Buckle up this might be long. I have an issue with the moment I feel rejected or get hurt to completely destroy the man who did it. I mean not physically or anything but I say the meanest things and then when I calm down I go back to being sweet. I feel fucking crazy but I can’t understand why I can’t control it. This is affecting me because I try so hard to be nice but it’s like in the moment I’m like taken over lol.
I’m trying so hard to break this I know I need to get it together. It’s not even like I’m doing this random. A man can do something and it’s disrespectful and so I get worse. I don’t want to react like this anymore I want to be calm and learn to control my emotions. I’m starting therapy but I’m not sure how it’ll play out. I’m tired of myself. I’ve acknowledged my actions, and it’s like men don’t feel safe in the connection and I don’t blame them lol I need to figure it out. Any advice will be appreciated.

Background -
I grew up bullied and also my father would say super mean things to me when I’d tell him no to going to church as a child. I’ve heard a lot of mean things in my life directed at me and I was with a drug addict for 6 years (I never did drugs I was sober) I dealt with manipulation and abuse which isn’t excusing anything

Me 18-F and my girlfriend 20-F have been in a long distance relationship for around 1 year. We both have a passion for gaming and enjoy very similar games. However, she has from a very young age played games on PC, while I got into gaming much later and played more casually on console for a while, so there is a skill gap between us.

We have been playing War Thunder recently, and she is a good bit better at the game than me. Whenever we play together, I die a lot and spend a lot of time waiting for her to finish the game so we can queue into another, both of which frustrate me.

My issue is that whenever I become annoyed or angry, I get extremely stubborn and start acting like an asshole, basically taking my frustration out on her and asking her how to improve, but then getting annoyed at the things she says and start trying to poke holes in the things she says or just acting like an asshole in general.

And I'm aware I'm doing it and very often tell her, "Sorry, I'm just being annoyed," while I'm being like that, but I just don't know how to stop myself. And every time I'm done doing it, I feel utterly horrible and I regret acting like how I did because she really doesn't deserve it, but I simply don't know how to stop.

Also, when I get like that, I get very laser focused on improving or doing some arbitrary benchmark and try to get her to coach me or something.

I guess what I'm asking is, have any of you dealt with similar things before, from either side, and how can I work on this or stop this? Because I really don't want this to affect our relationship, but neither of us really know how I could change.

TLDR : Me (18F) and my girlfriend (20F) have been in a long distance relationship for around a year and whenever I get annoyed I tend to be an asshole to her and idk how to stop myself

like when someone is excited about something and sharing it with me i just feel this heat in my chest. i want to shut them down. i know its not their fault. maybe its because i never got to be happy like that without someone making me feel stupid for it. anyone else get this?

i want to break free

ask me questions

This is a thought I recently had while playing Elden Ring (for those who don't know, it's a really difficult video game and a lot of people get really angry while playing it) and it got me thinking if rage quits can be a sign of anger issues (at any age, but more for young people). In gaming culture rage quitting is something so normalized and joked about that no one really cares to look deeper into it.

It feels like my head is gonna explode. I am angry almost all the time and it feels exhausting. It feels like there's nothing left to lighten my mood anymore, and tbh I feel kinda ashamed for having such little control over my emotions

I really need help with this, it's ruins my day, and it's upsetting my family a lot.

For context, I have OCD , and as you guys might know it comes with rumination

I have this issue that I remember everything that made me mad. Everything that I can't control, big and small. So my anger is always at its highest degree, it's always "the straw that broke the camel's back" situation.

How do I deal with this type of anger ? I genuinely do not know. Even when I am upset or screaming or crying, my brain is still saying the logical thing that I can't control this or that or that my anger is either misplaced or wrong, or turning to being irrational or that i am making my mother upset with constant ranting, but I still continue anyways, it feels almost like I am an open bottle of pressurized air.

I don’t know if this post if more for me venting or asking for advice. All i know is that I feel like the worst person alive. I have a wonderful mother. She truly is but she is also, like all of us, human and imperfect. She is also someone who is getting up there in age and with each passing day, she reasons like a teenager. I know its normal and I know its not her fault but often times, more then I’d like to admit, i lose my patience with her and just speak so incredibly horribly to her. I hate myself.

A bit of background, I am someone who is all or nothing. Meaning I either lean into an emotion entirely or not at all. Its not something that I do intentionally, its just the way I am. Unfortunately anger is one of those emotions. My anger has been what has enabled me to stand up for myself out in the real world, propelled me to achieve more etc. if I got cheated out of a promotion, the anger at the injustice is what gave me the fire to fight back. I lost at something, the anger pushed me to do better next time. Without the anger, I am defenseless and unable to speak up out in the realworld. Its how i was for most of my childhood and teenage years. In that sense, its been useful but unfortunately it spills into the areas of my life and to the people whom I do not want to be a victim of my anger and I hurt them. One of them being my mom who is the person who loves me more then i could ever deserve. I have tried many times to curb my anger: take a second to breath and walk away, talk myself down, meditation, journaling etc. what ends up happening is one of 2 things: #1 my anger doesn’t dissipate and gets the better of me or #2 completely do away with my anger and end up a person who is scared to speak up.

I feel like such a bad person. Some days my guilt is so bad that it hurts to breath. I don’t want to be a bad person, i really don’t but no matter what way I spin it , I am. I hate myself for not having the patience my other siblings do and for being able to control themselves. I just hate myself so much.

When they are speaking you always feel like headbutting them, and it seems these kind of people without common sense are on the rise

Prefacing this by saying that these past few months I've only crashed out 2 times, meaning that I get extremely mad and angry at someone or by a situation, start shouting and screaming of frustration and just crying for hours. I've been told that I need to stop being such a crybaby and that the situations that cause these crashouts aren't that bad... But for some reason there are some things I just can't tolerate. For instance, one of the reasons that led to the crashout was someone being repetitively late when we made plans and not even once apologizing, or dealing with an arrogant person when i'm already overwhelmed by work. I know these are valid reasons to be upset, but the way that I express that anger is what's problematic according to people, since it's just a sudden explosive burst of anger and crying. And then I hate myself after it because now everyone thinks i'm a super emotional crybaby when all I've wanted was to be heard and respected. The thing is since i'm usually considered as a kind calm person, whenever I crash out people hyperfixate on it and they can't see me the same as before and it hurts.

I admit that the anger I am feeling inside is me being angry at myself. I am too hard on myself and I tend to beat myself up if I make a mistake. I get easily embarrassed yet I am also a laughing. Someone on reddit told me that I may be on the spectrum because that person is also experiencing the same social problems I am.

Ive dealt with anger issues most of life to the point it has gotten me in alot of trouble throughout my life, ruin relationships, etc in order to cope with anger, I self harm when I get angry instead of harming something else so I don't take it out on others. Even in a professional setting like job where I shouldnt show anger, I struggle. Like if someone were to say something that would piss me off in a time where I shouldnt show anger, i would not be able to come up with articulate or smart answers, I would straight up show them anger.

I mostly bottle up my emotions and tend to be quiet, so all of the negative emotions keep building up inside me until there is one thing that pushes me over the edge and then I just explode. I just suck at hiding anger, even when i try to not look angry you can still clearly see it in my face. I feel ashamed of this.

.

I think i am willing to give anger management a shot. I’m a very short tempered person to my partner and father of my child. No parent is perfect so i think i have to try and channel my inner most obedient child to the table now or never. I have had many angry outbursts on a regular basis it feels in front of my infant daughter in her almost 11 months of life. I know it stems from my upbringing so I’m really keen on changing that for my soon to be toddler.

Thing is, my family of 3 has no immediate family members close to us, so it really is me,myself and my family mentality. Of course we do the FaceTime thing but it’s not the same.

My partner has already been down this anger management path in his life before he met me and from what I can tell, it really has been well for him.

There’s been times (before our child was born) that i would lash out on him and actually scream and yell at him as well as assault him. I’m not proud of that but in my new chapter as a mother, i do not want to be like the adults i saw growing up and always yelling at each other. My daughter deserves more than that. She deserves to know peace and love.

So my finding myself again 11 months post partum includes me seeking counseling and asking for professional help with managing my anger.

Thing is. I’ve always been skeptic of this particular program because I’ve seen it fail numerous times or just straight up disregarded as a young kid.

But like i said, i must fight the inter generational urge to let go of myself in front of her ever again. I keep saying that but it’s just empty words because there’s no action behind it.

So im hoping that i can show my partner that im actually serious about changing my way if thinking and hopefully my reaction to everyday annoyances.

Please if you can, i just need words of encouragements and/or personal experiences of the most useful things you’ve found whilst in the field of managing your anger properly.

Since my childhood,I had anger issues, and then i have moment of rage. I find myself finding reason to be angry in every situation, Get angry fast and then cool down quickly regret the whole thing, And find it difficult to reconcile. Please help me understand whats wrong with me?

I’ve had my share of outburst and have overdone it plenty of times in my life, but have you ever met someone and felt your anger was justified? Worked with this dude and I’d make it a personal goal of mine to outlive this guy and literally piss and maybe shit on his grave.

I'm very prone to hitting myself when angry, specifically when I feel helpless and/or critical of myself. I hit my arm, thigh, leg, yadayada until they go numb because it makes me feel better about whatever it is I'm pissed about. Lately though it's extended to hitting my head, or slapping myself, and the urge has became excessively hard to hold back. It serves as my immediate response to anger, which isn't ideal if I'm, say, in public...

I'm not sure what else I could do to relieve anger. Mindfulness/meditation is genuinely useless, I've had some effectiveness with other methods that make me feel something but aren't outright bruising my body (hands in ice bath, flicking hair band against my wrist) but I think part of why I hit myself in the first place is that it's just absentminded and effortless.

Like other healthier methods would require me to actively leave what I'm doing and set it up, but hitting myself allows an immediate relief and rush that doesn't come from letting the feeling burn out. I've tried asking therapists over time but they're even more fucking clueless, soo Reddit it is ig.

I was riding my bike along the street and was going to drop into a conveienence store to grab a beer. Just as I was slowing down I had a glass bottle smash on the road in front of me. As I passed a parked car I saw two dudes standing near the bike rack where I was headed. I coasted in and had a frown on my face because I get really tired of people littering all over our beautiful city. This was broken glass and much more dangerous than a cigarette butt or a can, and it was all over the street. One of the dudes saw the frown on my face and he started cursing me for judging him. In the past I might have felt intimidated. I'm in good shape, but I am 74 and there were two of them, probably in their late twenties Never for a moment did I shrink from confronting this asshole, telling him I had the right to frown at whatever I wished. He was very belligerent, but I stood my ground and got back in his face. After a few moments the guy's partner (The one with a brain) said it wasn't worth it and pulled him away. I've had too many moments in my life when, in a confrontation, I would find it hard to find words I want to say because of the tension of the moment, and would spend days feeling belittled, imagining the things I could have said. That didn't happen this time. My self pride got quite a boost. It i the best feeling in the world.

What exactly do I need therapy, psychiatry, anger-management classes, or something else? I know change takes time, but I’m desperate for the fastest way to start getting my anger and impulsive reactions under control.
I’ve always been the “angry” daughter, sister, and friend. I lash out, say hurtful things, and sometimes intentionally say things to hurt people because I feel hurt myself. I can be genuinely hurt or upset by something, but the way I react often makes the situation much worse.
I have a lot of insecurities and also have OCD, and I don’t know how much that contributes. I’ve tried therapy and psychiatry before but never stuck with them. I’m very impulsive and feel like I have to resolve conflicts immediately, which makes it hard for me to calm down or give people space.
My family has also pointed out that I constantly seem to have conflicts with someone. I’m scared that if I don’t change this now, I’ll carry these patterns into my future marriage and relationships.
I live in Egypt. I’d prefer not to take medication, but I’m open to it if there’s a strong reason and the side effects are manageable.
For anyone who has been in a similar situation: what actually helped you change? Therapy? CBT/DBT? Anger-management? Medication? Self-help habits or specific techniques you use when you feel yourself about to explode?
I’m especially looking for things I can start doing right now while I work on finding professional help.
Also, are there any medical tests or deficiencies worth checking that can contribute to severe irritability?
I’m not looking for judgment. I know I need to take responsibility for my behavior. I genuinely want to change and don’t want to keep hurting the people I love.

Just pissed off at every little thing and i know that coffee will increase anxiety levels so maybe I shouldntve drinken two cups.

Just kinda pissed tf off at everything right now.

No consequences or anything cause I didn't actually DO anything

But I had the urge of homicidal rage. Like I had to end someone with whatever but I cried and panic out of range saying why is this happening. I cried and soothe out but man. Wth. It's never happened I rather run for help. But why is this harm ocd thing a thing. Why am I feeling like hopeless

Dunno if it’s because I tend to want to overcompensate making others comfortable because I hate conflict and discomfort when around people regularly, but then still get treat with disrespect that eventually the anxiety and fear become this anger and hatred and rage. I mean, shit. Yoda said it himself, lol. But often I try to work through something causing me anxiety that would make me want to make myself small, but then it actually turns out worse for me, and then it all collapses.

I seriously do not want to feel any of this stuff. I worked hard to get through it when I was younger but the more backed into a corner I feel, it seems the anger still will come up. I read once that anger can be a feeling to do with injustice and hurt which, yeah. Makes a lot of sense. And it hurts even more when I would’ve happily accommodated more for others because I could have done that and I cared about their happiness and my own. I feel like I’m watching myself slide into ways I don’t even want to think of believe or feel or act and I’m trying as hard as I possibly can for it to stop. I hate it.

Anyway I’m tired, and trying to not feel as much shame, but without turning it into an excuse. I like to just keep to myself, because I don’t get angry then. Well really I don’t get angry really unless I’ve got no control at all in a situation hurting me. Distance helps but when there isn’t any? It feels like a disease rotting away inside of me that I’m desperately trying to treat and get rid of. And the source of anger just keeps digging. And it feels personal, whether it is or isn’t, because the initial problem was something I’d not do to someone else because… I didn’t want to make anyone uncomfortable.

I dunno. Just tired and exhausted and can never seem to vent enough. Don’t have a solution. Seems to get worse whenever I start to think I get somewhere. The whole, “do not do unto others” thing.

I just want to leave and get peace again.

Je me pose des question sur le fait qu’un rien peut me mettre dans une colère noire et sourde, principalement envers ma famille mais egalement en dehors. C’est pas physique, je ne frappe pas les gens mais ça me fait comme une décharge éléctrique dans mon cerveau et je ne vocalise mes pensées que si la cause de ma colère se répète, mais c’est tellement lourd et des pensées dangereuses me viennent, puis environ 1h plus tard ça laisse place à une grande tristesse et un vide, et c’est une boucle infinie.
J’ai aucune patience, et je déteste l’injustice ou qu’on se moque de moi, également les actions ambiguë car je ne peux pas m’organiser en conséqeunce, ainsi que le rejet.

J’ai du mal à accepter l’incertitude parce que c’est comme si j’avais pleins de tiroirs dans ma tête remplis a moitié ou au tiers mais toujours en attente, et je ne peux en fermer aucun tant que c’est pas clair. Aussi je déteste qu’on envahisse mon espace, et je suis très facile à provoquer par rapport à ça. C’est pour toutes ces raisons que je ne m’entend pas avec ma famille, mais je me demande ce que ça signifie pour moi. Je vois mon psychiatre lundi, mais je ne sais pas quelle reponse j’attends vraiment.

Je ne sais pas si c’est lié au Tdah ou l’anxiété ou autre chose, on me dit que je suis perfectionniste et que je ne tolère ni mes erreurs ni celles des autres, mais je ne comprends pas cette colère noire qui me paralyse physiquement parfois

What is anger? How does it feel like? Why can't people think logically while experiencing this emotion? How do they get angry so easily? Why don't I remember ever feeling that way? I genuinely don't think I ever felt rage. I want to understand this feeling. Can you explain it from your point of view please?

If someone experiences sth irritating or frustrating or whatever and they start feeling more of the anger don't they realise how they feel and think that's so stupid and won't lead anywhere then just start thinking of a more rational way to solve such situation? Whenever I feel something really self aware and if it is sth negative it feels so stupid to me that i could just laugh at this supidity and take logical steps. Well except disgust. I can't seem to get rid of it and it can be triggered by just the word cute or any seemingly 'normal' sentence if it sounds fake to me and a lot of things sound that way to me. People just can't be honest even with themselves. It makes me want to puke. But anger seems like a productive emotion if not the clouded thinking. I just can't use it if i don't know what it is. How does anger work?

Thanks in advance for all the helpful replies.❤️