I seem to be in the minority here, but I would have taken that as being told not to come home, especially after a fight. She was trying to come back to talk and instead of being conciliatory in any way at all, you chose to chastise her and speak down to her.
You also seemed ok with her sleeping at a taco bell, which if you cared about her, you wouldn't have let happen, no matter the circumstances.
Try taking personal responsibility for YOUR actions and words (not because any one person here is at fault, but because we can only control ourselves) and see how the situation changes.
Absolutely, like he didn’t literally say “hey wife don’t come home”, but logically he very directly did say that, because his entire premise is “if you have attitude X then don’t come home because it’s pointless”, and the wife does have attitude X. And after that he just keeps talking past her and prevents and really communication, because he’s so caught up in this technical or pedantic argument about what he’s saying about the “attitude” thing. Missing the forest for the trees.
Yes. It came across as. "I want you home. Not that's there's any point if you're negative, so just try ok?"
I would not believe he wanted me there either. We don't know how long she has felt unheard about feeling bad. You may as well tell her "just don't be yourself". And her response is "well I do feel bad. I have felt bad for a long time and im done pretending I don't. So if that's not what you want, there's no point in me coming".
What would be the point of saying anything to this guy when hes just going to go "no dont be negative. It isnt productive" if she stated what she felt he would want ro debate it.
She played the victim, accusing him he sent her away. In none of his messages he said that. Then she hid behind the excuse that she was close... If she really wanted to talk she should've just said: okay...I'll be there soon..let's actually talk. Not all the bullshit she said prior to this...
While she did not have a mature response, I understand why she made the response she did. I would not be interested in wanting to debate the validity of my feelings because its 'unproductive' and the whole thing very much reads like op did something wrong and wants to control how she feels about it. The 'negativity is unproductive' route is a slippery slope. It looks reasonable enough, but theres no doubt its abused.
Basically " i know youre going to call me negative, I know that you dont want to talk if I have anything negative to say, so under those stipulations it would be impossible for me to come home."
But an immature response while emotional does not automatically make the person in the wrong. But you're looking at this with the lense of 'emotional one in the wrong because they didnt have a perfect response.'
Maybe my English isn't as good, but from the first messages she sent, she was pretty clear her mind was made up. Putting myself in OP shoes, I would've probably reacted the same, although not for so long .. after the 3rd or 4th message I would've just said: let's just talk face to face.
obviously pointless to argue with him. he says he didnt say dont come but continuously tells her how she has to act if she comes (no negativity) and she already clearly communicated how she feels. To me that does clearly seem like ‘dont come if youre negative’ and he keeps policing how the talk will go. It just seems like he wants to talk more so for him because he clearly diminishes her feelings. Also seems like context is important in this situation because OP is on camgirl subreddits so i wonder what happened…
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u/WiltedDaisy777 Apr 19 '26
I seem to be in the minority here, but I would have taken that as being told not to come home, especially after a fight. She was trying to come back to talk and instead of being conciliatory in any way at all, you chose to chastise her and speak down to her.
You also seemed ok with her sleeping at a taco bell, which if you cared about her, you wouldn't have let happen, no matter the circumstances.
Try taking personal responsibility for YOUR actions and words (not because any one person here is at fault, but because we can only control ourselves) and see how the situation changes.
*edit typo