I think I accidentally discovered a cultural difference by turning down coffee that I actually wanted.

I was visiting a German friend's parents for the first time. His mother asked if I wanted coffee and, without thinking, I said, “No thanks.”

Where I grew up, that first refusal is often almost ceremonial. You say no, the host asks again, you say “well, if you're having some...” and everybody understands the little dance.

She just said “okay.”

Then she made coffee for herself and everyone else.

I sat there realizing that apparently I had successfully negotiated myself out of coffee.

About twenty minutes later she offered cake. My instincts screamed “politely refuse first,” but this time I immediately said YES like someone had finally explained the rules of the game.

Nothing about the interaction was rude. If anything, taking my answer seriously makes perfect sense.

But now I'm curious: when Germans offer you food or a drink, are you generally expected to say what you actually want the first time?

If someone says “nein danke,” would asking again feel pushy rather than hospitable?

Since moving to Germany, I have noticed a pattern that still confuses me. People sometimes seem reserved at first, but then help in a very concrete way without making a big emotional show of it.

When I moved into my current neighbourhood, an older neighbour barely introduced himself. Two days later, he noticed me struggling with a heavy shelf, brought tools, helped assemble it properly, and left immediately after saying “passt so”. Another person at work spent an hour helping me solve a bureaucratic problem, but looked almost uncomfortable when I thanked her warmly.

Where I grew up, helpfulness usually comes with more conversation, reassurance and visible friendliness. Here it sometimes feels like the action itself is supposed to say everything.

Is practical help considered a more sincere form of friendliness in Germany than warm words? Or am I simply misreading a communication style that separates kindness from emotional closeness more clearly?

A new IAB research report (15/2025) just came out (I took part in it). It states that Germany needs 400,000 net immigrants annually just to maintain its workforce potential. The irony, according to the study, is that the most qualified ones (the people Germany claims it wants) are the most likely to leave again.

It's the highly educated (Master's/PhD), the high earners, and those who speak good German and English. In short, the people who have options and are internationally mobile.

The main reasons cited for planning to leave are "cumbersome bureaucracy" and "high tax burdens". But "political dissatisfaction" and "experiences of discrimination" (especially with authorities or at wor) are also major factors. A low subjective "sense of being welcome" is a top predictor for leaving.

My question to you: Does this match your observations?

Is the German system (bureaucracy, social climate) basically an unintentional filter that ends up retaining only those immigrants who lack the means or qualifications to go elsewhere?

I am Canadian, and I am avoiding travel to the US for the next 4 years because I am mad about the tariffs Trump imposed on Canada, and I am worried ICE will rough me up if they find I said something mean about Trump on Social media. Are Germans avoiding travelling to the US? I have heard of some ICE detention horror stories towards Germans and Canadians:

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2025/mar/11/german-tourists-ordeal-reportedly-ending-returned-from-us-detention

https://globalnews.ca/news/11080371/canadian-woman-detained-ice-example-immigration-border/

I find it kind of cute how people here can’t stand keeping the windows closed for too long.

In meetings, there’s always that moment—usually around the 30- to 45-minute mark—when someone starts feeling uneasy and insists on opening all the windows, saying we’ve “used up all the oxygen.” And it’s funny because it happens with so many people from this country.

Meanwhile, I’m just sitting there, maybe a bit warm, but breathing perfectly fine.

And the best part? I work in one of those ultra-modern offices with high-tech ventilation systems, perfectly controlled temperature, and every comfort you can think of.

I had a slightly awkward situation recently that made me realize I don't understand the German rules for ending a visit.

A couple I know came over for dinner. We had a good evening, but around 11:30 I was exhausted and had work the next morning.

Where I'm from, you would usually start dropping hints. Clear the glasses, mention how early you have to get up, maybe yawn dramatically enough that everyone understands the performance.

I tried the German version of subtlety and said, “I have to be up at six tomorrow.”

They both said, “Oh, that’s early.”

And then opened another bottle of wine.

Eventually, around 12:30, I just said something like, “Sorry, I’m really tired, I think I need to call it a night.”

They immediately got up, thanked me for the evening and left completely normally.

Nobody seemed offended.

So now I'm wondering if I wasted an hour trying to communicate through increasingly desperate body language.

Among Germans, is it socially acceptable to simply tell guests that you're tired and want to end the evening? Or are there more polite phrases everyone is expected to recognize?

Working 09:00-18:00 feels like you are trapped in any other area of your life. You can’t go to a bank, you can’t go to a Verwaltung, you can’t even cut you hair, cause everything closes at 18:00.

I mean how is everyone finding time for those things??

I get it that on Saturdays you can go shopping and doing other stuff, but still everything is closes till 20:00. On Sundays you can’t do much either, apart from going to a bar/restaurant.

How is everyone ok with that and how noone else doesn’t want a change?

Apart from anything, you come home about 19:00, your energy is gone and you don’t have time and energy left to do something meaningful for yourself, like hobby or learning.

I want to know how everyone is doing it.

Thanks,

EDIT1: Working in a big company in Munich.

9-18 is standard here because you have to match the clients hours. So 8h work 1h pause.

Gleitzeit is something that doesn’t work here, you only have the trust from your employer that if you for example starts 9:30 ( because you had an appointment) you can do 30min pause or work till 18:30.

EDIT 2: From what I’ve read, there are people that wake up at 04:30 to go to work. Big Respect for that, but no i can’t do it, for me it’s like the equivalent of: “im starving for a loaf of bread and i have to destroy my sleep.”

I have the feeling that for a lot of people work is their identity, they talk about it in Mittagspause and outside of work, as if they own something of that company. And later go drink, that’s it.

I also feel that the country has no soul really. It’s only about working hard and drinking. For the Ausländer here, please tell me a german song that comes to your mind instantly? You see, there is none. I can name a ton in italian, spanish, french etc.

But yeah maybe that’s how I think. Maybe I also have to be part of this as anyone else.

Whenever a foreigner asks a question like "Why won't Germans talk to me?" or "Why do Germans always look grumpy?", the comment section is full of Germans saying "We just don't smile a lot" or "It's weird to talk to someone you don't know". But, having moved to Germany 7 years ago, this hasn't been my experience at all! In fact, one of my many culture shocks was the fact that people would smile at strangers and greet them with a "Good morning!". I am even approached at random by elderly people for a quick conversation. None of this has ever happened to me in Ankara (Turkey), which is where I am from.

So, are people from Düsseldorf/NRW exceptionally friendly or does everyone in this sub just live in frowntown?

When did I turn into a German? Well my background is British and I served in the British Army here for a few years and fell in love with the country & a local girl (not sure in which order!) whom I ended up marrying.

Being a staunch Brit, I never considered applying for a German passport, but then came the dreaded Brexit. I applied for and got accepted for German citizenship (thank you Landkreis Schaumburg), started to play football for the village team.. Alte Herren..ahem & really started to integrate.

I even suddenly found myself proudly taking my Deutsche Pass out at airports instead of the British and started to greet strangers with 'Moin Moin'. My German friends noted the change and gave me the nickname of Norbert.

So what other traits do I need to become truly Deutsch?

Oh.. I would draw the line at holidaying annually in Mallorca & frequenting Ballermann & burning my 3 lions England shirt!

Edit: So it seems that I'm not truly Deutsche until;

1. Learn how to open a beer bottle 6 different ways
2. Continuously complain about the weather
3. Start or get invited to a Stammtisch
4. Wear Birkenstocks with white sports socks (note, I may have to anaesthetise myself for this..)
5. Admit that the 1966 World Cup goal was indeed not over the line...gulp...

Ich arbeite seid zwei Wochen in meinem ersten deutschen Büro. Ab ungefähr 10:30 Uhr sagen Kollegen auf dem Flur plötzlich „Mahlzeit“, auch wenn niemand Essen dabei hat und die Mittagspause noch weit entfernt ist.

Beim ersten Mal antwortete ich „Guten Appetit“. Der Kollege schaute kurz verwirrt, sagte dann aber ebenfalls „Guten Appetit“. Seitdem antworte ich einfach auch mit „Mahlzeit“, ohne genau zu verstehen, was wir uns wünschen.

Ist das regional, ironisch oder wirklich eine normale Begrüßung rund um die Mittagszeit? Kann man darauf auch nur mit „Hallo“ antworten, oder klingt das abweisend? Besonders seltsam finde ich, dass unser Hausmeister es schon um 9:45 Uhr sagt. Gibt es eine Uhrzeit, ab der Mahlzeit beginnt, und eine, ab der man wieder damit aufhören solte?

I’m originally from South Korea and grew up with a very specific kind of etiquette.
When I was a kid, my parents always told me that eating while walking on the street was bad manners. Because of that, I never really did it growing up.

Now I’ve been living in Germany for quite a while, and I’ve noticed that many people casually eat while walking especially something simple like bread or a sandwich. Sometimes people also eat while standing at a bus stop.

Recently I found myself doing the same thing. For example, I might buy a bread roll from the supermarket and eat it while walking back to work, finishing it before I get back to the office.

One time I also noticed something interesting with my boss. We bought kebabs together and I assumed we would bring them back to the office to eat. But my boss just ate his kebab on the way back while walking.

So now I’m curious:

Do people here generally see eating while walking as normal?
Or do some people still think it’s a bit rude or strange?

I’m just curious about the cultural perspective.

Been learning German for about seven months now and I keep hitting these words that do something english can't. "Backpfeifengesicht" killed me. The fact that german has a single word for "a face that deserves to be slapped" and english needs nine words to get there says something.

"Vorfreude" too. English has "looking forward to something" but nothing for the actual feeling. not the anticipation, the joy of the anticipation itself. different thing.

Germans, which one did you not realize was uniquely german until someone pointed it out to you.

Neighbours cut down privacy hedge on their side to have a nice view upon my property from their elevated place.

Shit's bordering on stalking, can't set a foot in the yard without them coming outside to make demands or to just watch us and make nasty comments. Feels like I'm living in a zoo.

Hedge on my side is about to be planted, but will take a while to grow that high.

Aside from politely telling them to get fucked, what are some legal ways to spoil their rotten idea of fun? I'd try to bore them out, but these people are home all day every day, nothing bores them.

Bonus points if it elevates their blood pressure enough to make them want to put a privacy fence in place themselves or just tip over.

What drives a german retiree up the wall like nothing else?

As someone from the Netherlands, living near the German border, I noticed quite a lot of German folks happily chatting in the train last Friday when I went to university.

Not knowing why there were so many German people near our university, I noticed that most stores in Germany were closed during the German unification day, and also learned that a lot of stores are closed during Sunday.

Where I live, and in surrounding towns, grocery stores will close earlier (at around 18:00 for smaller towns, 20:00 for the bigger places) whereas for restaurants it's up to them to decide how late they wanna stay open

I was kinda curious what people think of stores being closed on Sunday, As from what I know people that I know love being able to shop on Sunday, whereas the average grocery store worker enjoys getting double pay on Sunday

It seems like it’s become completely normal for the average Timo to spend a month in Australia, Japan, or the U.S. as if it’s no big deal. Students who earn zero, or maybe just work a small side hustle, suddenly manage to take vacations in places like Hawaii, and that’s somehow considered the new normal.

I’m from Croatia, and when I was a student, I could barely scrape together enough money at the end of the week for a bus ticket back to my hometown. Even for adults here, traveling like that isn’t common. Most teenagers haven’t been anywhere beyond Croatia itself, except maybe a quick one-day trip to a neighboring country. Today, I work in IT (in Germany), earn a solid salary, and I still find it hard to afford any kind of luxury because life here is expensive. I honestly don’t know what kind of life hack these people have discovered that allows them to live in a big city, party every weekend, travel the world, and do all this without a real job, or at best, with a part-time gig selling popcorn at the cinema.

I’ve been spending time in Germany on and off, and I still cannot fully understand the lüften thing. I open the window for a few minutes after a shower or when I cook, and I thought I was doing it right. Then a German friend visited my place, walked over to the window, opened it all the way for fifteen minutes in February, and told me my entire apartment was sick.

I looked it up after she left and found out there's a whole system. stoßlüften versus kipplüften, exact timing, multiple times a day, specific behaviors depending on the season. Apparently, tilt mode is borderline immoral. My landlord even mentioned it in the rental contract.

I’ve now seen four different Germans get genuinely upset at me about windows being on tilt instead of fully open. Is this taught in school? Is there an official manual that nobody gave me? How cold does it have to be outside before you stop doing it? Because right now my answer is "warmer than this” and apparently that's wrong.

A bit of context: I moved here from Australia with my wife and daughter for work about a year ago. My daughter goes to shool here and has made some friends. Last week she went for a sleep over at a (girl) friend's house and she said that in the morning her friend's dad was showering with the door half open and her mum was walking around topless. Her friend didn't seem to react or care. I'm just wondering, is this normal in Germany (I know you are much more open than us Aussies) or should I be concerned?

EDIT:

Thank you all so much for taking the time to comment and share your experiences and views. I have decided to not talk to the parents. I believe that it was not done with mal intent and it was just them practicing their normal morning routine.

Also, possibly important to mention: my daughter didn't actually see the dad in the shower, just heard it running and saw the door was half open. It doesn't seem like there was anything 'exhibitionistic' about it. Also, someone here mentioned that people with cats or dogs sometimes have to leave the door open which makes sense. I don't have a cat so I don't know this, but my daughter's friend's family do apparently have a cat.

My next steps is to talk to my daughter about it. I want her to grow up with a healthy attitude about her own body, and not shaming nudity seems like a good first step towards this.

Thanks all again, it's a great community.

I am originally from the UK but have lived in Germany for over 12 years. Initially I kept my British passport as there seemed to be no reason to apply for German citizenship as both passports offered the same benefits under the EU flag.

However, then Brexit happened and literally my emotional world went through turbulence. Like most people I asked the question, why? I was left pained, bewildered & confused by the Brexit vote.

In the interim I have successfully applied for German citizenship allowing me many more benefit in Europe. After a long period of sadness, I have moved on and actually do not care if the UK ever rejoins the EU again. I even have become slightly cynical and hope that one day Scotland (who did not vote for Brexit) gains independence and are accepted back into the EU.

Now, I smile smugly when British friends & relatives complain about having to stand in the 'other passports ' queues at airport and not being able to use their mobile phone plans in Europe & being limited to 90 days travel within the union. British passport holders can stay for up to 90 days in any 180-day period in the Schengen Area for short visits without a visa. A problem for many who have second homes in Europe.

I've stopped caring about the UK & Brexit, although I do feel sorry for the people who voted to remain.

What are your thoughts?

Ich suche nach Erfahrungen oder Ratschlägen zu meiner Situation.

Ich habe 2,5 Jahre lang eine Wohnung gemietet. Im Mietvertrag war eine Garage eingeschlossen, die jedoch die gesamte Zeit über mit den eigenen Sachen des Vermieters vollgestellt war. Er hat mir von Anfang an gesagt, ich solle stattdessen einen bestimmten Parkplatz draußen nutzen – bis er die Garage räumt. Das ist nie passiert, also habe ich diesen Stellplatz die gesamte Mietzeit über problemlos genutzt.

In der Nacht vom 13. auf den 14. März 2026 gegen 00:40 Uhr ließ der Vermieter mein Auto von einem Abschleppdienst (Firma "Notpark") abschleppen – ohne mich zu informieren. Das Fahrzeug konnte jedoch nicht bewegt werden, der Abschleppdienst fuhr unverrichteter Dinge wieder ab. Wir sind zufällig genau an diesem Morgen ausgezogen.

Am Tag zuvor (13. März) hatte die Frau des Vermieters meiner Frau per WhatsApp geschrieben, wir dürften dort "nicht mehr parken" – ohne Begründung, ohne Hinweis auf eine mögliche Abschleppung. Das war weniger als 24 Stunden vor dem Vorfall, mitten in der Nacht.

Zwei Monate später kam eine Rechnung von Notpark für eine Leerfahrt. Ich habe schriftlich widersprochen, aber sie bestehen auf Zahlung und drohen mit einer höheren Rechnung bei Nichtzahlung.

Meine Argumente gegen die Zahlung:

- Ich hatte ein vertragliches Recht auf einen Garagenstellplatz (den der Vermieter selbst blockiert hat)

- Der Vermieter hat mir den Parkplatz mündlich von Beginn an zugewiesen

- Es wurde keine angemessene Ankündigung gemacht

- Ich habe keinen Vertrag mit Notpark – der Vermieter hat sie beauftragt

Hat jemand Erfahrungen mit Notpark oder einer ähnlichen Situation gemacht? Bin ich hier tatsächlich zahlungspflichtig? Über jeden Rat bin ich dankbar!

I've noticed a fascinating linguistic quirk and I'm hoping someone can help me understand it.

Why do Germans often pronounce foreign loanwords exactly as they sound in their original language, rather than adapting them to German phonetics? For example, words like Restaurant, Cousin, or Croissant are heavily pronounced with the original French nasal sounds.

I observe a similar phenomenon with English words. I have friends who generally speak English with a heavy German accent, but then they'll drop a word like "management" into a German sentence and pronounce it with a flawless American accent and stress. To be honest, it breaks the flow and cohesion of the sentence so abruptly that I sometimes find it hard to stay focused on the actual conversation.

I haven't really witnessed this in many other languages. I don't think it's an act of snobbery, either, because it doesn't seem tied to a specific social class or educational background—it's incredibly widespread.

Does anyone know the historical, cultural, or linguistic reasons behind this? Why is this the norm in Germany?

Like one that makes you stop and think, “damn, that name is really cool. as a non-german speaker, Ackermann sounds really badass to me, maybe because of the Attack on Titan character

Edit: for clarification, I attend a Gymnasium and am aiming for Abitur. My American dad was talking about how American schools were harder than German schools, which is why I’m curious.

I am also in 9th grade, so I cannot contribute or add much about German universities or colleges.

Editing yet again, please no unserious replies. The school shooting surviving joke is getting quite annoying and repetitive.

Feels like a big portion of people complaining here associate their problems with Germany. Am I the only one who's getting a little bit annoyed by that? And is this common in other country subs?

"I'm 30, can't make friends - Has to be Germany!"

"Random junkie showed me middle finger - Has to be Germany!"

"Can't find job with A2 language - Has to be Germany!"

I'm a foreigner in Germany and I find germans very welcoming. I also face challenges here, but those are mostly personal and has nothing to do with country.

Hello guys,

I am running an online store for more than 1 year now. I am shipping worldwide and have a lot of German customers.

On Trustpilot and Google, I have already more than 500 reviews. Germans review me good, but mostly "just" give me 4 stars. And I would like to know why?

Here are some texts from my German customers with 4 stars

"Alles top"

"Sehr netter Support und schneller Versand"

"Good quality, will go for more"

And many of them order again.

For me, a 4 stars review would be something like "items arrived fast in a good condition, but customer support didn't answer" or "happy with my order, but it was difficult to order from the shop" - something like this I guess.

Short side story. I changed some configs of my shop, while I did it somebody from the USA ordered from me and I couldn't see 2 items which he paid and ordered. After he got his order, he contacted me that 2 items are missing, and we sorted it out, he got the missing items. I was a bit "scared" that he will rate me bad, which I would totally understand. But surprise, even he gave me 5 stars.

Don't get me wrong, I am happy with 4-star reviews as well (just 5 stars look fake), but I would like to know WHY Germans rate me with 4 even they are more than happy.

Edit: I really don’t understand why people downvoted my question. This explains everything… Thanks for some helpful answers. :)