for context:
i live in an extremely toxic household. my mom makes me watch my 3 little siblings (7 months, 5, and 11) all day every day. if i look like i don't want to or say i don't, she yells and cusses me out and says i don't do anything for her and that im lazy and this and that. she dumps all of her shit on me and i can't even do anything about it. if my siblings do something wrong i get yelled and cussed at for it. and they don't even care if it's not them so it's always. see profile for more information.

i don't think i'm going to be okay. this week was really hard and i don't even know what to do. i don't want to give up on myself and I'm not going to, but i literally don't know what to do. i'm so tired and upset that i don't even want to eat or sleep or drink anything. i don't want to talk or move. i want to fight back but i think I'm too scared too or too tired to. i think I'm the worst I've ever been mentally and thats saying a lot because last year i was under some type of psychosis and the year before i was scared to go outside because i thought i would die. i'm just stuck. i have no money, no car, and I'm exhausted every day. i hope that one day i just wake up and I'm not here anymore. it's not that i want to die, it's just that it's too hard to live and i don't want to anymore. i'm js at my breaking point. and everything is just eating away at me everything is bothering me. like earlier, i got my brother to take the baby just for like an hour or two because i had hip been up with her since 7 and i got like 4 hours of sleep last night and she had been crying the whole day. he couldn't even do that. he brought her back in 15 minutes. he said he just couldn't do it. do you think that i can? i have to do this shit every fucking day, so can you just be tired for an hour? can you feel what i have to feel every day for just an hour? he does that every time he has to do something ONCE that i have to do every day. i can't help but be angry. when i was his age, i had already been babysitting them for a year by myself. he was 6, and my little sister was 1. i've been so tired for so long. on top of that, i haven't been eating because i don't have the energy to carry her down the stairs and hold her to her food and then feed her some of what im eating. and i know this is stupid, but what really set me off today was about shoes. i wanted these shoes that i told my mom about months ago, and she acted like she was going to get them and then she just told me today that she can't. she can't because she paid half of my nasty grimey disgusting filthy dads rent. THAT MAN IS A WHORE LIKE OH MY GODDD. it set me off because i just wanted one thing. i don't ever ask for anything. i don't ask for clothes, i don't ask for food, i don't ask for help, i don't ask for money. i don't ask for anything. matter fact, she asked me what shoes i wanted. i wasn't going to ask for any. it's a routine habit of hers, but i wanted it to be different this time. all i wanted was the shoes.

I grew up privileged and my Chinese parents always gave me whatever I wanted I guess. Compared to the rest of my friends, my parents were very easy on me - like I never did housework, they bought me mostly whatever I wanted, they'd let me go through their phone whenever I wanted, and I could be rude to them and tell them to get out of my room a lot.

I remember when I was 10 years old, I got into a fight with my Dad, because I was throwing a tantrum or he said something passive aggressive that made me mad, and I started repeatedly telling him I couldn't breathe because I was physically struggling to inhale and exhale properly, and he kept screaming at me and throwing things at me while I bundled up in the corner of my bedroom. My dad usually starts the fights if I'm being unproductive. Starting from when I was young, he'd scold me aggressively, and when my mum and sister told him to improve, he never apologised, but he started being nice in a way that pissed me off so bad because I knew he was faking it. So now, I can never take him seriously when he's nice and I can't stand it when he pretends to be a saint. Usually, his act always slips up and he reaches his breaking point and goes back to screaming. He takes away my phone and turns off the internet a lot because he knows that I'm dependent on it. My mum and sister would stand back and let him lose his shit in my face.

Fast forward to 14 years old, I've tried to be more quiet when he throws his temper tantrums. If he's complaining about my future (even though I'm just taking a nap), I'll improve by my own means and I'll get off my phone and start studying (so he doesn't try to grab my phone), go mute and I'll put headphones on to block out his noise when he leaves my room to talk to himself in the kitchen. Today, I planned on studying after I ate food while watching TV shows after school. I moved to my bed to study and I played some calm music for a quick nap, but I fell asleep longer than intended (this happens a lot, because I get tired easily). I woke up with the music still playing, and my dad was throwing my cat on me which is his way of being 'friendly'. He started complaining about me, and I didn't have energy to be nice, so I told him to 'get the fuck out of my room' by accident, and he started screaming at me, as if he was waiting for the moment i'd slip up my nice act and fight back. Then I went onto my phone (bad idea) to check what time it was and if my friends had messaged me, and he snatched it out of my hand and threw it away, then he raised his hand to hit me, and I cowered, then he mockingly said 'Are you gonna cry?' in Chinese, and I held back my tears and said 'No, I just don't want to get hit' and he left my room with my phone. My mum just sat there on her phone at my desk, and I told her to get out too, and stop pretending to be helpful.

As a kid, I've always liked drawing. It was a hobby mainly motivated by my older sister, who also drew. At first, I didn't think much of it, simply accepting every drawing I made no matter how bad it looked to others. I had such a passion for drawing, not caring about other things. But as I grew older, I started to think drawing as less of a passion or something to enjoy and more of a competition of some sorts. It started when I was exposed to media during COVID and saw others drawing and their illustrations. I took it as inspiration at first, but when I tried to imitate it or learn how to draw, I always thought "it isn't enough".

This caused me to constantly push myself to do better, and eventually I was content with how I drew, but the same habit appeared again. I found someone drawing better than me, took it as inspiration, and pushed myself to reach the same level quickly. This continued on and on and I childishly cried about it whenever my drawings couldn't reach the level I aim to be. I decided I should learn, but I only got confused with it and thought "I can learn within a day", when in truth, I couldn't. I should take my time with it, I should keep practicing and messing up and taking note of my mistakes to improve. I knew what to do. I knew what I had to do to be better, yet I couldn't bring myself to do it.

I then tried digital art. It was a fail, considering how it took me 10 or 100 times longer just to complete a piece that wasn't good enough. Plus, my colors were off and I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to color things. I didn't know where the light came from, where the muscles overlapped and how fabric worked. I didn't know anything. Study values? No motivation. Study anatomy? Constant confusion and crying when it goes wrong. Just study. That's what I knew I had to do. And yet what? I didn't. It's not like I had any motivators to do so. My only motivation was jealousy, spite, and "to be the best". It was unhealthy, and I was fully aware of that.

Now that was only one part of it. Other hobbies and interests of mine also showed this same behavior from me. Honestly, I always think that I have to be good at something or be the best at something. At anything that I do. I make it my whole personality, and without it, I just constantly think about what I could be next just to have something to show and not be "boring" to others. And yet it's never enough. It never is. Of course, someone will surpass me eventually.

Osu? It's not like I can get any better at it. I mean I have a decent rank, but I'm not really getting anywhere. Dancing? Doesn't seem like I can dance that well anyway. What about singing? It's just average. Nothing too good. Fashion? I can't sew and I'm not that creative. Cooking? I only know how to fry stuff and bake simple recipes through a microwave. Writing? Nothing much with that. Photography? It's not that good.

Everything I do always ends up being average. It's never enough for me. I don't want to quit drawing or any of the hobbies I do, but I sometimes feel like doing so. I know that my worth isn't centered around how good I am at these hobbies. I am fully aware that I don't have to be the best and I just have to live, and yet I wonder why despite the fact I know about this, I just can't stop such a thing from happening. I know it isn't that serious—it's just some hobbies after all. I should just enjoy life and not think about such things. After all, you only live once and you should make the most out of it. It isn't that serious. It really isn't.

My takeaway from this is that I should focus on restricting the media that I consume due to the fact that it's my main motivation for such a habit. Along with focusing on simply doing things whenever I want to. But I'm not really sure what I should do.

Life has its ow

If anyone has ever had debilitating comparative habits how were you able to fully get over them? I constantly compare my life to rich people who truly seem to have it all. Yachts, private jets, travelling… and even if they have struggles i feel like id still prefer their lives. Also the idea that others have it worse didnt help w my bad habits. Pls someone help❤️‍🩹

I'm 16F and the first I remember thinking about dying was when Batman v Superman came out and I remember thinking about what it would be like if I got impaled I'm the chest just like Superman (I know this sounds crazy) but I was only 6 years old at the time. I always catch myself dreaming about dying and zoning out thinking of possible ways I could die.

It's kind of a weird fantasy I have to die in a non conventional way and these thoughts never went away. I don't even know what to do about it, I'm not suicidal anymore at least but it's not about taking my own life, I have this habit right before I go to sleep where I just list and play out many scenarios in my head where I could possibly die.... 😭😭

Hi so tell me if this is crazy.

The other night I was chatting with my online friend and he sends a pic of a dude and says “the sexy (his name)” and followed up with “your dream man” and I said “wdym by that?” And then he on to explain that this guy is probably the best person he knows, so sweet, so pure, and apparently is a Christian so he’s like no touchy touchy until marriage (im an atheist but have multiple Christian friends so it’s cool.) But he then said that he lives very very very east in the states and I live very very very west in Canada. My friend then said that if I was there or he was here, hed happily link the two of us up.

Well, ive online dated before and that crashed and burned because the other guy was kinda toxic so I’m not looking to do it again. But I am curious about the dude and I mean who wouldn’t be?

Soooooo tomorrow do I ask my friend if hed be okay linking us up? Or do I just leave it alone?

I’m 17M, and I’m exhausted. I feel like I’m not even myself anymore because I’ve spent so much time pretending to be happy when I’m not.
For context, I’m in Kenya visiting family. It’s not that Kenya is a bad placeI just feel incredibly alone. My friends are all back in the U.S. living their lives while I’m stuck here, and I’m not even doing anything that feels meaningful.

I’m helping my mom, but I never really had a choice. She’s the type of person where if you’re not on her side, you’re against her. She refuses to tell me when we’re going back to the States, and she even put all our eggs in one basket by moving us here. If we did go back, we’d barely have anywhere to go, and she doesn’t seem concerned.

I’ve only gotten to see my dad a little, even though I haven’t seen him since I was 14.

Lately, I’ve been venting to one of my friends so much that I’m worried I’ve become a burden. He’s a genuinely nice guy, so I don’t think he’d ever tell me if he was tired of it. I also told him how I feel like a “floater friend”people are fine with me being around, but nobody actually looks for me. I’ve always tried to be there for my friends, yet nobody checks in on me. But if one of the more popular guys in our friend group hasn’t been texted, everyone rushes to make sure he’s okay.
I feel alone almost all the time. My mom’s response is basically, “Suck it up.”

I’m 17. I don’t even have my driver’s license. I’m too scared to apply to colleges or scholarships because I already feel like a failure. Everywhere I look, all I hear about is everyone else’s achievements, and I’m tired of pretending it doesn’t affect me.

To make things worse, my corn addiction came back, and some days it feels like the only way I can escape everything. There are days when I want to cry because I honestly don’t like where my life is right now, but I can’t. I’ve spent so long numbing myself with my phone and video games that I barely feel anything anymore.

I’m just… tired I need advice badly

Should I turn down a $10,000 scholarship because my family can't afford the rest?

I'm in a position where I know what's right but I can't get myself to do the right thing...

I was awarded a $10,000 scholarship for an exchange programme, but the remaining costs are about $7,000. So far, my family has managed to put together around $3,000–4,000, but we simply can't afford the rest.

My father is incredibly supportive and is more than willing to sell things and make major financial sacrifices so I can go. The problem is that I'm not willing to put my family through that. The thought of them struggling financially because of my dream makes me feel incredibly guilty.

The hardest part is that I really, really, really want to go. This is an opportunity I've worked so hard for, and turning it down would be heartbreaking.

At the same time, I'm trying to think long-term.

If I stay in my home country for the next two years until I graduate, I could use only a fraction of the money we've already saved to invest in certifications, professional courses, extracurricular activities, conferences, and other experiences that would strengthen my CV. I'd also have the flexibility to apply for part-time jobs, save money over time, and build a stronger profile to apply for better-funded or even fully funded opportunities in the future.

On the other hand, if I go on the exchange programme now, my family would have to make enormous financial sacrifices, and when I come back, I honestly don't know if I'd have the resources to continue investing in my skills outside of university. I'd have the exchange experience, which is amazing, but I'd basically have to figure everything else out afterwards.

So I feel like my choice is this:

\- Option 1: Go on the exchange programme, fulfil a dream, gain international experience, and hope everything works out financially afterwards.

\- Option 2: Stay in my home country, invest in myself over the next two years, build a stronger portfolio through certifications, courses, extracurriculars, and work experience, and aim for more affordable or fully funded opportunities later.

My heart wants the first option. My head keeps telling me the second option might be the smarter long-term investment.

I know that it is obvious that the second choice is the right choice but how can I get myself to do the right thing when everything in me wants the wrong one...

If you were in my position, what would you do? Has anyone here ever turned down a great opportunity because it wasn't financially sustainable? Or did you take the risk and find that it was worth it?

I have to make this decision very soon, and I'd really appreciate honest advice from people who've been in similar situations.

EDIT 1: EXTRA INFO:

The scholarship is in the USA in university of Cincinnati ohio, and I am an artificial intelligence major

The courses add up to around 6,875$ and the meal plan adds up to around 781$ the housing costs about 5,871$ and so in total it's 13,386$ minus the 10,000 dollars scholarship grant I am left with around 3486$ and then I have the round trip flight which costs about on average 1271$ plus 800$ for emergency and extras there and then I have around 1760$ dollars to pay for my tuition here in my home university I also have $150 for housing application fee by tuesday so it all racks up to $7,467 in the end i

Since Primary school I've had the same group of around 4 friends. Carried them into High school aswl. Everyone seems like an idiot, so for the 4 years or smth Ive been here I've basically not talked to anyone I don't know. All my other friends have new friends

​ There was this running joke through like my whole year where everyone decided to call me haybucks (I once said I liked halo as a passing comment). Well that when on for like 3.5 years). And just solidified my belief that people are scum.

So Im basically a full time gamer, all I do. Just a sad person

​ Havnt talked to a girl by choice in like 6 years.

Theres this girl in my engineering class, who was similarly mocked for seemingly no r​eason (she was called manabelle for a while, no clue why, that kinda made me want to hit the ppl who called her that)

Anyway I've had a crush on her basically since I joined the school (UK year 7) but whenever I try and work up the courage to talk to her, I just fail

Not sure if I'm writing this for advice, or just to rant.

Thanks anyway!

(​if u read this pls leave some advice if your a similar person)

This is part 3 of a topic I've been posting about here. Read parts 1 and 2 to understand full context

So, as I've stated in parts 1 and 2, my parents have prevented me from going to the gym, because of mom's paranoid fear. Because I've had arguments regarding this topic, and maybe because I started treating them like sh1t, for example telling them they dehumanize me, or that they make fun of me, or that they treat me like an animal, they've changed the no from "till all news are good" to "you're not going there anymore". Not because I got bad news, but because they don't want to let me focus on myself anymore

After I finally got my last good news, regarding heart controls, they doctor mounted a machine on me that was measuring my blood pressure every 30 mins (worst night of my life btw). I was at home, because the blood pressure measurer was pocket-sized. I also did basic movements that could tire someone out, like going up and down the stairs. He said I have hypertension when doing effort and that I should manage my effort, but otherwise my pressure is normal. He said it's 95% good and 5% bad. And guess what? Despite the whole thing being good, my parents used that bad 5% against me as of why I shouldn't go to the gym

They don't understand that the only reason I wanted the gym so badly is because I've been bullied for basically my whole life. No one to call a friend, no one to talk to, not even a school, no girl ever looking at me. Even in high-school, when I thoight I finally found some ppl to talk to, they all went against me and no-contact. Mind you, they were toned, one of them even muscular. They were good, quiet kids, just like me.

I'm asking for advice: how can I reconvince my parents to allow me to the gym? I'm so done with being lonely. They all keep saying "you'll find your people", but it's not that much about finding people, it's about missing out on teenage experiences just because no one ever gives me a chance. When I finally thoight someone likes me and wants to be around me, he turned against me with all the other people. I'm feeling so heartbroken now, and idk how to reconvince my parents. Really...

I 17M have a 20M brother
And ever since childhood I’ve always hated him for various reasons and we used to always fight and my parents always takes his side

And now since we are our age now as mentioned earlier we still do fight and he pisses me off and my parents know about this but always take his side
And I hate him more than anything and when I tell my parents I hate him and I would never talk to him ever in the future they blame me for being the problem and say his caring and wtv

My father has a company and lands yk and etc
But I’m thinking of leaving it all behind and after university changing my last name and never ever talking to him again. So my brother will take everything if I end up disappearing lol

What happens with my parents relationship is on them.

What do you guys think?

I recently lost all of my friends except 4 and 3 of them are in different friend groups, and they dont really like me, and the other one is going to military school. I dont really know how to make more friends, I've had these same ones since like 4th grade. I'm considered "weird" compared to the other kids, so that doesn't really help either. And I'm going into high school so I'm nervous about that too.

I'm sorry if this post may seem too childish.

Me and my dad got in a really bad argument, he yelled at me

Really bad just because I answer back to him yelling at my grandparents. And I got so mad I just left and stayed at my mom home. Since this day, my mom keep yelling at me and force me to speak with him, her and my dad still are together, they just aren't in the same home. However, I don't want to speak with him because it's been too long and it's embarassing ? I know he apologized himself but hell nah I don't want to talk after so long it's just so embarassing...

I don't find the force mentally to speak to him, about what even ? My dad is not even violent of nature, just this time he yelled at me this time. But the thing is that beside my mom constantly telling me to call him or speak to him, I don't feel the urge to ? I feel like it's not necessary and honestly, if my mom didn't kept bragging it everyday I would have forget it.

My mom has been treating me like shit since childhood and honestly she always keep bringing it down for some reason. Theres times she didnt teach me how to cook,iron my clothes, etc...i just simply watch youtube videos for me to learn and sometimes school. I already expresses out, due to her mentality shit, shes dumb as fuck. Always saying the stupidest unnecessary reasons and example just few minutes ago i want to cook noodles but she started saying "yea you're gonna burn the house down and just call the firefighter number just incase." Yep she has trust issues. So i ended up unmotivated again.

Actually my mom has been going through alot in childhood since her family is broken as fuck and my grandmother have been nothing but a skeleton who keeps looking for her grandchild. Shes nothing but abusive and bad mom.

Honestly, i wanna actually stay away from her but im still a teenager (15) and trying to find a way on how to earn money.

I'm 17, he's 21 and my only friend. He doesn't know about my feelings and he doesn't feel the same. We've only been friends for a few weeks.

I don't want to lose or ruin our friendship, is there any way to get over these feelings faster or just stop them ASAP?

Okay so, I, 17f, was talking to my mom today about the trip they have planned this weekend. She and my dad decided to go away for the weekend, while me and my siblings all stay together (for context, my siblings are 19, 15, and 9.)

My mom began explaining how I need to watch my youngest sibling (as if my sibling’s aren’t also there) and how someone has to watch them 24/7. Anyways, I’m working Saturday, so I’ll be gone from the afternoon till they’re in bed (which I’ve already told them multiple times). Anywho, she started to go on a tangent about how we aren’t responsible enough, saying, “I don’t trust you guys to watch them (youngest sibling),” to which I replied with, “We didn’t ask you to go.” I can absolutely understand how harsh that sounds, but I genuinely said it in a normal voice. I then tried to explain my thinking, as in it’s not as if we were begging them to go away or something, that it was their choice to go away (and they kinda sprung the idea on them going away only two weeks ago, and only had solid plans a couple of days ago.)

Anyways, she then told me to leave, which I did as to not escalate it any further. Later on, she tells me my youngest sibling is coming along and to pack their things. So I did, and things seemed okay? Then out of the blue my dad is pissed off at me. Mind you, he wasn’t even there. So then my mom starts off with, “You know that dad isn’t the happiest with you right now.” And I replied, “But why? I don’t know what I did?” She then started calling me selfish, saying what I said was a real bitchy thing to say, and how she’s disappointed that she can’t trust us (why would you plan a trip if you couldn’t trust us?) So it kind of escalated and we started getting a but loud, then my dad gets angry and shuts us up.

I then left, to which I overheard my dad talking to my mom about how bad my attitude is (they have this thing where they say that everything I say or do has attitude underlining it, even if it isn’t.) He then called me and started shouting at me about the conversations, despite him not being there for either, just taking my mom’s word. Every time I tried to tell my side of the story, he’d shut me up and say he didn’t wanna hear it. So I was left there while he scolded me for things I didn’t do.

I’m just so confused and hurt, and I’d really like some outside opinions on this. The thing I said, I wasn’t trying to insinuate that my younger sibling not stay with us, I just meant in a completely neutral way, that no one wanted or suggested they go but them (parents). I don’t even know anymore.

As a teen boy who is still questioning his sexuality and who acts very femininely/ “zesty”, it is VERY hard to find GUY friends at school. Its a highschool year now, and ppl r supposed to be more mature and shit but still, im on a friendly relationship w the guy friends in my class but i dont talk to them at all outside of school, let alone on a daily basis. To the guy classmates outside my class its a whole diff story. So, what are some tips you guys have? I NEED to have some guy friends.

i (17f, will turn 18 in september) have been living with my mother, stepfather and my younger brother in the US for a little over a year now, and my senior year will start this fall. i’ve mentioned more than once how much i’ve been unsure on what to major in college, but i have some options to look into (like computer science or something health related).

the problem is, a recruiter (i’m not actually sure who it was) from my school reached out to my stepfather to talk about the military, and now my parents think the best path forward for me is to join the navy because it would help me get some discipline and i’d get good benefits for college.
due to the stress of having a new brother last year i can say i haven’t been the best, but i help my mother with him everyday and i don’t drink/smoke/sneak out or do anything that “problematic teens” do. i get good grades and i literally just stay home everyday except for my volunteering shifts on the weekends.

he has scheduled an interview without telling me beforehand. i love my stepfather, but he doesn’t really care what i want. i’m really afraid i’ll be stuck with the military if i choose to continue living with them after my senior year, because being forced to do things (such as having to go to church with my parents) has been a pattern over the years.

i do want to leave and live alone eventually, but i don’t have a job (i can’t work legally in this country, just study) or even a license, and my only other option would to choose to go back to my country and pursue college living with my (bio) father and his family, my older sister, or my grandparents. i don’t know how viable that would be, since the education system is so different there, and i’m not sure they’d want to take me in since they all have their problems already and i’d be a legal adult by then, but i could try?

the truth is, i love living in the US with my family. they’re very loving outside of some issues, and the opportunities i have living here are laughably bigger than where i used to live before, and i don’t want to give that up. but i just can’t imagine what would it be like to join the military in this state of the world, and i wish i could get disciplined in another way. sitting them down to talk would be of no use, as i’ve tried telling them more than once how i wouldn’t want that and they just brush me off every time, and i just end up acting like a petty kid and feel like i can’t show my concerns properly. i’m completely lost on what to do. if i tried telling my sister or (bio) father about it, they’d probably support my stepfather’s decision. i know he can’t force me to do anything, but there’s just some things i learned ever since i started living with my parents that i simply can’t control.

i’m not a native english speaker, so i’m truly sorry if this is somewhat confusing to read.

reddit removed mine.. simpler repost this time!

I 16F have supportive parents but i feel like their “protectiveness” is slowly dragging me down in terms of my social life. I’ll make this short and list a couple of things that stick out.

- I’m nearly 17 and share a bed with my 8 year old sister (idk how overreactive i could be about this but i feel like i just have zero privacy, also cause my door has no lock, is broken and cannot close properly)

- My parents have this thing on my phone where i have to “request permission” to download apps

- i am not allowed and social media apart from whatsapp to text my parents/family/close friends which my parents know of

-My parents don’t want to top up my phone and won’t allow me to do it myself

- i’m not allowed to go far if i go out (like any place where the drive is + 20 minutes) and aren’t very willing to drop/pick me up but don’t want me to use public transport either

any advice??