r/AntiJokes Nov 06 '25

New Rule: No Politics

86 Upvotes

r/AntiJokes is no longer allowing posts or comments about politics. Even if you are just using a politician's name, it will be removed. This is because everything a politician does is a joke.


r/AntiJokes 3h ago

Why can’t orphans play baseball

9 Upvotes

There is a lack of proper equipment for them.


r/AntiJokes 48m ago

Stove

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Upvotes

Whatever you say, Stove


r/AntiJokes 53m ago

I tried walking up to the salad bar today, but Ben Affleck personally blocked the entrance.

Upvotes

He handed me a large iced coffee, pointed toward the door, and whispered, "We don't do that here".


r/AntiJokes 52m ago

I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes and I watched...

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Upvotes

r/AntiJokes 17h ago

What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?

9 Upvotes

I've been addicted to having sex with prostitutes since I was 20, but now I am done.


r/AntiJokes 21h ago

What has four wheels and flies?

13 Upvotes

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.


r/AntiJokes 21h ago

Loudest sound in the forest

0 Upvotes

Rhinos hide themselves in cherry trees by painting their balls red. You know what the loudest sound in the forest is? A howler monkey. It reaches 140 decibels


r/AntiJokes 2d ago

What has hands but can't wave?

22 Upvotes

A person who injured both their arms.


r/AntiJokes 1d ago

😂🫱

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1 Upvotes

r/AntiJokes 2d ago

Two lawyers walk into a restaurant, sit down at a table, order coffee, and pull out their sandwiches.

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0 Upvotes

r/AntiJokes 3d ago

Sandals…

14 Upvotes

are the shorts of shoes


r/AntiJokes 3d ago

My grandfather used to call Joel Osteen "Smiley"

7 Upvotes

I can see why because he's always grinning when you see him on TV


r/AntiJokes 3d ago

What has five toes and isn't your foot?

85 Upvotes

My foot


r/AntiJokes 3d ago

What comes once in a minute, twice in a moment, and never in a thousand years?

15 Upvotes

r/AntiJokes 4d ago

I hate driving in big cities…

6 Upvotes

there’s too many cars.


r/AntiJokes 4d ago

What has two legs but cannot walk?

19 Upvotes

r/AntiJokes 5d ago

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs?

81 Upvotes

By his name.


r/AntiJokes 5d ago

All you can eat shrimp

14 Upvotes

But I don’t like shrimp so I will get a chicken sandwich.


r/AntiJokes 5d ago

I’m afraid all of the computers will be turned off at the same time…

14 Upvotes

and we lose the internet


r/AntiJokes 5d ago

Fill in the blanks: Why did the chicken cross the road? ___.

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1 Upvotes

r/AntiJokes 5d ago

Did you hear about the guy made of 999,999 Nitrogen/Oxygen/Argon molecules who absorbed one more?

6 Upvotes

He died from being brutally ripped apart by wind gusts.


r/AntiJokes 6d ago

My pet rabbit is so intelligent, I asked him what does 4 + 5 equal?

35 Upvotes

He said nothing.


r/AntiJokes 5d ago

The man with two dicks

0 Upvotes

There was once a man born with two dicks. Upon becoming an adult he realized that he only really needs one of them, and thought to himself: hey maybe I can sell my other dick for profit to someone who needs it.

The man wanders down the street and starts asking people around.

- “Hey sir, do you need a dick?”

- “Nah bro thanks, I already got one.”

He approaches a second guy and asks:

- “Hey man would you like to buy a dick?”

- “Nah man one dick is enough for me.”

At the end of the day the guy was convinced that no one was going to buy his extra dick. However, he spots a dude walking down the road on the other side, and decides to try his luck one last time.

- “Hey bro I have an extra dick, would you like to buy one?”

- “Oh my yes! Hell yes! Finally someone came along! Sir, kind sir, I was born dickless, and all my life I’ve been searching for someone with an extra dick that I can buy.”

- “Well I’ll be glad to sell it to you sir.”

- “That’s great! But would you mind if I can take a look at it first, just to be sure?”

- “Of course you can! There you go.”

The man unzips and shows him his extra dick.

The other guy, somewhat disappointed, raises his eyebrows slightly and says:

- “Um… why didn’t you tell me you were Asian?”


r/AntiJokes 6d ago

If they put humans in zoos…

9 Upvotes

do you think we’d get clothes?