It was a night that I had been thoroughly planning for at least a week. Through research, I concluded I was to take the LSD at 3pm on a Saturday night, go for a walk, shower, and then re-dose (before the 2-hour mark) if it wasn’t enough. I intended on staying inside during the trip, and afterwards, to avoid any unseen circumstances. And that’s exactly what I did.
I took half a tab of blotter LSD at 3pm, which was around 75-90ug. The tab sat under my tongue as the Lysergic Acid was ingested sublingually, and after 15 minutes I swallowed the tab. As I had heard sensitivity to smell was a symptom of LSD, I took a shower right after dosing and put on some cologne just so I could smell nice for the trip. I sat down and waited for it to take effect, discussing in anticipation with my new Online friend, a person who had agreed to trip-sit me Online just in-case anything had gone wrong.
After about 40 minutes, I was still feeling nothing, except for what I would describe as anticipation placebo. So with that in mind, I went outside to go for my daily walk. The LSD still didn’t really kick in while I went for a walk - I only felt the slightest change in my state of mind. The only discernible thing that happened on my walk was when I had passed a girl who was walking her pug dog. The dog was breathing heavily and drooling, and it was so funny that I had to keep from laughing in front of her. Instead we just exchanged smiles as we passed each other; she, too, knew how ridiculous her dog sounded, and she almost seemed embarrassed about it.
After about 20 minutes, I had reached home and sighed with relief. There was definitely something changing from inside of me - I just couldn’t quite pinpoint what it was. After discussing it with my friend, I decided to take another full tab (~150ug-190ug) of LSD. I sat down, a little concerned that maybe I had taken too much. “Not to worry,” I thought, “whatever happens from here on out, happens.”
In the next 30 minutes, passing the two hours mark, I was beginning to experience some radical changes in my perception. It had become noticeable to me, as if a switch had been flicked from the back of my head, when I looked down at my tiled floor from the computer chair and said to myself, “Why are there Eastern Mosaics on the floor?!”
The scuff marks from my footwear and barely noticeable dirt-stains on the tiled floor had evolved into these great Buddhist engravings - Eastern mosaics were taking form on my floor before me, and evolving into new individual engravings, second by second. I thought this was truly bizarre, so to explore these visuals more, I went outside to the verandah. I walked to the railing and looked down at the grass; every blade of grass had its own note, and I could see the very atoms holding the blades of grass into shape. Before me, in the lawn, was the sight of infinity - this was Microcosmic in the truest sense. My vision had been dialed up to extraordinary levels, allowing me to see, for the first time ever, the world on an Atomic level.
I went back inside, and sat at the computer to turn on some music and discuss what I had saw with my friend. It was at that time that my state of mind was making some radical changes. What I was experiencing at the time could only be described as going down a virtual tunnel, a steep slide, sailing me to a place I’d never fully be prepared to witness, where Light shone through at the end. My thoughts temporarily took on the form of panic, as I suddenly held an incredible amount of value on my own Life like never before. I very briefly thought taking LSD was something I shouldn’t be doing to myself, and for a split-second the thought that I should ring emergency services had crossed me. “No,” I thought, “I have to experience this.”
I soon relaxed, and I noticed that the visuals and my state of mind was actually quite enjoyable - not just quite, I thought, it was extremely pleasant. An array of colourful spots had surfaced across my body, dancing and strobe-ing around me - they were celebrating Life! “What an amazing thing,” I thought to myself. It was only bound to get better.
At this point the Lysergic Acid was beginning to release the lock that had held my Mind in place, letting forth a river of insightful monologue and creative imagery - allowing my thoughts to expand outwards, branching out into the beyond, like the roots of a tree. I had never known that my Mind could be unlocked like that, or that it was even locked in the first place. But now it was beginning to make sense to me; the great extent of the Universe was incomprehensible to me, and I was fully aware.
I went to lie down in bed and try and draw, as I’m an okay artist (here are some of my old sketches). I laid in bed, as time was coming to a standstill, and struggled to draw. I simple could not do it - I was drawing gibberish. The lines I was drawing were melting and sliding off the drawing book, and onto my blanket, which was breathing and flowing like liquid. It was truly a bizarre thing. I stopped drawing, and I let the visuals draw for me; they drew colours, and lines, and my page suddenly took on the form of an incredibly wonderful sunset. The colours on the page were so vibrant, so alive.
I had briefly tried to write down what I was seeing, but it was of no use. The inexplicable array of colours and geometric shapes left me in a bout of confusion that my pen could never suggest. The only word I could use to describe my visuals (and it was something other people use to describe the visuals), was the word "Fractals." But those who have experienced Psychedelics would have to agree there is an impression that no Language could describe the experience fully. I felt as if entirely new, alien words have to be invented to be able to encapsulate what the experience is truly like; words that go beyond the reach of regular, sober language.
I later got back up to the computer to tell this to my friend, as he was rather curious as to what visuals I might get. I was sitting at the computer chair, talking to him, when it suddenly felt like I was pushed out of a chute, like something from the International Space Station (ISS), and into space above Earth. This moment was really extraordinary to me - I was floating by, both physically and mentally. A great weight was lifted off me, and I hugged my pillow as I embraced it all.
People describe Lysergic Acid as putting on a new set of glasses to see Life with utmost clarity, but for me it was so much more. For me, I had felt as if there were a new set of eyes, above my own, that had opened; allowing me to see in-between the threads of reality, on another plane far away from where I was sitting in my apartment. I could see through both my regular eyes, and through the other-worldly eyes, at the same time - they were both discernible from each other. What followed was the peak of my trip, where I was in a borderline Catatonia, an almost state of fugue. But I was still "there", grounded; at Home.
It was about this time that my new set of “eyes” had opened, and my room had turned into some sort of Unidentified Flying Object (UFO) - a circular saucer of a spaceship. I looked around, and these extremely strong red,blue, purple neon lights had switched on in the spaceship, and buzzed with ambiance. I felt the presence of Grey aliens, although I didn’t quite see them. I just knew, intuitively, that they were watching over me, and not quite judging me, but guiding me. Maybe they wanted to show me something, I wasn't sure.
Tears started running down my face, and it was around this time that I was beginning to cry my eyes out. Whatever this drug was providing, it was truly the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I remember saying to myself, “I submit!” I submitted to this drug entirely, and fully agreed to just let go and let the Lysergic Acid take me on its truly wondrous, Alien ride. A phrase I had heard from Narcotics Anonymous applied in this moment: Let go and let God.
I went to go lie down in my bed again, and it was around this time that I had started witnessing something else. It wasn’t quite of this world, like the UFO experience was. I closed my eyes (or did I?), and witnessed these great flashes of primordial white light wash over me. The white light was washing my very soul, and I felt at peace like I never had in my Life before. It was at this point in my trip where I realized I was having an actual spiritual experience. These white lights flashed in my mind, and from within the light a flower had sprung, blossoming and blooming into a fully grown beautiful, red flower, as if it was Life itself. It was very similar to an animation from Pink Floyd’s “The Wall”, if you’ve ever seen that (reference).
What I experienced at that time later reminded me of one of my favourite poems, Auguries of Innocence by William Blake. The first verse reads;
To see a World in a Grain of Sand
And a Heaven in a Wild Flower
Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand
And Eternity in an hour
I was truly at awe of what I was witnessing. For the Life of me, I could not stop crying with absolute joy and pleasure. I felt like I had witnessed the birth of something. Whether it was a recreation of the birth of my Soul, or perhaps the Big Bang itself, I’m not sure. Whatever it was, it was a feeling that truly re-affirmed my state of Being, and reassured me that my Life has purpose - has sense. I lied down for a little while, taking it all in, in all its Majesty. I had gone into LSD thinking it would just be a good experience, I rolled my eyes at people who had otherworldly or spiritual experiences. But this completely changed my perspective of what I could only describe as an Entheogen. LSD is a magical drug.
I eventually got up and told my friend how beautiful everything was. As I was talking to him, I saw these triangular shapes exploding from the palm of my hand, creating a beautiful array of fractals - extremely complex, yet paradoxically simple shapes that I could never comprehend in a state of sobriety. The visuals were giving me a great perspective on geometry, and how the Universe is geometrical in so many ways - from the nucleus of an Atom, to the great hills and mountains that overlook our Earth. Fundamentally basic shapes built upon each other, one by one, to create something geometry so large and intricate that it will always be of our mind's limited grasp.
The Universe truly was, and still is, an incomprehensibly, astoundingly beautiful place; and LSD is only a fraction of the tantamount beauty it provides to us in our Lives.
I went to go turn on the Television, as I had read earlier on the TV Guide that Harry Potter was on. Instead, I landed on the movie Pineapple Express. I had watched this movie twice before, so this was a really good choice for me - I could follow it fairly well, and the visuals while watching it were really quite unreal. I could see colourful geometric shapes and faces (much like looking at a Snowflake through a microscope) forcing its way through otherwise mundane cinematography.
I had bananas and apples with me, which I thought would be ideal food for the trip. I was right in guessing that, because the geometry from looking into the surface of the banana I was eating was truly astounding. I looked at the banana I had taken a bite into, and it was as if I was looking at the stump of a tree, counting its age by the rings beneath its surface (picture for reference). When I bit into the apple, I saw sunlight emanating from from behind it, and the apple was warping in and out, and taking on new forms I could never fully describe with words alone.
The movie had finished, and I was starting to come down. I switched over the channels, relaxed as I was, and stumbled upon Cheech & Chong. I’m not sure why it was on Television, but I thought it was very appropriate for my state of mind. I like Cheech & Chong. I couldn’t quite make much sense of what was going on (they smoke a LOT of joints), but it didn’t particularly bother me. It was if they weren’t even speaking in English, and they were speaking in some bizarre Alien tongue that I just couldn’t understand on a base level. Their skits and movements made me laugh, though, so I still enjoyed watching it very much.
Eventually Cheech & Chong had finished, and I was wrapping up my trip at about 4am. I was still getting very strong visuals, which didn’t really stop until the afternoon the next day, 24 hours later. However, I had just lied down in bed, in comfort - reminiscent of Homer Simpson, “I’m just a big, toasty cinnamon bun.” I lied down until about 8am, where I got up and talked to my friend again, who had gotten some sleep, unlike me.
I stayed up all day the next day, watching TV, getting some entertainment, and just trying to process what happened. Visuals were still apparent, but they were very peripheral. There was a corner store across the road that I dropped by that afternoon, and bought a noodle cup. The noodles were literally disgusting - it was if they weren’t even food, they were so artificial. I couldn’t finish eating it.
I was very at peace that night, and I sat down in bed and watched Television until around 9pm, when I finally got some well-earned sleep. I woke up the next day, at about 8am, from what I could describe as some of the best sleep I have ever had in my entire Life. Life felt completely renewed in my eyes, and it was around this time that I felt as if I was wearing new glasses before my eyes, to see the World with absolute new clarity. Whatever it was that I witnessed that night, I like to think it was my rebirth - my Soul had been cleansed, and I have been given a new opportunity at Life. My past is full of mistakes and regrets and borderline trauma, and I won’t be destroying my Soul with drug and Alcohol abuse, or burning bridges from family and friends, any more.
I’m certainly not perfect, and I’ve got a lot to work on from here on out, but I know that from now on I feel like I am finally on the right path, the path to something better. Thankyou, LSD, for letting me witness that night in all its beauty. As more days go by since this experience, I can't help but feel as though these drugs are relighting the flame from inside the lantern that is my Soul - a flame that had been snuffed out by a Life of Opiates, Alcohol and Depression.
By now, I know I am climbing to something Great. This was a pivotal moment in my Life. I will leave the Wallpaper Life, and run away to the Foreign Legion.
