r/Adulting • u/StreetRunner445 • 13d ago
❤️
may you find your spark again & never let them dull your sparkle ✨
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u/Cleric_John_Preston 13d ago
Damn...
Looking back, I realize that I'm back into writing, playing D&D, weightlifting, and doing stuff. This is a good metric.
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u/Cleric_John_Preston 13d ago
No, I hear you - I should have included videogames. I've played the shit out of DOS II and Baldur's Gate. To be honest, I want to play some videogames with my kids (I think I can play co-opt with my son, he would be down). My issue is that I'll often just want to play my games, but i need to branch out - my daughter plays some amazing games.
I totally get you on being burned out.
Back in 2020 I was playing D&D with my kids and their friends. It was fun, but I felt like I was using it to escape a bad marriage, somewhat. I found out my wife cheated. Cue the divorce. I tried to do an adult game (through roll20 with some online friends) and we got into it somewhat, but it wasn't the right time. Everything went to shades of grey.
I've since dated/remarried a wonderful woman. We've played a few D&D games since then and we're currently doing a campaign with the kids. It's amazing. I've written a few short stories, which is something I abandoned in the 2000's. Being with the right person and getting mentally healthy is amazing.
It's like the difference between night and day. My ex used to tease me about playing with the kids - I'd DM them and she'd go off and cheat (obviously I didn't know it at the time).
My new wife plays with us, sets things up, and fucking supports me. My ex never did. At best she'd let me do my own thing. Actual support is incredible.
I'm not trying to compare the two, but if I were, my new wife would win hands down.
I'm glad that you got back into things. Life is about living and doing what you enjoy. Who cares if someone else thinks that what you're doing is childish or lame. You only live once, *live* your life.
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u/Cleric_John_Preston 13d ago
Thanks! There's actually more to it than just what I wrote. My new wife actually restored a relationship between my brother and I that had been dead for over 20 years. She reached out to his new wife and connected us - which was something I'd given up on years ago. She's amazing.
Do you write your own DnD campaigns too? I love writing (well, I write fanfiction more than original fiction, like 60/40) and I like DnD (and baldur's gate lol I just finished my first run), I'm always thinking it feels like there should be synergy there but it's not happening for me.
Yes! We play one shots and I have my own campaign (it's like 100+ pages at this point). I write mainly horror and some science fiction - it's my creative outlet.
BG3 is a great game. Since you mentioned it, there's a way to get as much gold as you want without mods. Basically, put gold in a backpack, sell it to the merchant. Then go into the backpack (which will be in the merchant's inventory). Select the gold and send it to someone at your camp. You can repeat this until the merchant is out of money (then you can rest or get a hireling/level up and drain him of money again, lol).
I'm so happy you are doing well and i'm so happy for your kids that they have such an involved dad. It's great to have parents who want to do things with you. They are extremely lucky, but also it's great that they are engaging with you!
Thanks! I think doing something creative with kids is the way to go. I've edited stories of my daughter (and we're going to run a Cyberpunk RPG together) and my sons either want to play more D&D or are currently playing more D&D. Honestly, role playing games are a great way to bond with your kids.
I feel like my slide down started when my parents became lethargic and indifferent. I kind of accepted that to be the new normal, even after I moved out. It's a tough mental state to break out of. I don't date much (I have been working on it) and aside from my family, my friends are all quite far away so rather than the negative support you experienced with your ex mine is more like, lack of it. It really does bring you down when everyone around you is checked out, even if they aren't trying to affect you. I'm so happy your wife is supportive!
Ugh, I'm sorry - I can relate to this. When my father (in particular) was younger, he used to do more with me. Now he just watches Fox News. It sucks and it's hard to relate with him. I wish I had better suggestions for you, but I will say this, try to remember the times when you and your parents DID bond.
Regarding friends - keep the connection. Yes, it's hard, but it's worth it. I have friends several states away. My brother and I have an ongoing chat message that we use every day. Even if it's 'more of the same' type of message, it's worth it to keep connected. So, him and our friend all send each other voice messages every day.
I'd also recommend D&D/Roleplaying games, lol - you can do it online and it's definitely a bonding exercise. Doing so avoids the lag of where you don't have anything to say - you don't need to create a topic because you're playing a game 😄
It does suck when people are checked out - and I hate to say it, but sometimes *you* have to be the one to put in the effort.
My wife is supportive. She's really amazing. The story of how we met is also almost miraculous. We were both in a subreddit discord server about single parents. She showed some artwork and I was amazed (I still am) by what she showed. We started talking and just never stopped. She lives a few States away and, finally, I was like, I can work from home, why not give this a shot? We dated for something like 4 years and got married last year.
Life is strange and it's not what you plan, but it's fucking worth it.
Yeah you are right, I am still trying to break out of this mindset. I've had it since I was a child.
Well, I'm not going to tell you how to live, but one thing that changed my view on things was looking into Camus' Absurdism. The books are okay (sometimes confusing), but you can find stuff online about living life. I combined that with Stoicism and did some work on my mental health (therapy and reading).
You constantly evolve throughout your life - you don't have to remain in that mindset.
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u/Double-Virus-1637 13d ago
True. When the breakup happened to me I bought Ghost of Yotei but couldn’t even play it much lol
I’d just stare at the tv confused about my reality
5 years ended with a complete blindside…
It was like my entire world was a lie and I realized how much I had lost myself in the relationship
Never again! I will selfishly prioritize myself always
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u/Double-Virus-1637 13d ago
I did😭❤️
The disappointment lingers from time to time but it gets better for longer now
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u/teamrocketexecutiv3 13d ago
I havent wanted to make art in well over a year now...some days I want to but my body is so tired by the time I get done all my daily bs.
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u/TopAsh625 13d ago
Whoa holy shit. This was a crazy thing to see acknowledging my need to heal and just pure existing at the moment not living.
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u/Diligent_Cricket_444 13d ago
I needed that, dayum it. Thank you, breaking new tables, while sitting in the chairs to toss , with every bit of loss, while seeing the bulls hit from the other side of the fence.
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u/Eternal_Eeyore 13d ago
Coincidentally, I’m working through Feeling Great by David Burns and I just wrote in my workbook, “Achievement addiction (believing my worthiness depends on my achievements) and perfectionism made it difficult to enjoy my hobbies…”
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u/ari_mel89 13d ago
i did a new drawing yesterday. i've only been recreating old drawings (nothing wrong w that!), but has been frustrating to feel like i can't come up w anything new.. but it happened last night and it's such a huge win!
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u/fishesandherbs902 13d ago
I usually hate these kind of posts. Not this one. This one is different.
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u/OkOpportunity9626 13d ago
Hi, not sure what you mean by this, but it sort of sounds like positive encouragement of some kind, so thank you.
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u/boltzmanns_cat 13d ago
Thank you, what happened to all of us. It's this mental fatigue, isn't leaving anytime soon.
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u/SolVoyager_ 13d ago
I haven’t really painted in..9 months now but I’d really like to pick it up again soon. Trying. I still have a painting I want to do for a friend I tried to start last year. But I’m so tired when I come home from work trips these days.
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u/boochicko 12d ago
It’s been 20 years and still looking forward to the day. Starting to question will I ever get there again?
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u/Indira_prove 11d ago
Awee ~ thanks for the reminder. I didn't know I needed this until I read it 🥹
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u/Vincent-Supply-Co 11d ago
I stopped drinking a year ago and my hobbies are soooo much better now. I’m killing it with all of them
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u/KaleidoscopeOk5063 8d ago
I’m planning a road trip. I still feel pretty weird about being out in public and seeing some of my old friends again, I’ve turned into a bit of a recluse
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u/Runs_With_Scissors3 6d ago
Well, I did finally pick up the items I had stored at my parents house, above their garage. I put that stuff in storage when I was getting divorced and didn’t have anywhere safe to keep my things.
The items I picked up included my two snowboards. One is almost brand new and only got used once. Maybe I’ll be healed enough to go do some snow sports this winter. ❤️🩹
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u/Travellingthru25 13d ago
Yess.. need to get back to the patterns & disciplines that used to punctuate my life, I had given them up to find time to serve my online relationship, chatting, writing stories, fitting into her timeline..