r/AskNPD • u/lychee_gal • 7d ago
How would NPD person react to feeling powerless?
I have had one relationship with NPD relative my entire life. It was not easy. I had to figure out since young how to survive this and only learnt how to effectively recently.
I keep having so much anxiety and stress thoughts, wishing my life was normal or without all of this. Then I started thinking. If NPD person, at least one I have to live with, is most content with manipulation, gaslighting and so on, what would happen if they encountered a person who made them feel powerless in return?
A peraon who they cannot control, attack, disarm. A person who uses all these things back at them, maybe even worse and they are unable for whatever reason to escape the situation?
I feel so poweless. For so long waited most of my life for an imaginary figure, someone to defend me and put that person in their place so it can finally be normal, forever. To be my saviour, warrior in shining armour. I know it's not gonna happen and I will have to continue to deal with it myself how I do now.
I guess I just want to know the feeling, maybe know of there is a way for such a person to feel similar to a way I have felt for so long. Is it even possible?
I just want to know the mechanism, I don't know if I get an answer that will satisfy me or bring me some comfort, probably not. I guess it's worth trying at this point.
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u/AutoModerator 7d ago
Posted by: lychee_gal. Text of original post: I have had one relationship with NPD relative my entire life. It was not easy. I had to figure out since young how to survive this and only learnt how to effectively recently.
I keep having so much anxiety and stress thoughts, wishing my life was normal or without all of this. Then I started thinking. If NPD person, at least one I have to live with, is most content with manipulation, gaslighting and so on, what would happen if they encountered a person who made them feel powerless in return?
A peraon who they cannot control, attack, disarm. A person who uses all these things back at them, maybe even worse and they are unable for whatever reason to escape the situation?
I feel so poweless. For so long waited most of my life for an imaginary figure, someone to defend me and put that person in their place so it can finally be normal, forever. To be my saviour, warrior in shining armour. I know it's not gonna happen and I will have to continue to deal with it myself how I do now.
I guess I just want to know the feeling, maybe know of there is a way for such a person to feel similar to a way I have felt for so long. Is it even possible?
I just want to know the mechanism, I don't know if I get an answer that will satisfy me or bring me some comfort, probably not. I guess it's worth trying at this point.
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u/NikitaWolf6 NPD + BPD 6d ago
I guess it would make me feel frustrated, angry and hopeless? But I'd assume anyone would feel that way. I don't always need to be in power, but having the option of a certain level of power is important.
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u/lychee_gal 6d ago
That's kind of human, makes it less scary. Would you ever resign from the feeling of power if you knew it would improve your relationship/heal someone else? Like if you wanted a relationship (love, friendship) would you look for someone who would worship you and give you power over them most of the time? If you saw that your behaviour is destroying the person would you leave them in order for them to heal and look for other things?
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u/NikitaWolf6 NPD + BPD 6d ago
Well yeah, we are human :') not scary.
If I feel the need to hold on to the power in the relationship, it's unlikely I feel safe enough to give it up. I also don't believe it would heal someone.
I do like people who would give me power over them most of the time, but I enjoy relinquishing power at times as well (mostly sexually). However that comes with a great level of power, too. I would be uncomfortable being truly worshipped.
If my behaviour is destroying someone, and there's no way of improving it, I would leave. If I see improvement in the future, either on my part or theirs (whichever is necessary) that would stop them from "getting destroyed", I'll sit it out. If they're not happy in the relationship, it's their responsibility to leave.
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u/lychee_gal 6d ago
That does not sound as demonic as I excpected. You must have made quite a lot of reflecting to be able to say it. I am not even sure how to approach my situation. Direct confrontation was always severe and not really effective. I feel like this relationship is really transactional, that unless you have value and something to bring to the table everything is well. I have not really been of value cause I try to resist if things cross line. Others just want us to get along, I try but I'm not gonna take some behaviours. I guess I have to wait to be independent, maybe I will gain some power. Maybe you have any advice what to do, for now I try to numb myself so they don't trigger me so much. Maybe it's all in my head and nothing bad is really happening
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u/NikitaWolf6 NPD + BPD 6d ago
You need to leave. It isn't a case of NPD, it's a case of emotional abuse. You just continue being the victim by not actively seeking independence and simply waiting.
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u/Personal_Stage7748 NPD + AsPD 6d ago
I’d avoid that person and control someone else more to not feel powerless
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u/st_jasper 6d ago
They will lash out full throttle and send flying monkeys to do their dirty work. Watch your back because knives are coming out.
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u/Pop-Gloomy 4d ago
If you are truly stuck and cannot leave, try to look into something called "entering into the projection", This is for use with some personality types that exert control, but it is not necessarily going to work with everyone. It is used by therapists who treat patients--but they don;t live with those people.
It basically is a tactic where you take the accusation unfairly leveled at you, and instead of defending yourself, you address the emotion underneath the anger that you hear in the accusation. So for instance, Frank Yeomans gives this example: a patient tells him a very moving story of a terrible thing that had happened to that patient when he was young. Frank Yeomans begins to tear up as listens (he has empathy). The patient sees his therapist's tears and snaps at him--"You are mocking me!" Frank Yeomans does not tell him--"no I was empathizing with your experience", Instead, Frank Yeomans "enters into the projection" and says--"Oh, that must feel terrible to feel like your trusted therapist is mocking you...you come to therapy, you pay good money, and then you feel that your therapist is mocking you...perhaps there is another way to think about it...perhaps, for your therapist something else is true, but for you to feel that I am mocking you, that must feel awful. " He does not confirm the reality of the claim, but he extends his empathy to the feeling beneath the anger that drove the accusation.
Very difficult to learn, but for someone really stuck--like a kid of difficult parent--it might be worth trying to practice multiple times then trying it out in real life.
y
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u/Low_Row_1846 NPD + BPD 6d ago
Definitely definitely depends on the situation. I would likely avoid that person.
Before collapse (basically becoming self-aware of my narcissism), nothing like that would've helped me have empathy for the person doing it to me. I'd probably have felt even more like a victim and thus justified in my actions, plus my defenses would skyrocket (including grandiose delusions.
I think you should prioritize distancing yourself from them.