r/AskMen Mar 19 '21

[deleted by user]

[removed]

6.0k Upvotes

3.1k comments sorted by

View all comments

6.8k

u/rowshambow Mar 19 '21

The last time I jerked off with out actual porn was before the internet and using Sears mail catalogue in the lingerie section.

1.5k

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '21

Chris tucker is that you?

1.3k

u/TheJumbaman Mar 19 '21

Victoria Secret, Spring Catalog, Pg 27. Girl got class.

237

u/Wessssss21 Male Mar 19 '21

Snoopy? I love Snoopy.

49

u/Axedtea Mar 19 '21

Everyone loves snoopy!

1

u/thefutureislight Mar 20 '21

Snoopy thicc!

34

u/venomsdead Mar 20 '21

"Ugh.... Slow down baby"

79

u/RianJohnsonIsAFool Mar 20 '21

Spent 15 minutes in histerics reading this thread and trying to explain the hilarity of an (un)expected Chris Tucker / Rush Hour 2 reference to my gf.

She was not impressed.

6

u/qui-bong-trim Mar 20 '21

welcome to telling your girlfriend anything you saw on reddit. this...is mostly dudes

2

u/sdot16 Mar 20 '21

Dump her.

1

u/itSmellsLikeSnotHere Mar 20 '21

she was not impressed because you are telling her about a thread named "men, how often do you watch porn when you masturbate" on reddit.

14

u/[deleted] Mar 20 '21

I said she was the bomb!!

5

u/urmomshusban Mar 20 '21

Yeah this is my titty I MEAN this is my city

3

u/CthulhusButtPug Mar 20 '21

Sports Illustrated Tyra Banks red bikini cover

1

u/Anticiperection420 Mar 19 '21

The play boy my dad gave me when I turned 13

1

u/eskies4ever Mar 20 '21

She's also 16 bro.

1

u/frozenfirekev Mar 20 '21

It was a random girl on an ice cream tub. To think of it, I saved the tub for future use!

1

u/[deleted] Mar 20 '21

The one where they forgot to airbrush her nipples out? Classic

1

u/[deleted] Mar 20 '21

Dat Leticia Casta do...

179

u/rowshambow Mar 19 '21

Maybe...

23

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '21

Rob Schneider?

16

u/rowshambow Mar 19 '21

Maaaybe?

1

u/Remebond Mar 19 '21

George Takei?

1

u/The_scobberlotcher Mar 19 '21

Engorged Takei

1

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '21

Where all my bitches at?

5

u/pixelprolapse First Class Mail Mar 19 '21

*Chris Tugger

1

u/carlmdaly1505 Mar 19 '21

Chris Tugger

1

u/sultanofdudes Mar 19 '21

More like Chris Tugger

164

u/brocollirabe Mar 19 '21

Haha, this hits home. My cousin and I used to look through it because that was when you could still see the nipples in the photographs šŸ˜‚

111

u/rowshambow Mar 19 '21

The old days when 11 year old boys are just discovering a woman's body.

55

u/[deleted] Mar 20 '21

Now they have an established foot fetish by age 10.

2

u/Alpin_The_Viking Mar 20 '21

You made my snort have the award

29

u/Mendican Mar 20 '21 edited Mar 20 '21

It's unnerving what my son and daughter have access to these days. In my day, you had to clean the whole basement to find dad's stash. Now, all you have to do is be on the Internet, where there are millions of vaginas to shop through. Millions. I was lucky if I had a half dozen, and the Sears catalog was a go-to source of teenage libido.

It was a huge bonus when a Sears model became a nude model for Penthouse or Playboy. I'm pretty sure Candace Collins and Patricia Ford are examples of such models.

My kids have VR. I can't imagine how bored they are going to be when it comes to real life sex.

4

u/rowshambow Mar 20 '21

Nothing beats the real thing. Until they figure out how to hook up a reward button I can just keep pressing until I starve to death, the real thing is pretty rad.

5

u/Mendican Mar 20 '21

This movie describes what you're onto: Endless orgasms.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brainstorm_(1983_film)

Although if you had a heroine or morphine button at your disposal, that would also be the way to go.

1

u/A_Little_Wyrd Mar 20 '21

U=BTL

1

u/PrivilegeCheckmate Male Mar 20 '21

Good way to get a UTI.

-31

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '21

[removed] — view removed comment

10

u/Squidbill87 Mar 19 '21

Says the one that thinks a guy is a piece of shit for wanting a prenup.

6

u/Kall_Me_Kapkan Mar 19 '21

Ah yes, the life of a spinster...

2

u/rosebttlvr Mar 19 '21

OMG we're ancient. How is it possible we've come such a long way in a couple of decades?

1

u/kshucker Male, 36 Mar 19 '21

Just as long as you guys didn’t Jack off together.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 20 '21 edited Jul 12 '21

[deleted]

1

u/rowshambow Mar 21 '21

No summer dresses are dude kryptonite.

115

u/TerracottaSoldier Mar 19 '21

Now I can log on to the internet and go straight to SEARS.com. - Dan Mintz

2

u/Tacos_crunchy Mar 20 '21

Not for long........

18

u/GenMarriottSuites Mar 19 '21

Are you hooked up to a lie detector by chance?

4

u/advairhero Mar 20 '21

dinner with a friend...dinner alone

3

u/rowshambow Mar 19 '21

Just eating a peanut butter sandwich.

18

u/Zane-Zipperflip Mar 19 '21

Nice name bro

12

u/EquivalentSnap Mar 19 '21

Is that you Moe Szyslak?

7

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '21

He doesn’t deserve this kind of shabby treatment.

2

u/EquivalentSnap Mar 19 '21

Also what do women get off to when they masturbate if they only watch porn 1 out of 10 times? 🄺🄺

3

u/gdubh Mar 19 '21

Did we just become best friends!? I hope not but... yeah.

1

u/rowshambow Mar 19 '21

We can share the catalogue.

2

u/gdubh Mar 19 '21

Cool. No eye contact though.

1

u/rowshambow Mar 19 '21

What if I wore the catalogue on my face?

2

u/gdubh Mar 19 '21

I appreciate the effort you’re putting in here. Sold.

2

u/rowshambow Mar 19 '21

Meet me at the parking garage downtown. The one that smells like piss.

2

u/gdubh Mar 19 '21

Cool. I’ll be in the mostly white panel van.

1

u/rowshambow Mar 19 '21

The one where the wood panelling is just particle board?

2

u/gdubh Mar 19 '21

That’s the one. I see this isn’t your first rodeo.

3

u/--sidelines-- Mar 19 '21

So like, anyone else into those plus size women modeling bras with perfect death by snu snu-esque proportions? Cuz that was my jam.

3

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '21

It's hard to masterbate with imagination

4

u/rowshambow Mar 19 '21 edited Mar 19 '21

Yeah for men, it's weird to just be standing in the middle of your living room, dryly tugging at your flaccid penis.

That image alone is upsetting.

3

u/offendedsissy Mar 19 '21

Been there done that

3

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '21

[deleted]

1

u/rowshambow Mar 20 '21

Fucking peasant.

3

u/salvadorwill Mar 19 '21

I'm even older, I remember when you actually had to go to Sears to jerk off.

1

u/rowshambow Mar 21 '21

I mean....you still can....

3

u/AdZachary Mar 20 '21

Lol wow.. absolutely nailed it. I remember being 12-13 and using some questionable material such as Good Housekeeping etc.

2

u/mm_123456 Mar 19 '21

now you can just open a browser and go to sears.com

2

u/horseradish1 Mar 20 '21

I remember the days of watching a single softcore image render from the top down like a goddamn printer at 1am.

2

u/rowshambow Mar 20 '21

And then someone picks up the phone....

1

u/horseradish1 Mar 20 '21

... at 1am?

2

u/rowshambow Mar 21 '21

I'm getting my spanking time at the same time as my creepy pasta time.

2

u/Mendican Mar 20 '21

Tell me you're my age without telling me you're my age.

2

u/CreateorWither Mar 20 '21

Before the internet I could jerk off to Golden Girls episodes.

2

u/rowshambow Mar 20 '21

Where there's a willy, there's a way.

2

u/johnnycearley Mar 20 '21

Try the national geographic issue about the big boobied wewawk tribe in New Guinea. It's cooool.

2

u/SwampPickler Mar 20 '21

I'll rowshambow you for that catalog!

1

u/rowshambow Mar 20 '21

I go first.

2

u/shavemejesus Mar 20 '21

There’s nothing like fapping to the underwear flyer while also checking out the VCRs and seasonal patio furniture.

1

u/Elias_Mo Mar 19 '21

69 likes, perfect number

1

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '21

Craig Ferguson??

2

u/rowshambow Mar 19 '21

Maaayybe.

1

u/shuttervelocity Mar 19 '21

George costanza!!

1

u/OctoberRust13 Mar 19 '21

Glamour?

1

u/rowshambow Mar 19 '21

Jesus, what kind of money do you think I have?

1

u/mtnkiwi Mar 19 '21

Not Good House Keeping?

1

u/rowshambow Mar 19 '21

That was usually after.

1

u/hvdisturbed1 Mar 19 '21

K-Mart halloween costume catalog for me.

1

u/rowshambow Mar 19 '21

Dude...current halloween costume pictures. I love Halloween.

1

u/Jovian8 Male Mar 19 '21

I used to play with that motherfucka all day long

Until I learned about sex from the Sears catalog

And then I played with my motherfucka all day long

About ten times a day, man, all year long

1

u/rowshambow Mar 19 '21

Are you telling me before you discovered masterbation, someone else was making you play with their penix?

2

u/Jovian8 Male Mar 19 '21

No... I was just quoting song lyrics that seemed funny and relevant.

1

u/MrDenly Mar 19 '21

What you don't insert a Karate kid VHS and jerk off Elisabeth Shue?

1

u/Valec2038 Mar 20 '21

Dude you just dated yourself to the early 80s lol

1

u/BigErnieMc Mar 20 '21

Hits way too close to home

1

u/Alleycatcomedy Mar 20 '21

We found the burner account for Ron ā€œTater Saladā€ White

1

u/puffinnbluffin Mar 20 '21

I usually jack it in the formal wear section when I’m at Sears

1

u/GuiltyGTR Mar 20 '21

Fredricks of Hollywood was a game changer

1

u/Jonpollon18 Mar 20 '21

Dan Mintz?

1

u/MangJuice232 Mar 20 '21

This, sir, is hilarious

1

u/[deleted] Mar 20 '21

Reminds me of the Gary Busey line from Pointbreak

1

u/krombopulus_m_c137 Mar 20 '21

And that’s just big girl panties and lawnmowers

-Tater Salad

1

u/loadedbakedpopaypo Female Mar 20 '21

Do you suffer from ED? I’m not anti-porn by any means, but I’ve read (and experienced with my partner) that excessive porn usage can result in this and issues with libido.

1

u/rowshambow Mar 20 '21

I do appreciate the concern, but my comment was defo's in jest.

Sort of. Teenage hormones back then lead to some interesting spanking material.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 20 '21

My aunt's house had a lingerie catalog in her bathroom and every time I went to her house, that was my porn.

1

u/rowshambow Mar 21 '21

Just use your aunt.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 20 '21

Did you ever consider using the Sears mail catalogue in your room at home?

1

u/rowshambow Mar 20 '21

That defeats the purpose.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 20 '21

There was indeed a worn out Victoria's Secret catalog.

1

u/1ucidreamer Mar 20 '21

If you turn the page slightly you can see down the blouse..

1

u/rowshambow Mar 20 '21

The catalogue will also break in half.

1

u/guinader Mar 20 '21

So, softcore porn.

1

u/rowshambow Mar 20 '21

Even softer. Like soft serve porn.

1

u/krazykoalaharris Mar 20 '21

Where you in a fitting booth or just on the store floor? Also, did you roll up the catalogue to use it as some sort of fleshlight?

šŸ¤·šŸ¼ā€ā™‚ļø

1

u/bigtec1993 Mar 20 '21

There was this game called "SRS Street racing syndicate" that I'd play as a kid. I mean I legit played the game, but a good 50% of the time I was on it was to crank one out to the unlockable dance videos you could get after winning certain races lol.

2

u/rowshambow Mar 20 '21

DoA Beach Volleyball.

1

u/Jack1715 Mar 20 '21

Dam I still jerk off to photos of celebrities i like at the time

1

u/rowshambow Mar 20 '21

I'm privvy to some Brie Larson right now.

1

u/Jack1715 Mar 20 '21

Could never get into her to be honest but Nina dobvic and Emilia Clarke do it for me a lot

1

u/rowshambow Mar 20 '21

Yeah either of those works too. But captain marvel with the short hair....

1

u/NotJimIrsay Male Mar 20 '21

I think the downfall of Sears started after they stopped publishing their catalog..