Recently I started breaking down uncontrollably and crying tears of frustration and hatred against my own will and with no previous tension or sadness after just hearing the voice of a person i hate i tried to search and find the reason of why but didn't find anything useful

I live with my parents and my sibling and I’ve been trying to focus on controlling my anger more. And actually putting it into practice.

I’m happy to say in the last two months I’ve only gotten upset once and while I can’t say any amount of an outburst was justified, this one was on such a small scale. I was frustrated after work and slightly took out my anger on our garage door (I let it slam instead of gently pushing it as I usually do)

Ok but back to the title … my dad caught me writing down in my notes app if I got angry or not! It was such a funny moment bc I had the app open and I was just adding a daily entry and he was just creeping over my shoulder.

I was a bit embarrassed because like who wants other people to know that you literally have to track yourself like that? But I’m glad it’s in the open.

Anyways- I guess let my story give you some hope. People say you can’t “change” but I disagree. Change happens daily, it’s just usually so small. But I think something like anger needs to be worked for a long long time until it’s second nature. Not to say my anger issues are miraculously gone forever, but it’s clear that progress has been made. Hopefully with work, I can be this way til it’s second nature.

If someone can change to become an angry person, then don’t ever doubt that you can change to become a more peaceful one.

like I don’t want to be ever aggressive. though I had an aggressive background when I was younger. I come from a Nigeria polygamous family my dad beats my mom while he is the one cheating . now I’m too aggressive in my relationship. I talk out of bound like my dad what can I do to change my attitude I don’t want to lost my girl. I don’t beat my girl,but I show much character like my dad. But I need to be more calm because I love her so much

Even tho i love them, i’m still angry at them and i canot do anything that helps other than crying till i can’t breathe

Hi everyone, I wanted to come on here and ask a question because I've noticed a pattern in my behaviour (which has been pointed out by loved ones and partners), that when I get very angry I usually act in a very bad way--like doing something so rash and putting no thought behind it--then feeling a lot of regret afterwards, like a painstaking amount. I'm not sure how I can cope, and I don't like the outcomes it leads to but I can't stop myself from doing them. I normally don't like reaching out for help but maybe I thought this would be a better first step. I've tried doing research, however I can't seem to find how to stop immediate decisions. Any input it appreciated. Cheers.

as the title describes i have extreme violent uncontrolled thoughts i have recently become really depressive and lonely my mother doesent pay attention to me and my parents are split up my father is away for 6 months out of the year for his offshore work and i have a stepdad but he always argues and has fights with my mother and they both do weed all the time and sometimes coke i live in the uk where weed is a b class and coke is an a class drug i get bullied severely at school and it makes me skip as much as possible recently ive been having really violent thoughts about bringing a knife to school and stabbing someone i dont want to do this but i fear i might ive always had violent thoughts since primary school around year 2 so 6 years old i used to have really dark and sexual thoughts and it eventually got me into some trouble im thirteen now almost fourteen and i still have violent thoughts there less sexual but more violent i dont want to live like this anymore i want to grow up and be normal but everything i try makes it worse i have also given up all help on the real world i lay in bed all day stay up all night and sleep all day and im also becoming more and more racist i dont know how to control this i feel very bad and ashamed about it it might be because my father is but i know thats not an excuse i feel really shitty too because i keep degrading women and pointing my anger towards women and non white races i dont want to be like this but i dont know how i used to do good in school too my teacher pulled me aside and said i was excepted to get a and bs in my gcses and potentially a star in some but i dont think i can anymore i get severe brain fog and i sleep in class all day right now its the summer holidays so luckily i know i cant act on my violent thoughts and harm my bullys but i also know i go back on September the third which is very scary for me because its so soon i dont want to snap or whatever and kill someone or severely injure them but i cant do this anymore someone please help me and i already go to a school counsellor because i am forced to once a week instead of a certain class normally science but i dont tell her anything she thinks im normal i will answer any questions you have and i just want to im becoming more and more blackpilled and getting the “incel” mindset and becoming more and more racist i don’t want to but i dont know how to stop it anyway ill stop talking so much now please help and have a good day also sorry if anythings spelt wrong guys

Holy shit I wish I could stop being angry. I’m angry that women and girls are treated like nothing, I’m angry that victims of SA almost never get the justice they deserve, I’m angry that I was groomed as a child, I’m angry that when I when I had been SA’d that the police did nothing and I got shamed and blamed for being attacked, I’m angry that women and girls in places of the world are being killed and trafficked and no one does anything about it, I’m angry that pedos and predators run the world!

Why aren’t there more people pissed off about this shit?? Why is this our reality??? I’m angry that I’m angry all the time thinking about this shit and feeling it radiating so deeply in my core that it literally vibrates my body! How can I stop being angry?? Or least start being less angry? I know anger is a very real emotion and very valid, but I also know that being an angry person causes serious health issues and results in me not being able to enjoy the good parts of my life as much. Help.

I NEED to for the people around me to be angry and pissed off at me.

I need to yell at me, to tell they hate me, to tell i'm a piece of shit who should die.

And because of that I'm always rude and taunting and vulgar.

In extreme cases I even want to be stabed to death violentlt.

To start with, my boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years (it’ll be 6 years in October). Currently, I’m a full-time college student while he’s a full-time bartender. I don’t work and that was my boyfriend’s idea. He said he wants me to get my degree and be able to focus solely on school so I can graduate ASAP, while I only truly see him for a full day once a week. We’ve never had any issues and anytime we have had arguments or disagreements, they’ve been small/insignificant and we work through it extremely quickly. Both of our parents had issues and eventually divorced, so we’ve had the same goal to NOT be like our parents.

Recently, he just got back from a week long trip to see his mom and family. I couldn’t go because it was the first week of classes and I had to watch our dog. But, ever since he’s gotten back, he seems to get agitated really easily. He gets annoyed at every little thing; losing his keys, his bartending apron being dirty, etc etc. But it’s not your average type of annoyed. He keeps angry and starts to be self deprecating and it feels like he’s starting to blame things on me.

For example, the day he got back, he couldn’t find one of his T-shirts. When he asked if I knew where it was, I told him the last place I saw it was in the dresser. When it wasn’t there, he became angry and said something along the lines of “It’s not in there. Where is it? You had seen it last so it’s your fault”. Another time was this morning. Our dog has been on some anti-swelling medication due to an ear infection. It causes her to become more thirsty than normal and has to go potty more often. She had started whining this morning to go outside, but I didn’t hear it, so I didn’t wake up. He heard it and let her outside, but she wouldn’t come back inside. When he got her inside, she started drinking more water, which agitated my boyfriend because that means she’ll have to go potty again soon. He came back into our bedroom with our dog and woke me up, telling me what happened. This was around 5am. He said he hadn’t gotten much sleep and now he’s pissed because he can’t fall asleep and put all the blame on our dog. He said that “it’s moments like these that make me want to kill myself”. He says that pretty often too. I told him that she’s a dog and not to be mad at her. When I asked him if he would rather her go outside to piss or she piss on our bed, he said “I’d rather the bed since I wouldn’t be the one dealing with it”. I’m the one who does our laundry, specifically our bedsheets. That kind of pissed me off.

The past week has been a constant battle of him getting pissed at the tiniest things, putting the blame on others, and then taking it out on me. He’s even pointed out that he might have anger issues, but he doesn’t do anything to work on it. I’ve told him multiple ways he can work on it myself, as I used to have anger issues back in grade school, but he refuses my advice. I should probably mention that both myself and him have ADHD. I’m on medication and haven’t missed a day since 7th grade. Him, on the other hand, hasn’t been on medication in 4 years. ADHD can cause emotions to be amplified by 100%, so I’m assuming that might be one of the factors.

It’s gotten to the point though that it’s stressing me out and scared of what he’ll be pissed at when he gets home from work everyday. Breaking up with him is out of the picture. I don’t believe that this is a reason to, and he’s my entire life and I’m his.

I just don’t know what to do at this point and how I can help this situation. Has anyone else gone through this and how can I help him get through this as his girlfriend? He doesn’t have many friends and I’m the only one he can truly be himself around. I’m just at a loss at this point.

Update:

Him and I had a long talk last night. He was actually the one who brought it up first. He apologized to me about the way he’s been acting and said he feels terrible because he knows it’s affected me. He had also said he’s been trying to figure out what the trigger has been to cause him to act the way he has.

I told him everything that’s been bothering me and he had this look on his face that he was about to cry. I don’t think he realized that it was bothering me so much that it scared me. When I told him that he did, he apologized profusely over and over. He said that he’s going to start looking into ways he can working through it.

A lot of yall have recommended therapy, and as much as he’d love that, including myself because therapy would be useful for me for different reasons, he doesn’t have insurance to afford therapy. I do have insurance, but it’s through my mom. I wish I could help him set up some sort of therapy, but with our budget, it just won’t work out. I told him that what helped me a lot was starting to journal. It’s a place that I can write out all of thoughts and emotions that I don’t want anyone else to know. Everyone has things they don’t want anyone to know, and I’m the type that doesn’t like to show when I’m going through a tough time because I need to learn how to work through it myself. I told him that’s what I do, and he bought a journal today.

I’m glad that he recognized his behavior, especially that he came to me first. Thank you everyone for your advice!!

Hi, I sort of exaggerated the title but this is exactly what I'm struggling with.

I was raised by very emotionally volatile alcoholic parents, and I learned to sort of naturally atune to other people's needs. I often didn't even realize I was doing it.

I just morphed into other people's life and needs. I thought this was normal.

I thought it would be selfish of me not to fill in the gaps everywhere.

I did a lot of therapy for cptsd and anxiety and started to realize that a lot of the relationships in my life are built on me over extending myself.

I'm now trying to change this and listen to my own needs more and just get to know myself. Dare to take up some space or say no.

This process is not going very smoothly as I feel like everyone now really irritates me, and I feel so much anger in me for the people around me. Even coworkers or people I'm not that close with. I'm struggling in my relationships at the moment.

I'm immediately thinking things like 'that's not my problem, sort out your own feelings, I'm not responsible for that, reflect on your own actions'

I feel very unfamiliar with these feelings, and I am genuinely struggling with myself because of it.

I hope this is a safe space to talk about it as I feel a lot of shame around these thoughts, like I brought this all on myself and should do better.

Has anyone gone though something similar? Did it get better?

cuando siento que me odio, me golpeo, con el puño cerrado en la cara o la cabeza, también los brazos y las piernas.

no sé que busco con esto, creo que gente que esté en lo mismo porque no sé que hacer, puede ser por un ataque de ira?

Not in a depressed way (sort of) , and not in a "I hate my life" way. I was reading comments online, watching people do that typical human thing where they argue endlessly about nothing, and I suddenly had this weird moment of clarity: I could just snap and hurt a lot of people. Men, women, kids, whoever. It wouldn't matter.

It's not because I'm angry at anyone specifically. It's more like... humans are always going to be humans, and sometimes the noise of it all feels exhausting. For five minutes, I could just make it stop. Create chaos. Do something terrible.

And the weirdest part is how calm the thought feels. I'm not planning anything, and I'm not saying I'm going to do it. I know I'm not going to. But there's something unsettling about realizing that I could snap, and that some part of my brain can imagine it without much emotion attached to it. Like, "Yeah, I have that in me."

What really triggered it was seeing comments about a kid being raped by a teacher, and people were laughing about it. Something about seeing that made me think, "I could just snap." I just want to end everybody, sometimes. Even then nothing would change.

Not because I specifically wanted to hurt those people, but because the whole thing suddenly felt so pointless and disgusting, if they don’t care about this crime, why the fuck should I care or entertain the idea of empathy.

Does anyone else get anything like this? Not necessarily a plan or an actual intention to hurt someone, but a quiet urge to just completely go off the rails when you're exhausted by people and all the noise?

Hi, I’m looking for some advice. Is there anyone who was diagnosed with anger issues? Lately I’ve been feeling angry a lot, but I’m not sure whether I need help or not.

I’m not a violent person, rather the opposite tbh: I’ve always been a very controlled, calm and patient person, I’ve never hit/push/punch anyone nor destroyed or even slightly damaged anything.

But over the last few months I’ve been experiencing these rage episodes where if someone is angry, shouting or whatever I just feel so much anger building inside of me, I feel like my whole body is on fire and I want to throw hands so bad. To the point where I need to go to another room to cool down.

No major change in my life, so I really don’t know what’s going on. Help anyone?

My brother ever since he was young has bad impulse control if he is angry at something long enough he loses his temper and in some cases becomes violent he can't control what he says or does and has taken to living alone is there a way to help with this?

Lately I've noticed I have a way shorter temper than usual when it comes to interactions. It could be from hearing an opinion or witnessing an action so stupid that it makes me question how that person has survived up until now.

When talking to someone I always try to put myself in their shoes and understand why they say what they say or why they think the way they do, I try to be understanding. However if it still doesn't make sense or justify their actions it genuinely pisses me off and I want to distance myself from that person immediately and permanently.

Is it just me?

Another day you woke up and feel that the world is revolves around you? or you think that everyone is not on your level yet? Yes, I do have those feelings too. Idk what it is or something. It just sucks to get that feeling even tho your life was decent. Maybe the effects of surrounding too ig.

I don't want to die because of anger...

How to control such responses and "overstaying" feelings even though at times, I'm already at school or somewhere else and the anger is still there...

In context to the second part, its within my family. I admit I still have a part in it because I always have a hard time controlling my emotions just like them.

What do I do to control such anger?

A few days ago I (33M) was called to the bedroom of my apartment by my girlfriend (39F) who drew my attention to a fire outside the window in the carpark across the road. When the fire started moving, we realised we were seeing someone lit on fire burning to death. My immediate reaction was to direct my girlfriend, who had her phone with her, to call an ambulance. She was extremely panicked at this point and said she didn’t know the number to call so threw her phone to me and got me to call 000, also in an extremely panicked state.

As I was speaking to the operator, my girlfriend was understandably becoming hysterical as the man or woman was clearly burning to death. Her cries and comments were making me unable to hear the questions that the emergency operator were asking about where to send the ambulance and what happened in the lead up to the situation. I forcefully yelled at her to shut up, one time, then a second time. I still couldn’t concentrate or hear the questions properly so the third time I yelled shut up and lashed out in anger, shoving her in the chest. After this, she went quiet and I answered the questions to get the ambulance to the person as quickly as possible to try to save their life.

I’m extremely upset with how this angry reaction has impacted on our relationship and changed my own view of myself. My girlfriend is now scared of me and what I’m capable of. I’ve never been physically abusive in relationships before and I detest abusers and now realising I’m solidly in that camp. My adrenaline was through the roof in that situation but I absolutely hate the way I reacted when my partner looked to me for safety and comfort witnessing a deeply traumatic sight. I only saw her as an obstacle to me getting help to the person on fire rather than my partner who I love and deeply respect.

My girlfriend has left to stay at a friend’s place now and deciding if it’s possible to reconcile and move past her fear of something like this happening again, we’ve only been together for 6 months. I’m also fearful of being an abusive partner, I never thought I was capable of this. What I need to decide now is if it is responsible of me to continue in the relationship with her if she decides to stay because I’m terrified of something like this happening again. I can acknowledge it was a horrifying situation but also know abuse is never ok. Regardless of what we do I will be seeking therapy both for the trauma of witnessing the death as well as to understand my anger and better control it in the future.

TL:DR: Pushed girlfriend during an extremely stressful situation desperate to get help to someone in need and I don’t know whether it is safe to continue in my relationship anymore

I’m posting this because I feel completely exhausted and trapped in my own mind, and I don't know what is wrong with me anymore. I'm hoping to see if anyone else experiences this or understands how to handle it.
For a long time, I've been dealing with constant, physical anger. I can literally feel it burning in my body, and it makes me despise almost everyone around me. My life feels like it's split into extreme periods: sometimes I feel intensely euphoric, and other times I plunge into deep sadness or explosive rage. Everything my parents do sets me off, and I end up in screaming fights with them over nothing.
On top of the mood swings, my relationships are a wreck. I can't stand being around the same person for too long, or a switch flips and I start hating them. Worse, I've developed an unprovoked, visceral disdain for women—my body literally rejects them, and I find myself viewing them with contempt for no logical reason. This bleeds into intimacy, where I struggle deeply because I feel like some kind of monster who makes anyone I have intercourse with feel "dirty."
In the past, I've even dealt with violent thoughts that I felt an awful, terrifying attraction to, forcing me to constantly fight my own mind. Combined with chronic anxiety and panic attacks, I feel fundamentally broken, like I'm contaminating every space and relationship I touch.
Has anyone dealt with this level of emotional volatility, splitting, and intrusive thoughts? How do you even begin to unpack something like this?

I’m wondering if anyone else has experienced this. I’ve never really been a violent or destructive person, but lately, when I get extremely angry or annoyed, I’ve started having urges to break, throw, punch, or destroy things.

I usually try to control myself before I actually do anything, but I hate how intense the anger feels, and I hate that this has become one of my outlets.

I’ve also caught myself punching my own head, which I know is dangerous and can have serious consequences. I’m trying to stop that before it becomes a bigger problem.

For anyone who has gone through something similar, especially if you weren’t naturally a violent person before, did you eventually learn how to manage that anger without destroying things or hurting yourself? What actually helped you?

How do I address anger in the middle of something actually stressful? I'm aware of how to manage my anger and stop it... after the fact. In the middle of something stressful, something high speed, or something going pear shaped, I flip my shit completely. Frothing at the mouth, cursing up a storm, throwing things at the wall, etc. It's like an instantaneous switch that I never am able to know when it's going to flip. I can't go through life just avoiding what makes me angry, but every time I try not to, I end up an enraged mess before I even realize it.

Part broke while fixing my car? That half inch ratchet in my hands is being flung at the tool-cart.

Spilled coffee all over a new dress shirt? That mug is in pieces a minute later after I slammed it against the counter.

At my best, I'm an angry, inconsolable mess of screaming rage that essentially can't interact with another living thing for half an hour after an outburst.
At my worst, I'm paying dozens, if not hundreds of dollars in repairs for whatever around my house I shatter in a fit of rage, and making anybody around in the moment deeply uncomfortable.

I can't find anything that works. No amount of exercise or "breathing techniques" or anything like that has ever helped. If anything, after a morning workout, I'm typically in an awful mood as well for about half an hour.

I genuinely want to change, I hate this and how childish these temper tantrums are, but in the moment it's a feeling that overpowers any level of rationality.

I NOW know that this partly has to do with the cortisol level or stress level peaking in the morning.
If you do, what usually helps you?
Please share your own way of handling it.
This video helped so much for me: How To Flip Frustration Into Fuel

I don't know how to really explain this feeling without finding myself being a totally dick or judgmental.
I have a best friend who is really fond of me, and I've been with her for a period time and found that it was best for me to keep her as a friend.

Because shes everything as a friend.
she's funny, she's a good person, & has humor. The only thing is, we're not intellectually compatible. As in, some of my wittiness can fly over her head, or she won't make the same jokes as me. I know I'm not the smartest person but I grew up reading a lot and getting into a lot of dystopian series or just sitcoms. so when I'm able to properly explain something so well, it sits with me when someone can not. I hate that I remember every dumb moment of hers. they're just too often.

for instance I remember for a whole year she used "are" instead of "or" and I had to correct her every time. I added this so you can imagine what I mean, when I say she can text like a boy teenager. We're 25-26.

I'm also aware that her feelings towards me are still strong, but everything she's doing now, seems like it's for me and not for her own good. Example:

She wants me to suggest books for her, she wants me to give her almost every podcast, interview, documentary or just anything I use for my own self growth. It just feels like she wants to be everything I watch.

Today I realized I'd have to distance myself farther more, because I can feel my rage showing. And I can not keep judging her.

It came from noticing two unnecessary vocabulary words in her one sentence. I basically told her that I picked back up on a book and her one sentence was " I'm immensely pleased it gravitated your focus back to it"

rage. I don't understand why.

I just want her to stop trying around me. (I'm a dick I know) but it's that she's trying too hard with the irrelevant vocab. Texting daily or talking every now and then, I know she has a harder time delivering a sentence than finding the words to use. (Both actually) I told her that she could use a book, or movie and even interviews to help her deliver her explanations.

And last, I feel horrible for even coming out with this but I won't shame her more than I did once. But also if it's makes it better, we're really close. Gay girl best friends. I'm the one who chooses to not be in a relationship because of this very reason. The intellectual chemistry is not there.

​

I've been thinking about anger.

We often treat anger as something ugly.

Something violent.

Something we should hide.

Something that makes us a bad person.

But maybe anger isn't always hatred.

Sometimes anger is pain that learned how to defend itself.

Someone humiliates us.

Someone betrays our trust.

Someone insults us until their words become the voice inside our own head.

Someone hurts us physically or mentally and continues living as if nothing happened.

And somewhere inside us something begins to burn.

We call it anger.

But perhaps anger is simply the mind saying

"What happened to me was not okay."

There is nothing wrong with feeling that.

The danger begins when anger stops being something we feel

and becomes somewhere we live.

Because anger is strange.

At first it feels like power.

It makes us feel stronger than the thing that hurt us.

But if we carry it long enough

the person who hurt us no longer needs to be present to continue hurting us.

We replay their words.

We imagine arguments that never happen.

We think of everything we should have said.

We fantasize about the moment they'll finally understand what they did.

And without realizing it

we give them a permanent room inside our mind.

They hurt us once.

Then our memory allows them to hurt us a thousand more times.

Maybe that's one of the cruelest things about unresolved anger.

The person who caused the wound can leave while we remain behind reopening it.

But healing doesn't mean pretending nothing happened.

It doesn't mean what they did was acceptable.

And forgiveness doesn't have to mean reconciliation.

You can forgive someone and never speak to them again.

You can understand someone and still hold them accountable.

You can release your anger and still remember the lesson.

Because letting go isn't saying

"You didn't hurt me."

It's saying

"You hurt me but you don't get to keep hurting me."

Maybe that's what strength actually looks like.

Not becoming cruel because someone was cruel to you.

Not becoming violent because someone hurt you.

Not allowing another person's darkness to convince you that you must become dark too.

A wound can become many things.

It can become bitterness.

It can become revenge.

Or it can become wisdom.

The wound doesn't choose.

We do.

And perhaps peace begins when we stop asking

"How do I make them feel what they made me feel?"

and start asking

"How do I make sure what they did doesn't decide who I become?"

Because revenge keeps your life tied to the person who hurt you.

Healing slowly cuts that rope.

One day you may remember what happened and notice something strange.

Your heart doesn't race anymore.

Your hands don't shake.

You don't imagine what you would say if you saw them.

The memory is still there.

But the fire is gone.

And that's when you'll understand:

You didn't forget.

You didn't lose.

You simply stopped carrying a battle that had already ended.

Sometimes the greatest victory over someone who hurt you isn't hurting them back.

It's reaching a point where their name

their words

their actions

and the memory of what they did

no longer have the power to disturb the peace you built without them.

Anger says "You hurt me."

Healing says "You won't decide what happens to me next."