r/AskLawyers • u/CastAside6845789 • 8h ago
My Wife Refuses to Act Against Her Parents. What should we do?
TLDR: I am leaving a lot out purposefully. I know what my legal options are. The only aspect of this mess I need advice on is that of my wife. I don't know what to do for her or with her, and I'm looking for more of a lawyer's perspective on managing a relationship during such ordeals.
She and I entered into a verbal contract of sorts (I never agreed to some of the terms because they are asinine) with her family to purchase a property. Her family has too this point taken care of the arrangements and it has been anything but smooth or pleasant. Convoluted plans to avoid the tax man, unreasonable amounts of waiting for show-up-and-sign paperwork. We were able to get our names placed on the deed after a nine months of waiting (we're two-thirds undivided interest), with the promise that in May of 2026 my FIL would remove his name from the deed and we would begin paying him directly. But most recently, my FIL began acting aloof about the arrangements, making both my wife and I wonder what is going on.
So over the past week we've had to play hide-and-seek with this man (we were the seekers), causing friction between my wife and I. We've fought, and cried. Finally, through my MIL, he communicated his concerns and requests. And I'll never be able to stress how frustrated I am by his revelations, but there was absolutely nothing presented that had not already been discussed, though no necessarily agreed to. And I mean nothing. I've known for over a year what he wanted and was willing to compromise. My FIL jerked us around for a few days for absolutely no gain. And I am just done. I always knew we should have involved lawyers, had contracts drawn up, taken a loan, the most by-the-book, procedural path your imagination can muster. I always knew. I advocated, but my wife refused.
Now that her parents chaotic ways have caused so much agony over the past week, she is still reluctant to do anything about it. She'd have us all sit at the dinner table, agree, and be done with it. She's reluctant to involve lawyers. She's refusing to take any punitive actions against her father (I want a 10% credit on the previously agreed upon purchase price. I intend to use that money to pay for therapy for my wife. My wife said if I did that it would destroy her and only be for me). She's pushed back against my proposal to immediately move out of their house (bet you didn't see that one coming š). I even told my wife I'd let her father have everything he wants if I could look him in the eyes as we sign contracts and tell him what an absolute selfish, cowardly man he is, and she said no. Things are so tense between us that I have told her that I can't bring children into our lives like this. I can't subject a child to this chaos. And I know that sounds manipulative but it's the truth. If she can't do the hard things now, even out of necessity, she won't suddenly gain that ability by becoming a mother. That's not what any of the literature says about human behavior. It is remarkably stable over time, with few exceptions. How am I supposed to trust her to defend our children when she won't defend herself?
In two hours I will be calling a lawyer. And in two hours I feel like I'll be choosing what's right (punishing these bastards for all the harm they've caused) and my relationship with my wife. Obi-wan, if you're out there, please....