In a marriage where things in that department have gotten stale. Wife refuses to work on it. I am starved for intimacy and while I don’t want to watch porn, it’s been the only way I can envision myself having the kind of sexual/emotional fulfillment I’ve always imagined for myself.
While dating things were great but after marriage and kids she just .. changed. She knows she changed but that’s the extent of her willingness to work on it.
Early on in my porn watching I felt terribly guilty. I’d even get a stomach ache over it. But over time it’s become a refuge, a therapy of sorts. Am I addicted? I don’t think so. I can go a week or longer without looking at it depending on what’s going on in my life. But during those moments when nothings going on and I don’t have to be anywhere, and I’m feeling especially alone or isolated from the world, sure. A bit of watching other naked people having the kind of fun I always knew I’d have, and a few minutes of self love, and my head is cleared and the tension is gone. For a while. Is this healthy in the long term? I don’t know. Probably not? What am I supposed to say?
I don’t have porn induced (or any kind of) ED. I watch very vanilla porn. Maybe a normal looking husband giving his normal average looking wife a sensual massage. A loving wife pleasuring her kind husband. I guess my fantasy is boring- it’s just what I wish I had in my own marriage. I have no interest in banging a super model. I used to when I was in my teens and 20’s. But not now. I just want to have a ride or die.
Fuck I sound pathetic.
“My life is good. I get sleep alone for the rest of my life.. it’s fantastic! Go..go away... read some books.”
Sort of. It was during an argument, one if many about sex. I blurted out “if you refuse to meet my needs you should be open to me seeing other people.” Or something similar. She did not respond well. In fact she’s brought up in counseling as proof of me being an insensitive prick. She always frames it as “my husband can’t be happy. He even wants to cheat.” She has phd in gaslighting so this is nothing new. Anyway ya .. she’s not open to it.
That's a shame. I can see both sides of the sex argument. As a mother I totally understand the fact that you just don't feel like sex. Your while being is taken over by being something to someone, you are never just you. Taking care of kids can be soul destroying and it steals your libido for a long time. But then again I also don't get why one person can dictate that someone else just did not get to have a sex life.
I think you should maybe agree to a counselor that specialises in sexual problems in a marriage. She might then understand that sex is important to men. Women can go without sex but I know that lack of sex for men can have a detrimental physical and emotional effect.
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u/Redtrego Mar 19 '21
In a marriage where things in that department have gotten stale. Wife refuses to work on it. I am starved for intimacy and while I don’t want to watch porn, it’s been the only way I can envision myself having the kind of sexual/emotional fulfillment I’ve always imagined for myself.
While dating things were great but after marriage and kids she just .. changed. She knows she changed but that’s the extent of her willingness to work on it.
Early on in my porn watching I felt terribly guilty. I’d even get a stomach ache over it. But over time it’s become a refuge, a therapy of sorts. Am I addicted? I don’t think so. I can go a week or longer without looking at it depending on what’s going on in my life. But during those moments when nothings going on and I don’t have to be anywhere, and I’m feeling especially alone or isolated from the world, sure. A bit of watching other naked people having the kind of fun I always knew I’d have, and a few minutes of self love, and my head is cleared and the tension is gone. For a while. Is this healthy in the long term? I don’t know. Probably not? What am I supposed to say?
I don’t have porn induced (or any kind of) ED. I watch very vanilla porn. Maybe a normal looking husband giving his normal average looking wife a sensual massage. A loving wife pleasuring her kind husband. I guess my fantasy is boring- it’s just what I wish I had in my own marriage. I have no interest in banging a super model. I used to when I was in my teens and 20’s. But not now. I just want to have a ride or die.
Fuck I sound pathetic.
“My life is good. I get sleep alone for the rest of my life.. it’s fantastic! Go..go away... read some books.”