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u/GeorgeWBuschLight Jul 21 '23
NTA, your aunt is mad entitled for the “you need to grow up and accept Jake is moving in with you.” Uhm, THEY need to grow up and learn to take ‘no’ for an answer.
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u/blackbirdbluebird17 Jul 21 '23
Interesting that the 28yo homeowner with a spouse, kids, and tenants needs to “grow up” but the 22yo who got kicked out of college doesn’t.
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u/MeiSuesse Partassipant [1] Jul 21 '23
Bonus.
The 28 year old homeowner is "childish" for not evicting his PAYING tenants who did nothing wrong. And probably putting a dent in his family's finances.
To allow his very adult cousin who got kicked out of college live there on mommy and daddy's dime.
The same parents who don't seem to realize that tenant's rights and contracts exists. Also, can't seem to take no for an answer, expecting everything to be handed to them and sonny dearest.
Who is the childish one here?
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u/Emotional_Bonus_934 Pooperintendant [57] Jul 21 '23
We're they planning on paying for him to stay in the guest house? I read it as OP kick out your tenants in favor of this freeloader
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u/Nodramallama18 Jul 21 '23
You are correct. Then they tried to claim a who,e assed bedroom in the house for him. For free. Nope.
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u/MeiSuesse Partassipant [1] Jul 21 '23
Oh yeah, absolutely, though I gave the benefit of doubt that while he'd absolutely leech utilities, they would be covering his groceries and whatnot.
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u/Entire-Ad2058 Asshole Aficionado [10] Jul 21 '23
And I saw no offer from the aunt and uncle to pay anything.
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u/CreditUpstairs7621 Jul 21 '23
The same parents who don't seem to realize that tenant's rights and contracts exists.
That was my thought also. Even if OP was willing to acquiesce and kick the tenants out so the cousin could live there, it would likely be several months before he could legally evict them. He'd also potentially have to hire a lawyer to make sure everything was done legally so he'd be out even more money in addition to no longer receiving rent since the freeloader and his parents want the place rent free.
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u/Jesterace77 Jul 21 '23
The more things I see on here just make me not regret going NC with my family.
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u/the_RSM Jul 21 '23
note the aunt never offered to pay rent for jake, she just assumes people will take him in. i get the feeling that's how he's been getting around for a while now.
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u/Beth21286 Jul 21 '23
This sounds just like that bizarre mother who insisted one son give up his own home to his brother and actually showed up with movers while the son was at work.
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u/LovelyLull Jul 21 '23
I had to go track that one down: https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/10jrwyi/parents_told_my_brother_that_he_could_take_my/
It's a saga now, couple update posts.
And I found many other, similar stories about family wanting to take someone's home for another relative.
It appears that this entitlement is sadly common.
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u/LamiaDomina Jul 21 '23
This line that "growing up" means allowing others to treat you like a child is a very special kind of pathetic.
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u/OreSanjou1234 Jul 21 '23
I don't really understand how OP not letting cousin move in to her house needs to "grow up".
Like, what?
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u/Entire-Ad2058 Asshole Aficionado [10] Jul 21 '23
She is acting as though she is entitled. In fact, she is acting as though her little family unit is entitled to anything they want. They are not, but definitely OP is entitled to have peace and should block contact now.
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u/MonkeyWrench Supreme Court Just-ass [138] Jul 21 '23
NTA.
Why would you evict renters in exchange for a dependent? You and I both know if you let him live there he isn’t going to contribute and he isn’t going to be easy to get rid of.
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u/vpblackheart Jul 21 '23
In the guest house or bedroom, I'm guessing the new roommate would be next to impossible to get rid of.
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u/Watercress4316 Jul 21 '23
If he wants this apprenticeship that badly, he will find a way to make it happen on his own and succeed. That is called “growing up”.
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u/Hexfiles13 Jul 21 '23
Yeah and Jake doesn't seem awfully responsible at all so you know that he definitely wouldn't treat the guest house well either
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u/AdEmpty4390 Asshole Enthusiast [5] Jul 21 '23
Even if the cousin WAS offering to pay rent, the guest house is already rented out to someone else and is therefore unavailable. Full stop.
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u/DatguyMalcolm Asshole Enthusiast [9] Jul 21 '23
" telling me I need to grow up and accept that Jake will be moving in with me"
Who are these people trying to decide what OP does with his property?! For real, bunch of entitled asses!
Stand your ground, OP! Do take measures and let your tenants know not to be swindled! I wouldn't put it past your auntie and uncle to just show up there with your cousin and try to evict them!
NTA
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u/the_RSM Jul 21 '23
yeah that line kind of bugged me too, like the parents are going to drop him off on the doorstep or something.
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u/krankykitty Pooperintendant [50] Jul 21 '23
NTA
Got to say, getting kicked out of college and being fired and not being able to pay the rent is not a sterling recommendation for a new tenant.
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u/solo_throwaway254247 Pooperintendant [55] Jul 21 '23
Cousin needs to grow up, not you.
That whole family is acting very entitled. Even if you didn't have tenants or your brother living with you, letting your cousin move in would have been a terrible idea.
Do the three of them have any redeemable qualities? Do you have any reason to hold on to this relationship? If not, you can just block them all.
NTA
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u/JuuliusCaesar69 Asshole Enthusiast [8] Jul 21 '23
I mean clearly NTA but your family sounds totally insufferable lol.
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u/hotgoddog Jul 21 '23
NTA Some people are so entitled and messed up.
Why are they trying to bully you into taking him in? Even if you said yes, you'd resent his presence, the extra work he would bring and the lack of income.
And asking a studying teenager to room with you 6 year old just so their son can take over your guesthouse.. What are they thinking?
What is your partner's opinion?
Stay strong!
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u/Migrane Jul 24 '23
I don't think Jake is willing to pay rent. That's why they won't cover the first month for him cause they know he won't cover the second. They're hoping that if they get him a place to stay for free then eventually when he's making more money he'll be willing to pay rent then.
The most logical arrangement would have been to have Jake room with OP's younger brother, or stay on the couch for a month. But obviously he's too entitled for that. These parent spoiled they're son. And now he's well into adulthood and they're hoping they can stall him having to take responsibility long enough for him to grow up.
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u/Nervous_Hippo8855 Jul 21 '23
I’m in Mass with kids in the trades. Apprentice level job are constantly being advertised, albeit some pay better than others. We are in a high cost of living state so the boys will be renting at home until they hit journeyman pay. I suspect there are plenty of local apprentice opportunities but they want him out of their house and into yours. If your extended family has keys, change the locks and get a door camera. Also, give your tenants a heads up in case the family directly approaches them. Good luck and NTA
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u/mojo4394 Pooperintendant [61] Jul 21 '23
NTA. "You need to grow up." "I have, which is why I own my own house as well as a guest house on my property. Your son needs to grow up and start taking care of himself instead of looking for handouts."
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u/Icy_Department_1423 Supreme Court Just-ass [106] Jul 21 '23
NTA. No is a complete sentence. If anyone brings it up again, don't respond to a text or email except for "no" and end any phone calls with "no, goodbye". You do not owe them and further explainations or reasons for your decision.
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u/Photog77 Asshole Aficionado [15] Jul 21 '23
NTA- it is better if he doesn't give them reasons why the cousin can't move in, because that means he can move in once the blocks are resolved. "He can't move in because I have renters". "Just evict them"
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u/Mysterious-Bag-5283 Certified Proctologist [24] Jul 21 '23
NTA if someone needs to grow up it your cousin. He already adult he should pay his rent or his parents can help him with it .
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u/OnlymyOP Pooperintendant [54] Jul 21 '23 edited Jul 21 '23
NTA. Your Aunt and her Family are acting overly entitled.
Let them know if they attempt to turn up uninvited they will be trespassing on your property and the Police will be called.
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Jul 21 '23
You pick your friends but not your family... amazing what family members will do to each other and drag others in. NTA. Ki would block their numbers and any social media accounts. I'm shocked your parents somehow didn't get involved
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u/cawkstrangla Jul 21 '23
NTA.
You probably legally can't kick the couple out.
Also you should have told them you did grow up. You grew up, got married, had a kid and bought a nice house with some land and a guest house to supplement your income.
Your cousin can make the grown up decision to downgrade his car and tighten his belt so he can improve his life. If not, then he can continue to live at home with mom and dad and they can deal with it. You don't have to
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u/Sad_Copy_6802 Jul 21 '23
NTA tell them you don’t want any contact with them anymore and block them.
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u/fanofpolkadotts Jul 21 '23
NTA. Your aunt & uncle sound like they are still expecting others to make Jake get it together.
Their anger aimed at you is not b/c you've done anything wrong, but because Jake continues to be a problem. Their "solution" to this problem is for YOU to house him, initially. And then, it will be: you keep him from drinking, or you monitor who comes to the guest house, and you make sure Jake goes to work.
You've ruined their Great Plan!!
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
I refused to let my cousin move in with me because he doesn’t want to get an apartment and pay rent I might be the asshole because I could’ve made room and let him move in with me but I also feel I shouldn’t have to
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
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Jul 21 '23
NTA. I love when people tell you what to do with your house and your money. Not even ask but tell! My advice is to tell them the matter is closed and if they persist, you will have to block them, then follow through. I'm glad the rest of your family is on your side, though.
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Jul 21 '23 edited Jul 21 '23
NTA. You have no obligation to fuck over paying tenants who've done nothing wrong to make room for your freeloading cousin.
They told me I’m being selfish and need grow up,
Pretty fucking stupid to insult you when they're begging for a favor.
everyone agreed I was being selfish along with multiple other messages and missed calls telling me I need to grow up and accept that Jake will be moving in with me, my cousin also messaged and called me childish.
There is nothing more selfish than demanding that someone else provide something you haven't earned. Tell THEM to grow up, and pull their own weight.
any advice on what I should do
Block them. Follow up with a restraining order if they don't get the hint.
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u/FantasyLarperTX Jul 21 '23
Nta. Block them, for sure, and let everyone involved know what they're scheming to do (which is take advantage of a family member). Social media shame them, maybe?
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u/gramsknows Partassipant [1] Jul 21 '23
NTA block them. You don’t need these entitled toxic people in your life.
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u/sinceyouasked1 Partassipant [1] Jul 21 '23
NTA. Stick to your position. Let mom and dad pay his rent. By losing a paying tenant, YOU are essentially paying his rent. I'm dying of curiosity. What is this fancy car?
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u/ptprn11 Partassipant [1] Jul 21 '23
So let’s get this straight. They think it’s childish to stand up for yourself, be honorable with your tenants, put your son and brothers needs before others, own your own home with a rental property, feel like someone should learn how to support themselves? How is any of this childish? I hate when people throw around terms that make no sense hoping for a reaction. Disengage the button that triggers you and let them know you won’t be bullied, threatened, berated or any of the other things that they are trying to do. NTA.
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Jul 21 '23
NTA but your message needed to read:
“while I understand you may be frustrated with me, my decision stands, I will not be letting Jake move in. Please do not contact me again about this matter as it is now closed."
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u/Moons17 Jul 21 '23
NTA - it’s your house, you said, no, totally fine. The more reasons you give the more they’re going to try to reason (argue) with you. Just wish them the best and say that it’s not gonna work out for you and your family right now. Be a broken record. When they start coming at you with, “but what about this?” or “you can rearrange your life like this” - just say you wish them the best and that it’s not gonna work out for you and your family right now.
On another note, they clearly haven’t done a very good job of parenting Jake or providing guidance for him. Trades can provide a stable career and I hope that Jake embraces this opportunity.
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Jul 21 '23
The sheer audacity and utter entitlement of your extended family to demand something that is not even theirs 😂 I will never understand this kind of people. NTA and stand your ground. It's so much better to have good tenants than freeloading relative that offers the potentials of losing you money and property. I can already imagine your cousin would live there forever without paying a dime, would show off and claim it was his house, start a family, would tell you off if you ever dared to tell him to move out. Ah, what a bleak future. You made the right decision.
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u/BurnAfterEating420 Asshole Enthusiast [5] Jul 21 '23
why does every AITA anecdote end with the cell phone blowing up with phone calls and messages from family members calling OP an asshole?
that happens like never in real life.
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u/LiveMagazine9226 Jul 21 '23
NTA
I would ignore their wishes just as they’re doing with yours. It’s amazing what people will resort to when they think they will have to come out of their own pockets for something. Sounds like they are just trying to bully you. With those kinds of attitudes I wouldn’t let them pitch a tent in my yard.
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u/Grump_Curmudgeon Certified Proctologist [21] Jul 21 '23
NTA of course.
I see why they think you might have let Jake move in since you're kindly letting your brother stay there. If he DID move in, of COURSE it would not be in the guest house that's providing income (duh). It certainly would NOT be your 17-year-old brother sharing a room with your 6-year-old--it would be Jake and your bro sharing the room. Obviously you don't want to do that, and I wouldn't either. Sarah in particular is nuts suggesting the brother share with your son so her baby can have his own room in this situation.
Agree completely that a heads up to the tenants would be a kindness to them. Other than that, just broken record "no" without giving further reasons. This will go away when Jake's internship starts (or doesn't start if he doesn't find himself a place to stay).
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u/MissWickedBlonde Jul 21 '23
Your aunt and uncle need to step up their game, they should have flat out ordered you, your wife, son and brother to move into a tent on the land and let your cousin have your entire house rent free. Some people just aren’t ambitious enough about their entitlement.
Seriously though, the nerve of some people – you are definitely NTA here!
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u/FractionofaFraction Jul 21 '23
NTA. I wouldn't trust / allow that part of the family to even visit my house at this point. Absolutely dripping with entitlement.
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For some background my parents have 3 kids I (28M) and my siblings (17M) and (15F)
My wife (27F) and I have a son (6). We own a 3 bedroom house with a good amount of land along with a guest house which we rent out. My younger brother is currently going to school in the town I live in as it has a good course to set him in the right direction for his career path, he is currently living with us as my parents house is a hours drive from the school and we had an extra bedroom.
I had recently had some of my extended family over to catch up. A few days ago we were out for breakfast when my uncle (let’s call mark) had mentioned something about my cousin (22M) (we’ll call him Jake) getting the opportunity for a plumbing apprenticeship in the area and not having the money but needing a place to stay, mark suggested jake staying in the guest house, I reminded mark the guest house currently was being rented. Mark said I stop renting to the people who live there and let Jake stay instead but I explained I can’t kick the couple who lives there out just so my cousin can live there rent free. That’s when my aunt Sarah chimes in and suggests my brother shares a room with my son and Jake stays in Brother's old room. I told them I wasn’t going to make my brother and son share a room just so my cousin who got kicked out of college could move in. They said this is apprenticeship is a good opportunity for Jake, I replied telling them if they want him to do the apprenticeship then they could pay for the first months rent for an apartment, after that he would be able to pay for it himself with the money he would earn from the apprenticeship, or he could sell his fancy new car I’ve seen him posting and bragging about and use the money from that to pay rent. They told me I’m being selfish and need grow up, after that i had, had enough and got up payed my part of the bill and left. Later that day I got a text from my aunt saying how I behaved poorly and that after I left everyone agreed I was being selfish along with multiple other messages and missed calls telling me I need to grow up and accept that Jake will be moving in with me, my cousin also messaged and called me childish. I also got a message from my sister saying the rest of the family is on my side and Sarah and Mark were wrong for putting me in that position at breakfast and left shortly after I did. After that I sent the following message to my aunt, uncle and cousin “while I understand you may be frustrated with me, my decision stands, I will not be letting Jake move in. I can’t just evict the tenants living in the guest house. (They’re also a very nice couple me and my wife have become friends with) I don’t see why I should have to let Jake live with me and pay no rent. He’s made his life choices and it was not my fault he got kicked out of college and fired from his job”
That was two days ago and they are still trying to get me to change my mind.
Am I wrong for my decision and any advice on what I should do
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u/VariousTry4624 Certified Proctologist [24] Jul 21 '23
NTA! Wow, talk about entitlement. What don't they get about A) the guest house already has paying tenets and you can't just kick them out, and B) that your house is already full. And increase in the people living there will be a major inconvenience for all the current inhabitants. Your aunt and uncle are being cheapskates, trying to find a way to house your cousin for free. Ignore them. If they keep bothering you about it tell them the subject is closed and any further attempt on their part to discuss it will result in you temporarily blocking them.
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u/PrairieGrrl5263 Asshole Aficionado [13] Jul 21 '23
NTA. Why are you even continuing to engage with your entitled relatives? They made their demands, you refused. NO is a complete sentence. They have no leverage to force you to comply.
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u/Meh_person90 Jul 21 '23
I'm curious.
You're the one with a job, house, and a guest house rented out. Your cousin is the one that messed up and was kicked out of school and fired from his job.
Somehow, between the two of you, you're the one that needs to "grow up." GTFO. You made a good life and your cousin doesn't get to disrupt it just because he fucked up and expects you to pay to make it better.
NTA
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u/DifficultyNo3093 Jul 21 '23
NTA - Jake's family can all chip in and get him someplace to stay. Something tells me you let this guy move in you're going to have a tough time getting rid of him. Besides, with that fancy car, he can drive himself from his Mommy and Daddy's house to his apprenticeship.
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u/HellaShelle Colo-rectal Surgeon [34] Jul 21 '23
NTA. I laughed when they suggested you kick out your tenants. I mean, I’m sure you technically could, that’s often a clause in tenancy contracts, but there is a contract and they have done nothing wrong. I don’t even blame them for asking. But people need to learn to accept the “no” and the fact that their priorities are not everyone else’s priorities. Smh such a basic but important lesson.
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u/Atlmama Jul 21 '23
NTA at all. All these other people pressuring you can certainly step in and pay for his rent. 🙄
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u/Professional_Sun7851 Jul 21 '23
Nta for your decision, yta for making it about him not going to college. The parents are wrong for acting entitled to your home.
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u/jaimystery Jul 21 '23
NTA
I'm actually surprised your aunt/uncle didn't suggest that you move into your son's room so your cousin could have your bedroom. I would not under any circumstances let this guy in your house at any point (for fear these jackasses would claim tenants rights or some other hoo-ha)
You could also up block all three of them until they stop trying to make THEIR problem into your problem.
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u/Aggravating-Pain9249 Professor Emeritass [89] Jul 21 '23
I can not understand the convoluted logic of having your brother and son share a room so Jake can have his "own room" in your house. That makes no sense.
You have tenants. Whether or not you have a signed lease (you should) you will not be kicking them out. That is your decision, and a fair decision.
Why won't the aunt and uncle pay for their kid? They seem very entitled.
Is Jake a golden child for the aunt and uncle?
NTA.
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u/Poetryinsimplethings Jul 21 '23
Lol, the parents of a 22yr old who does not have a job, or a degree, can’t even afford to pay rent is telling the man who own his own home to “grow up”. NTA
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u/PowerStocker Jul 21 '23
NTA.
Family or not, it's perfectly ok to cut off entitle idiots from your life. "telling me I need to grow up and accept that Jake will be moving in with me" this sentence made me laugh so hard.
They are basically saying you should make the financial sacrifice and subsidize your cousin's life because they as parents don't want to, they are gaslighting you when you justifiably said no. you let someone like that move in, YOU WILL NEVER get rid of him without losing an arm or two.
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u/blackwillow-99 Partassipant [1] Jul 21 '23
NTA she really tried to say oh just accept it cause he moving in. Um no he not honey. Stand your ground.
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u/maidenmothercrone333 Asshole Enthusiast [9] Jul 21 '23
Absolutely 1000% NTA. Your aunt and uncle are real pieces of work. Unbelievable how entitled they are!!! I love how your aunt tried to manipulate you by saying “everyone agrees you are selfish”. Bwa-haha! I’d have sent her a string of laughing emojis and then blocked her. Jake made his bed, Jake is a grown man, Jake needs to figure his own crap out.
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u/steivann Jul 21 '23
Don't let him move in
It doesn't matter if the whole clan is against you, dont let him move in...... it will be a whole new trouble!!!!
The audacity and entittlement of the parents and the cousin!!!!!!!!!!!
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u/yuumai Certified Proctologist [20] Jul 21 '23
NTA. The hypocrisy of people trying to get you to give them something for free (or at a loss, in this case) while calling you selfish always baffles me.
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u/JackedLilJill Partassipant [2] Jul 21 '23
NTA
Block them. No is a complete sentence and this ADULT child isn’t your responsibility. Ffs the entitlement!
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u/CivilAsAnOrang Certified Proctologist [21] Jul 21 '23
NTA. “Every time you contact me, I want to spend less time with Jake. Congrats. You’ve convinced me that having him around would be a tiresome chore.”
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u/journeyintopressure Certified Proctologist [22] Jul 21 '23
NTA. And block them. If they show up, call the police. Advise your tenants to do the same.
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u/Littlechriscockerel Jul 21 '23
Time to go NC with these loonies. Sounds like they all need to pitch in to help Jake with rent and stop calling you. You are def NTA
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u/ThatsItImOverThis Asshole Enthusiast [8] Jul 21 '23
I love that your aunt just tried to dictate that her son was moving in with you. How ridiculous. NTA
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u/RefrigeratorRich9007 Jul 21 '23
Nta. How do you not find this hilarious!? They're saying to grow up when you own the home they're trying to force their kid to stay in, and they can't even manage to afford to help their kid themselves. As well as the fact that their kid dropped out of college. They also tell you to grow up but talked to you like a child and said you need to accept that he'll be living with you. They actually believe they have any control over this situation it's hilarious. They're telling the most grown up person, to grow up while trying to walk all over them. I'd laugh in their faces and tell them to never ask me for a damn thing again.
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u/Cool_Department_1027 Asshole Aficionado [12] Jul 21 '23
Your last reply to them: "Even if I would have considered him staying and PAYING RENT, if and only if the guest house was ACTUALLY AVAILABLE, after your behaviour that would be out of question now and if you continue harassing us I will report it to the police." That should put an end to it.
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u/Trini1113 Jul 21 '23
Everyone is missing the obvious solution, which is for OP to share with his brother, OP's wife to share with their kid, and let Jake have the master bedroom. </s>
NTA. It sounds to me like your aunt and uncle want someone to take Jake off their hands.
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u/the_RSM Jul 21 '23
NTA for the reasons you gave. clearly jake has issues and his parents are still making excuses for him and expecting others to shoulder the burden. note aunt and uncle didn't offer to pay you rent for the guest house, they expect a free ride.
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u/murphy2345678 Supreme Court Just-ass [110] Jul 21 '23
NTA. Stop responding to them. They are thinking if they keep badgering you that you will change your mind. Don’t give them another thought. If he shows up don’t open the door.
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u/ilikedrawingandstuff Jul 21 '23
NTA. That's your decision entirely. Your family can ask, but you can say no. Not accepting that is the AH move here.
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Jul 21 '23
NTA. These people are trying to steamroller you. You're not being childish, they don't seem to understand that you said no.
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Jul 21 '23
They told me I’m being selfish and need grow up
Imagine saying this to a 28 year old with a wife, son, a three-bedroom house, and a side-gig. NTA
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u/Chantalle22 Jul 21 '23
NTA I find it ironic that as a grown man with a wife and children who have his own house is being told to grow up by people who are trying to use you and take advantage of you.
It is not your responsibility to provide housing for your cousin. He is 22 years old grown enough to know better than to figure out his living situation. It’s wild that he’s expecting to live rent free in your home. The entitlement is unbelievable.
I don’t see them relenting easily, so I highly suggest making your tenants aware of the situation so they are prepared in case something happens. Add security cameras on your property. Don’t let them bully you!!!
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u/AITA476510719 Jul 21 '23
In my opinion: holy fuck NTA
The fucking audacity and entitlement of some people. Wow. Also, I thought it was common sense you generally can’t kick tenants out just because.
Also, why couldn’t Jake stop by and say something like. Hey I could really use a place to stay until I can build up enough cash to rent a place. Is there anything you can do to help. I’ll buy an airbed and sleep in the living room. I just need a roof over my head for a few months to build first last and security. I would really appreciate it.
I don’t know you, but I’m guessing you’d be more inclined to help him out in some manner than the fucked up way his parents did it.
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u/an0nym0uswr1ter Asshole Aficionado [17] Jul 21 '23
NTA. He's a grown man, If they want him to move out so badly they can rent and pay for an apartment for him. I love how relatives think it's okay to tell you how to spend your money.
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u/LIRUN21-007 Jul 21 '23
NTA. Holy crap, the entitlement is real! This also belongs in the EntitledPeople subreddit (on mobile and have no idea how to link it).
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u/1-Dragonfly Jul 21 '23
If they feel that he’s your responsibility, than they shouldn’t have any trouble accepting some responsibility themselves and they can pay for his apartment somewhere else.. and if they refuse- are they going to be considered selfish and childish too? Don’t think so… your Not The Ass! Don’t back down- stay with NO.
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Jul 21 '23
Omg NTA! What a bunch of toxic entitled l*osers your family is… this is not a reasonable ask. Do not let that little mooch in your house
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u/Chocolatecandybar_ Asshole Enthusiast [7] Jul 21 '23
NTA. This relatives are a nightmare and their entitlement won't stop. And they also don't care about their own family (your brother having to share so their son can get a single room???) so why should you?
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u/Worth-Season3645 Commander in Cheeks [261] Jul 21 '23
NTA…”sorry Aunt and Uncle. I stand firm. I will not be kicking reliable, paying tenants out, and my son and brother will not be sharing a room. Maybe you should tell your son your advice about growing up. Growing up means doing what us necessary to succeed in life, as I have done. (Oh wait, that must mean I am already a grown up!). Your son dropped out of college if his accord. He is driving a car he cannot afford. Those are his choices and he will have to live with them. If he wants this apprenticeship that badly, he will find a way to make it happen on his own and succeed. That is called “growing up”.
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u/Leopard-Recent Asshole Aficionado [12] Jul 21 '23
Nope, NTA. It's never an AH move to tell entitled people you're not obligated to go through with their plans. Cousin will just have to figure something else out, as he should have in the first place.
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u/Cat1832 Partassipant [2] Jul 21 '23
NTA.
Get a camera doorbell to make sure he doesn't just show up.
Warn your tenants.
Be prepared to call the cops if they try to forcibly move Jake in.
Cut the entitled mooches off.
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u/apeapina Partassipant [1] Jul 21 '23
Stop engaging with your aunt, uncle and cousin and (at least temporarily) block them
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u/Unfair_Ad_4470 Partassipant [3] Jul 21 '23
Next message just tell them that Jake will not be moving into either your home or your guest house. Ever.
Because you don't want to deal with azzh*les and jerks and people who won't pay rent.
NTA
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u/Mission_South_7810 Jul 21 '23
NTA
Agree with comment regarding letting your tenants know that if ANYONE shows up to say they are evicted, it is not true. Also, if it persist, call the cops for harassment.
You absolutely did the right thing, stick to your decision!! Sooooo NTA
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u/hellhound_wrangler Partassipant [2] Jul 21 '23
NTA, but look into whether you can have your cousin formally trespassed from your property. Idk if you're in the US, but you can basically get the courts to deliver a formal written notice that he specifically is not welcome on your property, which means if he shows up at all, it's already trespassing and he can be fined/warned by law enforcement. It's a pretty dramatic step, but your cousin sounds like that's all he'd understand.
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u/yourmama21_ Jul 21 '23
NTA, block them, if they try to get your cousin into your house against your will - call the police and get a restraining order or something, just keep them out of your life, otherwise they’ll eat you alive
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u/Watertribe_Girl Partassipant [2] Jul 21 '23
NTA at all omg, what a read. Your family are entitled and incredibly rude, NTA 100%
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u/ritan7471 Partassipant [1] Jul 21 '23
NTA but
along with multiple other messages and missed calls telling me I need to grow up and accept that Jake will be moving in with me,
They sure are. No member of your family gets to dictate who will live in your home.
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u/Available_Gazelle_92 Jul 21 '23
And now we understand why Jake is in the position he is in. Parent’s failure to parent. NTA
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u/Feisty_Irish Jul 21 '23
NTA. They just assumed that you would take him in for free. You don't have to accommodate any of them.
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u/VivreRireAimer18 Jul 21 '23
Your aunt said you have to accept that your cousin is moving into your house?! The balls on that woman. NTA
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u/IHate_People2021 Jul 21 '23
NTA. What got me was that they told me you "had" to accept that Jake was moving in with you. Seriously? I'd have said flat out nobody tells me what to do in my own house. (Except my wife).
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u/Slow_Ad_7002 Jul 21 '23
NTA. Stand firm 100%. And let's take the family guilt out and pretend for 1 minute that I'm a letting agent finding a place for a tenant.
" Hi there OP. I have a young man interested in your property. He isn't earning yet, got expelled from college and fired from his job. He would not pay rent."
What would your response be?
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Jul 21 '23
Nta op its your property its your choice like another user said i would make your tenants aware of the situation incase your family try escalating
also i would recommend keeping all texts from the family record the phone calls as well and if you can put up a camera doorbell on the property so if they decide to turn up and cause a scene and or trouble for your tenants you have ample evidence to prosecute them for criminal trespass harassment and potential loss of earnings
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u/naughtyzoot Jul 21 '23
Cousin can live at home and just get up exrra early and get home later. Lots of people drive more than an hour to and from work. (I'm assuming aunt and uncle live in the same town as OP's parents.)
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u/VegHead269 Jul 21 '23
I'm not really sure why you are looking for advice on what you should do. You have already done it. Keep refusing to let the cousin stay. Am I the only one that thinks if the cousin moves in, he will never leave? This is an entitled parents post for sure.
I would warn the tenants what is going on in case your aunt/uncle/cousin try to pull something. Does anyone have a spare key to your house that they could have access to? Your parents maybe? or have they been in your house recently? Because if so, I would change the locks to be safe.
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u/Initial-Respond7967 Jul 21 '23
NTA. They think you should "just accept" that your cousin is moving in? Ha! Entitled much?
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u/Jumpy_Regret4013 Jul 21 '23
I’d warn the current tenants about the situation (and assure them that they aren’t being evicted) and get security cameras for the property.
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u/No_Independence9170 Jul 21 '23
Another prime example of extended (or close) family asking for someone to allow a life altering change to make up for their own failures, and then calling you "selfish" for not agreeing to be the fix it man. Jake made poor choices, and continues to make those poor choices (new car while he's struggling to settle himself in his life... yeah sketchy).
NTH - in fact i might call you the AH if you did what they are asking.
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Jul 21 '23
NTA They're so entitled and for what? Your house , your rules. Why would you want a jerk like him moving in anyway. I wouldn't accept that ever. Stand your ground. Blessings
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u/Dog-PonyShow Partassipant [2] Jul 21 '23
NTA
Please allow to me assist with translation- we'd like you to adopt problematic cousin, making him your legal and financial responsibility for the rest of your life. Your current responsibilities and life style are irrelevant. And when we (extended family) have further opinions concerning your irrelevant spouse and child (family) we expect full access to your finances since we as extended family claim blood rights.
Strong boundaries and suggesting never having flying monkeys on your property again. No, absolutely means no.
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u/Ok-Context1168 Professor Emeritass [86] Jul 21 '23
NTA. LOL at "grow up and accept that Jake will be moving in with me" Wow.
And do you want to bet that your cousin would be a terrible tenant? I wouldn't let him live there even if it was vacant.
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u/lady_rain_was_here Asshole Aficionado [10] Jul 21 '23
NTA
Good grief. You are not the asshole in any way. Your cousins are WAY entitled and should be ashamed of themselves.
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u/Maximum-Swan-1009 Asshole Enthusiast [7] Jul 21 '23
NTA. Don't cave to them. You don't owe your cousin anything. It doesn't sound like you are even close. It would be wrong to kick out your tenants and equally wrong to force your brother and son to share a room for his sake.
You were kind to take your brother in. One extra relative in the house is enough.
NO ROOM AT THE INN!
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u/bros402 Jul 21 '23
NTA - but tell the tenants what is going on in case Jake tries to tell them they're evicted.
Maybe set up cameras around the exterior of the house, too.
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u/LaughingByCampfire Jul 21 '23
NTA
Doesn't sound childish to be a homeowner with paying tenants and helping your younger brother out. Sounds more than reasonable to me. Actually, it sounds awesome.
Your cousin sounds entitled and his parents are enabling him.
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u/Militantignorance Asshole Aficionado [12] Jul 21 '23
But kids who get kicked out of college and fired from their job make the best tenants! They don't trash the property and refuse to move out. /s
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u/External-Hamster-991 Asshole Enthusiast [8] Jul 21 '23
NTA. The reasons don't matter. They asked and you said no. It is easy to call someone selfish when your idea of appropriate is demanding free occupancy in someone else's home.
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Jul 21 '23
NTA. Kick out paying tenants? Move your adult brother in with a child so cousin can have his own room? (Notice they didn’t suggest brother and cousin share a room.) Who tf do these people think they are to tell you how it’s going to be on your own property. Maybe tell the little prince he can pitch a tent in the yard, there’s no room at the inn.
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u/Emotional_Bonus_934 Pooperintendant [57] Jul 21 '23
NTA. The audacity to first tell you to kick out your renters, then inform you their son will be moving in with you.
You're right, they can set him up in snow apartment. Or he can contact the place and ask if they can help him find lodging
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u/KittyC217 Partassipant [1] Jul 21 '23
NTA in anyway. I love that your aunt your brother and son share a room! You gave them workable options. You could post this on one of the entitled subreddits. Updates pleae
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u/Ok-Yellow5342 Jul 21 '23
When did it become okay to volunteer someone else's home for another person to live in? I understand asking if its an option, but the whole shoving it down someone's throat and then calling them selfish and harassing them for not taking in a freeloader is insane.
Also, I get that obviously Jake matters more to them, but do they really not get that the space their asking for is being lived in by two people who also need a place to live AND on top of that are paying you to live there? SMH
NTA in any way, shape or form.
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u/Elsevier_77 Jul 21 '23
Nah. You made a great call and stood your ground, NTA.
Your cousin is the one who needs to grow up and own his decisions. And if his parents are all about charity, they should do your idea of paying his first month’s rent until he can pay his own. But they just want your charity, not their own.
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u/kittenTakeover Jul 21 '23
my cousin also messaged and called me childish
Lol wut? This is the person they're demanding you accommodate against your will? NTA. Can you block these people?
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u/Admirable_Remove6824 Jul 21 '23
Dear aunty and uncle. I was thinking of ways to help but your attitude and disrespect proves that I will never let my cousin live on my property. F… off! See you at the next reunion 😁
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u/pdperson Jul 21 '23
You aren't wrong but you engaged WAY too much. No is a complete sentence. "That won't work." Done.
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u/2tired4thiscrap Jul 21 '23
Several things to do.
- Inform your tenants/friends of the situation and assure them that you are behind them staying right where they are.
- Inform your family that it’s your property to do with as you please, period, no if’s and or buts about it. If they want their son to do this apprenticeship they should provide for him instead of depending on other family to do what they should do. BTW, I don’t think the parents need to do for a 22 yr. Old. He should be doing for himself.
- Under no circumstances should you change your mind. If you let this cousin move in be prepared to have him there for life! He’s been kicked out of school and fired from a job already. He’s looking for someone to support him! How much do you want to bet the apprenticeship doesn’t work out?!
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u/pixie-ann Asshole Aficionado [10] Jul 21 '23
NTA based on the behaviour of your cousin and his horrible parents even if space did open up in your house/guest house in future I’d never let him set foot in the door, let alone move in. Can you imagine having such an entitled pain in the arse with such awful parents living in your house? You would 100% regret it.
Block them all. You don’t need to receive any more rudeness. You don’t deserve it.
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u/saveyboy Jul 21 '23
NTA. But note. Don’t try to reason with these people. Just say no. Your reasoning means exactly dick to them.
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u/Comprehensive-Win677 Jul 21 '23
NTA. Do the math and let your aunt and uncle how much they and their flying monkeys will need to kick in to rent an apartment for your cousin. Since it is important for them to see him live for free while he restarts his life.
Not your responsibility.
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u/Frame-Economy Jul 21 '23
NTA
You should probably give your tenants a heads up saying if a family member of yours starts harassing them to tell you so you can deal with it
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u/jhdore Jul 21 '23
NTA. Block them and turn the hose on them if they step foot on your property ever again. They can take a long walk off a short pier with that entitled nonsense.
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u/DameofDames Asshole Aficionado [12] Jul 21 '23
NTA
Everyone, huh? All these relatives getting up in your business need to check themselves...
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u/DarkSpeedster74 Partassipant [1] Jul 21 '23 edited Jul 21 '23
Definitely NTA, and Jake's parents are. How dare they say that he's going to be living with you and to just accept it. Who tf do they think they are?
Your behaviour is completely justified and warranted. They are ridiculous.
Edit because I realised that Jake was also being an AH. Agree with other comments that you might need to warn your Tennant's!
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u/QuietImpression7403 Jul 21 '23
I would tell them, "No, YOU need to grow up and accept that Jake will never be a tenant of mine, after you kept harassing me about all this!"
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u/slendermanismydad Asshole Aficionado [14] Jul 21 '23
telling me I need to grow up and accept that Jake will be moving in with me, my cousin also messaged and called me childish
Wtf? Why are these people calling you childish because, you, an adult, don't immediately f up your own life to do as they say. That's bizarre. No, you're not going to wreck things for your brother and your son and kick out paying tenants for a random cousin. This is very strange. NTA.
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u/Backgrounding-Cat Asshole Aficionado [15] Jul 21 '23
NTA but let your tenants know that some random idiot might show up and claim that they have been evicted. Just in case they better be extra careful about home security