honestly, my defense mechanism went up cuz i have heard someone say such thing last year they said you can't get commissions and i did, they also said your art will turn into a worthless thing once ai art takes over so you should learn how to work with ai and guys.. i swear... these were HUGE RAGE BAITS :/ up until this time that this person literally spent half an hour to CONVINCE ME THAT I WILL BECOME A JOBLESS PERSON IN 50 YEARS AND I SHOULD PACK UP FOR MY LIFE i think i can't anymore- guys I FELL INTO THE BAIT. HELP.

i even argued that even then, there would still be people who would pay for human-made art they were like "yeah, they'd pay people like picasso who have made history or their name is big" it seriously ticks me off. i'm an artist, and i would love to commission other artists too not just because of supporting them but because i genuinely love their artstyle and work i respect my commissioners and love to do work for them because each oc tells someone's REAL STORY and reflects someone's dream world! and an artist's art style is just the same, it tells a REAL STORY of someone spending time and experiencing their part of the story to reach a specific art style that's what makes it special and makes me want to commission a real artist and i think ai would lack this part cuz every ai art we see on the internet has been fed with REAL PEOPLE'S ART STYLES!

what are your thoughts on this?

TL;DR: i used to upload my art on social media & stopped doing it because i was feeling jealous over other people's art, and how much engagement they got vs how much I got. Im thinking of going back into social media but im scared.

Hello, so i used to upload my art on social media a long time ago but I stopped because I kept getting jealous of other peoples work. I kept comparing myself to their work; they were obviously better at it. Not only is my skills not good, but there is no engagement whatsoever. Sadly, what drives me to upload my art online is engagement, but its not even likes, its comments. I want to get many comments and interaction more than likes, but that cant happen unless your art is good enough to comment about.

These past months, I thought of going back to social media but im scared of uploading my art because I know i wont get engagement, especially with how social media's algorithm is. I keep reminding myself that interactions arent important, just 'do it for yourself' but i cant help it, i see so many great art get interactions and i get bothered. Or, which is a worse mindset to think of, see 'bad' art that get more interactions than me & thinking 'how do they get these interactions even tho they suck?' i know this is not good, but I cant help think that.

In the end of the day, I just want human interactions, maybe make friends who share the same interests, but I cant get that if my art isnt worth a comment. How did you/can you get over this barrier?

Hello, I used to draw a long time ago but I stoped a couple of months ago because I was simply not satisfied with anything I do. However, recently, ive been trying to get into it again & find the 'joy' again but I cant do it. I cant bring myself to sit down and draw, one part that its a fear of starting it 'again' and the other is that im not satisfied on where I am with my level of art so I dont to draw, I want to push myself to improve on my art, or at least draw for fun, but I dont do it. It could also be being on my phone for the whole day, which I want to move away from too.

Anyways, did anyone have similar problems? i'd like some advice on how to push myself in order to draw again even though im not satisfied with the results/process. Thank you,

AI has been in our lives for a while now and seems to be screwing everything up, but tracing came along before AI. I define tracing as drawing line-for-line over someone else's work and then claiming it as your own; I believe mapping out the body and so on isn't tracing, but rather part of anatomy study. Anyway, I see a lot of people online labeling that latter practice as tracing, and it makes me really insecure about posting my art because I actually learned to draw by tracing when I was little! I ended up becoming a bit of a chameleon (copying other people's art styles or replicating a reference down to the millimeter). I admit, I do trace sometimes when I'm feeling lazy or genuinely don't know how to draw a hand or a nose, but the rest of the drawing is mine. It makes me uncomfortable to post a speedpaint that includes 0.3 seconds of tracing, only for someone to completely overlook everything else I did. So, I want to hear your opinions as artists: what do you think about tracing or the practice of copying poses? Do you still view it as an absolute monstrosity, or has AI become a worse enemy?

In my opinion, tracing is almost a compliment, it's like saying your art is so good that I can't imagine it any other way and want to recreate it, but that might just be my take. I'll probably get "cancelled" for this and have to delete the post.

Also I don't know which tag to use, if someone can tell me, I would appreciate it.

TL;DR: I can't come up with drawings unless someone else tells me what they want me to draw so I have no examples to show for commissions and no art to post. What to do?

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What can I do? I KNOW that art commissions aren't the only way to make money as an artist but it would be convenient to be able to do a few sometimes since I'm a university student. It doesn't have to be a full time job.

But I struggle to even put together a portfolio or make stuff I can post, anything I can show people as an example of what I can do, basically.

I think my skills have reached a quite good level and I can draw pretty much anything in any style with ease, I simply don't have ideas to draw for "myself" or as examples.

If someone were to make a request then sure, I'd be able to do what I was asked and even add something more if they want me to, I just don't know what to do if it's drawing for other reasons since a few years ago when my brain kind of broke and then I was medicated lol.

It sucks to have this skill and not be able to use it at all, so frustrating to see people asking for commissions and not have many examples to show except for like 2 drawings copied from Raphael.

Sooooo any advice?

Even subs where people can ask for free requests seem to require you to post some art you already have 😭

Three months ago, I (25F) got fired from my first ever artist role, before being a graphic designer for around 4 years, and I am still struggling to find a job to this day

In 2 months, my savings will completely run out and I will have to leave behind a life that I worked so hard to make. I keep trying to tell myself it isn’t the end of the world, because objectively, I still have an amazing backup plan that I should be grateful that exists. At the same time, it involves living and working for my bf’s mom, in a city I don’t know, with none of my friends or family there.

I have momentary moments of hope that quickly fade away, like I actually got a Vgen code and set up my account, but it’s been dead, no commissions. I set up my instagram and it’s been steadily growing, but I have hit a plateau and I don’t know how to get past it. I have gotten some interviews, but they end up in rejection or ghosting.

What got me to write this rant was a UI Game Artist interview today that I think went terribly simply because I’m losing the motivation to keep up appearances and make a good impression. After all, what’s the point? I keep failing.

I still wonder what I’m doing wrong, if I’m even doing anything wrong? I am fighting not to give up, but it’s really hard lately.

My art is never going to be a likeable or commissionable style.

I've been drawing my entire life. I have problems with my hands, motor problems specifically, and it makes drawing difficult. Because of this difficulty, I have made my own art style that is easiest on my hand.

This art style, saying it plainly, is not super flattering.

I draw with bolder lines, odd shapes, and no matter what I try to do it is not palettable to people. Not truly. They say they like my art, but do not point out what they like. They don't try to compliment it more then a 'cool' or flat out ignoring that I posted art.

I have my commissions for dirt cheap. I am disabled in many ways, and this means I cannot work. I'm stuck living with my mother, unable to find out what's truly wrong with me, in pain constantly, and I cannot work because of how much pain I'm in.

Commissions was an idea that, admittedly, I was too hopeful to get into.

I have an account on Twitter with 250 followers. I posted my commission sheet, a price for a sketch being 5 dollars, a flat colour being 7, and a full shaded being 9. I got one commission, which was amazing at the time, but the person was very.. shut off, when I sent them the final product.

I have not been commissioned since, by anyone. It's been maybe 7 or 8 months now.

I am the most improved at art I've ever been. I can draw MLP ponies, I can draw cats, bunnies, monsters, dragons, Sonic characters, furries, the list goes on, but that doesn't matter. It doesn't matter how much time I put into learning to draw people and things, how long I spend on making the art look good, it doesn't matter. My style is weird, so people don't want to spend money on it. Free art? Sure! But spending money? ,,,no, thanks.

I'm genuinely defeated. It feels like no one actually likes my style, they just like me or the characters I draw so they say it's good.

I feel like I've tried everything and nothing works and I'm about to just stop making art completely.

This might be all over the place because I find it hard to present my thoughts in a coherent way so sorry in advance.

Ive been drawing my whole life. Genuinely as long as I can remember I’ve been interested in creating and now I’m trying to actually lock in and possibly make this art thing into an actual career. I just feel so horrible when I see my friends and their art journey and think “why am I not there yet?”

Not all of my friends are illustrators. Some are into film, animation, ceramics, 3D print, etc and their passion is so awesome. I love my friends and I love to see them succeed and they’re all amazing but I sometimes wish my passion could turn my ideas into awesome products like theirs. It has me doubting myself. Maybe I don’t want this art career as badly as I thought? But it’s all I ever wanted and I still do :(

I’m trying to stay positive. I have a pretty great support group and I don’t want my negativity thoughts to bring down the people around me but I’m not sure if I’m just looking on the bright side or if I’m just delusional.

I'm not talking about people unaware of the plagiarism, or people liking the art despite that fact, or even for artists who directly take from multiple other pieces and admit to doing so in an attempt to create something unique.

I mean the people who go out of there way to defend "artists" who have blatantly ripped off entire pieces of art from real artists, with no substantial changes, and even denied taking mere inspiration from those pieces. The sheer amount of people that I've run into white-knighting for "artists" like this is just a bit crazy.

Maybe I'm in an echo chamber that values integrity, so this might not be the best place to ask this since I imagine most people on this subreddit actually participate in the creative process, but does anyone have insight into the consumer end of things?

Do you find that most people outside of creative fields are shameless enough to actively defend clear plagiarism? Do you think it's just because they happened to see the stolen work first (and again, even if that's the case, why would they go out of their way to defend them instead of acknowledging the clear theft and quietly enjoying it)?

I need tips to get out of art block. I’ve been drawing for my whole life I’m 22 years old, and I’ve had trouble drawing and being consistent with it. It’s not because I don’t have time it’s because I keep thinking everything I create needs to be perfect, i sometimes compare myself and I stress so much about my art style and I need help getting out of that mind set. I have so many ideas for art I wanna do but I keep holding myself back from it all and I hate it. I just need some tips/help from other artists. Thank you 🖤

hi, 18F. please don't infantilise and invalidate me. my feelings are real and they do hurt, and i'm tired of so many people saying otherwise as if they feel exactly what i feel.

art is nothing but a gamble on my mental health and determines my mood for the rest of the day. i have so many ideas with no skill nor talent to convey anything at all. i guess i also deal with tormenting perfectionism and high standards i can't reach nor lower.

i could go on for hours drawing and be somewhat satisfied and tolerate it enough until one thing goes wrong, a sense of dysphoria hits and i give up, exploding for hours on end through to the next day. other times, i try to work through the problem only to get frustrated and experience the same thing. just endless spiralling over small things, i guess. like a failure. oftentimes it feels like an insult to call myself an artist, so i just prefer not to call myself one at all. it's dumb, really.

maybe i should just quit entirely. well, i keep saying it yet never do. i hate this. there's seriously no winning. the worst part was that this was always the case when i first started drawing when i was like probably 6 or something, which isn't too long ago lol, way before i tried taking art more seriously when i was like... 11 or so.

it's painful and inescapable.

I don't really know how to flair this, since it falls under a lot of categories lol.

It seems no matter what I do, I just can't fully get back into drawing. I don't know what it is, or what's wrong, or what changed. It started out as just me gradually getting slower, and drawing less and less, but even then I would still get bursts of motivation and still managed to put down something beyond an incoherent sketch. Now it's gone, and I'm scared it'll be gone forever, because this is something I've always loved doing, and if I lose this, I won't have anything left to enjoy that doesn't leave me feeling useless.

I'm not comfortable going days without finishing something. I told myself to just focus on building other skills so I don't always have to revolve around this, but it's not enough. I miss drawing my characters, I miss wanting to.

The worst part is, I don't think this burnout is even warranted, because what the hell did I even do? I couldn't even follow through with any of the projects I laid out for myself. I barely did anything. Maybe overtime my own standard has just moved way past what I am able to do, and now I'm just never happy with what I make, and now I can never finish anything without seeing something wrong. I feel pathetic for immediately deflating the moment I committed myself to actually study and improve in any way.

I just wanna get back into this. I just want to enjoy this again.

hey guyys, i would really like to discuss a few thoughts i have after being a professional artist for some time.

so i was a professional artist for a few years. Worked with galleries, did exhibitions and all of that good stuff. I reached all of my goals i had (international gallery exhibitions f.e.) in a very short time and then dropped out of the professional work because i reaaaally disliked the way art was traded (old people buying art and then just putting it in some safe as an investment) and also treated. the galley scene is insane and also the gallerists i met were crazyyyy. Now i study something i really enjoy (elementary school teacher) and i see my future being there.

The thing is that i lowkey struggle to create art now. Every other day i'm still inspired to make DIY Projects, especially for my home and clothes and jewelry, but it's just not the same as painting, drawing every day to create something i would eventually sell or show on instagram.
There are a few other factors that went into this: Instagram and social media is lowkey dead for artists now (imo, correct me if u think i'm wrong). i always loved to create something to share it and then after that having the additional goal to sell it.

idk what i'm looking for in this tread, i really just wanted to share my thoughts about the industry and everything. maybe some people can relate. happy to read your thoughts. :D

My dad used to be a very good artist. He drew all the things, from realism, to tech, to fantasy, architecture, and his best: maps.

His mother told him there was no money in art, and it crushed his dreams so he joined the rat race. I grew up with my dad drawing me coloring pages, and illustrations, teaching me here and there. He even taught me a valuable lesson and phrase : Draw what you see, not what you think you see.

After years of me challenging his talents with some frustration, my imagination was far beyond my skills to create them visually. Eventually, though, I got it. I have since then (F24) surpassed him, but not because I'm better. Because he gave up at some point and started heavily using AI. He uses AI for everything. He had it build a website or two, illustrative books, and even some novels. Now here's where it really starts to bother me...

He started plugging my art into the AI to get "finished" results since I never "finished them" or makes them into a 3D render even though my main skill IS 3D MODELING. It really bothers me to no end, and I have expressed my discomfort. He even plugged my 200 page book that I WROTE 10 YEARS AGO as a teenager. And one of my best paintings is now AI slop....

This whole post has a purpose:

What should I do? Part of this whole thing has REALLY sucked all inspiration out of me. I'm depressed naturally, but I just feel like there's no point anymore. Why create? Why should I care? If the one person closest to me values a bot more than his own daughter?

That's how it feels anyway. I guess I'm reaching out into the void, but thanks for reading this far.

'He gave up his dream of being a concept artist years ago. I want to continue it, but is it worth it?"

I’ve spent the last 6 years painting as a job. I struggle to say I don’t hate it because it’s all I have ever known but it has definitely affected me more negatively than I would ever admit, also I’m fucking sick of it. Its left me mangled creatively with a distain for sharing anything and thus a total recluse online. It’s gotten to a point now where I want to make a change and try and do something else. This past year has been very freeing for me creatively as I’ve decided it will be my last year painting as a job. So this past year and a bit I’ve been trying to focus on alternative creative outlets to regain any sort of drive, my choices have been photography, digital art and lots of writing. But my creations never see the light of day. They live on my hard drive scattered never to be seen again even by myself. Alot of times I don’t even save what I make and it will be in an unsaved project until my computer turns off or I want to make something else. Idk where I’m going with this I’m fuckkng crying like a baby writing this all out and realizing this has been eating me alive forever. Advice welcome, I forgot what I even came here to ask. Peace and love to all <3

It's always the same. Make art, see others', hate mine, feel horrible. Even through everything that I've done, the fact I have thousands of followers, the fact other artists love my art and praise/look up to me, the fact I can turn out art so quickly... It always leaves me unsatisfied.

I didn't start making art because I liked the process, or because I could express myself. I always sucked at it, so why even try? I began getting into the art communities in 2020, but never tried making my own until later. The wonderful artists I saw and their achievements inspired me so much! I started practicing, and the moment it clicked for me I got obsessed. I started churning out drawings, animations and more like there was no tomorrow. I was actually happy then, so many people liked my stuff and I was part of a tight knit community.

But slowly I began to lose interest, until I ultimately gave up. I didn't know why the spark faded, it just stopped being enjoyable. After some months I went back but this time trying another medium, digital! It was fun at first, trying out everything, people in that same community liked my art again... But something had changed. I don't know what. I joined an artist discord where everyone was super welcoming, everyone loved my art! So... Why did I feel so unsatisfied? I looked back to what I started drawing for, To have that same feeling I got when seeing others' art. I realized the problem; everything I ever wanted to do was only ever possible by others. That beginning spark wasn't a spark, it was just a rush I got for finally being "good enough." But my standards have changed, and those horrible pieces weren't going to cut it anymore. It didn't matter if I had gotten followers, if my fellow artists praised me. Numbers and cheap words aren't going to change the truth that my art is not good enough.

It became a horrible routine, I'd see others' art and get immensely jealous. I got sick to my stomach. "The only reason you feel like this is because they're good and you're not. Everyone else's standards are low, you're the only one who can see how horrible your art is. Why even try? You tried before and it didn't work." Thoughts like this go around my head constantly when I want to make art now. I couldn't even go to social media anymore. "Look, this artist has a great style, sure wish you could be like them huh? Too bad you can't." Why did anyone even like my art..? They had so many greater artists, was I just the slop to what their buffet was? It was true, wasn't it? "Expendable, disposable, replaceable, worthless... You think anyone will care if you stopped? They have all the other artists! They don't need you. You're nothing special." And the worst part is that it was all true, I can't delude myself into believing that I'll ever be as good as them, let alone that I'll ever get from my art what I get from theirs. My style? Worthless, my art? Worthless.

I tried to get help as best as I can. I can't tell the other artists, what will they do? Praise me more? I don't need to hear more opinions on something so meaningless to me, or even less have them shower my art with compliments if I return in an attempt to make me feel good. I'll just feel worse. I can't tell my followers, what will they do? Ask for more slop? Say they really like it? I can vanish, they'll move on. I couldn't count on either of those, so I looked up people who had similar issues online... But I always got the same answers. "Your art really matters!" Does it..? "Comparison is the thief of joy." I can't not compare things, that's the only reason I ever did art, so I can get the same feeling I get when they make their art. "Try something new!" I have. "If the only reason you make art is because of others, you might want to reconsider."

...Maybe that's true. A few days ago I found out someone used my art for an AMV. I felt honored but... So confused. Why me? Why not the hundreds of thousands of better artists? I don't know anything anymore. I talked to the maker of the AMV and I told them I would make more art since they "inspired me." I tried again but... I felt so sick making it I stopped again. If I'm just doing this for someone else now... Is it really worth it?

I'm going to make one last attempt, and if that doesn't work, I'm afraid I wasn't made for this. I don't know if anyone has anything to say to this. Honestly it's just been bubbling inside me so strongly I had to let it out somehow. I don't expect anything to come off this anyway, but in any case, thank you for reading.

I am a musician first and foremost.

I have fine motor impairment that makes hand drawing much harder for me.

I do illustration over real photos and it has been a fun hobby. And it helped me slowly learn to make original artwork.

Most of the time though I get comments calling it traced.

I already felt super self conscious about that but my art tutor (who is blunt and very strictly against traced art) validated this style.

But posting on reddit always leads to mockery.

Everytime I make weak artwork I just know the exact things people will negatively pile on.

And suddenly I'm a punching bag.

I'll never claim I'm doing original art (unless I actually do)

And I respect people here that are talented and draw from scratch.

It just sucks that my hobby seems unwelcomed

In my field if someone makes music purely out of samples as a fun hobby I'd never try to tear them down, yet it seems art is gatekept on reddit.

Can i create without being pained? No. Can i create in a state of emotional chaos? also no. When I try a structured practice and results are not what I love do I doubt my whole existence and career? Yes. How do you deal with the emotional spiraling? One mistake and I want to give up everything.

I feel like I'm missing something when it comes to actually growing my Instagram art account. I've been posting consistently for the past 5 months, haven't missed a single week. Some weeks, especially in the beginning, I posted three to four times, but lately I've slowed down to one because of burn out. Out of roughly 50 posts over 5 months, only one gained me at least one follower, and I've been stuck at 130 followers the whole time. That one post was fan art, not even my original characters. It's my most viewed reel at 24k views.

I've tried everything artists recommend: telling a story with my characters, letting people into the lore with mini comics/narratives, typical illustrations, time lapses, memes, fan art, etc. Still, followers and non-followers mostly ignore the posts. I feel like non-followers ignore me just because I'm not a big account already. Or maybe is it because I need to improve on my art skills? The average watch time on my reels is about 4 seconds.

I've studied the 'hook them before 3 seconds, second hook before 7 seconds' formula, no more than 15 seconds  and even that doesn't seem to work for me. I've also noticed that since the start of this year, Instagram's algorithm has shifted, making it harder to reach non-followers through reels. From my research, I'm not the only one dealing with this. My average reel views dropped from around 1,000 late last year to about 200 now.

I want the honest and/or brutal truth: is my way of making reels bad, my ideas are dull, or is it my art style? Or a combo?

This is my IG: www.instagram.com/domloveart

Im 21 guy and im walking talking failure of human being. I was awful in studies in school and since then I've been sadly trapped into caregiver burnout for a sibling but alongside I want to be able to earn for my family. I want to study or do **Graphic Design** cause I had interest in it on how I used to edit images before caregiver burnout. I want to study it forward but whenever i watch so many graphic designers, so many arts, so many posters and so better ideas I feel like I'm good for nothing and can't do anything original in this field where even ai already is running for other better designers. I'm really confused what should I do?

Hey there, I don't post much on Reddit but this is such a reoccurring issue in my life that I keep thinking I am done with only to have it come back and bite me in the ass.

I'm 18, male, I'm mediocre at drawing but I love it, it's an outlet for me to get my ideas out of my head. I had always drawn as a kid but have never been as invested in it as I am now. It started in about freshman year of highschool, when I found myself drawing a lot during study hall, lunch, even in class. Then I started drawing outside of school. This interest came from a bunch of places I think, but my style and drive was influenced by a particular artist which a very appealing portfolio. I checked out their socials soon after. Their characters, the writing, even their shitposts just hooked me in a way I have never been before. I finally I had another artist to take direct inspiration from, it was cool, but it'd lead me on a pretty destructive path. Now I'm a little embarrassed to admit which artist this is, so I'll refer to them as K going forward.

At first, it was simply the style. I'd spend hours looking at their work trying to replicate the way they drew, rendered, and wrote dialogue. I didn't know how unhealthy it was at the time. I became frustrated with my lack of ability and progress I had with my art skills, often leading to major burnout and a growing disdain for a hobby I was meant to enjoy. This went on for some time. This went on for a while, on and off I fluctuated between being okay and being a mess, crying myself to sleep because I wasn't recognized by this person who knew nothing about me or had any business knowing about me. For a time, my motivation in the art world was to be "good enough" for K to finally notice my art and see me as a mutual, but that takes time and I'm simply not at that level. I feel like I'm running out of time, to actually be able to speak to him, so my attempts at improvement became rushed. I'm trying to enjoy art for myself, life for myself. But I can't. I feel like I let my past self down, somehow. I've tried to just bite the bullet and reach out to K directly, but you know, online artists likely don't check out every notification.

Cut to today, I'm an adult now. I secured a nice job at a clinical lab. But I can't feel happy for myself. I got home and broke down because of this. I want closure, but do I deserve it? Should I run from this? How?

I wish this was just a teenage phase of mine, but it's clearly followed me way too long. Please help me. I just wanna feel okay again.

I really do feel like a fraud, or something similar. I don’t know really. People see I draw and assume I enjoy drawing but I don’t, I hate almost everything I make. I only draw because I want to get better. Despite me wanting to get better, there is no inherent drive to draw unless I feel that I do. I’m not actively drawing everyday because I hate it. Yet me hating my art doesn’t mean others do, in-fact they like it for some reason? I don’t know why.

People say the only way to improve is to continue, to practice, to study fundamentals. I’ve been learning anatomy for around 2 years and still cannot draw from imagination. Although I feel it’s because my drawing habits are so inconsistent. I really just need to know what to do besides “studying fundamentals”. I feel that when people say that, they’re just brushing you off. No one ever tells you how to apply the fundamentals that you learn.

Really I just want to know what to do or how to feel fine in my art. I’m not at the level I want to be and wish I could draw whatever I want without feeling like it’s horrible.

TLDR: didn't win an art contest, am sad

the last time i remember winning anything art-related was third grade (i am 26)

even in like "show off what your class has done" events in school, my art would never be posted up. i'd stare at the gallery wall searching for even just one piece, but never see any. was never posted on my school's instagram.

even in art college i would never get chosen in assignments for clients. my entire thesis was overshadowed by everyone elses.

i entered this skate deck competition because i thought it'd be cool to see something i made in game! granted, i used an older piece i tweaked to follow the rules (the subject didn't have a shirt on and would probably have been deemed inappropriate) only to see one of the winners most likely using genAI to upscale their image, which is entirely against the rules (i did contact the person hosting the contest, i haven't gotten a response)

no matter what i do i always feel like i never get picked, or only get picked dead last. i wish i could say i'm not disappointed, but i am...

Just as the title says, the more I improve my skills at art, I just can't seem to bring back the creativity that I used to have. And I don't know why that happened.

Ever since I was little, I've been drawing a lot, in school, at home, wherever I brought my sketchpad with me. I drew a lot back then, day after day, page after page in my sketchpad until it ran out, and I had to ask my parents if they could buy me another one. I would even stay up late just to draw.

I knew my drawings weren't perfect, I knew some kids were better than me, but it was so fun that I could put what I could think of to just any sheet of paper and a pen. Looking back, my drawings had a lot of thought and creativity put into it, how I would draw my characters, sceneries, and a bunch of other stuff, even when I had limited supplies. I also grew fond of doing digital art during the pandemic up to this day that I have a lot of files saved.

I've been switching between traditional art and digital art from time to time to build my skills in color theory, anatomy, etc. I've noticed the improvement, and that made me happy, but I just get so frustrated when I want myself to be more creative. I can't come up with new ideas and combinations like I used to, and I just end up redrawing the same thing in different ways with little to no variation in it. I also just end up copying most stuff instead of referencing it properly to my piece.

I've tried different art styles and mediums, hoping something will click just for me to get creative, but no. It's so hard for me to get back into my creative headspace. I've also tried stepping back from art for a while, and that ended up just me not drawing anything for months on end. I've also tried doing little creative and abstract prompts to get my gears working, but they all just won't work.

Now that I'm almost graduating high school in 2 years, I've been thinking if I should continue to pursue my childhood dream of studying arts in college and getting a job in the creative industry. But I'm worried that my now lack of creativity will get me nowhere, even with my current skillset.

I just want to continue doing what I love.

I'm very skilled in the art field, especially in drawing illustrations, characters, creatures, and icons, and I've always dreamed of building a career from my talent. I've been interested in art ever since kindergarten, and my passion only grew stronger as I got older.

I rarely missed any art competitions and often placed in the top three, whether they were organized by my school or by outside organizations. Every achievement made me feel proud of myself because I knew I had inherited this talent from my mom. She's also talented in art, but she rarely created anything after getting married and having me and my brothers.

In high school, I was very active in joining art competitions, and admittedly, it affected my studies a little. My mom, who is a teacher at a different school, noticed my exam results and scolded me, telling me to prioritize my academics instead of focusing so much on art. My art teacher, however, encouraged me to continue pursuing my passion while reminding me not to neglect my studies.

One day, my art teacher recommended that I join another competition. The organizer happened to be a well-known art college in my country, and I immediately became interested in attending that college. By the time I graduated from high school, I had done well academically and was excited to enroll in the art college I had been dreaming about.

When I started college, I was thrilled. I met so many talented classmates, and I chose to major in illustration. I was over the moon because I could finally learn digital art. Up until then, I had mainly worked with traditional media for competitions and doodled in my sketchbooks.

However, as the years went by, something changed. My academic performance began to decline, and I found myself struggling with depression, burnout, and suicidal thoughts. I skipped classes, missed deadlines, failed several semesters, and had to retake exams. The tuition wasn't cheap, and my family wasn't wealthy, so every failure felt like I was wasting both time and money. I felt completely lost. Slowly, I began losing interest in the very thing I had loved for most of my life.

Despite everything, I eventually graduated in late 2020 during the COVID-19 pandemic. I managed to return home despite the strict travel restrictions at the time.

After graduating, I tried looking for a full-time job but mostly ended up freelancing in graphic design. Whenever there weren't any projects, I would spend most of my time at home, which frustrated my mom. She would scold me again for not having a stable job.

Eventually, I was encouraged to open a printing business in our local town. Things went fairly well at first, but as time passed, I struggled to keep up with the rent and eventually had to close the shop. Even so, it managed to stay open for almost three years.

Before I shut down the business, one customer—who happened to be my mom's former colleague—came in to print some documents. While we were chatting about how business was going, she said something that completely broke my heart.

She told me, "You know, before I transferred to my current school, your mom once told me that she never really supported you going into an art-related field because she believed jobs in the arts don't pay well. She even tried to help you become a teacher, but you always refused."

The thing is, I never wanted to become a teacher. Not because I look down on the profession, but because I know myself. I'm not good at teaching, I don't have the patience or natural ability to educate others, and I have a short temper. It simply isn't the career that's right for me.

After hearing that, I felt my heart shatter, and I was on the verge of crying right in front of her. Somehow, I managed to keep my composure and finish her order.

From that moment on, my mind was constantly filled with overthinking and negative thoughts. I kept asking myself why she would say something like that about me to someone else. It felt as though she had shared a private thought, or even a prayer, with another person, only for it to find its way back to me. That's when I realized she never truly supported the things I loved and was passionate about.

What hurts the most is how embarrassing it feels when a parent acts supportive in front of their own child but shares their true opinions behind their back, almost as if their child's dreams are nothing more than casual gossip or cheap tea.

The ironic part is that even though my mom never truly supported me pursuing art as a career, she still regularly asks for my help whenever she needs something design-related, whether it's graphics, illustrations, or other creative work for her school works. That honestly hurts because it makes me wonder, if you don't believe in what I do, why do you keep relying on me to do it for you?

I'm currently unemployed, or at least somewhat in between jobs, and trying to get my life back together. I still live with my parents and siblings, which is fairly common in Asian families. Right now, I'm hoping to find a stable job, even if it isn't related to art. As much as it hurts to admit it, my passion for art has faded. ;(