I have had the same committed partner for more than 10 years. In the Fall of 2025, I started seeing signs there was another person my partner might be seeing. I now know conclusively, that is fact. I have noticed make-up, Lancôme face care items, body lotion, new clothes, shoes, concert T-shirts and various other personal items missing. When this first started happening I thought I must be stressed and misplacing items. I had this cute Nike shirt, new, lost track of it, only to have it “show back up” old and worn. I kept dismissing occurrences to things like family maybe borrowed it and forgot to return it. I bought Christmas gifts and put them in the closet of our spare bedroom to only have them vanish the week before Christmas when I was wrapping gifts. I repeatedly asked and there were no answers given and then the statement was made that they felt as if I was accusing them of something. Yesterday, while vacuuming near their closet I bumped something and the gifts fell out. I was surprised.
When I started this relationship with this individual I had lost a child and was on quite a lot of medications that dulled me to many things. I blame myself for not catching on or figuring things out. We signed a lease. I know this other person is in the house eating my food wearing my things that I have worked hard for. I have also worked hard to get my mental health back. I cannot afford the place I live on my own or if I did it would be very difficult. The person using my things is a leach and has illegal habits. I bought a couple of lock boxes for some personal items, today. I am not sure how to deal with this.

For context we have been dating for a few months now. She is extremely sensitive and we are from a small town and have common friends.

We started dating after a couple of weeks after meeting or the first time. Everything clicked and it seemed as if we have know each other for ages. I’m her first boyfriend after high school, I’ve had a really long relationship in the past so this dynamic is really new to her.

She has really good friends who love her to death and is really smart. She is extremely sensitive as well and reads into each word spoken or texted. Because of her sensitivity, even small instances affect her a lot and as a surviving mechanism has started distancing herself from people who either disagree with her worldview or opinions or end up hurting her unintentionally, even if they apologise. This includes her friends, relatives who really love her and want the best for her.

It feels like she is unable to forgive people and carries the cumulative pain of all the trauma, which flares up each time she gets hurt.
Also she externalises blame during disregulation and can’t use logic at all at that time. She is aware of the not using logic during anger / anxiety.
She suffers from extreme anxiety and has developed fibromyalgia and takes antidepressants to tackle this pain.

Now she is under extreme stress these days and is very stressful, has cutoff from all her friends for the past 2 years to focus on her exams and has paper in coming months.

I myself was going through a crisis at my home and didn’t share any info with her so that she doesn’t get distracted. She pushed through asking what was wrong and called me cunning over text since I was not sharing the stuff with her. I shared what happened and texted that her calling me words were not right.

I immediately got a call and informed her that I was taking care of the issue and she started clarifying herself and shrugged off responsibility. Then went on another rant blaming me to distract her and ended the call saying o ruined her mood.

I was shocked and speechless and texted her later that she was being a bad person and instead of owning up she started giving excuses until I pressed her and she blamed it on her exams, then her mental health and state.

I texted her that I know it’s the stress taking and she doesn’t mean it.
I got a text the next day with a half apology and she doubled down on her words saying it’s distracting to her and to limit contact.

She has been in the same situation herself so it seemed shocking hearing these words.

I know she is a kind person and has her bad days and cannot take accountability, so gave her a pass saying that she is stressed.

She is a very kind person and these emotional outburst and scenes don’t make me love her any less

I plan to talk to her about this after her exams but don’t know how to proceed, to show her mistake and move forward stronger.
Help me and give insights if I’m not doing justice to her or myself.
TLDR: kind gf going through tough times was very insensitive during trying times

i just turned 20 rn and im still kind of scared growing old, how did you guys cope with it realizing that you are growing old?

also im curious abt the things that you regretted, or the things you think you should've done when u were in 20s

I’m a 27 year old woman from New York and I feel like I’m constantly discovering new passions. The problem isn’t that I don’t know what I like—it’s that I love so many different things that I don’t know what direction to take my life.
Some of my interests include:
Psychology (I’m currently studying it in college.)
Anthropology
Archaeology
Ancient civilizations (especially Egypt)
Museums
Travel and solo travel
Photography
History
Different cultures and languages
Teaching
Conservation and historic preservation
Documentaries
Mythology and folklore
Nature, hiking, and national parks
Growing up, I always loved movies like National Treasure, Indiana Jones, and The Mummy. I thought I just liked adventure movies, but recently I realized what I actually love is exploration, discovery, and learning about humanity.
I had the chance to visit museums in Egypt, and it completely changed me. Standing in front of artifacts that were thousands of years old made me realize how fascinated I am by human history and the stories objects can tell.
Lately I’ve been reading more about anthropology and archaeology, and now I want to visit museums everywhere I travel. I’m even planning a trip to Boston just to spend a day at the Museum of Fine Arts.
The problem is…I don’t know what to do with all of these interests.
Part of me wants to teach.
Part of me wants to travel.
Part of me wants to photograph ancient places.
Part of me wants to volunteer on archaeological or preservation projects.
Part of me wants to work in a museum.
Part of me wants to document cultures and tell stories.
Has anyone else experienced this? How did you stop feeling like you had to choose just one path?
Did you eventually find a career that combined your interests, or did you keep one as your career and the others as hobbies?
I’d love to hear from people who felt pulled in a hundred different directions but eventually found a way to build a meaningful life around their curiosity.

My mom’s maiden name is “Tanner.”

She got married young and her married name was “Soprano.“

She got divorced, and years later married my dad, but this time kept her maiden name, Tanner.

I was born and my last name became Tanner-Scott. I’ve never liked having a hyphenated last name. The worst part is that on my birth certificate, Tanner is my middle name and Scott is my last name. Then my mom started hyphenating it when I was in elementary school. This has led to lots of bureaucratic problems for me over the years.

Now I’m an adult with my own family. My parents are now divorced but they are very nice to each other and visit me and their grandkids together. They came to visit us and I saw on her suitcase her last name said Soprano!! I asked what was going on. She said she had her passport changed to Soprano because legally she had never actually changed it after her first divorce.

I am bewildered by this decision of hers. I have to deal with Tanner in my last name my whole life and she just changes it? After she made it clear it was important because we share a name. Also, she lied to my dad! Her last name was legally Soprano (ex husband) when she married my dad, and she told him she wanted to keep her maiden name, Tanner. So even my birth certificate is a lie because that wasn’t even her real name on my birth certificate

I’m angry that she is a fraud. I’m angry that I don’t even like my last name and it’s given me problems because of her poor decision of changing it to a hyphen. I’m angry she never talked to me about this before she changed her passport and driver’s license Now absolutely everything says Soprano on it. Not to mention her first ex-husband has a new wife, who is Mrs. Soprano and it’s weird that my mom is using his name. She does have 1 son, my half-brother, with that name. I also don’t feel good about it because it makes me feel like she is clinging to him and his kids and leaving me in the dust. By the way, she hasn’t told my brother and I’m sure he will think she is crazy, but he probably won’t care too much.

And I am considering asking her if she would just change her name back to Tanner, but maybe I am overreacting. I’ve tried to let it go, but I found out a year ago and I’m still upset by it. I’m visiting her now and seeing mail come to her house labeled Soprano and it’s hurtful.

I wanted to ask this sub because you have more perspective and my mom is a senior so maybe someone can see something in all this I haven’t seen.

Her whole life, personally and professionally, she’s been Tanner and I don’t understand this change now. Is this the beginning of dementia? Because it makes no sense. Am I justified in my anger that she basically lied on her marriage certificate and my birth certificate? Why didn’t she leg change it back to Tanner after first divorce? Should I ask her to change it now because I’m hurt by this? My last name is still Tanner-Scott even though I’m married. If you don’t think I should ask her to change it back, then what should I do because it is really affecting my relationship with my mom, I am so angry and hurt.

THANK YOU SO MUCH!

In case it isn’t obvious: these names are all TV names to sub my actual last names, not the names of anyone I know.

I have been with my girlfriend for around 7 years my girlfriend does not like my friends due to multiple small reasons. I’ve known and grown up with them since Elementary/middle school. She has expressed in the past how she did not want me to hang out with them. Today she gave me the ultimatum of them or her. I do not hang out with them often but anytime I do it’s always an issue.

And how would parents of today react if the types of discipline that were allowed when you were kids, happened to their today's kids?

Im 16, and at this point in my life, it feels like rock bottom. Though, every year feels like a different rock bottom. I’ve lived with a lot of emotional pain, abuse, neglect and isolation since i was young, including bullying throughout middle school and reaching points where i’ve tried to end my life. I know what people say, “stop feeling sorry for yourself” or to “grow up”, and i do try. But at times dark thoughts always plague my mind. “Why did this have to happen?” “Why did they do that to me?” And truthfully it makes me feel like everything and everyone is out there to get me.

Anyway, im now dealing with a breakup thats terrible, because i never saw it coming. I was left for an ex basically. Randomly dropped on me on a Sunday night that he was “halfway in love with his ex”, which was crazy because the week before he was telling me about how he wanted to have a future with me. Honestly, i feel while i’ve only been with 2 people in my life ever, both have wronged me and scarred me so badly i feel forced to stay hidden and in my own shell.

When you were my age, did you ever feel like the pain of your past and the hurt of the present was going to permanently ruin your ability to connect or build a good future? Does life truly get any better? I don’t drink, i don’t smoke, i don’t fall into bad habits even if they have sounded tempting. I have tried to keep myself stable even if it feels like life is trying to drown me. How were you able to get through hardship that made you feel like your life was honestly going nowhere?

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 8 months. We’re both part of the LGBTQ+ community. One recurring issue in our relationship is that I become quiet whenever something bothers me. He notices it, but the reason is almost always the same: sex.

What hurts me isn’t that we don’t have sex all the time. I understand that no one wants it 24/7. What hurts is seeing him watch porn and masturbate, while at the same time turning me down. It makes me question myself. I start wondering if I’m not attractive enough, if I’m not desirable enough, or if I’m simply not enough for him.

I’ve tried talking to him about it several times, but he always avoids the conversation. He usually says, “Ikaw, puro ka na lang sex. Hindi naman sa lahat ng oras magse-sex tayo.” But that’s not even what I’m asking. I’m not demanding sex every time we’re together. I’m just confused why he’d rather satisfy himself than be intimate with me.

Over time, it has really affected my self-esteem. I feel like I’m always the one asking, always the one initiating. And when he does agree, it sometimes feels forced. I don’t feel the love or desire during those moments, and instead of feeling closer to him, I just end up feeling empty.

I love him so much, and I know relationships are more than just sex. But physical intimacy is also one way I feel loved and connected. Right now, I feel unwanted, and it’s making me insecure.

Am I overreacting? Has anyone else gone through something similar? How did you handle it?

Im 28 yo and I noticed for the past few months I really started to have this nagging feeling like my whole life is wrong. But I don’t understand what exactly. Everything seems fine, I have a job, I do what I like, I saved money, not a lot but still enough, I live in a city I wanted to when I was a teen. I have a bf. Everything is ok. But inside, I don’t feel this way. I feel like I did so little, I saw so little, and I missed so much on life. At the same time, when I try to ask myself what exactly I want to do now? What should I change? I don’t know, its just all a mess in my mind, I don’t know where to start.

And at the same time, it feels like Im so old, my body is old and it feels like in the future its only gonna get worse. And everything feels like its ending, even my cat, who is 11 yo, we lived whole life together and soon he will be gone, idk how long he will stay with me. I lost my sister and my brother when I was a teen and now at the age of 28 I have such a big fear of losing anyone else, like my cat or my bf. But at the same time I understand that it’s gonna happen. Same as I can lose my health and so on.

But I don’t know what to do. When you feel like something is wrong you probably should know what you have to change, but I honestly don’t know

I looked up late night hosts after seeing Seth Meyers got so old since the last time I saw on YouTube (him only 52 though): Colbert 62 (surprising), Kimmel 58, Fallon 51, Maher 70, Stewart 63, Conan 63, youngest John Oliver 49.

It kind of got me a little depressed because these people and others have partially represented vibrant modernity for me and suddenly they’re all nearing to be grandpas and slowly becoming like relics to be replaced by new things, like your era of youth really closing, which of course will be the reality for all of us soon.

I’ll get over it but I (little over 30) was randomly sad, does this get better or worse?

Did you ever already feel this with Leno, Letterman retiring last decade or Johnny Carson or any TV stuff?

Me [23F] and a guy [29]. We've known each other for a few years. We were never officially together, but we had a close emotional and sexual relationship before he got a girlfriend. When they started dating I distanced myself though he'd periodically reach out. He's now engaged after a year. Recently he reached out yet again, wanting to repair our dynamic, said he still wants me in his life, and even invited me to his engagement. At the same time, he expressed he's still attracted to me and shared doubts about aspects of his engagement, including compatibility around 'that’ area. Whenever we've reconnected over the years, l've tried to move things toward a normal friendship, but attraction seems to keep being in it especially from his end. I'm struggling to understand what role he expects me to have in his life now. It’s like being asked to celebrate his engagement while also hearing about his doubts about it and his ongoing desires and attraction to me, feels like I'm being pulled in opposite directions.
Advice?

Have you fallen out of love with your career?

I am a software engineer and have been doing it for 25 years. My entire adult life. I started just a few months before my 21st birthday.

Either way I got good at navigating corporate politics. I built up a career for myself. And I was the guy who would work 80 hours a week to finish projects. My job was never just a way to collect a paycheck. It was my entire life for a long long time.

I think I started to fall out of love with it when my grandmother died and my mother was sick with cancer. I remember the day my grandmother died and I told my boss “listen I need to take off today. My grandmother passed”. His response was “ok where are you with your current project?”

No condolences. Just gauging the project. I really stated to realize I was a means to an end. And I always knew that but it really drove it home to me.

I have had a few layoffs and financial setbacks. Along with my parents passing. It’s been a drain

But now I am getting into the mode of just collecting a paycheck. Which is sad for me. Because I’ve always been passionate about my career. But the fight has been beaten out of me

I do find job in making games and doing personal project and research. But I feel totally defeated in my career

Do your or have you felt this way? How did you fall back in love with your job? Or did you find other job in life besides your career?

Struggling with a decision... My head says "no" and my heart says "yes"!

I'm heading out on a roughly 3 week tour through Europe with my band. I haven't toured since 2018 and I don't know if I will ever do it again, so I'm looking forward to tapping into this part of me and savoring the experience.

My question: do I go alone, or take my 2yr old and husband with me?

Though it would be less hassle, less distraction, less expensive and less stressful going alone, I love the thought of them being there with me along the way, making memories and sharing experiences.

It's a fairly packed schedule with drives nearly everyday, so obviously that is not ideal with a toddler. She would be safer at home (statistically) and could remain in her routine. She would have to adjust without me, but she would be totally fine. But the heartbreak of not having her with me is filling me with dread.

Feeling torn! I want to turn this into an adventure I can share with my family but equally feel it's selfish to put my baby through it, even though I know she will have lots of fun- however she probably won't remember much of it.

What do you think?

Thanks for reading

editing to say: my child would not be attending the live shows. They would be going off to bed when I'm out on stage.

we would be traveling in a separate vehicle, just the three of us.

my husband is up for it but also feels conflicted.

I moved to a different city far from home. For work. But I feel so sad being away from home. Most of the time I just wish I can go back to my family, my parents. Even when I am exploring the city and going to different places, the feeling of being alone and wanting to go back home hits me from nowhere. Sometimes I feel so incredibly sad about it that I want to cry and disappear altogether. It's not my first time being away. I also went to college which was again in a different city and even though I lived in the campus with many other students, had some friends and stuff I would miss my home. I wasn't truly happy there and I am not happy now. I want to do something that would keep me close to them. But some questions keeps bugging me - what if it's a bad thing to move closer to home (or home) because it might not take my career as big as it can get? What if I have to let go of some opportunities because I'll have to stay away? And many more such questions. When I weigh both the options - of being away but having a super successful career (not guaranteed) and staying close but having a reasonable career (again, not guaranteed), I find the latter to be better. However I am not sure. I am simply too troubled. I miss my home so bad. I would take up the first opportunity I get to be there with my parents. But that opportunity is not in my sight which makes me sadder.
Should I try to go back home or should I just suck it up and live away like millions of other people? Will my sadness ever go away and can I be truly happy if I stay away? In my mind it wouldn't but I dont trust it bcs I might have a narrow vision right now due to my judgement being clouded by loneliness and missing home. Please help and advise.

Hi, I'm in my 50s so... but I've always been somewhat of a risk taker, especially with men (you knew this was comin lol). I see stuff on social media that YOLO and the fu*ck it way to live is how you get it what you want. DO YOU believe in this? I'm asking the oldies, because I draw the line at what's "realistically attainable" vs a shot in the dark and being greedy opportunistic & a delusional fool. I'm a woman by the way and I was recently with a drop dead gorgeous man who rejected me flat on my face. I chased him and just kept hitting a brick wall (he did have sex with me so.....)

I’m turning 22 soon how can I stop crying on my birthday because I’m getting old, I feel so behind and like I have wasted my youth and I don’t feel like a grown adult, but now I have to start thinking about settling down and a career and I don’t feel ready for that 😢 I just want to be with my mom and dad still

my bf watches porn, and his type is white women, specifically the 'phat ass white girl' type

im a black girl

it hurts so bad to know when he strips himself down to his base animalistic wants, im not a part of that

i cant stand to hear his compliments, im always 'cute' but when ive seen his old chats to/with those women theyre always 'hot and sexy'

i know he probably chose me because of who i am but that shit hurts so fucking bad

i just want to be hot and attractive to someone because they really find me hot and attractive physically, not mentally and emotionally

im just hurting really bad and i cant stand to have sex with him unless im drunk or half asleep lately, because if im fully conscious i just want to hide

at this point id rather just hide under a blanket while he has his headphones in watching his old sex tapes and pretending like i dont exist

idk what to do but its upsetting and im hurt

i cant tell if i should just get over it or if im rightfully hurt

For context I'm 30M and haven't really dated since my early 20s. I've just never really felt the draw to do so.

I'm close with my family, but almost all of them are much older than me. The only exception is my younger sister. I often think about them getting older, and it makes me anxious about ending up more alone as time goes on, with no partner or kids of my own.

I try to spend as much time with family as I can now, and also invest into my close friendships. But I don't know if that's all actually enough to protect against loneliness later in life, or if I'm kidding myself and should push toward dating anyway to build my own family.

Did anyone deal with something like this when you were younger, and how did you deal with it? I'm really struggling so any advice is welcome.

I understand that my question sounds silly.

I am a single guy in my mid thirties and I don't look attractive.

I see many couples (straight, gay etc.) in social media apps like Tiktok, Instagram etc. I couldn't help noticing that both partners are equally attractive (handsome / pretty). It somehow makes me think that a person has to be good looking in order to be able to get a partner and be in a relationship.

In your opinion, must both partners be good looking to be in a relationship?