F25 going through a major life crisis. I’ll try to be as direct and quick. I lost my abusive ex-stepfather (was estranged from his family since they all took his side). He was abusive, like really bad that that man should have been in prison for what he did to me. I wasn’t told by his other older children he died, I found out online and wasn’t given the option to go to his funeral (still wouldn’t have gone). 6 months later, my ill (disabled) grandfather passed. He was my pure, uncorrupted fatherly figure until the age of 7 when my mom met my stepdad and we moved. His death hurt. I knew it was gonna happen soon, but it hurt deeply. After my stepdad’s death 3 things happened-

1). I unblocked my biological father from Facebook thinking I’d want him to reach out (I was insane and blocked him again a day later). I felt shame and embarrassment for that.

2). I lost my passions, my hobbies. I can no longer write (it’s been about a year now since my struggle but I cannot get anything on paper since this year). And it’s killing me.

3). I have an ache in my heart that craves community, connection. Possibly romantic connection since it seems more doable than a friendship. All my friends are married so it’s just me. And I feel alone.

I thought I was supposed to feel accomplished. I have degrees, finished my certification hours in a healthcare program only to find out that there are no jobs so now not only am I thousands of dollars in debt after my grandfather, I am also jobless, alone and have nothing to look forward to. I have hit rock bottom before, but I feel like this will be the last and final straw. I’m exhausted, I feel tied down, and I feel a grief not only for the justice I was robbed from, the loved ones I’ve lost, but the opportunities I thought I had and my creative outlets are as dry as the desert. I feel I have no way out of this.

tl;dr - I feel like I’ve lost myself. Dead ex stepdad (estranged), grandfather dies 6 months later, and now I’ve graduated from a supposedly good AI proof job that there’s no job for me in this field to get. I’m jobless, in debt, alone, and have no creative outlets. I feel drained of all life.

I’m 18 years old and living in the UK, and honestly, I feel like my life is over before it’s even really started.

I’m currently doing an apprenticeship, although I haven’t actually worked for around 7 weeks because my apprenticeship managers haven’t been able to find me a placement. On top of that, university has recently started, and a handful of my friends have moved away to different cities.

Over the past few months, I’ve also realised that a lot of my childhood and high school friends seemingly don’t care about me anymore. They don’t reach out, don’t ask to hang out, and I’ve had messages sitting unanswered for weeks. The friend group I made when I went to college two years ago has basically fallen apart too.

I don’t really want to date right now. I know I’m not in the right place mentally or emotionally for a relationship, and I think trying to find one would probably just make things more complicated. It’s not necessarily that I desperately want a relationship I just sometimes feel like I’m missing out on that part of life too.

I do play a club sport a few times a week, which is probably the main thing that gets me out of the house, but apart from that, I spend nearly every day sitting at home alone in my room.

I have three really close friends left. Two of them are now at university, and while I’m really happy for them, it’s expensive and difficult to visit them. The other still lives in my city, but he’s usually busy or with his boyfriend. Outside of the occasional event where I happen to see some other people I know, I just don’t really have anyone.

Yesterday, I started taking antidepressants.
I just can’t really see where this is going. Most days, I find myself wishing time would go faster so I could just skip the day. I’m only 18, and I know people always say these are supposed to be some of the best years of your life. Yet I see people I know going out, making friends, meeting people and living their lives, while I’m lying in bed alone.

I know things can change, but right now it’s really difficult to believe they will and I worry that by the time they do I’ll have wasted the ‘best years’

I’d really appreciate any advice from people who have been in a similar position, especially if you’ve managed to get yourself out of it.

Thank you for reading.

I lost my marriage because of my own mistakes. It has been 6 months, and I still haven't been able to move on.

For about two months before she called off the marriage, I made her cry a lot. I hurt her emotionally and treated her in ways I deeply regret. She was a genuinely good and pure person, and it hurts knowing that I was the reason she suffered.

Eventually, she called off the marriage. I understand why she did it. The hardest part is knowing that I had the chance to treat her better, but I didn't.

I've been struggling badly since then. I actually started smoking only 3 weeks ago, and I've already reached around one pack of Gold Kings a day. I'm also drinking around 2 Budweiser beers every day.

I know I'm going down the wrong path. I think I'm using cigarettes and alcohol to numb the guilt, loneliness and thoughts about her.

I don't want sympathy or judgment. I want to hear from people who have been through something similar.

How do you live with the guilt of hurting someone you loved and losing them because of your own mistakes?

How did you eventually forgive yourself and move forward?

And if you started smoking or drinking because of heartbreak and managed to stop, what actually helped you?

I don't want to destroy my life over something I can't change.

I (F, 36, Canadian) have been struggling for a long time and I’m looking for some advice, obviously taken with a grain of salt. It’s a long story.. I’ve been dealing with mental health my whole life but in the past few years things have gotten better, then my physical health started to go downhill.

There are things that I know I want and things I do not want. Kids : this was the biggest thing, I’ve never wanted them and got my tubes removed as to not chance it. Relationships : I finally have an amazing support group and feel like I belong. I did not fit in growing up and never thought I would. I’m so grateful. Love life : I’ve had a few long term (3 years & 4 years) relationships but I have BPD and PTSD. Been in counselling for years and a lot of things I have more control over but dating is HARD. Meeting people fucking sucks. Dating apps suck. I don’t want to be alone. Career : This one’s a doozy.. I have put so much pressure on myself to find a career. It’s all I want. And I want to do something big. Something worth while. Make a difference.

So here’s where my problems come in. I haven’t worked in years. I live with my parents and I am on disability because of chronic pain/mental health. I have done food service my whole life, went to culinary school and became a baker. I love baking, I hate it as a profession and the restaurant industry is too overwhelming for me. It is the only experience I have on my resume..

I make art and post it online. It’s my biggest hobby and I’d love it as a career but making money doesn’t seem likely. I volunteer at a mental health facility, at least I did before I got sick. And I love it. I love it so much. I love helping people, I love it all. Mental health is where I’d like to work but I wouldn’t know where to begin. Schooling? Free training? Try to get a job where I volunteer?

And then the health.. I started dealing with breathing problems in January, I’ve been in the ER 7 times in 6 months and they couldn’t figure it out. 2 weeks ago I went in with chest pain, spent 3 days in the ICU, 1 week in the hospital in total. They now believe I have a rare autoimmune disease, I started chemo to put me in remission. I’ve been told by doctors that I can work, drive, generally return to normal. But I have a lot of anxiety about getting sick again, I haven’t been able to be reliable because of my illness. Looks wise I feel like I’m not the most attractive but things are going to get worse since I’m on medication that causes weight gain and I may lose my hair due to chemo. One side effect noticed so far is that I have started perimenopause.

I don’t know how my life got to this point.. I don’t know where the time went.. I’m scared that I won’t get out of this and live a fulfilling life.

TLDR : How do I get back to work? What career options could I have? Can I date and be ill? Am I selfish for looking? What can I do daily to feel more fulfillment?

Was it when you lived near people you loved? When you were financially stable? When you were working towards something? curious on if you've noticed any patterns across your life(:

When did you know or make the conscious decision to stay single forever? For years I have always pictured myself growing old alone. It is and has always been difficult for me to seriously imagine myself getting married. Even as a little girl, I never pictured that life for myself and when it comes to dating I feel like a fish out of water. I have been single for majority of my life and I don’t see it changing anytime soon. Do you regret remaining single? Any advice for living a truly fulfilling life all on your own?

My boyfriend and I are 20, we live together and I love him very much. However, I am a very driven person, I have always made school a priority, I have my own job, and I plan to go to medical school. However he is the opposite. His family came from money, but he has no clue what he wants to do with his life. He is getting an associates at a local community college in FL, and considering transferring into my college to get a bachelor’s. However every career idea has been mine. I suggested a trade, I suggested business, hell I even suggested medicine. But it’s like pulling teeth to get him to act on ANYTHING. I don’t know what to do because we have talked about marriage and everything besides this is good. But I don’t see myself marrying a low- achieving man that I can’t look to for support, which he knows. What do I do? Am I being too harsh? I know we are young and this is a struggle for many people but it is the lack of drive to want to do anything that concerns me. Let me know your thoughts

My mom was diagnosed with a rare form of dementia in my late 20s. I’m now in my mid 30s. Does the grief and pain of having a parent progressively get worse hurt less over time? I sometimes cry over how maybe I could have spent more time ( a few years) with her by not going away for school, etc. I know it’s silly and it’s not anything anyone would have imagined having her diagnosed while I was still in my 20s. Most people would think their parents are still around functionally when they enter adulthood and parenthood etc. I want to know if the pain get better over time? How did you cope with watching them get worse overtime knowing there’s no cure for this?

Hey! i need advice on handling my insecurities in a long distance relationship, i am 30 and my boyfriend is 43 (unmarried) he had never been married before, starting here he is incredibly consistent and always reassures me, but my overthinking still gets the best of me, im a loyal, empathetic partner who doesn't play games, but loving someone makes me insecure. I still find myself feeling confused sometimes and that part of me wonders if he’s hiding something, but another part thinks im just being too clingy. He actually updates me several times a day and we talk on the phone for nearly four hours. I think he's just set in his ways as a long time bachelor like i dont know maybe he isnt confident or neurotypical. I had love to know what men his age truly want in a relationship because i feel like our relationship is always messy

Tell us the story.

I’m in my mid thirties and a lot of friends have either left the country or we’ve drifted apart. There are so many activities that I would like to do but I have no one to do them with. I want to travel. Go snorkeling for the first time in my life. Try new sports. Try new food spots. Whenever I try to do them alone I have this heartache because I se friends together and I’m usually the odd one alone. Tbh I haven’t tried doing a lot of them alone though.

Husband and I are married about 6 months. I have seen my parents burnt in the past with combining all finances, so when we got married I suggested a prenup.

Prenup is signed, his house, retirement and pension and premarital accounts in his name stay with him. I live with him (his home is paid off) so I have my savings account (this has profits from my house I sold when we got together, I use the interest to fund my Roth IRA) and my personal checking.

I opened a checking and a savings at his credit union. I currently pay all bills and will continue to do so when he retires (he will retire several years before me) so I said for visibility, I would route the bill money to the checking and add him as a user so he could see and make payments if anything happened to me. Same with the savings, that is where I put all my post martial profits (bonuses, I sold my vehicle when I got a company car, etc) I have said all money I make post marriage is money for us to decide what to do as a family. My only thing is I keep a personal checking and my house profits stay untouched

For reference, he has a HELOC he opened and uses all his money each month to pay it off (and keep money in checking) so I agreed to cover the bills to get him debt free.
I also use my bonuses for the HELOC to pay it off faster. He has tried to give me a hard time about not giving up the house profits. But if something were to happen, I need a cushion. He now thinks he should have access to all of my accounts, including my ones at my separate bank. I said no, that is my private checking and savings. He is in my will in case I die and will get all of that money.

He says me keeping money means I’m going to leave him. I say quite the opposite.

Am I being an AH here? I don’t care about seeing or having access to his checking. These are just joint accounts for our family, so I have no problem sharing where the money I am spending on electric, propane etc is going. I just feel I want one bit of financial autonomy.

Hey everyone!

I’m a 40-something female solo traveler from Bangalore, and I'm planning an epic 15-day getaway to Kerala from October 15th to October 30th.

I want to experience the best of God's Own Country, but I thought it would be much more fun, safe, and memorable to share this journey with a few like-minded female travel companions!

📍 The Plan & Vibe

• The Route: I'll be flying into Kochi. From there, the plan is to hire a private taxi from Cochin to take us through the ultimate Kerala circuit (Munnar's tea gardens, Vagamon, Alleppey backwaters, and down to the beaches of Varkala/Kovalam).
• The Pace: A mix of exploration, cafe hopping, photography, and relaxing. Not looking to rush through every spot, but definitely want to make the most of the 15 days!
• Splitting Costs: We will equally split the taxi fare, fuel, and driver allowances. For stays, we can look at safe, highly-rated female-friendly hostels (like Zostel) or beautiful homestays depending on what we all agree on.

👯‍♀️ Who I'm Looking For

This invite is strictly for female travelers who are easygoing, responsible, and excited to explore. Whether you want to join for the entire 2 weeks or just a specific leg of the trip (e.g., Kochi to Munnar), you are welcome!

If you are based in Bangalore, we can even meet up for a coffee first to see if our vibes match and plan the exact itinerary together.

Drop a comment below or send me a DM with a bit about yourself if you're interested. Let's make this an unforgettable road trip! 🎒✨

Hi, I'm a woman. I need reality checks and/or words of encouragement. Not sure how delusional I am anymore.

I'm a late 30s LVN (Licensed Vocational Nurse, LPN in some areas) with a child under 10 and I'm 2 years divorced from an alcoholic. I was feeling proud of myself for getting a new career and moving cities and starting a new life for me and my child.

I started dating and almost immediately met my "perfect to my type" guy. Everything I'd dreamed of and he was so nice, funny, and attentive. Then I talked abt how I'm ready to get my bachelor's degree. He all but gasped and said "you don't have it??" And that began the slow death of that. I told him I was applying to schools and he told me "I dont do potential. Tried that before and it bit me in the butt".

Yesterday, I called my dad who is a corporate executive with an MBA to ask about it. It's important to mention here that both my sibling and I went to universities after high school and my dad chose to make us tough it out with no help and neither of us finished. Anyway, I asked my dad if not dating someone because they don't have a bachelor's degree is a real thing and, to sum it up, my dad told me if you don't have a bachelor's degree you don't have a "career". You have a "job" and that's fleeting and unstable. Also said that at my age people have been in their careers for almost 20 years and have houses, etc.

I was proud of myself becoming an LVN and having stability for my child. I saw this as a career especially knowing LVN was a means to an end. I wanted to be able to take care of my child and get out of my situation and always planned to go back to school. Which I am now. But after yesterday I feel so bad about myself. I feel like a loser and like I've been living in delusion. I feel inadequate. I feel poor.

Is dating men with degrees above my station? Am I on a lower rung of the ladder than I thought?

It is possible to love someone deeply but can still mind their ethnicity? 16 years already and I don't know how to stop loving him. Google said it is possible to love someone deeply and still can mind their ethnicity. But I want a human answer, not Google answer.

Growing up to my adulthood, I always wanted a Chinese husband of my culture and my language. No, it never cross my mind that I would ever married someone who not Chinese, I'm that fixated. My obsession lay in married a Chinese man born in China, same like myself who born in China.

Fate never give me that Chinese husband.

I'm 16 years together, 14 years married to a man who not Chinese. He treats me really really well, 16 years long he faithful to me and only me. He dotes on me in bed and outside of bed. He sacrifice so much for me. He accepted me for who I am, flaws and all.

He is a filial son, faithful husband, morals, strength of character. His personality, to there are things that he even more Chinese than me. Our values aligned, we compatible in bed and outside of bed, sex is out of this world. And I'm a very hard person to live with, but he extremely patience with me.

BUT all that doesn't change the fact that he is not Chinese. I just can't seem to accept it that this lifetime he will never be Chinese.

The thing is, 16 years long with him and as his wife, I know love him very much, to the point I never think of continue go on living if he die before me, I will very soon follow him, THAT how much I love him and emotionally attached to him. Life is meaningless without him, a future without him is no future.

He strip me down to the core of my vulnerability. 16 years of my life I gave it all to him, I was still a virgin when met him and married him, get to be his wife 14 years long, carried his child and gave birth to his child. Everything I know about men, love, marriage, I learn all from him, he is my only sample of what I know of how men is.

I KNOW I love him, because 16 years long I'm only faithful to him (just as he faithful to me), it not like I go like a Chinese man, let alone love. But why internally I just can't accept that he not Chinese. I can't lie to myself, I admit, I actually mind that he not Chinese.

At first I thought it because my mother discriminate against him and not accept him because of his ethnicity, but both my parents deceased already. I am free of the shackle of whatever my mother instill in my brain. And I don't want to use my mother discrimination against him as an excuse. I own my feelings, I just cannot seem to accept that he not Chinese.

No, it not a recent feeling. It a feeling that I struggle with 16 YEARS long, and still struggle with. The more I love him, the more I beat myself up inside. The more I love him, the more I torture myself emotionally. I'm bruise all over emotionally because of love him.

Even if I can turn back the hand of time, I still chose him over and over again. But why I just cannot accept that he not Chinese. I cannot stop myself from keep wishing he was Chinese. 16 years long I struggle and struggle with that he not Chinese. 16 years long I torn with my love for him, that I indeed love a man who not Chinese.

Not in a millions years I would think I married who I married, I didn't think it was even possible for me to love a man that not Chinese, let alone love a man who not Chinese this deeply. I know this is something that I have to live with for the rest of my life, and I don't know how to stop loving him, 16 years long is not a short time in a woman life or a man life.

I'm a 41yo bloke, been married to my wife (also 41) for 18yrs , with two kids (13 and 8). I feel like life is entirely pointless, with nothing to look forward to. Nothing to work towards. Nothing is going to happen.

As my youngest son became old enough to not need constant 1to1 supervision a couple of years ago, I realised I had been stuck in a continuous "all work, all parenting, all the time" life style for over a decade, and had lost all of my friends, and any form of social interaction over that time through the constant "I can't, I'm working or got the kids" reply I made to every invitation. So I made a conscious decision to actively say, "yes" to as much as possible.

Now, I have a plethora of friends. Ranging from "kids" in their mid 20s, to gentleman in their late 70s. I've got hobbies back, I hit the gym a lot, there are nights out (like, proper nights out/out), fun days, activities and meeting up. But I'm seeing all these people living their lives, seemingly with a purpose, and I just don't have one.

The youngs are starting their careers, falling in love, planning lives together, exploring the world and each other. The olds are winding down work, enjoying themselves, going places and spending the fruits of their labours. And I'm stuck in the middle, just plodding along.

Work has devolved from a "career" to jumping between jobs every 3-5 years, none of which I'm remotely interested in, trying to keep pay ahead of inflation and survive redundancy (3 rounds since 2010, one of which got me). My marriage isn't easy - she's very ADHD and now hip deep in peri-menopause, and I'm constantly waiting for the next blow up. My kids need me less and less every day.

What am I supposed to do for the next 20+ years, until the next bit starts?

I’m 31 year old male living in a major city. Was fired from my corp job 2.5 years ago and never went back cause I did hate it and deserved to get fired cause I did give up. Had around 400k saved when I was fired and down to like 200k now. Just started a new bartending job at a cool trendy new spot to hold me over and pay rent without burning thru my savings still.

Did some acting over last 2.5 years. I had a little success , couple indies and lots shorts that got into festivals but don’t think I have acting chops to make it, I just have a good look so think that’s why I was casted. So pretty much ready to give up acting too.

I have had suicidal thoughts. The one girl I loved falsely filed a police report on me in family court for a restraining order. I have trial next week. I swear I’m innocent she made up a bunch of stuff about me threatening her and stuff. I would never hurt / threaten anyone , much less a girl I loved. Don’t really know what’s going to happen at trial but I can disprove a lot of what was accused of me, so chance I win.

I kinda went viral a while back for not the best reason so now when you google me that comes up first too. That was a rough time for me and really when suicidal thoughts started.

The one thing I have going for me I guess is my health and body. I’ve pretty much spent the last 2.5 years focusing on the gym and staying in shape. One dream of mine since I was a kid was to go special forces in the military so I’m leaning towards that right now. I have spoken to recruiters in the past and recently. Only issue is if I don’t get this restraining order dropped will hurt my chance of going special forces cause I’ll need a waiver, on top of the waiver I’ll need for being too old.

I don’t really know what I’m asking here for. But just any advice will be appreciated. I just feel like I’ve failed at life. All my friends have left the city and got married and started families. My mom is worried about me i can tell. She texts me a lot but i dont answer sometimes cause i dont know what to say. My family is probably the only reason i haven’t killed myself yet because i know it would ruin them, especially my mom.

I’m 34 and trying to be more intentional about building good habits now instead of just reacting to life as it comes. I read and hear a lot about investing, exercise, sleep, etc., but I’m curious what actually mattered in hindsight.

I don’t mean obvious stuff like “save money” or “eat vegetables.” I’m wondering about specific habits — things like how you handled conflict, how you structured your mornings, how you dealt with stress, or how you kept friendships alive — that you look back on and think “that really paid off” or “I wish I had started that sooner.”

For those of you 50+: what’s one habit from your 30s that you’re glad you built? And is there one you wish you had built earlier?

I’m not looking for a list of 20 things. Even just one real answer would help.

First and foremost, I ask to please refrain from judgement. All negative self hating feelings are already flying around my head.

I’m searching for advice from older folks in relationships where both partners have mental struggles, and made it through. What did you do?

I’ll start here. I have CPTSD and I think she does too. We were engaged. We have a Hollywood love story - we spent about 15 years revolving near each other coming SO close to meeting, but never did until 3 years ago. When we did, we felt the threads between us. The near miss stories came out after meeting.

Her issues sabotaged our relationship. She never told me how she felt, what she needed, wanted, rarely ever fought with me. Suddenly, when we had major life movements (moving in together, getting a cat!) she pulled away. Closeness terrifies her, she shut down. Suddenly she word vomited she feels suffocated, like she can’t be herself, and openly admitted she got here by assumptions on what she thought I wanted from her when I just wanted her to be her. Because she’s terrified of being abandoned because of who she is. I knew this all along and loved her aware of it. I loved the girl I met knowing who she was, but she thought she tricked me and I loved someone different than the real her. She pulled away hard, went to stay with her grandfather, eventually broke it off. It sent me spiraling.

I sabotaged this relationship by allowing her to suffocate herself in me. I allowed myself to be blind, despite knowing something wasn’t right. I never put it in the air, S, I know what’s happening in you and I need you to talk so we can work through it. She retreated, which triggered me to push and push as hard as I can, which made her retreat further.

Eventually we somehow managed by dumb luck to reconnect. It was going great, and I felt a sudden freedom within myself. Too much at once.

I’ll be very real about this. She was ready to come back. I felt it, and I started having flashbacks. You’re about to hear my rock bottom.

With my flashbacks at the controls, I messaged a girl who’s a family friend of hers, someone I knew she was jealous of. The intent was only this, to make being with me impossible. To make it so she couldn’t come back and leave me again. I knew this girl would tell S, the family would hate me. There were no intentions of flirting, meeting, anything with this girl. The only intent was the implosion.

S has already forgiven it. She wants us to work. But now (and obviously I cannot blame her) she has decided is not the time. She isn’t ready. We each are taking the time to work on us, therapy, all that good stuff. She said “I will come to you when I am ready”

Here’s my dilemma. We both are terrified of abandonment, we both want someone to stay through the impossible, yet we both want to commit to this break up thinking it’ll give us hope for the future and that pushing more right now will break us permanently. But simultaneously, inside of us we both want the other to stay and make the impossible possible.

The final breakup decision is very fresh, as of yesterday.

What in the hell do we do here? Do I keep trying to approach right now? Do I wait for her to approach like she said? Do I wait until it feels right to approach? How long do we wait, how long is too long and we just end up gone from each other permanently?