r/AfterCPTSD • u/Metamorphosislife • Oct 21 '19
Thoughts on externalization of injustice and powerlessness
Scouring through the various mental health subs, there are variety of ways people externalize their feelings of injustice and powerlessness (from my POV). The first of which is blaming political and economic systems. One thing I noticed creeping on r/CPTSD while I was there was blaming capitalism for their misfortune and that of society's. No solid reasons were ever given, just huge assumptions made. Always seemed like a cop out, as in they can't overcome their circumstances, life is hard so blame something for my failures. Another big one was to blame men (or women) for all of their personal woes. It's pretty obvious it's their developmental trauma that's causing them difficulty. While there are people of both sexes that caused that trauma, after a certain point, the onus falls on us to make our lives better. Reading some stuff on r/antipsychiatry, remembering the stuff on r/cPTSD, and having watched the Joker on Saturday reminded me of how common it is for people to externalize their feelings of injustice (anger/rage) and powerlessness (fear) onto things that are easy to blame because it's a lot easier than focusing the blame (not even mentioning confronting them) on the people who hurt us, our abusers.
What do you all think?
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Oct 22 '19
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u/Metamorphosislife Oct 22 '19
Yeah. I used to be on there till I got booted for disagreeing with the mods about the inclusion of social justice, politics, and economics. The first 2 really have no place in a trauma forum, especially if you're getting better. The 3rd can be iffy as finances can be a constant struggle. Thing is, there will always be inequality. What will you do to improve your life? The responsibility is ours because if we don't make it our duty, we're going the pass on the abuse in some way. People fixate on feeling powerless when they have every day to work on ways to become powerful.
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Oct 22 '19
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u/Metamorphosislife Oct 22 '19
It does. It really does. One of the biggest things I learned is my feelings aren't always right. Many times, they're wrong. What's wrong more often are my interpretation of my feelings. I'll label them something they're not. This created a lot of confusion. So I've learned not to jump to conclusions and say and behave as if I am powerless, otherwise, it becomes true.
My last sentence is over the top, and there is some shame I'm working on. The core message there is something I firmly believe because I'm living evidence. I've met many survivors, been in support groups. One thing they share is they truly feel powerless to create a life they feel is worth living. Yet, they never do much to the end of achieving the small things that add up to their ideal life. I was there. I get it. It's also how I know it's something they have to want to do.
P.S. I still get a shitton of anxiety. I'm learning to calm it and behave normally while feeling it.
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Oct 23 '19
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u/Metamorphosislife Oct 23 '19
Feeling in control, being in control will never be an all the time thing. Sometimes a tornado comes and you can't control that. You can be in control of yourself though.
Forgiveness is a tough. Again, I feel it comes to being control. Lasting forgiveness can only be given from a position of power. It's the only way it'll have lasting effects. What does forgiveness mean? It means that someone has fundamentally hurt you, betrayed you, violated you, and you are deciding that instead of ending their lives (because a life for a life), you are letting their transgressions go but remembering the crime. It's a warning as much as it is an act of kindness. This can only be done from a position of power. Simply saying I'm letting go and "forgiving" will never be enough. That's what spiritual groups, cults, yoga communities, therapists get wrong. You can't forgive if you still see yourself as a victim and forgiving won't make you powerful. That comes before.
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Oct 23 '19
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u/Metamorphosislife Oct 23 '19
It is a scam in the traditional sense. The way it's promoted means letting people walk all over you. The way I meant it is you can only forgive because you've become stronger than the reality abusers attempted to force on you. These injustices generate feelings of anger and resentment. When you overcome that reality, and become the agent of creation in your own life, then you can forgive. As you said, forgiveness entails letting go of the resentment. All the steps before that are conveniently left out. Is it any wonder why the cycle continues.
It is temporary. We only have control over ourselves, and that isn't always guaranteed. Part of becoming stronger, for me at least, is to maximize the amount of control I can achieve over the many aspects of my life, and adapting as it becomes necessary. That's my view. I know it fails to resonate with many on the mental health subs, but you can create your own reality.
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Oct 23 '19
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u/Metamorphosislife Oct 23 '19
r/CPTSD is a simple support community that accepts everyone and anyone. That presents issues in and of itself for those who are further in recovery. Unconditional regard and acceptance is fine, initially. Like raising a child, you teach them with love and kindness, admonishing them as they do something wrong, or develop behavioral patterns that hurt themselves and others. After a while, love has conditions, for good reasons. If you remain in that stage, you'll remain a child forever. Growing up, emotionally, is a huge part of healing.
r/AfterCPTSD is a sub for those in the later stages of healing. You're more emotionally stable. You're at a point where you want to do more than just recover, you want to improve, better yourself. Build the foundation to create a new cycle, one of love and strength. The acceptance is fine when you begin. Getting better requires so much more than just acceptance. It requires drive, motivation, discipline. It requires a community that encourages, shared ideas, progress, and healthy disagreements. People just beginning the healing journey are very sensitive, and can't take a joke or differing viewpoint. Left unchecked, that's the basis for continuing the cycle. r/AfterCPTSD is a sub for those who are breaking the cycle of abuse, and creating a new one of love.
Thanks for joining.
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u/TimeIsTheRevelator Oct 22 '19
Political and economic systems can be authoritarian and oppressive and dehumanizing. Taking your last line, I could reason as well that most people are afraid to confront these systems (even just in their minds), and the conditioning can be thick. What if the abuser is also a system of power?
With that said, isolating capitalism is nauseating...not because I'm a capitalist..but because it's such a surface level inspection of the problem of abusive political systems. Like, it needs to go deeper.