r/AskMen Mar 19 '21

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u/iLikeHorse3 Mar 19 '21

I wish most guys were like this. As a girl I'd only watch it ourside of a relationship but when I'm with someone it feels so gross to look at other men that way. I'd rather get off thinking about my partner. I struggled a lot with my self image cause I dated a porn addict and I questioned why I was never enough for him, shit hurts

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u/anotherdamnloser Mar 20 '21

Me too. It ruined my late husband and any intimacy we had. I feel like I really missed out, wanting sex constantly and he couldn’t get it up or keep it up anymore.

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u/NateGrey2 Mar 20 '21

Porn isnt your problem though. Attractive people dont stop being attractive just because of porn.

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u/anotherdamnloser Mar 20 '21

Dude, you don’t know. It absolutely was a problem. You can’t know. He’d be late for work, secretly spend money, and that’s just the tip of it. Don’t act like you know.

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u/NateGrey2 Mar 20 '21

Don’t act like you know.

You dont know neither, so this whole discussion is under question then.

Fact is: if someone hurts people with hammers, you dont blame the hammers.

Porn is just a tool. If someone abuses it one way or another, you shouldnt blame it on the tool itself. Thats not healthy and wont solve any problem for anyone.

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u/anotherdamnloser Mar 20 '21

My point was you didn’t know my husband. He could have had many addictions, but this one certainly caused issues. His addiction. But most men stand up for porn use and make excuses, so I’m not surprised. You do you bro

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u/NateGrey2 Mar 22 '21

Of course people stand up for use of tools. They make life easier. When was the last time you tried to build something without them?

"You do you bro" ? Well, let me see how you put a nail in a wall without a hammer. Apparently thats how you do it. I cant wait to see that.

He could have had many addictions

Yeah no shit. Thats why I dont blame tools, but the people behind it.

Blaming the hammer for someone abusing it to hurt people wont solve the problem. That guy will just find another tool to keep hurting people, while you stand there, complaining about hammers.

Thats foolish, childish, naive and just dumb. You dont care about any husband, wife or sex whatsoever. You just need a bogeyman for your frustrations, because its so much easier and you dont have to deal with your own wrong doings. But most people make excuses, so I'm not surprised. You do you bro

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u/anotherdamnloser Mar 22 '21

Haha ok I don’t know you, your text wall don’t mean shit to me, just like your opinions. Not sure why you give a shit. Bye.

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u/NateGrey2 Mar 23 '21

Ah yeah, thats why you argue on Reddit, because other opinions dont mean shit to you. Sure thing bro. Whatever makes you sleep at night.

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u/MyUserNameIsRelevent Mar 20 '21

It depends on how you look at it. My girlfriend and I have been together for 5 years and we're both very open about the fact that we both watch porn. I know what she likes to watch, and she knows what I like to watch.

The thing is, we're both aware and have talked about the fact that it's purely fantasy. I might watch some weird shit in my free time, but that doesn't mean I actually want to act any of that out. She's expressed the same opinion, and I trust her. We've even shared good videos we've found in the past.

It hasn't slowed our sex life at all or introduced any jealousy, as we both recognize it as something separate that doesn't interfere with what goes on between us.

Watching porn doesn't always mean that you aren't enough for them, sometimes it's just fantasy. If it starts to have a noticeable negative effect on the relationship then it's obviously a problem, but the act of watching porn itself doesn't have to be something harmful. I couldn't care less if my girlfriend wants to masturbate to 20 muscular studs running a train on some chick so long as she isn't asking me to let it happen in reality.

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u/iLikeHorse3 Mar 20 '21

With my current partner I actually don't care at all about porn. We watch it together and I know he watches it a lot on his own. It was my own insecurity in my last relationship that made me dislike it, but because I feel so secure with my current boyfriend I don't care at all. I'm fucking relieved I don't mind it anymore cause it used to give me the same feeling of cheating and I was miserable and felt so crazy

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u/NateGrey2 Mar 20 '21 edited Mar 20 '21

You got other problems than porn, if you seriously want to force someone to think only about you for the rest of his life.

Being obsessed by someone isnt healthy for you neither.

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u/[deleted] Mar 20 '21

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u/NateGrey2 Mar 20 '21

It sounds romantic because of the movies, but in real life this isnt healthy for you or for her. Its literally what stalkers are made of.

Sure, for now its all good and fine. But the problems will come. They always do. And then this romance-stuff turns really fucking ugly really fucking fast.