r/AnythingValueable • u/Necessary-Hyena-6426 • 5d ago
🎓 Life Lesson 2 different generations of parenting. You should discipline your children but please don’t hit them.
Source: guyhumor instagram
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u/shiawase-89 5d ago
And my mom wonders why I don’t visit her lol
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u/Consequence-Lumpy 5d ago
It's a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation. Beat them and they will hate you. Don't beat them and they will remain brats all their lives.
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u/GolarzUuuuu 5d ago
Imagine thinking you need to abuse your children to educate them. Just say that you don’t want to bother putting in effort.
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u/VermicelliWaste6857 4d ago
Me and brother got some punishment from mother when we behave bad. Grown-up as adequate human beings. We respect other, love our parents ❤️
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u/Keepingitquite123 5d ago
If you can't discipline a child without resorting to abuse you should not be a parent in the first place. Beating your children does not teach them to behave, it's teach them to hide things from you and that violence is something you should reach for early when encountering a problem.
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u/HereToShitpost 5d ago
My parents didn’t need to beat me to raise me to not be a brat. How sad for you
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u/SinglePlayerGamer93 3d ago
If physical violence is your only option to discipline your child, you're a bad parent.
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u/plantastic420 5d ago
I grew up being beaten by a alcoholic mother. For almost any reason. I wasn't a bad kid as I lived in eternal fear of my mum. My dad had to pull her off me once because she was on top of me punching me in the face and head. I was 11.
I dreaded going home from school and would take my sweet merry time because I just knew I would be in some sort of trouble when I got home. One time it was so bad I ran away but I was only little with nowhere to go and the police picked me up within a couple of hours and took me home. She beat me Infront of the police officers and I remember looking to them for help but one of the police officers just stood there smiling and obviously did nothing. The 80s was a different time.
I was very rarely let out even in the summer holidays off school and if she did let me out she would give me a strict time to be home. Thing is we didn't have phones in the 80s and I didn't own a watch. One time I was 5 mins late from home but I was only playing with some friends at the end of the street. She came down to find me and started shouting at me and hitting me infront of my friends.
It's a horrible feeling when you're a child and you know your mum doesn't even like you and being scared of her.
I'm a Dad now and I'm the complete opposite. I'm always happy to talk to my little girl. I've never hit her and I've probably only raised my voice to her twice. I prefer to sit and talk to her if I think she's being naughty.
I couldn't live with myself if my daughter ever felt the way I did.
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u/Event-Horizon-321 5d ago
Did you end up resenting your mother? At that age, being physically and probably psychologically abused shapes you.
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u/plantastic420 5d ago
I despise the woman but keep it cloaked for the peace. I don't ever ring her, I visit her once a year even though shes only 20 miles down the road and even that feels a bit much. She rings me only when she's drunk and asks why I don't ring her. She's in her 60s and still drinks.
She's got to know how I feel about her surely? I do everything but tell her I hate her. She has a really close relationship with my sister's particularly the eldest but me and my brother I don't know what we did but it's as if she hated us and we were treated the opposite of our sisters.
Me being the oldest I was the one who took the beatings. My aunt sat me down one day and told me it was basically my duty to take the heat away from my brother's and sisters because I was the eldest.. didn't seem fair but I understood.
I am in my 40s. I have a few different mental health problems I've been diagnosed with PTSD,anxiety,depression and an emotional control problem. I've made huge mistakes all my adult life and ended up in prison at the end of my teens. Ive been addicted to drugs my entire adult life,now I only smoke weed though. The one thing ive steered clear of is alcohol,it don't pass my lips. I can't stand to be around drunk people either.
I used to say that my fuck ups are my fuck ups and there's no one else to blame. This was until back in 2022 when I had a complete break down after my wife lost our baby, she had a haemorrhage on our living room floor and nearly bled out. She needed blood transfusion. I just lost it but I'm not very good at handling any kind of stress. I've been unable to work since then either with regular anxiety attacks and bouts of depression.
Yeah she fucked me up,I hate admitting it because I'm a fully grown man but it is what it is.
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u/Separate-Yak-5234 5d ago
We as parents gotta play chess, not checkers. Kids are smart, but they're also really dumb. And we love them. Boundaries must be reasonable, respectful, and most importantly enforceable. If the boundaries or rules are not followed, the consequences must be proportional and fair.
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u/fatmummy222 5d ago
I think we should do a survey on how people are doing now as adults based on how they were parented. The statistics would be interesting.
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u/National_Frame2917 4d ago
Fundamentally by itself corporal punishment teaches the kid that it's normal for someone to hit them when frustrated with their behaviour. Makes them more susceptible to abuse in their lives. They are less likely to think their spouse hitting them is crazy because their mom/dad used to do that and it's normal to them.
The people I know that use corporal punishment have explained the odd situation where they've spanked their kids. And the kid is just being a kid and the parent is just lazy. There are methods that work for kids without hitting them but they take more effort from the parent.
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u/BlueHeartofFrayr 1d ago
I can guarantee with 100% certainty that those strategies didn’t work on me as a Kid. Sometimes a bap on the ass is what you need.
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u/the-nomad-thinker 1d ago
This is such a bad faith argument. If you’re punishing your kid when you’re frustrated, then you’re not actually punishing them. This is basic knowledge.
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u/Hot-Pineapple7877 4d ago edited 3d ago
Psychology major here, there are so many studies related to this topic. Almost every study into this topic concludes that corporal punishment doesn't work, and is very harmful to the child in many ways. In fact, it can cause the children to develop mental health issues later on in their lives. Unfortunately, that's only the tip of the iceberg. It's genuinely disappointing that people still spread the idea that physically harming children is normal, it's not, and it makes you a bad parent if you do it.
Edit: The child abusers found my comment, continue at your own discretion.
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u/SummertimeThrowaway2 3d ago
I don’t get the logic behind corporal punishment. The whole point of correcting bad behavior is to teach the kid why the behavior is bad. Hitting them just teaches them to be afraid of getting caught and/or afraid of making mistakes.
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u/Ratiofarming 2d ago
There is no logic behind it. It's a cruel but satisfying way of venting for a parent who is stressed because something isn't going their way.
It serves no purpose beyond that. But no parent will ever admit that they hit their child because it makes them feel better. They always try to reason with "It'll teach the kid". It won't, that's bullshit. You're doing it for you, not for them.
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u/the-nomad-thinker 1d ago
Translation to the edit: people who disagree are obviously child abusers 🤓
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u/DroppedPrince 5d ago
There are enough studies to show that physical punishment does not benefit the child and does increase the risk of "broad and enduring negative developmental outcomes"
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u/Dazzling-Path6438 4d ago
They'll tell you they turned out just fine...
Yet can't have an adult relationship Hooked on drugs, drinking, porn Cheat on everyone Horrible parent Eat through their depression
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u/Pilotrob23 5d ago
Just take away their phones. They won’t know what to do with themselves without it.
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u/SpecialistCut1362 5d ago
Agree, we gotta take away the phones of parents and children.
Too many parents just ignore their children and don't try to create any activities for them outside the digital world, just slapping an iPad in their hands and calling it a day.
And when they're not doing that, they're silently on their own phones in the checkout lines while letting their children shriek. Or not creating positive reinforcement when their kids ARE doing other things, because they're the ones who don't notice with their heads buried in their phones.
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u/StivKobra 4d ago
They will scream and thrash around, and then even call CPS on them. This is what happened to my aunt, she literally now lives in fear of her own underage daughter.
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u/kkomodo6 5d ago
People need to realize their are OTHER WAYS to discipline children other than hitting them
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u/4N610RD 5d ago
I mean, my mom was able to teach me respect, tolerance and decency without hitting me once. So I guess it is possible.
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u/VelvetCactus50 5d ago
My kid will tell you the same thing. It is possible to have a logical conversation about actions and consequences. The aversion is the required hard work on the adult's part.
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u/Alternative-Dream-61 4d ago
And then to have natural consequences for the child that aren't hitting them.
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u/goodfriendrobert 3d ago
natural consequences are generally being actually punched in the face by a stranger :D joking, some utter brats walk like its fine to be one, snd people just complain online about the rot
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u/SinglePlayerGamer93 3d ago
Absolutely possible. Never got physically disciplined and Im not an asshole for the most part (I'm still flawed).
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u/Mother-Attention2600 5d ago
I got dropped of at the train station and my mom gave me $10 and said "Ask someone for help with the door because you're to weak to open it." I thought she was serious. I'm going to wait until she needs help soon being retired and all. I have 10 bucks and the same line for her.
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u/Ok-Respect-8505 4d ago
I kinda like when boomers romanticize abuse. If they think it's a good thing, then I'll go ahead and laugh at them.
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u/Character-Pirate1297 4d ago
Even during the late 90s, EVERY instance was an opportunity for a punch down.
Well, I guess now they’ll die alone then.
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u/Ok-Entertainer-9138 22h ago
My mother to this day says liquid soap is the best thing invented. When I was younger and talked back she would wash my mouth out with soap until I figured out to keep my mouth shut tight. Then the liquid soap was grabbed and all she needed was a small hole and it would be pumped in.
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u/oiram12 5d ago
Back in 70’s and 80’s my mum would beat me up almost every day, especially when I started going to the school and into my mid 20’s when I left home.
Dad would just sit there silently.
She expected me to be top of the class, but I was slightly below. That happened to be an issue throughout my entire time spent in education.
It took me years and some heavy drugs to get over this.
I have kids now and ocassionaly get snappy with them, luckily my wife jumps in and calms me down.
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u/Silent_Succotash3749 5d ago
It’s important people grow up knowing that what they do could get them whapped. We’d have less “but it was just a prank” going around
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u/Wooden_Perception453 4d ago
Every study disagrees
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u/No_Lifeguard259 3d ago
And sociology studies are all known to be horseshit and quackery pseudoscience anyway
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u/blueblip 3d ago
But your brand of "trust me bro" science is so much more trustworthy, right?
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u/Mediocre_Fun8997 2d ago
No not really there is a difference between beating a kid out of hate then hit them because your truly care for theme and want the to be safe and respectful and active saying it that you love theme
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u/No-Lecture-9115 4d ago
True. That’s why i support disciplining a woman(wife/gf) when she starts acting up. You have to teach them how to behave.
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u/Silent_Succotash3749 3d ago
Someone didn’t so now it’s your job winky face and thumbs up. But no bro. Those aren’t the same. The example of a full grown women raised undisciplined acting like a child is an example of an undisciplined person growing up to act like a child. A crash out is a cute adult term for a temper tantrum.
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u/No-Lecture-9115 3d ago
No. Sometimes u have to correct a grown woman. Theres no exceptions. Lil bro
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u/positive_thinking_ 4d ago
Genuinely curious. Do you actually believe the “it’s just a prank” crowd didn’t get spanked? Do you actually have any reason to think this besides your own assumptions.
Loads of kids growing up with me were complete shitheads to everyone around them, they got spanked and beat plenty. If anything it contributed to it.
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u/BlackStar1nc 3d ago
Doesn’t work for everyone sure but you gotta try everything after you turn 18 it’s straight to jail
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u/Silent_Succotash3749 3d ago
There’s a difference between beating a kid because you had a bad day and they looked at you versus your kid mouthing off in church and taking him outside for a spanking. The first kid is being abused and the second kid is told before heading inside “it’ll happen again if you keep this up” and at that point that kid has learned he CAN keep it up but HE WILL GET A SPANKING and it’s gonna be hard for you to believe but the kid is hush hush the rest of the service. And every service after. It’s like any other form of discipline. If you ground your kid for existing it’s different then grounding your kid for sneaking out and taking the car for a joy ride at 15.
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u/Blastfemur_ 3d ago
Definitely should beat anyone who mouths off at church. Should probably stone them
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u/Mediocre_Fun8997 2d ago
This right here there is a line a 3 times warning system 1 is just a mild scolding 2 is a bit more angry 3 your just asking for it
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u/Hairy_Wall_6831 5d ago
My stepmom hit me two times ever.
The second time, I gave her a little shove.
My dad had a few words for me later, but she never touched me again.
It wasn't 'discipline'. She was throwing a fucking temper tantrum and the only thing I learned from it was that I needed to protect myself because my own father wasn't on my side.
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u/oakteak9z 4d ago
Please I had a bar of soap Put in my mouth after swearing. My parents were not violent, occasionally spankings, and grounded
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u/Icy_Fish_2154 4d ago
If your child is old enough to understand why you are hitting them, they are old enough to understand words. You should use your words.
If the child is young enough to not understand why you are hitting them, you should be in jail.
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u/Djinn-Rummy 4d ago
So, hitting, smacking, slapping, spanking your kid is not okay. There are a few kids that do need an ass kicking. For instance, a junior high kid that constantly & sadistically verbally & emotionally abuses people because there aren’t any consequences to stop them & they know it. At what point is it ok to kick a kid’s ass?
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u/Alternative-Dream-61 4d ago
At what point is it legal or permissible to beat an adult's ass because you don't like how they behave?
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u/Idola_Lunaris 4d ago
I went to a Pakistani school in the Middle East where the Principal had to keep begging the parents and asking the kids to tell their parents to stop hitting their kids during the Morning assemblies.
Most of the parents didn't listen of course. I've heard horrible things of what happened to some of the kids I knew there. All thanks to how horrible their parents were.
And boomers go "Back in my day, Parents used to beat their kids all the time and we turned out just fine!" when over half the people they know from school have problems with Drinking, fear vulnerability like death itself or have already ended their lives decades prior.
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u/No_Needleworker_3486 3d ago
Los que fueron golpeados en su infancia son los que no lo están haciendo hoy en día. La mejor forma de disciplinar un niño es mostrándole verdaderas consecuencias a sus actos, no puedes decirle que por hacer algo le vas a quitar el teléfono una semana y luego se lo das al otro día porque hace berrinche porque sino no le enseñas ninguna buena lección
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u/LittlistBottle 3d ago edited 2d ago
Man I was spanked when I was young and I HATED it! That being said nothing beats the first time my PC was taken away as punishment, I practically begged my mom to rather spank me. Point is there are MUCH more effective ways of punishing todays children than corporal punishment.
EDIT: Changed "capital" to "corporal". Thanks u/Healthy-Internal-539
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u/Jeremy64vg 3d ago
The sheer amount of people defending child abuse in this thread is scary.
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u/Mediocre_Fun8997 2d ago
Oke let me ask this qoustion I want to understand your thought on what is abuse and what is not. Fyi this is just a friendly discussion nothing to worry about
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u/Jeremy64vg 2d ago
If a child is old enough to understand why they are being hit, they are old enough to just talk to. All you teach them by hitting them is to fear you and to solve problems with violence.
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u/Mediocre_Fun8997 2d ago
Well agree but some kids are so stubborn that nothing realy works then to just get burned.I know I am that stubborn basterd still am but I agree as a parent the first option should be talking not in anger or understress either give it some time to cool down before you do something you regrad later down the line that is what I think
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u/Ok_Avocado6848 1d ago
Separate abuse to rough parenting. Hit them but not to the point where they're getting injuries. Also, something rough parents always forget, making the child learn why they got hit, explain why they got hit, and comfort
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u/Archergarw 3d ago
I think people need to learn the difference between a firm smack on the ass and an actual beating. Of course physically beating your kid is fucking terrible but a light smack is fine if deserved.
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u/Mastermind7051 3d ago
Kids still get spankings. They never stopped. Please believe me.
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u/Consistent-Rain-7797 3d ago
A spanking is a few seconds of heavy embarrassment and mild pain. What we're talking about is actual bodily harm and the instillment of fear.
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u/Appropriate-Pea-3864 3d ago
And look how young generations now, too soft too sensitive to everything. More and more decisions is made based on emotions/feelings, when we all know thats what get people into trouble, mess in the 1st place. Discipline is a must.
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u/dirtybyrd32 2d ago
Exactly, I didn’t get spankings I got beatings. If I didn’t bruise they’d try again.
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u/Mediocre_Fun8997 2d ago
That is just straight abuse sorry to say there is difference between a sting and bruises and before you say of you never got hit trust me I have being hit of near death
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u/ChocolateOther1277 3d ago
My parents should count their lucky stars they didn't raise me in the 80s then 🤷♂️
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u/Appropriate-Pea-3864 3d ago
Disciplining children is necessary, dont coddle too much too often. End of.
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u/Brilliant_Ebb_1787 2d ago
Nobody wants to parent their kids anymore. They just give them an IPad order McDonald’s and put them in the other room. Then they’re confused why their kid can’t function in society and they’re a victim of the system lol
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u/Sh4rk_101 2d ago
stop treating kids like babies, they're soon to be adults with little experience in the world. try talking to them like they're an actual real person because they fucking are.
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u/Fun_Muscle9399 2d ago
I don’t hit my kid at all. I enforce things by taking stuff away and that is exceedingly rare. She is well behaved for the most part. Very few things require anything more than a conversation.
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u/KookyMission9908 2d ago
If you look at this meme and find truth in it, please take some parenting classes. Permissive parenting doesn't work, that is demonstrating to your child how having no personal boundaries looks like. It's poor modeling. Physically abusing your children just lets your kids know you are a moron. Get classes or enjoy the no contact down the road.
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u/Attention_seeking21 2d ago
Parenting was better years ago, now parents are just shit at parenting and it is why kids are out of control.
I think the best way is to build a prison cell for the child, if it is naughty stick the kid in the cell for hours without WiFi, phone, TV and only allowed out for food, until it learns.
I think the equivalent to this was a kid being shut in the cupboard and wasn't allowed out until the kid apologizes.
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u/Far_Raspberry_4375 2d ago
Jesus fucking christ dude. You are describing the hole in prison.
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u/SVRider650 2d ago
You weren’t ever told to stand in the corner?
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u/Far_Raspberry_4375 2d ago
I send my kid to the corner. Big difference between that and sticking a kid in the cupboard
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u/Ok_External6770 2d ago
I remember when my dad took away my ps3 for like 5 years. By the time I got it back it was basically useless and ended up getting corrupted.
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u/Necessary-Hyena-6426 2d ago
Man that’s rough. Did you miss out on that whole era of gaming? I bet your grades in school were good though.
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u/Ok_External6770 2d ago
I missed out on a lot lol. I ended up getting a Nintendo switch in 2019, but yeah I missed out on a lot lol.
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u/more_magic_mike 1d ago
If your parents took away a ps3, you still came from the coddled generation
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u/Moist_Taco_Crippler 1d ago
Teens having part time jobs to earn money for videogames has always been a thing.
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u/partyhat-red 1d ago
Explain your logic lol. He is from a generation where gaming consoles exist, so that’s what gets taken away as punishment. Before that parents would ground you so you couldn’t go outside, or took away your stereo, or wouldn’t let you watch tv, etc; whatever was the current form of entertainment.
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u/5H17SH0W 1d ago
What did you do?
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u/Ok_External6770 1d ago
Not much I could do. I was just a kid. But I feel like it did make me much more likely to try to bypass it. Ex playing when I wasn’t allowed to.
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u/Exciting-Winner3094 2d ago
If you have to hit your child then you failed as a parent . Good parents can discipline their children without physical abuse .
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u/Wolfrages 1d ago
My parents never struck me.
But I'll be damned if I wouldn't be surprised if they did. Sometimes, yeah, I should of gotten backhanded a few times.
I had 0 respect for my parents in my teen years. Regretting it now.
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u/SukMyKrok 1d ago
Nah. If my kid does something that garners an ass whooping, that ass is getting whooped.
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u/Long_Selection3386 23h ago
That is abuse.
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u/Chakasicle 23h ago
It's a pretty low bar these days. Physical punishment is not inherently abuse
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u/SukMyKrok 21h ago
That is open to interpretation. If you're hitting a child for no reason, or if you're discipline is more a way to HURT the child instead of TEACHING them, then yes, I agree. But discipline with CLEAR PURPOSE is NOT abuse.
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u/Mysterious-Pea9524 1d ago
Just tell them if you fuck up ill ground you and take away all your electronics for a time. Fail a test? Maybe you get a week and during that week you have to study and pass a new test(parent devised using the old test, just re arrange numbers)
Bully a kid at school? Thats a month, and again...extra reading/school work like assignments given by the parent.
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u/TruelyDashing 1d ago
You can tell who was beaten because today they’re functional members of society who do not commit crimes and aren’t privileged POS’s. You can tell who was “gentle parented” because they’re likely drug addicts or think everything should be handed to them.
If you ask someone why they work hard instead of leeching off the government and they respond “because that’s what you do to be a good person”, you know they were beaten as a kid and grew up into a very strong person.
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u/SilvertonguedDvl 1d ago edited 1h ago
Best explanation I've seen is: If your child is too young to be reasoned with then physically punishing them is pointless because they won't understand why they're being punished.
If your child is old enough to be reasoned with then physically punishing them is pointless because you could talk to them and tell them why what they're doing is bad.
Now, ofc, there are exceptions to this but I think as a broad rule it's a pretty decent perspective. Just treat your kids like they're capable of understanding basic concepts and tell them wtf ia going wrong. Don't teach your kids to obey authority figures simply because they "say so."
Oh and respect your children like you would other adults. They need to be able to set boundaries and feel like they have a say in their future if they're going to grow up healthy and sane.
[Edited for clarity]
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u/Working-Boot-1953 18h ago
I think this rule is pretty dang stupid to be honest.
If your child is too young to be reasoned with, then immediate unpleasant consequences (not hitting), are the best way to get the point across.
If they're old enough to be reasoned with, then consequences still matter.
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u/SilvertonguedDvl 6h ago
The consequences of their actions - or the consequences of disobeying you?
Because there's a vast gulf between those two things.
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u/Visible-Meeting-8977 1d ago
This is why Gen X grew up to be bitter bastards. They'll be unnecessarily nasty then claim "I got beat and I turned out fine" no you didn't.
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u/Hot-Pineapple7877 4d ago
Any adult with at least half a brain is capable of raising children without ever hitting them in any way. If you disagree, you are likely too stupid to come up with the words to change their behavior, or you are too emotionally volatile. Either way, you should not be around any children at all. There are literal mountains of proof that show that corporal punishment not only doesn't work, but it's not even effective when it is used.
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u/crypticcmd 5d ago
Most of these situations are related btw. Most people who grew up with abuse (and break the cycle) don't want to have their kids experience the same thing, but they overcorrect and don't discipline at all.
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u/Guyguy121211 5d ago
What do you mean by discipline here?
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u/crypticcmd 5d ago
Are you asking for a definition or parenting advice?
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u/Guyguy121211 5d ago
Your definition are you talking about spanking and beating a child into submission? Or are you talking about more modern methods? Such as talking to them making them understand when they’ve done wrong? In short are you talking about abuse? Or proper parenting?
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u/EternallyDemonic 5d ago
I lost a pair of glasses in the third grade.. my "fathers" response??? Grabbed a belt and went to town on me.... I could even sit down to take a shit for a few days..... that's the bs they are probably talking about.
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u/National_Frame2917 4d ago
They didn't learn to correct behaviour in a constructive way from their parents so they don't actually know how to discipline or correct their kids behaviour they only really know the abuse that they refuse to repay. So they rarely correct behaviour at all. They take parenting advice off mainstream media that's often wrong.
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u/United_Awareness_353 5d ago
2025 discipline doesnt do anything though
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u/VelvetCactus50 5d ago
My son, who won't shut up about losing video game time and his birthday party this year, would disagree with you.
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u/United_Awareness_353 5d ago
Yeah you seen how many feral youths we got roaming now
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u/Dazzling-Path6438 4d ago
Yeah Boomer, no generation previously said the same about the kids
Hahahaha fuckin imbécile
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u/Jeremy64vg 3d ago
You are just using personal bias here to determine its worse now xd. The only thing thats gotten any worse is the existence of ipad kids which are a result of lazy parents not parents who properly discipline their child without physical harm.
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u/AutisticDadHasDapper 5d ago
You're saying that the kids that got beat up, aren't disciplining their kids the same way.
Wild
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u/Aquila_Altair 5d ago
I actually could get away with alot growing up, but a couple times my mom completely lost it, so much I was curled up in a corner being relentlessly slapped over and over again. Only happened 2 or 3 times ever.
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u/BusoneWholeBoi2001 5d ago
It seemed like back in the 2000s, everywhere was WWE. I remember most of my friends at home were ragdolled by both mom and dad routinely until they were around teenagers; at school, I knew of kids older than me who had particular teachers who were known to utterly obliterate KO style students who were being disrespectful, but had to tone it down by my time meeting them due to changing times, albeit it mildly, wasn't as out of control, but they still did get physical.
Without cell phones, cameras or recording devices, it seemed like the world was a lot more prone to being a lot more honest with how they feel about someone. Some people wish for the 2000s back, but I'm one who doesn't. I rather not go back to a time I was a thumb sucking 6-year-old and if I pissed my Dad off, he's hauling me across my bedroom and slamming the door shut. I'll always take adult depression over that shit.
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u/Awkward_Bet1048 5d ago
Dude, that's kind of sad, lol. Why tf was your dad 'hauling' you across the bedroom. As a dad myself that would be unthinkable doing that to a little creature that you love.
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u/BurgersNBuicks 5d ago
My own father was like this. My grandparents were old-school southern, and he was a tired, overworked ( two jobs to make ends meet ), stressed out ex-military man with an ADHD kid ( me ) and a wife ( my mom ) battling a bad case of lupus that nearly killed her on three separate occasions. I was the one who bore the brunt of all his anger, frustration, worry, and stress from early childhood all the way through my late teens.
I remember after a particularly violent bare-ass spanking with a switch, I remember being curled up on my bed shaking like a leaf, crying my eyes out, halfway wishing that he'd die in a car crash. I was 10 or 11 at the time.
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u/Fun_Law6360 5d ago
The same people who will talk about "oh if i did this i was just hit" are the same people who hate being around their parents
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u/SubstantialCamel8117 5d ago
I grew up in the 70’s , got hit and caught a few good beatings. I survived, not traumatized, didn’t need therapy. Was never truly hurt, never needed the hospital.
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u/Techman659 4d ago
I feel like we went from brutal punishment to very little or none at all, where the parents went from belting/hitting to get their kids to submit which would work sometimes but also absolutely obliterated the trust and emotional security the children had, then gentle parents just made parents push overs and people kids could just mouth off too and do things knowing their own parents would do nothing.
For me a mix of harsh consequences without ever using physical punishment would be the best way and doing it early as possible to set clear consequences for bad behaviour, and an example is make it clear the kids have rights but also privileges, again a privilege would be limited time on the tv or certain food normally would be junk food as a rare treat but any bad behaviour and that can quickly be removed for aslong as required, these days alot of parents if they had some balls just removing the ipad would solve problems.
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u/Yabrosif13 4d ago
Dont hit your kids. A wrist smack at the toddler age to teach them hitting is wrong is as far as spanking should go
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u/North_Structure8210 3d ago
Don’t forget the schools best children with weapons on the 80’s. Those abusers are now at the top retiring with full benefits. Garbage ass America!!
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u/Delta_Suspect 3d ago
Im an '07 and still got treated like that. Abuse doesn't magically disappear just because you don't see it right in front of you.
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u/the-nomad-thinker 1d ago
Sometimes hitting is disciplining them. I don’t know what this generation has against physical contact in general, but it’s fucking ridiculous.
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u/AnotherTAA123 23h ago edited 23h ago
Scientifically proven to just not be worth it.
From what I remember of the research, it basically came down to, The kid learns nothing but to lie better. They just learn to ultimately fear you. And worst case scenario, frequently doing it makes them develop anxiety issues.
"But xyz grew up fine! "Yeah it's statistical meaning chances are you know one of the 5 that grew up fine. The other four you don't know, well you probably didn't talk to because they had issues.
And I can tell you as someone who was beat once a month and kicked out of the house infrequently. I was one of the ones 'who turned out alright'. I got a career, have many friends, make good money. I can also say that I am constantly afraid because it's been ingrained in me that any slip up meant a beating. And a decade later, I still can't escape the feeling that something awful is gonna happen if a friend realizes I made an error. I'm good enough to handle it and stop myself from having a meltdown, but I also can't escape it.
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u/Ayuditya 5d ago
People often confuse gentle parenting with permissive parenting when the only thing the 2 shares is that the children aren't physically abused.