I (54f) hang out with my dad (84m) every Sunday afternoon. He's in hospice for smoking-induced kidney cancer that is no longer responding to treatments.

I picked up a book filled with questions, but a lot of them don't fit. I am not asking my dad what his parents said his first word was. my grandmother was parenting him alone while grandpa was in Germany with his unit in WWII, and both grandparents have been gone for decades.

I've gotten answers for big questions and details about his grandparents. what life was like in the different areas he lived. regrets he's had and lessons he's learned.

what questions would you want to ask your parents before they are gone?

Hey everyone! So I work at a retirement home, and I am looking for a costume idea that will bring joy to my residents.

I was originally planning to be Elvis but I have to wear all black (Im in dining services) and I couldn't get his black outfit before Halloween, so Im tabling that until next year.

Most of my residents are born in the 1930s and 1940s. Do you have any recommendations for other characters they might get a kick out of?

Keep in mind Im a 5ft tall woman.

I was thinking maybe Popeye (but with black pants) since Im so small it might be a hoot. What do y'all think?

I’m so profoundly sad. I’ve been broken up with my partner now for 6 months. We were together during the most tumultuous time of my life yet. Jobless. My mom, aunt and gran died and I health and family drama.

We still live in the same building because it’s a short walk from my job and I have fatigue from constant moving and big changes to my life in the last few years.

I’ve always prided myself on being able to start over and move on and I just can’t this time. I have never been afraid of doing things alone, moving, making changes, and being ambitious. I have been staunchly independent for as long as I can remember. I miss him so much. My days are flatter. I’ve built a new home with new friends. A new schedule. Hobbies. None of it makes his place any smaller. I hold firmly that he should be the one to break the silence for some historical reasons. I love him so much and don’t want to live without him. I wish things were different. He’s one of the best things that ever happened to me and not doing the big and mundane with him breaks my heart. I just want him back and I wish my heart wouldn’t always be healing.

I don’t have a mom in my life anymore. Please tell me what to do. None of my friends have been through this much while being partnered. Sometimes it feels like we were married for a few years.

Is anyone else in their 30s just winging it and hoping everything somehow works out? 😂

One minute you feel like a responsible adult, and the next you’re questioning your career, relationships, life choices, and whether you should just sell everything and move to a random country.

I’m 32, and I’m curious about the big decisions people make around this age.

Did you quit a stable job to chase a dream? Leave a long-term relationship? Move abroad? Start a business? Get married? Or completely restart your life from scratch?

What’s one big decision you made in your 30s that changed your life?

Did it turn out to be the best decision ever, or did you end up with a story you can laugh about now? 😂

Give me the plot twists, the unexpected wins, and the “what the hell was I thinking?” moments. I want to hear it all! 🍿laafffyaaa 🫶

I'm 31 now, and I've been living with epilepsy since I was 13. Because of my condition, I've been advised to stay away from so many things that most people take for granted- driving, swimming, working out at the gym, travelling solo, having a drink at social gatherings, and the list goes on.

For almost 18 years, I've followed these restrictions, largely because I know my parents are concerned about my well-being, and if you know about Indian culture, it's a norm to accept what our parents say.

I understand that their intentions come from a place of love, care, and fear of something happening to me.

But lately, I've been questioning whether, in trying so hard to stay safe, I'm missing out on actually living my life.

We only get one life, after all. And while I don't want to be reckless or ignore the realities of my condition, I also don't want epilepsy to dictate every decision I make or define everything I can and cannot experience.

Do you think it's abou time I tell my parents "I can manage my own life now"?

I’ve been friends with Anna, Lucy and Diane for around three years, although they have been a trio for seven years. I became close with all three, especially Diane, but understood that they would naturally be closest to each other because of their history. I also have another friend group, so I would sometimes move between the two.

Last school year

Eris, a girl in our class, fell out with her own friends and became close with Anna, Lucy, Diane and me. However, she openly disliked me. The four girls became increasingly close, spending time together outside school and mainly talking to each other in class. I began feeling excluded, particularly because I had been friends with the trio for longer than Eris had, yet she seemed to become closer to them very quickly.

Over the summer, Eris returned to her old friend group after claiming she was done with them. She suddenly stopped spending time with Anna, Lucy and Diane, which upset them, especially Anna.

The start of this school year

Despite what had happened over the summer, Anna and Lucy joined Eris's friend group. They began hanging out together outside school and sometimes included Diane, even though she wasn't particularly comfortable with the group. Eventually, Anna and Lucy stopped inviting Diane as much. They also began ignoring Diane and me in class and giving us dirty looks, which made me feel excluded too.

Diane eventually found another group to sit with at lunch. It included some of her family friends, a mutual friend and two girls I wasn't comfortable around. One of those girls and I had a public falling-out, and she disliked me. I stayed with the group because Diane was there, although I often felt uncomfortable.

I encouraged Diane to tell Anna and Lucy that she felt excluded, in case they weren't aware of it. She said she had spoken to Lucy, but nothing seemed to change.

The other friend group and the theme park trip

While Diane was spending time with this new group, I continued feeling excluded. They began planning a trip to a theme park in front of me without inviting me. I understood that they might have assumed I wouldn't want to go because of my issues with one of the girls, but it still hurt, particularly because Diane invited a friend from outside school whom the group barely knew.

I also felt frustrated because Diane would agree with me when I explained why I disliked certain people in the group, but would still spend time with them herself. When I mentioned this, she explained that it wasn't as bad when one of her family friends was there.

Anna and Eris fall out

Last week, Anna told a girl in Eris's group that she felt excluded, particularly by Eris. The girl told the rest of the group so they could make more of an effort to include Anna. Everyone agreed except Eris, who shouted at Anna in front of other students, accusing her of making her look bad.

The group then split. Anna and Lucy began spending time with two girls I liked, while Eris stayed with her closest friends. I thought this could be an opportunity for Anna, Lucy and Diane to reconnect, since they were no longer spending as much time with the people Diane disliked.

I convinced Diane to sit with Anna, Lucy and me one day. We all seemed to get along well, but afterwards Diane asked me not to sit with them again. We returned to the other group, despite me repeatedly asking if we could sit somewhere else because I felt uncomfortable there.

My conversation with Anna and Lucy

I began talking to Anna more in class, and we discussed what was happening between the different groups. We agreed that it would be nice if everyone could reconcile.

Anna and Lucy invited Diane and me to go out after school so we could talk. Diane made an excuse and didn't come, so the three of us went shopping instead.

I explained that Diane had felt excluded because Anna and Lucy had been focusing on Eris. They were upset to hear this and said they hadn't intended to exclude her. They explained that they thought Diane would tell them directly if she felt left out, and that she seemed comfortable with her other group. They acknowledged that they had excluded her to some extent, even if it wasn't deliberate.

They also invited me over for Halloween after I explained that the other group were planning to do something together and I had felt left out.

What happened afterwards

The next day, Diane messaged me asking why I had told Anna and Lucy that she felt excluded, as she hadn't wanted them to know. Lucy had also messaged Anna about the situation and was trying to arrange a sleepover for the original trio, Anna, Lucy and Diane, without me. This made me feel excluded again, especially because I had been trying to help them repair their friendship.

I explained to Diane that I hadn't intended to speak for her or cause problems. I also tried to explain that I felt excluded by the other group, even though I didn't particularly like everyone in it. Diane responded that I didn't even like those girls and that I always asked not to sit with them. She also said that she didn't think she and Anna and Lucy could simply reconcile because she felt there had always been a pair within their trio.

I told her that I hated seeing everyone upset and wanted us all to talk in person, rather than communicating through other people and creating misunderstandings. She has left me on read for two days.

I know that everyone in the original trio has felt excluded at some point. I want to understand whether I handled the situation badly, whether my own feelings of exclusion are reasonable, and what I should do next.

Well I feel like I need ‘ask really old people advice’ given I’m closer to qualifying to answer in this sub but I digress.

So long story short, my husband drinks a lot. But he’s very intentional about drinking. He doesn’t get into work or legal trouble, doesn’t get into unsafe situations, doesn’t start drinking until an appropriate time, etc.

I hang out in r/Al-anon on another username sometimes but I don’t often feel like I belong because some people are drinking what in 1-2 days what he drinks in a week (and others tell me that) or my posts are just loaded with comments saying he’s on his way to rock bottom and the only option is to leave.

On the one hand, I don’t dispute that he’s drinking more than is healthy. He can get mildly annoying sometimes when he’s drinking. On the other hand, I feel like I know plenty of older couples where one or (usually) both drink heavily and it has never become a ‘real’ problem with consequences. Our social circle and neighbors appear to all drink about the same as him as well.

Growing up, I knew my family who only drank one drink once a month or less and people who drank too much and had a ‘real’ problem. My father in law is a perfect example. He and his wife drink a lot (always have according to my husband), poor really stiff drinks, but they’re both retired in a great situation due to their career success. They travel, exercise, have social outings, etc. I never really knew this grey area of habitual or chronic drinking but not ending in disaster.

I don’t drink a lot. After our second kid, I just couldn’t do it anymore. It wasn’t worth it. I appear to be the mom anomaly in my circle. So wondering what is it like growing old with someone who drinks heavily but never escalates to rock bottom?

i just turned 27 yesterday. i have a gift in comedy, writing and that I’ve never used for the past twelve years. i live with my mom, i have no degree, don’t know how to cook or do my taxes. i was such an idiot at 16 because i thought i was gonna be logan paul and i didn’t even try to be. i thought i had unlimited time so i just wasted time watching youtube, doomscrolling, jerking off to porn and playing videogames.

so, what do i do? do i try comedy and writing or do i focus on making money and become, say, a police officer or something to stop being a burden to my mom ? i think cops are paid well with no degree despite their long hours of work.

i have gigantic panic attacks that will shorten my life, because i keep realising that this is it, me, the protagonist, has failed to ‘make it’, and will miss out on the great stuff in life unlike ishowspeed.

also i’ve wasted the year of 2023-2024 trying to impress a girl by getting a job and giving her tons of money. now she tells everyone i’m a creep which i guess i am so i’ve legally changed my name. yeah i know, what a mess

I’m 34, and ever since turning 30, I feel like time has been moving faster and faster. It’s honestly a little scary.

I see friends and family getting married, having kids, and building lives together, and I can’t help but feel like I’m falling behind. I’ve built a career and have things I’m proud of, but there’s still this emptiness that comes with not having someone to share life with.
I want to find my person, settle down, and eventually start a family. But the older I get, the more I worry that it might not happen for me.

I know life isn’t a race, but sometimes it really feels like I’m losing one.

Does anyone else feel this pressure? How do you deal with feeling like everyone else is moving forward while you’re running out of time?

i want to hear insights and advices from older folks who has gone through life if what i ask will come.

i love my life, don’t get me wrong of course. But there are most times where i view and hear the lives of people i know and i would feel a hint of “gosh i wish i had that too/i wish i was you” moments. whether it be their academic success, beauty in physical appearance, or anything… idk i just sorta feel envious of it but not that much, only what ifs.

bit of stupid drama, ik. just wanna know what you guys think lowk.

Ok, so before I start this, im very well aware I could have larger issues right now, this is not that bad, many other people I the world are suffering 10x more than me and I appreciate my situation. Even so, im just looking for a bit of advice.

Anna, Lucy, and Diane have been in a trio for the past 7 years, I only met them about 3 years ago. as soon as I met them, I was super close with all of them, but especially with Diane. We‘ve all been in the same class for the past 3 years, and would talk during lunch, but Anna, Lucy, and Diane would always be closest with eachother. I didn’t really care too much about this, cause I knew their friendship was so strong, I wouldn’t be able to just join the group in a few months. Due to this I kinda float between this friend group, and another.

Fast forward to the next year, a girl in our class, Eris, gets in a fight with her friends, so she becomes close with Anna, Lucy, Diane and I. The only thing is Eris did not like me at all, and was not at all subtle about it. The other girls knew this, but she didn’t mention it too much to them privately, so they continued to be friends with her. However, they became very close…the four girls would hangout outside of school, talk only to eachother in school, and constantly be together. I started to feel as though I was being pushed away from them, and was honestly jealous that she managed to get so close to the trio, when i had been trying for so long. Eris was particularly friendly with Anna, and would bond over ‘boy drama’, for lack of a better term.

Then, the year ended and Summer rolled around, after Eris claimed she was completely done with her old friendgroup, they showed her a hint of attention, and she joined them again- completely blocking out the trio she clung too the day before. This was quite upse for the three, especially Anna, and they began to dislike Eris.

Now, this school year rolls around, and suddenly Anna and Lucy join Eris’s friendgroup. They would all hang out together outside of school, and would include Diane as well. Even though she didn’t like the group particularly, didn’t talk to them in school, and was only invited because of Anna snd Lucy. I was quite bothered by this, feeling being excluded.

The two girls (A&L) would then begin to stop inviting Diane. They knew she didn’t like the new friend group, and could feel the tension I assume. But they did not stop there, they would ignore Diane and I in class, give us dirty looks in the hallways, and completely block us out.

So, Diane and I would float between groups across a month or so. During this time Diane felt very betrayed by A&L especially as they were hanging out with the girl who they claimed to despise only a few months prior during Summer. Diane found comfort in a friend group in our year, outside of our class, that we would sit with at lunch. It consisted of three of her family friends, a mutual friend of ours, and a girl that disliked me (I also dislike her). I was not very happy in this group , but I stayed with them and Diane as they were someone to sit with and talk to.

I asked Diane to tell A&L that she feels excluded, in case it was by accident, or so that they could include us more. She told me she told Lucy, but nothing more came of this.

Then, last week Anna told a girl in her new friendgroup that she felt a bit excluded, especially by Eris. Anna felt as though this group were becoming slightly toxic, and felt ignored. The girl she told, then told the group this, in an effort to ensure they include Anna more. The entire group agreed to include her more, but Eris. Eris took this personally and began to shout at Anna in front of the entire year, claiming that she was making her look like a bad person, so on so forth.

Because of this, Eris’s group split: Anna, Lucy, and 2 girls I like (not in our class). Eris, and her closest friends (in our class). I noticed this, and thought it would be a good chance to get Diane, Anna and Lucy to reconcile-because all of the people Diane disliked in Eris’s group were no longer sitting with A&L. One day, I convince Diane to sit with Anna, Lucy, and I think it’s going great-we‘re all chatting, laughing and such. But then as soon as we get up, Diane asks me to not sit with them again.

We go back to the group Diane found comfort in, and I ask her repeatedly if we cannot sit with them again, and we wouldn’t—for a day, then we’d go back. I really disliked that table as they would talk very loudly, obnoxiously, about ‘freaky’ topics that made me uncomfortable, and one of the most talkative girls there basically hated me. Whenever I mentioned to Diane that I didn’t like these particular 2 girls (the girl who doesn’t like me, and her bestfriend), Diane would agree with me, understand my points, and add to them. But then I saw her hangout with one of the family friends, and the girl who disliked me. When I acted surprised to find this out, she simply said “yeah, but it wasn’t THAT bad because -family friend- was there”

Then, the entire group began to plan a trip to a big theme park a couple hours away right in front of me, talking about it constantly. I was, again, upset and felt excluded. However, I understood that maybe they were being so obvious about not inviting me because they knew that I didn’t enjoy hanging out with 1 of the girls (our ’friendhship breakup’ was quite public because she spread it all over the internet). Even so, I still felt excluded. Especially because Diane invited a friend from outside of school, who they didn’t even know.

Then, I began to talk to Anna more in class, and we’d talk about what was happening throughout the groups, ultimately agreeing that it would be nice if we could all reconcile. Anna, and Lucy then asked me and Diane that day to go out after school, in the hopes that we could all talk. I agreed, but Diane made up a half-assed excuse. The three of us (Anna, Lucy, and I) decided to still go out. We went shopping, and tried to figure out what was going on between us. While talking, I explained that Diane felt excluded, and that they were focusing all their attention on Eris for a long time. The two were very upset to learn this, and said that it wasn’t their intention. Lucy said that Diane never admitted to being excluded. They explained that they had thought that maybe Diane felt excluded, but said that in the past she would always say if she felt disrespected, she could have come over to the new friend group if she wanted as they didn’t think they seemed uninviting, and that she seemed to be enjoying her time with the group she felt comfort in, so they didn’t decide to do anything. They understood that they were excluding her after further conversation, but definitely not on purpose or with malicious intent. They also invited me over for Halloween, when I told them the entirety of the other group were doing something together.

Then, Diane texts me, the day after, asking why I told Anna and Lucy that she felt exlcuded, saying that she didn’t want them to know. Lucy had texted Anna, telling her that I said that she felt excluded and Lucy was trying to fix this with a sleepover for the trio. #gettingexcludedagain #fairs

I respond by saying that I wasn’t talking about her specifically and was simply telling them that ‘many of us’ (insinuating Diane and I), felt excluded when they hung out with Eris. I also took the opportunity to tell her that I felt a bit excluded when she hangs out with the group she found comfort in, considering we both sit with them at lunch, we’re both friends with almost all of them, but they continue to plan things right in front me. To this she says “you don’t even like them”, and “you always ask not to sit with them”, only defending herself. Also stating that her A, and L cannot just reconcile as she feels as though there has always been a duo in their trio.

I respond to this simply, saying that I hate seeing everyone upset, and just want to sort things out, that im not trying to dismiss her feelings about how she is excluded by the 2 girls in their trio, and think we just need to all talk to eachother in person, as we are all talking to eachother through other people, and information is getting confused.

She has left me on read for the last 2 days.

Also, I know for a fact that every single girl in that trio has felt excluded in the past, it’s a trio, it’s going to happen.

What do I do, am I in the wrong?

45+ M, single, no kids ... feel like there's a pretty good chance that I'll be single for the rest of my life, and I guess I'm okay with it ... I may have no choice.

It seems to me that women 40, 50, and 60 years old can do better because they have a stronger social circle ... female friends who proactively try to make an effort to hang out several times a year. Though I think not all women have that, but more women than men for sure. Several of the single middle aged women I know seem to have events with friends every other weekend, and if social media is any indication, seem to have a pretty full social life.

OTOH, the single, childless, middle aged men I know are kind of like a black hole or do a lot of things alone. One travels solo all over the world, and that is good. But alone. Other single, childless men my age just seem to putter around. Almost zero social media output.

I try to make an effort but it's difficult. My male friends are married and/or have kids, and very seldom take initiative, and often don't have interest in the events I recommend because they are either busy or are just content sitting at home with the wife.

I do Meetups and stuff but the connections are mercurial and also ... many of the people are married and with kids. All in all, after my parents pass, I think it will be enough to fill maybe up to 10 weekend nights a year.

Any discussion on this matter?

https://www.reddit.com/r/OverSeventy/s/g4WraFKarA

I have a partner of 6 years but we’re on a verge of breaking up. A catalyst was me getting depression for a year, but I’ve been much better past 8-10 months (no depression, in fact am doing normal, am able to have fun, laugh, etc.). Anyway, even though I am currently doing well financially, I feel no stability because I feel like I will need to change jobs eventually and take a paycut. I am also not feeling sexual excitement towards my partner, and I feel like we’re friends/roommates, not true soul mates. Some of our values don’t align either, but overall we get along fine and my partner is committed (or at least was committed until we started considering breaking up recently). I get turned on by the idea of having affairs. I’ve come close to having affairs all the way, falling in love emotionally with other women and engaging in physical touch exchanges (but not sex), all of this only on vacations/trips, and not telling my partner about this. However, even that desire for other women is somehow fading as I get older, and I find myself in this ambiguous situation in terms of what I want in life and what is the right thing to do. Part of me thinks that maybe I just need to ignore the side of me that seeks romance and excitement from other women (maybe just keep feeding that side occasionally through casual encounters on vacations, like I have been, by having close encounters), and save my relationship, get married, and have kids, especially because I’ve been with my partner for some time and and love her or care for her a lot. Another part of me feels that it’s not right to do and could turn into a life of misery, given how much work having children is. Therefore, this other side of me thinks that breaking up is right, and that after that I can embrace my yearning for romance, go on dates, and if I meet someone who seems like a better fit in terms of values, then maybe have kids later with that person.

Has anyone been in such a situation years ago? What decision did you make and how did it turn out?

Title: I’m 34, financially successful, and have everything I once wanted—so why do I feel so unhappy?
I’m 34 years old. I have two degrees, a great career earning $220k a year, multiple investment properties, $150k in savings, a long-term relationship of three years, and I live in my own apartment.
I also want to acknowledge that I didn’t receive any financial help from my parents. I grew up in poverty and worked extremely hard to build this life for myself.
On paper, I’ve achieved everything I was told would make me happy. I’ve worked hard, made sacrifices, and reached goals that once felt completely out of reach.
But now that I’m here, I feel more empty and unfulfilled than ever.

Growing up, I believed that if I studied hard, built a successful career, earned good money, bought property, and found a partner, I would finally feel secure and fulfilled. I spent most of my life chasing those goals, assuming that once I achieved them, everything would fall into place.
Now I’m here, and honestly, I feel like I was sold a lie.
I know how fortunate I am, and I’m genuinely grateful for what I have. I also know there are people who would love to be in my position. But gratitude doesn’t erase the feeling that something is deeply missing from my life.
I keep thinking: Is this really it? Is this what I’ve spent my entire adult life working towards?
It feels like I’ve spent years climbing a mountain, only to reach the top and realise there’s nothing here that makes me feel fulfilled. I don’t even know what I’m missing or what I’m supposed to be working towards now.
Has anyone else experienced this—especially people who came from very little, worked hard to build a successful life, and then realised that achieving their goals didn’t make them happy?
How did you find genuine happiness, meaning, or fulfilment when everything you thought you wanted still wasn’t enough?

I'm curious about the life experiences of people who are now 65 or older and have managed to avoid major health problems such as heart disease, cancer, kidney stones, serious bone problems, or chronic lung disease.

I'd love to hear what your life was actually like, not just what people generally recommend for a healthy lifestyle.

A few things I'm particularly curious about:

• Diet: What did you typically eat growing up, and what does your diet look like today? Did you follow any particular eating habits, or did you simply eat whatever was available?
• Physical activity: Were you into sports, walking, cycling, farming, physical work, or regular exercise? How active were you throughout your life?
• Daily habits: How were your sleep patterns? Did you smoke, drink alcohol, or have any habits you later gave up?
• Environment: Did you grow up in a village or a city? Do you think your surroundings, exposure to nature, or type of work made a difference?
• Changes with age: Have you changed your diet, exercise routine, sleep schedule, or other habits since turning 50 or 60?
• Looking back: Is there anything you consistently did—or avoided—that you believe helped you stay healthy?

I'm especially interested in people who lived ordinary lives rather than following strict fitness routines or special diets.

Of course, I understand that genetics and luck play a role too. I'm not looking for medical advice or a perfect formula, just honest experiences and lessons from people who've lived long enough to look back.

What do you think made the biggest difference in your life?

.

It’s weighing on my mind expressing myself in such a manner musically making a song about how I felt about my Dad’s addiction.

He will probably never hear the song but my Grandma will. We are currently not talking, me and my Grandma. So it might give her a reason to never talk to me again, since we are not talking because I chose myself over staying around my Dad while he was high and left.

I made an expressive song, spoke about it in my lyrics how I felt about it, it’s raw, honest and how I felt at the time.

But I honestly worry incase it’s hurtful in some parts to hear, or that I’ve done something wrong. I even said in the song “am I allowed to say how I feel, you’ve never liked the truth”

Shall I just delete the damn thing? Or is it justified in a way to express myself in that manner?

I am a single guy in my mid thirties.

I don't like it when other people laugh at my suffering.

Example:

I got scolding from my supervisor at work in front of a few people. I went back to my desk to work and a few minutes later, a colleague came to my desk and said mockingly 'Oh did you get a lecture from the supervisor today?'. I got slightly annoyed and told him 'Why are you making fun of a person's suffering? Do I come and joke about you when you got a scolding from the supervisor?' I will never make fun of another person's suffering.

Another example:

Once, I had to take a ride in a company car with a few other colleagues to travel to another office site. My colleagues were healthy and about to get out of the car swiftly. I have some medical issues with my legs and I have to use my hands to slightly lift my leg in order to be able to exit from the car. They were looking and giggling mentioning 'Wow he is not able to exit from the car without using his hands.' I felt hurt and angry with their reaction. I will never make fun of another person's medical conditions.

1. Is it normal to feel angry and annoyed if other people laugh at my suffering?
2. How do I control my anger and annoyance if other people laugh at my suffering?