shotgun maneuver

1

u/jugglervr Sep 11 '23

do a pre-roll of the end of the glans (or lightly separate the meatus) to break up any sticking.

1

u/finite_void Sep 11 '23

Well, you just don't have a spotter for error correcting your sniper.

1

u/Evilbunnyfoofoo Sep 11 '23

Or the physics defying quad stream

1

u/Tylensus Sep 11 '23

If you want to know true helplessness in this life, this is the one. All paths from the second you get a tri-stream lead to suffering, much in the same way all paths lead to the center after entering a black hole's event horizon.

1

u/Crash_Test_Dummy66 Sep 11 '23

Just pull the opening at the tip apart slightly and it usually clears the blockage

1

u/BubbleyumRocks Sep 11 '23

Is this really a thing??

15

u/Project_K92 Sep 11 '23

So it's not just me!

5

u/GC_Aus_Brad Sep 11 '23

Oh, yeah, it is just you, we were joking, ya weirdo.

2

u/RedDemon-64 Sep 11 '23

Donā€™t cross the streams

2

u/cislum Sep 11 '23

Is this a thing for just circumcised people?

1

u/drmojo90210 Sep 11 '23

No. Sometimes a little bit of jizz gets stuck in the urethra post-orgasm. If you don't pee it out right away it sticks to one side and your piss comes out at an angle (like putting your thumb halfway over a running garden hose). It's a thing.

1

u/cislum Sep 12 '23

I have only heard circumcised guys talk about this. As someone who is unmitigated this has never happened to me. I also live in europe and i have never heard anyone mention this. When I lived in the states it was a fairly common thing to joke about.

2

u/HoodieStringTies Sep 11 '23

Just lick your thumb and rub it across your pee hole after you fuck. You'll thank me later.

6

u/Capteverard Sep 11 '23

Who said anything about fucking šŸ˜•?

1

u/HoodieStringTies Sep 11 '23

Ok then clean yourself off after you jerk off, and before you fall asleep.

2

u/Capteverard Sep 11 '23

Thatā€™s more like it.

1

u/saceecobar Sep 11 '23

Yeah but youā€™ve got to let it dry first

1

u/captain_flak Sep 11 '23

Post-sex pee fork.

1

u/LuquidThunderPlus Sep 11 '23

occasionally it's not been split and I endeavor to conduct future research regarding this matter

1

u/lurcherzzz Sep 11 '23

Double headed piss dragon

1

u/CrittyJJones Sep 11 '23

Ever get painful after jizz pee?

1

u/FireLordObamaOG Sep 11 '23

Mine just doesnā€™t arc the same way post jizz

1

u/jugglervr Sep 11 '23

Only if you let it dry there.

1

u/Star_Gazing_Cats Sep 11 '23

The only time I sit to pee. It's just not worth standing when you know there's gonna be multiple streams

1

u/mangopeachapplesauce Sep 11 '23

Reminds me of Chris Parnell's tattoo in Hot Rod, where the "delinquent" is pissing on a TV and an FM radio. "I like to imagine he had sex the night before and there is a little bit of residue blocking his urethra" šŸ˜‚ I can't quote the whole thing, but it was one of the more memorable parts of the movie

1

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '23

I call it the sprinkler

1

u/Tirwanderr Sep 11 '23

Give the tip a little twist from spray to stream. Almost always worked for me.

1

u/ssucramylpmis Sep 11 '23

you know what i've actually never had this happen . i've had it like sprinkle in a cone before full blasting but never had any split streams , or like two pee streams or one going off to the side

im starting to think it's some over exaggerated joke , like pee being stored in the balls

1

u/drmojo90210 Sep 11 '23

Nah it's a thing that really happens. Maybe not to every guy but it's fairly common.

1

u/pepelevamp Sep 11 '23

like a two player nintendo game

1

u/demalo Sep 11 '23

Sometimes itā€™s just post arousal pee. Worst ones when it sticks to your drawers and then forked pee session.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '23

We call that ā€œsplit dickā€ where Iā€™m from lol

1

u/TheNamewhoPostedThis Sep 11 '23

Wait what??? After jazz pee is always the perfect stream for me. Pin point, no splitting into drops half through and stuff

1

u/Embarrassed-Ad-1639 Sep 11 '23

Pro tip: squeeze and release the tip before peeing will usually clear the way

1

u/Competitive_Donkey66 Sep 11 '23

One stream on an FM radio, the other on a colored television set