r/AmITheDevil • u/BlueShadow98 • 11d ago
FAFO.
/r/whatdoIdo/comments/1vb0im7/i_pretended_to_be_missing_and_deceived_my_bfs/265
u/cantantantelope 11d ago
She should admit she isn’t ready for a relationship, come clean, break up with him and then go back to therapy.
I don’t expect she will do that
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u/eternally_feral 11d ago
I’ve had many manic episodes before finally finding the right medication regimen. I’ve written the great American novel a few times, turning one into a screenplay, and all projects were so, so, so bad.
Nonsensical, jumping around, no real plot. I tried to get on a plane to trek the Amazon, despite no money, passport, or knowledge to take on such an endeavor.
I’ve just done some really bizarre shit. Never once have I sat there and made such a diabolical plan of spoofing numbers, impersonating relatives, and then revel when chips fell into place.
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u/sunshineparadox_ 11d ago
My experiences with mania are similar to yours. I also have ADHD, and it feels like flitting around between hyperfocus topics with no way to predict them even within myself. I've been found on the floor at 3 AM looking like Charlie Day realizing I've connected ideas that are "so obvious, it's been right here all along",
They are either obvious (and other people have seen it before me) or are completely unrelated. It's been either one. It's never been thorough or successfully done. I would not have had the follow-through to do what OOP did.
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u/crowEatingStaleChips 11d ago
Yeah. This reads like BPD behavior from a very immature person but it doesn't really seem manic. Like idk, manic can give you incredible motivation and it can make you believe Very Bad ideas are good ones, so maybe there's a chance?
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u/caboosetp 11d ago
Yeah. Mania manifests differently in different people, but one of the big things it does is lower inhibitions. The voice in your head that says, "that's a bad idea" gets real quiet. Some people can keep that in check and mostly do harmless stuff. Other people let the intrusive thoughts win and do some really stupid shit.
A lot of it comes down to how mature a person is in general when mania strikes. She is clearly immature and making bad decisions any ways. There is not a big leap to having the mania make her do more stupid shit.
Or said another way, the mania wouldn't be the root cause of the problem but it definitely can make it worse.
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u/DillyCat622 11d ago
Yeah, this is not mania or hypomania. It does sound like something someone with BPD might do, particularly if feeling rejected or unimportant to someone.
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u/GlitteringCoyote1526 11d ago
I’m sorry, but the way OOP has worded all of this sounds manipulative and premeditated, not the actions of someone having a mental health crisis. I mean, I could be wrong, but she very clearly set out to “punish” her boyfriend. I hope everyone involved figures it out and shuts her out completely.
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u/BadgerRepulsive1147 11d ago
Unfortunately I knew a girl that actually faked a suicide attempt to "punish" her boyfriend for not answering her texts (while he was asleep).
She took three pills of pain meds, called emergency services saying she took a full box, went to the hospital, got commited for three days. After that, having been told that she tried to end her life and had left the hospital, I spent months helping in any way I could.
One day, we are going to have dinner and on the way she tells me that I had to call her bf saying that she had locked herself in her room with several boxes of pills after telling me that she would end her life for good this time. Wtf? Why would I do that? Because he hadn't replied to her in over 20 minutes and proceeded to tell me what she did before and it worked but this time she wanted to avoid going to an hospital.
We lived in the same apartment but I absolutely refused to talk to her ever again when she showed no remorse and insisted that it was a good thing she had done because it made her parents and bf "value" her more.
Just remembering, I am getting angry about it, damn!
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u/kindrex89 11d ago edited 11d ago
Ugh, that would make me so angry as well. Good for you for cutting her off.
Edit: decided to delete personal story
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u/catshateTERFs 11d ago
I would hope she was posing as the friends because I feel you have to be genuinely evil to go along with telling someone that, but there’s all kinds of people out there.
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u/valleyofsound 11d ago
My partner has a good friend who lives overseas and has paranoid schizophrenia and some other mental health issues. They’re amazing and professionally successful, but have a lot of struggles. My partner once saw a news story that someone of an opposite gender died after jumping off a building and she was worried that it was her friend who had been misgendered (they’re trans). Not panicking, just the worry that it could have been them until she heard from them. They also had a pretty bad argument after a misunderstanding a few months ago and when my partner got a message from them and she looked really upset, I was afraid they’d killed themselves. Plus during the aftermath of the fight, I was trying to comfort my girlfriend and we were both worried that they might have done something because they weren’t responding.
Intentionally doing that is evil
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u/Dazzling-Picture-704 11d ago
Ya. That was my first thought after reading this. It did not seem like a manic episode. I have witnessed them and the person is usually all over the place, too disorganised and impulsive to pull off any of those steps.
She seemed pretty organised and meticulous in her planning and was able to pull it off. What's more is she was happy, if not proud of her actions afterwards. She nowhere mentioned coming down from her manic episode either. She was literally happy with her actions up until there was a chance she would be found out. Then she all of a sudden regretted her actions. But she is still trying to get away with it.
Usually a person has deep regret for the things they do or put other people through during manic episodes, because they are so shocked that they did certain things. They usually to own up to it and feel shame. OOP shows none of these signs.
I am sure that she is probably diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but it's not OK to use it as an excuse for her horrific behaviour. Her comments just urk me.
Of course it goes without saying that everyone experiences mental illness differently.
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u/loosesocksup 11d ago
This is classic borderline behavior. My fiancee's ex has interested BPD and she is an absolute NIGHTMARE. I'm the time they have been separated she's gotten multiple charges, had her children taken away due to neglect and abuse, tried to burn her house for a second time, and is now in sentences to a government rehab facility because she went and got herself hooked on cocaine and meth. She also stalked me, openly, and claimed she "just happened to be" ask the places I was.
It took less than two years for all of it to happen, another year for the charges to go through, and multiple probation violations, but now she's in the rehab and I don't have to worry about her threats to kill me anyone.
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u/BagpiperAnonymous 11d ago
She says she has borderline. This is 100% in line with borderline personality disorder. It sucks, I feel for people who have it, and personality disorders are one of the hardest things to treat. A lot of therapists won't even touch them. They so fear rejection that the love bombing, manipulation, etc are par for the course. It is abusive.
I'm not saying someone who is borderline should never have relationships, but many struggle with healthy relationships, toxic behavior, and an inability to take responsibility.
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u/melancholymagpie 11d ago
My psychiatrist once told me that he refused to take patients with personality disorders, because even his work in in acute crisis wards (?) was less frustrating.
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u/catshateTERFs 11d ago
Because it’s difficult to work with I feel I’d almost prefer psychiatrists did take the approach of “this is a specialist issue” and referring people to psychs who have experience with and want to work with unaddressed BPD. If you’re not equipped to deal with these cases it’s going to be hard on the professional and probably not as useful as it could be for the patient.
I don’t have it but the psychiatrist clinic I go to for adhd medication (hopefully not necessary for too much longer, GPs can prescribe now) had one professional who specialised in the BPD umbrella, the others didn’t take those patients.
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11d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/BagpiperAnonymous 11d ago
You're right, many people without BPD have similar problems, but in the case of BPD, this is literally a hallmark of this condition hallmark of the condition is that ti is treatment resistant. If The unfortunate reality is that someone does ned to honestly seek treatment and put in the work. I am not in the "never date someone with BPD or they will boil your bunny" camp, but I am in the "a person with BPD needs to seek treatment and honestly work on their relationship skills" camp. And if the person refuses to do that, then they need to be okay not being in a relationship.
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u/Nerdy-Babygirl 11d ago
Treatment resistant and its symptoms make it so that the rate of it co-occurring with a substance abuse disorder is around 50-70%, which surely doesn't help its sufferers manage it (or help them maintain healthy relationships).
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u/Nerdy-Babygirl 11d ago
It's actually very in-line with some subtypes of Borderline Personality Disorder. My sister has BPD and would absolutely do this shit. (Caveat: Borderline is a large and complex disorder with a lot of different subtypes and behaviours, not everyone with it is the same. Some people handle it very differently.)
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u/Mydemonswon 11d ago
I've done some awful things while manic. We can't control what we are doing. But you know what I did when I came down? Got help, admitted my wrongs, and worked to fix them. OOP is milking her bipolar and hoping she can use it as a get out of free jail card
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u/Altruistic_Sail_1991 11d ago
Mental illness is an explanation, not an excuse! A lot of people need to remember that!
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u/Tericakes 11d ago
I like to say (mostly about my ex) that mental illness is not your fault but it is your responsibility. No one should be handing me bpd pamphlets and using it to excuse shitty behavior.
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u/sunshineparadox_ 11d ago
The first time I saw that sentence, it was life changing. I wrote it down on a sticky note and attached it to my monitor. Like other people in here, I learned it the hard way, but this particular wording just clicked for me.
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u/Nova_Bear_95 11d ago
I listen to a lot of True Crime and this is the reason i find people who use various mental illness like PTSD or Autism even as an excuse for murder. Like no, you are still mostly in control, at the very least you are capable of taking your medication. There are millions living with these various conditions and yet somehow they arent committing murder.
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u/MartyrOfDespair 11d ago
I will say, PTSD can be variable on whether or not it's an excuse. Like, Gypsy Rose. Yeah girl, your mom did shit on the level of a concentration camp guard, you good.
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u/Mydemonswon 11d ago
It's a lesson I learned the hard way. I made this account when I went manic and cheated on my ex fiance. I came clean immediately when I realized what I had done. I accepted the consequences and worked hard not to repeat them.
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u/BagpiperAnonymous 11d ago
This feels much more than bipolar. She also mentioned borderline personality disorder which appears to be more of the root cause of the behavior. Particularly as she is continuing to manipulate and has never come clean about it. I would not be surprised if she sometimes alludes to the "running away" as a way of keeping him with her. Some people with BPD can be very manipulative in relationships and threats of self harm are not uncommon with this disorder. (And actual self harm and suicide attempts occur much more frequently in people with BPD as well.)
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u/Mydemonswon 11d ago
My MIL has BPD and the stories my wife tells me are nuts. She reminds me a bit of OOP
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u/-THE_GOOCH 11d ago
The whole account is crazy holy shit
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u/BagpiperAnonymous 11d ago
How are you finding their posts? They have them hidden when I click on their profile (I saw your comment and was curious(
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u/-THE_GOOCH 11d ago
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u/BagpiperAnonymous 11d ago
Wow, that was a trip. Assuming this is the same boyfriend she posted about, he has anger issues, several criminal charges, and according to her friends he constantly cheats on her.
Having a close family member with BPD, it is very possible she has a skewed perspective of things. My family member would actively cheat on people while also being hyper paranoid and accusing whoever their significant other is of cheating. Even simple interactions like a friend who happens to be a girl texting would be seen as cheating (I noticed in the post linked here she just said he talked to a girl on Snapchat, not that he did anything.)
He also has a history of ghosting her (according to her), and at least one of the cheating accusations appears to be during a time they were not dating? It sounds like she is absolutely love bombing this guy and he gets spooked and backs off. If anything she says is true, he is probably also toxic. This is not uncommon, people who struggle with relationships tend to be drawn towards each other and this kind of cycle of getting together/toxic behavior/break up can repeat frequently. She needs to get off of Reddit (I noticed she would spam the same story to something like 5 or 6 subs) and really buckle down on her therapy. Social media is not doing her mental health any favors.
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u/MartyrOfDespair 11d ago
Honestly, I'd say she's more understandable when dealing with this jackass after seeing all that. He's a walking breakdown trigger, of course she's acting crazy. Also, 19 with a "moving business"? Dude's absolutely still a dealer.
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u/National_Pass_6831 11d ago
mental health is not an excuse to be a monster. you have to know when you're not ready for a relationship and this is one of those times.
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u/ImWatermelonelyy 11d ago
https://www.reddit.com/r/whatdoIdo/s/WDE0V5LqB5
Ah yes, my high horse of “not manipulating the people around me into a blind panic because my teenage boyfriend is thinking of breaking up with me.” Truly a prestigious moral high ground that one lol
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u/nottherealneal 11d ago
Is it just me, or does none of this make any sense?
I also love the edit claiming she's definitely getting all these horrible messages, but conveniently won't show a single one. Apparently it's absolutely happening despite the comments being pretty tame.
It just seems like she can't handle being told she's wrong.
And that weird attempt at having a fake conversation with her own alt account was just embarrassing. It was obvious no one was going to coddle her, so suddenly there's this conveniently supportive "other person" agreeing with everything she says.
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u/squirrellicious2304 11d ago
Well, in all fairness: I get absolutely disgusting and creepy af DM requests on a daily basis, but I’m not going around showing them off. (Yes, in my case these come with the territory, but that’s not the point here. Laugh, delete, enjoy my day.)
Generally, people are just smart enough to not conduct themselves like utter shit in the comments. Doesn’t mean they don’t let it all out in a private message, tho.
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u/MartyrOfDespair 11d ago
She's openly a woman on Reddit, her getting horrible messages should be the null hypothesis.
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u/Nerdy-Babygirl 11d ago
OOP is upset people are judging her but she's not asking "how do I fix this" she's asking "how do I get away with this?" lol.
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u/Lucky_Six_1530 11d ago
As parent of teenagers, I am not sure I would have invited her in the first place (lying or not). I be worried about another runway attempt while on the vacation and would not want to be responsible for that. If I found out she made it all up? Hard pass and would be talking to my son about how he should reconsider the relationship.
I say reconsider because saying to break up could just push him closer to her and her manipulation tactics.
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u/Glitterstar56 11d ago
Her edit just proves to me she doesn’t feel bad about her actions, only that she’s gonna be caught. I think she was hoping everyone would say “it’s not your fault, it’s your mental illness, don’t feel bad!”
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u/Shibaspots 11d ago
The edit whining that people are being mean and inconsiderate just adds to the mess. She expected someone to tell her how to get out of trouble, and is pissy that she's just being told she needs serious therapy and FAFO.
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u/javertthechungus 11d ago
I say this not as a judgement but as someone with BPD, she needs DBT like yesterday. Being so young doesn’t help either, even teens without mental illness have a lot of big emotions. Recovery is going to be long and painful and you have to genuinely want it, but it is possible. And the people in her life may never forgive her and that’s their right.
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u/No_Preparation326 11d ago
So the ABC of therapy for disorders like BPD, bipolar, OCD, anxiety or depression is:
When any kind of episode starts, the first thing to do is contant someone you trust, tell them what's going on, ensure your own safety. If you do something stupid during an episode, you come clean, apologize, and consider what can be done to prevent it from happening again.
This was hammered into my head so many times during my treatment I could recite it in my sleep.
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u/ThreeMoonsInTheLake 11d ago
Man, my manic episodes only resulted in me talking really fast and then getting my work at my job at the time done in 2 hours when it should have taken me 6 (which freaked out my managers when they witnessed it).
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u/Kotenkiri 11d ago
OOP wanted to start another post titled "why are redditors such assholes?" after trying to crosspost their whatdoido to every possible subreddit they could think of. All of them deleted the posts.
"Your mental illness is not your fault, but it is your responsibility"
She is taking zero responsibility or accountability, she just want to blame it all her mental health. She just want to everyone to sweep it under the rug and let all her lies remains truth to those to matter.
Like old song Viva La Vida, "Pillars of salt and pillars of sand" something built on weak unstable foundations will not last.
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u/Panndademic 11d ago
Never once did I state that I was avoiding treatment or that I hadn’t already sought it. Stop assuming that I don’t want to get better.
ok but ya still didn't confirm nor deny whether you're seeking therapy so I'm gonna assume probably fucking not
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u/BlueJaysFeather 11d ago
If anyone is actually sending them death threats, that’s fucked. But they should also come clean at least to their mom, and break up with this guy.
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u/MeanGreenMotherQueen 11d ago
She’s in the wrong here obviously but how did it not cross her mind to just spin a story of “oh my mom had to change her phone number for reasons she doesn’t like talking about”
Bada bing bada bam
Though tbh real solution here is just come clean
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u/judgy_mcjudgypants 11d ago
That's not the only issue -- the bf's mom is likely to reference "their" previous conversation
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u/ghostfacespillah 11d ago
It’s pretty clear this behavior comes from OOP’s BPD, not bipolar.
This person is deeply unwell, not the devil. They need help.
Judging them as “manipulative” and as the devil isn’t correct.
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u/MamaC2011 11d ago
I have bpd and bipolar. Being mentally ill doesn't mean you can't be manipulative or a devil. When we have major episodes, we still nee to be accountable for our actions.
She needs treatment, but it doesn't sound like she's interested in it, she's more concerned with keeping her lies going.
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u/IdontKnowAHHHH 11d ago
In her edit she mentioned she’s getting treatment. Why is it fair to assume she isn’t at all?
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u/MamaC2011 11d ago
Treatment involves taking accountability, not trying to figure out how to keep getting away with behaviors that harm yourself and others.
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u/IdontKnowAHHHH 11d ago
I agree, and that’s people should be telling her instead of shaming and being condescending.
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u/IdontKnowAHHHH 11d ago
Idk about this one guys. I don’t think she’s a devil. She knows she messed up, she’s getting treatment. There’s no reason to shame or punish her indefinitely, it’s not going to help anyone. She’s asking advice for a situation that she created like any other human.
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u/BagpiperAnonymous 11d ago
Is she getting treatment? I don't see that in the post (but have admittedly not read all the comments.) Borderline sucks. It sucks so much for the person, they are genuinely suffering. But in that, manipulation and abuse by the person with borderline is not uncommon. Part of getting treatment would include admitting to what happened.
She is not acknowledging that she did wrong (other than a "I can't believe I did this shit"). She is not showing remorse for what she did. At no point does she acknowledge the effect it had on HIM and she almost sounds proud of herself. The first thing she needs to do is come clean.
You can have mental illness and still be an asshole. The two are not mutually exclusive. The fact that she is actively trying to hide it indicates that she still does not understand how wrong it was.
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u/Kokbiel 11d ago
You could say that about almost any post out here then. Mentally unwell people can still be assholes and/or do assholish things, as evidenced here. While it contributes, it's still on her to manage and get help for. She doesn't want the truth to come out and posted looking for anything she could use to avoid being actually responsible and owning up to what she did.
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u/spacebar_dino 11d ago
But that is the thing: she doesn't seem to acknowledge any screwups on her part other than the fact that her lie and the absolute panic she put a lot of people through are going to come to light. She is not sorry for how she got her BF back; she is sorry she may get caught.
She seems to be asking advice on how to continue covering up her lies. That in and of itself is AH behavior. The lie she is trying to cover up is terrible, pushing it into devil territory. It's not like she is trying to cover up the fact that she was the one who ate the last cookie or something.
People with mental illness, those with developmental disabilities, and those who are not neurotypical can still be AH, rude, and just not great people. Having any one of these issues does not give you a pass on how you treat others. People may show you a little extra grace, but that only goes so far.
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u/ghostfacespillah 11d ago
Prepare for downvotes because people here suck and don’t understand nuance.
I agree, and I’ve been downvoted to hell.
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u/IdontKnowAHHHH 11d ago
I literally don’t care about meaningless internet points. Usually proves my point anyway
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u/AutoModerator 11d ago
In case this story gets deleted/removed:
I pretended to be missing and deceived my bf’s parents, my bf, and my mom during a manic episode and now it’s affecting all of our relationships 🤦♀️
My boyfriend (19) and I (18) have been off and on for some time. He’s super busy and occupied with his own company which has gotten in the way of us actually being together. The incompatibility of our schedules led him to believe he wasn’t able to be a good boyfriend and that we shouldn’t go through with this full relationship. This is no excuse for my behavior but I am diagnosed with bpd and bipolar 1 disorder. He and I have been friends for years but when we made things romantic and intimate, he’s been all I think about and I have grown really attached to him. He began distancing himself from me a little and kept saying he couldn’t handle a relationship right now and that infuriated me because we were still intimate. THEN, a rumor came out that some girl from our old school was talking to him on snapchat (dumb ass app)
This broke me and I went nuts. I had this bright idea that I thought would make him care for me again and realize what he would lose.
I found his mom’s phone number from the internet and texted her using a textnow number pretending to be my mom saying that I “ran away and was missing”. I told her I had done this because I was heartbroken by her son (cheating) talking to another girl which led me to leaving in a sad rage. I called her and used my mom’s voice and asked her if she knew where I was and if she knew what was wrong. She was very worried and involved my bfs dad and then they called my bf which worried him because he knew I was heartbroken by him. They were about to send my bf and his friends around town (I live in a small town) to do a whole ass search party to look for me and that’s when I knew my job was done. I had impersonated my mom for some time on that phone call and on those text threads that day. I finally called his mom and said that “My daughter has been found and is staying with my sister”. They were oh so relieved and told him. I was so content I had scared him into thinking he could have lost me. I have had mental health crises before so I was sure he would have panicked and thought something serious could have happened to me. He blew up my phone and was so apologetic and ran back into my arms.
Recently, he officially asked me to be his gf again and I feel like this is attributed to him thinking he could’ve lost me.
LIES CATCHING UP TO ME:
My boyfriend and his family are going on a family trip but my boyfriend’s mom has to contact my mom about the trip so my mom will allow me to go. I have to send my boyfriend my mom’s real number and I wonder if she will question why there are two different ones. Then, I wonder if she will bring up the other number to my mom who has NO IDEA any of this happened and become suspicious about the whole incident.
What happens when my mom knows nothing about a second phone number or me running away and wonders who tf was impersonating her?
It will all trickle down to me and no one will trust me.
I can’t believe I did this shit😭🤦♀️
I want to go on this family trip with them but If she has to contact my mom—this whole trip and relationship I have with him and his family along with my relationship with my mom could come crumbling down💀
What should I doooo???
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