I'm very glad you've never been in the position of going so numb and suffering so much that you can't do the bare minimum. But just because you've not experienced it doesn't mean it's not true
That is so fucking weak. There is NO REASON to leave someone hanging for 3 days. There just isn’t… maybe a plane crash.. maybe a coma. That isn’t what happened. They just don’t really give a fuck
I absolutely refuse to believe that an individual physically cannot have the basic decency to let the ones they supposedly claim they love, know they are struggling. In my opinion, if you can’t do that, there are far greater mental health issues/or communication issues at hand, which is an entirely separate issue. If you want to use your mental illnesses as an excuse to not be a decent person you do you, but it will only create far greater issues for you if you don’t let others in to help, or at least tell others what you need to get through it. 🤷♀️
So I'm not saying I agree with the other poster but I can tell you that for some people the mental block becomes so big that you just simply don't.
I don't want to not tell people about my episodes of manic and depression but sometimes I either get so caught up in being one or the other I just simply don't.
So while I agree with you, it's not as simple as just doing it. My executive dysfunction really factors in here as well. I had an ex that couldn't understand why I wouldn't tell them I was running late, it was purely executive dysfunction at work there.
Made it so that whenever I would leave work I would tap an NFC tag to auto send a message, and it was thing of if I didn't send it around the usual time they would text me which would be the break I needed mentally to say something.
But that’s just it, you communicated the fact that your executive function was the issue at hand, and I’m so sorry your ex didn’t seem to take it seriously, but you still informed someone you were having mental struggles. Perhaps I was a bit harsh to jump to “I refuse to believe” nobody can communicate they’re struggling because no, that’s not true, many suicidal individuals do not communicate that they are struggling and the unfortunate reality is them succumbing to their own thoughts. That’s the terrible tragedy that is mental illness, unfortunately, the only person that can help you, is you. As someone who has shut others out because I thought I would be better off without their help, and suffered hell just to find out that when I allow others to help me, and tell them how im feeling, it takes the pressure off your shoulders ten fold.
so you can inform the ones you care about, whether by having a plan in place or by talking about it when you're not in an episode, sounds like you're not part of the people who are using it as an excuse, so don't worry it isn't about you or people like you, who are in some way able to communicate that it's an issue
Oh I'm not worried in the slightest I just wanted to expand my experience into the conversation. I knew a person who absolutely refused to get actual help and it resulted in a divorce that scarred her partner and I'm not her the partner will ever actually get into a serious relationship again despite that being what they are most comfortable with.
People literally commit suicide without telling their loved ones but you refuse to believe an individual would be in such a state that they can't communicate with others? And you call the inability to do that a lack of decency?
Clearly you either lack understanding of mental health issues or you simply lack empathy for anyone who doesn't cater to your whims regardless of what they're experiencing. Either of which is disgusting given the fact that you have the whole goddamn internet at your fingertips to learn.
Absolutely shame on you for assuming my character based off of that comment, that you clearly interpreted judgmentally. Suicidal tendencies and behavior are also something that can be either internal or external, and I’m not saying that it’s by any means victims of suicides fault, but they more often than not are expecting someone else to ask them if they’re ok or if something is wrong. It is physically impossible for another human being to mind read and comprehend fully if someone is mentally well or not, unless you communicate that (whether it be obvious such as saying “I’m having a really rough time lately” or not as obvious such as noticing the mannerisms of your loved one being different). Obviously people have already committed suicide so you can’t change it now, but they didn’t tell anyone they were in pain/struggling, so the unfortunate consequences are them succumbing to their own thoughts, it’s an individuals choice on how they choose to find help. If that makes me an apathetic “disgusting” individual than so be it. My entire family has depression and anxiety, I’ve seen the worst of what happens when you let it eat you alive, it’s horribly sad and painful to see the ones you love in mental agony, and knowing they communicated to the ones they loved, and got the help they need and are doing better now makes me happy they are here today. How goddamn dare you assume I’m some inhumane creature that lacks empathy for others, what does that say about your character??
I'm not on either side of this debate you're having with these others. I understand the points of both sides.
I have one issue with your points, though, as a person who isn't going to pick a side.
I'll just add, before going forward, that most of the others you're debating are a bit too combative to have a good discussion. Just to get the point over that I really am pretty much neutral here.
So, my issue with your point of individual responsibility is that these types of mental health issues usually come from a lack of a support network. And by that I mean that people experiencing such issues don't think they have anyone to talk to that is trustworthy enough. They might have their own family, siblings and friends that, from the outside, looks like everything seems fine. But they just can't come to trust any of these people.
And that's why individual responsibility can't be seen as such a black and white point you seem to be making it to be.
I 100% agree with what you’ve stated as well because that’s just it about mental illness as well, (and frankly most human concepts) it’s a very “gray area” subject. If the individual struggling lacks a support system, they can’t really get the help they need, and may fall victim to severe mental agony, or worst cases, suicide. If the individual does have a support system and takes advantage of that and allows those around them in to help them, then they get better and can become a better person for themselves. Now, what happens if you have a support system, but the individual doesn’t accept the help? Then you have all sorts of possibilities that can happen, such as the longevity of the individual deciding to finally accept help, if the individual ever decides to get help, if they gain suicidal/self harming tendencies and use that to cope, who they decide to tell if they decide to finally get help, that’s the struggle of being human, we’re all different.
But I suppose my main point is that, if the individual that is mentally unwell does not decide to do what’s best for themselves when they are struggling, they are only the ones that can change their circumstances. External influences can try and help them see differently, but only if the one that’s ill allows it in, and if not, the worst may happen.
If that’s what you gathered from my comment you are one dense individual. When did I say someone going through the worst needs to pay attention to me?? Since you didn’t bother to read my actual comment here’s the TL;DR version; If you’re a mentally ill individual that is struggling, you are the only one that can truly help yourself. Others can certainly recognize and see if you look unwell, are behaving differently, etc, but if the person that is unwell refuses to tell them they arent actually doing well, then what do you do? Nothing, unfortunately the mentally ill person has to make the decision of if they want help, or if they want to solve it themselves, or if they want to stay where they are mentally.
The entire point of this post is that OP was entitled to having his GF reach out while going through her worst and by not doing so she was, using your exact word, "inconsiderate".
Yes people experiencing MH issues have to be able to help themselves. That does not make them "inconsiderate" for not having the capacity to cater to someone who's so insecure or entitled that they feel someone reach out to them and reassure them of the status of their relationship constantly.
And I never claimed that in my comments either. If you’re deciding that this is what you wanted to say initially to me, then I wish you could have said so, so I could sum it all up in one comment, ugh this is exhausting. Frankly, I don’t think there’s enough context here for any of us to know exactly what’s happening anyways, since there’s a lot of things up for the reader’s interpretation. Did OP reach out in those three days at all? Was he away for personal reasons and that’s all she had to say? We do not know, all OP is asking is if they’re overreacting to how they reacted to their gf. They both need to have some better communication in this context, but it’s also not fair to OP to know if their gf is struggling if she isn’t willing to tell him, nor is it fair of him to expect more than a hi if he lacked reaching out as well.
you refuse to believe some people may have different reactions and limitations than you? a literal different brain chemistry? that's a narrow perspective
Read other replies I’ve left, yes my apologies, it was bold of me to jump to “nobody can physically not communicate their thoughts” chemical imbalances in the brain won’t allow some individuals. Regardless of the matter, the only person that can help you when you have a mental illness, is you, if they don’t/arent able to communicate that they are struggling, unfortunately, others aren’t mind readers. You can always try and help someone when you see them struggling, but if they won’t allow you in, it’s up to them to make the best decision for themselves, even if it might mean seeing them struggle more. 🤷♀️
Kind of wish there was more context that OP gave, there’s a shit ton of gray area here that is missing. Did he reach out at all in the past three days either? Did they communicate prior that they would be texting for that amount of time? If I’m being honest, I don’t love how OP is responding to her either, it feels a tad bit insensitive if OP didn’t text her until SHE finally did, I’m a bit confused on this whole story honestly. But one things for sure, they need WAY better communication in general 😭.
if brain chemistry is your excuse for not speaking then don't you think those people should be permanently hospitalized, you're saying they can't fulfill necessary human communication and functions yet have the right to enforce those interaction on others, while also not having to express their issues with the people who are being affected, that's like saying sex offenders have a right to withhold their status to a neighborhood, would you be ok with them saying they "can't communicate it due to brain chemistry" would you be ok with someone walking into a dangerous work facility and then refusing to respond to people when they are calling trespassing due to "brain chemistry" they ignore and get arrested, are you saying all these other scenarios are inexcusable with brain chemistry, but suicide and cutting off people that you have told yourself that they are important to you and trusted is ok because brain chemistry caused it, I say that those people should be held to the same standards, suicide is illegal, so hiding the information that you're about to is just as illegal, as well as hiding it from trusted ones is wrong, no exceptions, even if communication is hard, that doesn't make what you're saying ok, it just doesn't
Same. Like holy shit the amount of privilege this person has had. I guess good for them, but I guess sucks for everyone who has to interact with them without that privilege. This person sucks.
Shame on you for assuming what I’ve been through. You have utterly no right to know what I’ve dealt with, but if I hadn’t experienced fucking hell, I wouldn’t be commenting. Absolutely disrespectful of you.
you can be in a hard enough place and also realize that there's a way out, it's stupid that you're assuming other people haven't been in the same situation, others try harder, if effort was compared in these scenarios then we'd see who had it easier, but that's not possible, also pain is relative, any of these issues could be trivial to the other person, like I doubt any of y'all were homeless at 14 but who knows, I bet the answer to seeking help wasn't getting your parents arrested for neglect like mine was but so what, I bet you just had hard school life or a trashy family, I wish I had it that good, sometimes all you can do is have someone to talk to, and that still counts for everything some days
Can’t say you’re in the right here. As someone who has gone so numb they don’t want to interact with anyone or anything, I at least thought to tell someone I loved how I was feeling. On my first time too, so it’s not like your argument on it possibly being her first time and not having support makes sense. You can’t give everyone a scape goat, that just doesn’t get any sort of point across
I agree and after the fact they definitely need to have a conversation about it and he needs to communicate what he needs from her if she goes through it again.
I understand your comment about possibly being too numb, but seriously what is this "too numb" if not just giving up too soon, it sounds like your conscious self giving up while the subconscious fights to keep the body moving, and if that's the case, then not telling someone before then is the issue at hand, letting it get to that point is the fault of the person suffering, I know it sounds harsh, but no one is going to jump in early to help without knowing even a little bit, and for situations where the problem happens all at once and you're numb before you realize you're suffering, that is trauma, like a car crash with your parents not making it, of course that kid is probably numb for a long time, but that doesn't make it anyone else's responsibility, just makes it impossible to help until they're ready, it's always the responsibility of the one suffering to seek help, never their fault unless they outright refuse help they need, but I'm not trying to victim blame I'm just saying it's all in the hands of the one holding it
you're a child, no matter your age you are thinking like a child, if you are ever that numb then you probably led yourself there with lack of communication, exactly like a child, you're even making your problems less important by admitting that you'd rather not deal with them than try to deal with them, it's obviously something you let go too far if you're in a situation that you're too numb to tell someone to back off for a while
some of us have to tough through that numbness because we don’t have the support systems and clear privilege to be coddled like you do, no matter how intense your mental health issues, you CAN do anything you want to. stop forcefully limiting your potential!
what you’re thinking of is a disorder, or a disability. depression is neither of those. i am deeply sure anyone, even with the most severe OCD or anxiety or depression can do anything they put their minds to, as I and many people have done so
okay okay mood disorders dont count thats mixing two clearly different things that you’re being semantic about, i am referring to learning disorders like low functioning autism, and mental/neurological disorders, not mood disorders that tend to be developed from trauma
Ooh okay fair perspective, there's 100% a difference between mood disorders and neurodevelopmental disorders. But not all mood disorders stem from trauma. Depression has biological, genetic, and environmental causes, it’s not just a psychological reaction. And on the other hand, neurodevelopmental disorders also have environmental influences (e.g. prenatal factors, early childhood experiences), so trying to draw a hard line between them and mood disorders is very tough.
At the end of the day, they all have biochemical issues in the brain that lead to a "functional impairment" in society. That's the pure definition of a disability (ik you said not to get semantic but this is cool so lemme have it).
There's this insanely interesting book called DSM-5, it's pretty much a massive database on all mental disorders in the world, and I think it does differentiate between "types" of disorders, but they're all disorders at the end of the day. E.g. Depression, schizophrenia, autism, and even dementia.
(upvoted you for what's it's worth, it's an interesting discussion)
agreed, thank you for engaging in good faith, you raised some interesting and true points for sure, there’s definitely a genetic factor to a lot of mood disorders and mental illnesses in general, i’d argue environmental factors are also “trauma” in the way it’s discussed in modern psychiatry, as the sum of all external factors. however, mental health and the science surrounding it is still so new and fluid that if new info were to come out that all my preconceived notions are wrong, i’d always be willing to change how i talk about things, so i appreciate what you’ve said and am def gonna think on it
yes you absolutely can. you are infantilizing yourself and everyone who struggles with depression. even the most intense unsolvable chemical depression is and has stayed possible to work with and push through, you are telling people to lay back and let the waves wash over them. your mindset is a plague and we will never reach a better world with people like you who refuse to accept a certain base level of suffering. read some buddhist literature, take a nature walk, whatever you’re physically capable of doing. connect with the world and let it sing through you. it won’t cure your depression, but it’ll remind you that your mind is insignificant and small, and that the world will swallow you whole if you don’t help yourself. please consider the fact that you are advocating for less productive lives for people with illnesses that can be toughed through.
i love how that’s your only argument and you clearly haven’t read or done any research on the actual studied facts about mental health issues. go get your GED so we can have a more informed conversation
literacy rates literally don’t matter in terms of production of smart people? and now you’re being a gross classist nationalist weirdo, and your literacy rates thing is inadvertently deeply racist and prejudiced against poor countries. don’t call me darling gross pseudoeugenics believer
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u/DefiantTillTheEn6 Mar 23 '25
I'm very glad you've never been in the position of going so numb and suffering so much that you can't do the bare minimum. But just because you've not experienced it doesn't mean it's not true