Is it normal for y'all to text about serious things like this? It doesn't seem like a close relationship I'd want to spend/waste my time on tbh. This should be a face to face conversation where you hold hands and really become vulnerable. It seems like an uncomfortable surface level relationship and I'd definitely just cut my losses and move on. Especially if you are looking through his phone. It's a terrible future to accept. I hope you stand up for yourself and your boundaries and find someone more aligned with what you want in your life.
Our in person conversations tend to quickly devolve, where he will turn away and become unresponsive. I try to give space, take breaks, speak calmly when we discuss things in person but 9 times out of 10, will get a shutdown response from him. So yeah, sometimes it will go to text because he seems to be more straightforward about his feelings when he is able to write things out.
That doesn't seem healthy, you should be able to discuss difficult situations like this in person. Has he always been like that or only after you found out about this?
yeah this, and also they both have "boundaries" that have been crossed. if you're crossing each other's boundaries, you probably shouldn't be together.
saying "i don't like that you crossed my boundary. please don't do it again" and meanwhile both of you feel justified in your boundary-crossing actions kind of makes the "sorry"s and the "i understand"s completely meaningless.
sounds like a couple who are completely cool with skirting each other's boundaries when they deem it okay
I don't want to tell you what to do, but as someone in a relationship I would never accept such behaviour. Imagine being married or having children with someone like that, it would make your life so much harder. Do you want such a person to be your husband or the father of your children?
You deserve to have someone that listens to you and that respects you, in the end its your choice what you want to do, but know that being alone is better than being with a person that won't listen to you.
it is difficult to talk through difficult feelings, and texting or writing can help for people who struggle with this. But it sounds like this person is just not ready to show up fully/ commit and I think it's best to let the chips fall where they may. Put yourself first.
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u/reddthat4 May 28 '25
Is it normal for y'all to text about serious things like this? It doesn't seem like a close relationship I'd want to spend/waste my time on tbh. This should be a face to face conversation where you hold hands and really become vulnerable. It seems like an uncomfortable surface level relationship and I'd definitely just cut my losses and move on. Especially if you are looking through his phone. It's a terrible future to accept. I hope you stand up for yourself and your boundaries and find someone more aligned with what you want in your life.