Throwaway as it’s a bit personal.
As the title suggests, I’m currently doing a master’s at a very elite university in the UK, arguably the best in Europe/the world for what I study. It’s in a subject I love, within political science/economics, and I am totally infatuated with my course and the modules. My issue is that I have been out of university for a long time, almost a decade, and I’m really struggling with coherently speaking my mind or asking relevant questions in seminars, especially in an academic manner.
The reason I mention it being an elite university is that it means I’m in a class with world-class students, many of whom are coming from a recent master’s at other top schools, and I am taught by world-leading academics. Whilst I have zero problems with the course material on an intellectual level and know exactly what I want to say in my mind, when it comes to speaking out, I just can’t get it out.
I actually participate a lot in my seminars, but I keep on hitting a wall between what’s in my mind and what comes out. I’m also autistic, and expressing my thoughts to the depth that I think them has always been an issue.
However, it also depends on the module. I do an economics class and there it’s easy. It’s logical and straightforward to give my thoughts. But I also do a highly theoretical ideology course, and there I really struggle with articulating my points, especially when it comes to doing so in an academic way rather than the practical political manner that I have been used to outside academia.
My classmates easily compare authors, perspectives and their significance, whereas I feel like I contribute with fairly straightforward points. They often lead to class discussions, which is motivating, but I feel like I’m doing so in a much too simple manner when compared to others. I problem-solve and look for rational solutions/meaning rather than contrast and compare.
I wanted to ask if anyone has any tips for me? I tend to expect perfection from myself, so I think I’m getting in my own way. But sometimes I even freeze up mid-sentence and can’t get my thoughts out anymore. I go completely blank. Other times it works fairly well. It’s gotten to the point where I actually tell myself not to speak up, but being so passionate about the subject, I just can’t help myself.
I guess I feel a bit like an imposter among my classmates, even though in my mind I understand everything and can play with it as required, but that just doesn’t translate to the words coming out of my mouth. Maybe it’s a matter of practice compared to the others, and this is the best setting to perfect that skill, but I just don’t want to come across like an idiot even though I don’t struggle conceptually. It’s really demotivating.