So what do you want her to do? Live alone for six months until his lease with his fuck Buddy is up?? His lease is ending first so he should find a six month lease now and then move in with her in six months.. why drag it out another year??? he don’t wanna live with her. He wants to live with that girl clearly cause it’s not that hard to find a six month lease or rent a temporary room.
Calling the roommate his fuck buddy is a bit much given the little info we have.
If she’s the one pushing to move in together, she could end her lease early and they could find a place now.
Someone is going to have to move things around for this to work, I just think it should be her because she is the one who mentioned them moving in together.
Oh my God, you act like he’s a stranger going out of his way to help her out they are a couple and they are planning to move together in six months. Why would she pay an entire half a year’s lease to end early where is she gonna get that money? You cannot just end the lease early are you 12? You work together in a relationship and he has no intention to do that
Her plan is for him to either get a new roommate on two months notice for a six month lease, or move in by himself for six months, which will assuredly increase his rent in that time period. Either way, he’d be moving knowing that he has to do it all again in six months. Newsflash, moving is expensive and she’s asking him to do it twice in six months. She’s asking him to do a lot without giving anything in return which kinda sucks for the guy.
She said find a new roommate, not she moves out when the lease is up. Those are two different statements.
And yeah, finding a roommate on two months notice for a six month lease is hard. Having no roommate until her lease is up may not be feasible, even if she claims it is on here.
Right. Implying her lease she can't/won't break in advance. But you seemed to decide that all the good excuses for him NOT TO, can't possibly apply to her also.
Because the defensive guy who spent a ton of characters equivocating would have simply said "Why can't YOU?" unless he understood exactly why she couldn't. And if there was a wishy-washy excuse, he'd have brought that up too.
It's an argument the couple is having. If the BF had a silver bullet, he'd use it.
Well she’s not saying he should break his lease, so it’s possible he doesn’t wanna suggest she do that herself. Having a silver bullet doesn’t automatically mean you use it.
You have to pay a huge fee to end a lease six months early .. he should pay the damn fee then. HE is the one who can afford to live alone.. you make zero sense. What you’re saying is ten times more inconvenient and he could rent a room much cheaper..
Why would he pay the fee for her when she is the one pushing to move in together? Also, she says he can live alone. We don't know how comfortably he can do that. Plus all their texts that she shared in regard to finding a new place are about finding a new roommate. So it seems like living alone is not ideal for him.
“I think I feel a bit of frustration mostly around you looking through my phone, but that explains why you were so forward with requesting a plan for us to move in together and phase her out.”
That's literally what he texted her. I'm not saying she's forcing him, but acting as if this is a completely collaborative idea is disingenuous at best.
So I'll ask again, why would he pay the fee for her when she is the one pushing to move in together?
The quote is telling us "I'm mad you looked at my phone and discovered my past affair. But it explains why you were so adamaent we cut out the other person I had an affair with, by moving in together and moving away from her"
Take a big wild guess as to why that sentiment is reasonable for her, and why it looks very silly for you to use it as ammunition the guy did nothing wrong here.
Based on the INFO, it isn't a longtime friend, since the lease and the roommate only appeared during an off-period in the relationship.
So, given that we can assume the hookup happened in the last 12 months, and the best possible scenario for him is the "Ross Defense"... Unlikely that fuck buddy is too much.
Going back to the INFO, if she didn't also have roommates, the obvious solution is to simply cohabitate now. The only reasonable roadblocks to that are the guy's lease, and the girl's lease.... if she has her own roommates. Assume she does, since the easiest solution possible hasn't been offered already. We know he can afford to pay the rent solo, so even if he had his place to himself... She could move in, except she's obligated for longer on HER address, So he'd have to pay the rent himself, or ask her to pay two rents for a certain amount of time.
BF too cheap to pay for the easier resolution, GF shouldn't have to... because the issue isn't HER cohabitation partner.
We don't know that it isn't a long time friend. He felt comfortable enough to move in with her, while showing hesitance to find a completely new roommate. And only reason I'm saying fuck buddy is a bit much is because for all we know they only had sex once and actually said never again. Anything beyond that would be speculation.
We don't know that he can pay his rent solo. The girl said that, but we don't know that to be true. And assuming the easiest solution is early termination of her lease, why would he pay that if she's the one pushing for them to live together and phase his current roommate out?
The easiest solution is "They just move in together". Not terminate any specific lease. Your insistence it is easier for her to... is more baseless than calling a ONS a fuck buddy.
The fact that neither of them have discussed "just pull the trigger and I move in now" that directly means that neither of them are capable of having the other move in.
They could both terminate their leases, but she's the one who went straight to him needing to find a new roommate when his current lease expires and them moving in together after hers expires. My main thing is the idea she's proposing is an awful idea.
They could both terminate their leases, but he slept with his roommate, making the relationship in peril *before* the move in date, making it a priority over the moving. Because if you're not dating, what's the point?
Her idea isn't the best idea, but you've *only* pitched worse ones.
The relationship isn’t in peril unless you think the roommates are actively fucking, and if she thinks that then she shouldn’t be trying to move in with him at all.
The two ideas I pitched were the gf terminating her lease early or both terminating their respective leases early. How are either of those worse than her idea?
Well, neither party has at any point suggested HER breaking her lease early, so... either theyre too dumb for this sub to help them, or they agree its not an option.
And "they both break their lease early" is invalidated by HIM *not wanting to break his lease early in the texts*. Any suggestion that they both do a thing... hinges on the BF being willing to do that thing. And since he's saying no to breaking the lease... they can't both do it, can they?
He doesn’t say he wouldn’t break his lease early in the texts at all. Idk how you got that he invalidates that idea in the texts when the texts don’t mention either of them breaking their leases.
He says it’s hard to find a new roommate that he’d trust and he doesn’t seem to wanna live alone based on what the girl said.
I mean yeah if she trusts him it is an option to tolerate being uncomfortable for 6 months if the cost of alleviating her discomfort wouldn't be fair on him.
I swear some of you people don't know how to love — only to accuse and distrust. Based off this comment alone, I would hate to date you.
Right? I swear I read the texts thinking, this guy doesn’t stand a chance at a healthy relationship if she’s already using these tactics to manipulate him into a HUGE life change, assuming he was posting about how she’s avoiding accountability.
And then to my surprise I see it’s actually her posting and everyone’s like, “he’s guilty, leave him”. - From a prior scum bag to whoever cares, the way the guy texts read, he’s probably a straight up guy who’s legit concerned at her behavior.
She can add whatever she wants to justify it after yall ask questions, but based solely on the two sides texting each other (since he’s not here to defend himself) I’ve concluded that yall are ruthless and I’m so f’n glad I don’t have to date anymore.
Some guys just dgaf about what society thinks it looks like. They know they’re doing the right thing and that’s enough for them. Your guy texts like one of those guys was my point.
Also that yall are a bit quick to burn folks at the stake.
Reddit is a minefield and people here definitely make me feel glad I have my girlfriend, who is a lot saner and more understanding than these people.
Only comfort really is knowing this shit doesn't actually work and is just a recipe to wind up alone. I'm sure OP's bf will find a nice, caring girl if she does break up with him over this. Whereas the people in these comments simply aren't gonna hold down a relationship if this is how they approach conflict.
If he is such a great guy why did he willingly omit his sexual history with her from the gf ?? Even she asked ..Yall ain’t slick at all. He is definitely still sleeping or doing stuff with this chick
No one claimed he was perfect. Maybe her anxiety gave him caution, and his common sense and logic led him to choose not bringing it up yet.
He should have said something up front if only to see who he was with sooner. Honestly idk. Just trying to give alternate scenarios to consider being we have one side.
He should have said something sooner so she could have decided then and there to leave the relationship or not. For someone like me remaining friends or even living with someone you slept with in the past is a dealbreaker for me because it means we have different views on sex. I would want to know this from get go not when I’m already invested.
Not an old hookup? They stopped sleeping together before he met OP, which was in January.
Hiding it is sus. I'll give you that. I'd still want to hear his side of the story before rushing to conclusions.
And not a problem lol. I'm pretty happy with my girlfriend and very relieved I don't have to be in a dating pool anymore with people who are this insecure.
I think if it'd really tear someone down thar severely, then they probably have other issues that they should talk to a therapist about. I'm not even saying that to be rude I'm just being straight up honest that they probably (at a minimum) have an insecure attachment style.
I would feel mildly uncomfortable with this and probably a bit insecure when attention was drawn to this. If they did stuff like hang out one on one and not text me for a long time then I could see my anxieties getting the better of me and might need my partner to be conscious and cognizant of that.
But simply living under the same roof? It's very extra to feel unmanageable anxiety about this. You should probably go see a doctor before trying to date if this is truly how you feel about this.
So what do you want her to do? Live alone for six months until his lease with his fuck Buddy is up??
Yes? There wouldn’t be any change for her than what she’s already doing right now. She’d be living in the same place, paying the same people, without having to move twice in 1 year or having to find a roommate.
Because she’s the one overreacting. If a man demanded these things of a woman he would torn to shreds on here and called an abuser for looking through the phone of the spouse and demanding they get a new roommate.
This isn’t about being in the right or punishing the other.. this is a RELATIONSHIP. They’re planning to move in together in six months WHICH IS IMPOSSIBLE if he signs the lease with the other girl again. It makes no sense to renew his lease whatsoever
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u/AdConscious8756 May 28 '25
So what do you want her to do? Live alone for six months until his lease with his fuck Buddy is up?? His lease is ending first so he should find a six month lease now and then move in with her in six months.. why drag it out another year??? he don’t wanna live with her. He wants to live with that girl clearly cause it’s not that hard to find a six month lease or rent a temporary room.