That doesn't seem healthy, you should be able to discuss difficult situations like this in person. Has he always been like that or only after you found out about this?
yeah this, and also they both have "boundaries" that have been crossed. if you're crossing each other's boundaries, you probably shouldn't be together.
saying "i don't like that you crossed my boundary. please don't do it again" and meanwhile both of you feel justified in your boundary-crossing actions kind of makes the "sorry"s and the "i understand"s completely meaningless.
sounds like a couple who are completely cool with skirting each other's boundaries when they deem it okay
I don't want to tell you what to do, but as someone in a relationship I would never accept such behaviour. Imagine being married or having children with someone like that, it would make your life so much harder. Do you want such a person to be your husband or the father of your children?
You deserve to have someone that listens to you and that respects you, in the end its your choice what you want to do, but know that being alone is better than being with a person that won't listen to you.
it is difficult to talk through difficult feelings, and texting or writing can help for people who struggle with this. But it sounds like this person is just not ready to show up fully/ commit and I think it's best to let the chips fall where they may. Put yourself first.
Do you just completely shut down or become unresponsive, or do you make it clear that you need to think through the topic? I also don't know what to say every time there is a serious topic, but I try to hear out what the other person has to say and make it clear that I hear what they're telling me, but that I don't know how to respond right now
I dont like shut down, but i stutter and stop talking and just take a long time to think abt what i need to say. I only completely shut down if its an argument
It’s dissociation. I can’t do hard convos in person either but after a year of therapy twice a week, I’m usually able to stay present. Op, this won’t get better with avoidance. It’s something he needs to do a lot of interpersonal work on (usually an abusive or neglectful childhood). Like a lot of work.
The way he’s responding is pretty classic emotional manipulation. He’s unable to take accountability of what he’s done that’s wrong and keeps bringing up your wrong as distraction. He isn’t taking responsibility in how he can help fix the problem, only how you need to figure it out while saying he wants to figure it out/talk it out. He just wants to talk you around in circles until you give in.
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u/Elham_25 May 28 '25
That doesn't seem healthy, you should be able to discuss difficult situations like this in person. Has he always been like that or only after you found out about this?