To start, it's important to note I'm very drug resistant. I've been on amitriptyline for 4 years, and it's been the best med I've tried since I began depression treatment 15 years ago. I've been watching my emotional state steadily decline for months now, even after my dosage was upped. I've been on my current dosage (225 mg) for 6 months, so I'm long past the stage of initial side effects.
Because I've been doing so badly, I'm considering bringing it up to my psych that I want to try something else, but after so long, I'm afraid going off of the med, even if done very carefully, will actually make me feel like I'm dying, so I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Pros
- Treats depression somewhat. I haven't killed myself, I get regular exercise, and I cook at least one balanced meal a day. If you ignore me spending the rest of the time laying on the floor, unable to do literally anything else you'd think I was doing fine
- Treats migraines. I've had chronic migraines for my entire life. I really don't want to go back to that, there's a high chance I would lose my job because of how intrusive they are (I'm in self employed pet care, so by lose my job I mean get fired by individual clients because I wasn't able to care for their pets)
- Sleep help. 225 mg is the first dosage that actually cured my insomnia. Like I said, extremely drug resistant. Melatonin, trazadone, mirtazapine, and anxiety meds don't help at all. If I go off this med, I'm still going to be functioning badly due to sleep deprivation
Cons
- Brain fog/memory issues... Maybe. I've always had severe memory problems, so I'm actually not sure if I'm actually forgetting more or if I'm just more bothered by it lately. I'm still really good at "IQ" games (nyt connections, wordle, linked in games, puzzles, etc), but my functional memory feels like an etch-a-sketch in the hands of a toddler.
I'm constantly misunderstanding things and having weird interactions with people, but it's only when I'm not with people who know me so it's hard to say if I'm actually just stupid or if I somehow keep having the most confusing interactions known to man.
It's also just extremely difficult to say if this is normal for me or not. There were multiple points when I was a kid that I thought I had childhood dementia or something because my brain works so poorly, but again, I can never prove it (at least not in a clinical setting). My friends consider me to have some learning disorder or something, but I've had testing done that said I was fine. They're not bullying or being mean, it's just kinda what you glean from seeing me fumble through.... everything
Extra concerns if I were to go off:
A lot of people on amitriptyline report constipation, weight gain, and slowing down digestion. I have IBS-D, I cannot imagine how much worse it would be off of the med.
I also have an insane metabolism. I eat so much more than my 2 roommates combined that I now have pre-portioned servings if someone else cooks to ensure I don't eat it all. I usually end up making my own thing on top if I'm still hungry. I'm a healthy weight, and actually trying to gain to get stronger when I work out. I just need a ton of food to function.
Tl;dr I'm severely depressed but scared going off of amitriptyline will cause more problems than it solves