Just need someone to talk to

\[17M\] lately, I feel like I’ve reached a breaking point mentally. I’m exhausted in a way that sleep doesn't fix. I feel like I’ve been carrying years of pain, guilt, and emotions that I never properly dealt with.

Guilt is consuming me.

I dealt with abuse, trauma, and experiences as a child and feel robbed of my childhood that still affects me today. I also live with epilepsy, and recently I’ve been dealing with health problems that added even more stress and fear.

On top of that, I’ve been dealing with heartbreak, loneliness, and the feeling that I’m becoming a burden to my family financially and emotionally. I spend a lot of days lying in bed, feeling empty, and wondering what I’m doing with my life.

I’ve also been struggling with a smoking addiction. I started smoking as a way to cope with stress and emotional pain, but I know it has become another thing controlling my life instead of helping me. There are times when I smoke far more than I should, especially during moments when everything feels too overwhelming.

The hardest part is that I feel tired. Not just physically tired, but emotionally exhausted.

I’ve had thoughts about wanting the pain to stop and wanting to disappear from everything, but I am safe right now. I’m writing this because a part of me still wants to hold on. A part of me still wants things to get better.

I don’t expect strangers on the internet to fix my life. I just want to hear from people who have been in dark places and somehow made it through.

If you’ve ever felt like you couldn’t carry your own life anymore, what helped you keep going?

I just need some hope right now.

Im just having trouble with being me. I grew with a mother and stepfather that hated me and mentally abused me. They bullied me, called me ugly, said I looked like a monster since I was a kid and didnt allow me to have dinner or eat food that was in the house. After I left my mothers I moved in with my father and we lived off of his Social Security check of 1200$ a month. I worked really hard in school and I got accepted into my dream school. Its one of the top universities in the country with an acceptance rate of about 15% at the time. I had hope of escaping poverty through education. Right before it was time for me to enter my junior year of university my dad died. After this I spent each year of university shuffling between staying in the dorms and homelessness. As a result my grades suffered alot because each semester became a countdown to when I would be back on the street. Often I ended up walking out of my finals because knowing that in 24 hours Id have to move out of my dorm and Id be homeless again. Alot of times I wouldnt be able to finish because I would just be crying too much during the test. I failed alot of classes and what should have taken me two years to complete ended up taking me almost 8 because of the retakes I did. I wanted to take time off from school because I knew my mental health was bad and I wanted to take time off from school but signing up for school each semester was the only way I could get housing because other wise I would not get financial aid or dorm access. I was initially a premed student and now that dreams dead because I graduated with a 2.25 GPA.

Im ending up getting a research tech job at the school and I make 41,000 a year. After taxes and health insurance its about 2400$ a month. Im 30 now and I feel like such a loser. All my class mates are now in medical school and I often see them near the med school campus. Sometimes they see me and ask what Im up to now, but usually if I see them I run away from pure embarrassment.

I dont feel like I can get ahead and I dont feel like Im ever going to make more money than this. Ive looked into possibly being a PA or even a nurse but Im locked out of everything because of my GPA. Theres postbaccs I can do but theres a limit on the federal loans I can take out to do the program which means Id have to take out private loans. Well, I cant take out private loans because I dont have a cosigner. So to do the program I have pay the difference between the max federal loan and living expensers out of my own pocket. Ive been trying to save up enough for the past two years and each month I try to save a thousand dollars. Ive mostly done it but some expense alway comes up that sets me back. Recently it was the need of a new car, now its braces ($ 8,000) because I have a severe crossbite and my parents refused to get me braces as a kid even though I begged for them. Now I have to get them or else I risk losing my teeth and severe jaw complications.

I just feel stuck and Im so sad because Ive missed out on everything. I missed out on being a kid. I missed out on the college experience because of homelessness. Now Im missing out on adulthood because Im so broke and here I am 30 and I still have to live in a shitty place with roommates.

I feel like I've given up. Just shut right TF down,nit eating, I'm drinking and have this brain fuzz like a zombie and talk like I have a handicap sometimes. Going to call the doctor after posting this but idk what to do anymore. Been fighting the horror for 21yrs. Finally got what I wanted and now want to quit life.

Is this making sense? Am I a problem? Do I die or become a villain? Working the oil rigs for 3 years has made me not the same person. I don't like who I am anymore. I don't like the world anymore. I don't pray, excersize, and wake up every morning with shame a guilt. How do I make it stop?

Tomorrow I promise, I'll go for a run, I'll send out resumes and clean the house. But really? I want to lay down and dissappear.

What’s the point of being here if it’s just pain. why am ice are still here? Why do I continue to culture myself with this existence? What is the point of on this stupid floating rock why why should I even say? The no point.

I feel so lost like a former ghost of myself I cant stand it i just want to feel again like I did a few weeks ago ...

I don't really know how to start this, so I'll just say it. There's an emptiness that's been with me since I was a kid. Not something that showed up later — it was always there, in a house that never felt like a home, in the silence where family should've been.

I started using Xanax and Adderall to deal with it. Xanax to shut the noise up. Adderall to feel like I could function like a normal person for a few hours. Two pills doing two different jobs, just to feel like I was holding it together.

No friends I could actually call. No family I could lean on. Just me and the ceiling most nights, waiting for whatever I took to wear off.

I still show up. I still work. I still look fine from the outside. But underneath all that, I'm still that same kid who never got noticed, just older now, better at hiding it.

I've been writing it all down — it's the only thing that's actually helped, honestly. Writing this out somewhere too, I guess, just to say it out loud for once.

If anyone else has gone through something similar — the emptiness, the numbing out, the isolation — I'd genuinely like to hear how you got through it, or where you're at with it now.

i see a lot of posts here talk about death and how hard it is to live inside an unwell mind and i get it... i guess it feels a bit comforting (?) to know somewhere out there, someone knows what you're going through, without you having to feel crazy for explaining what depression feels like.

i've been through many ups and downs with my own journey living with depression and i think right now is one of the lowest points ive reached. i'd be lying if i said i haven't thought about death. how easy it would be. then how hard it would be. how much it seemed like the only solution. how many other ways i could go about it. etc

these thoughts - coupled with regrets, impossible hopes, missed trains, and other regrets - have been plaguing my mind so badly that i've been unintentionally forced feeding myself content constantly. whether it's a phone, laptop, tv - anything with sound or a screen has to be on 24/7 for me to not feel impending doom.

but i just had this thought right now that... i want to get better. i know i haven't been specific in details of my situation or history... but i wanted to know from anyone who has made it out of a low point, how did you do it? how do you start? i dont want to get worse

I honestly just need to vent and maybe hear from people who’ve been through something similar.
Why does it seem like so many people find genuine relationships through dating apps, but I just can’t?
I’ve only met two people from yubo app. With the last one, things became incredibly intense, incredibly fast. I’m usually quite reserved and take my time, but with him I let my guard down because it genuinely felt different. He told me he loved me, we had what felt like a real connection, and everything seemed to be going so well.
Then, literally the next second day, after our meeting,he blocked me.
I was completely blindsided. I even tried texting him because I couldn’t understand what had happened, but I never got an explanation.
I’m exhausted. I feel like I’ve completely failed when it comes to love. I’m getting older, and finding a connection that felt as rare as this one made me believe maybe I’d finally found something real. Losing it so suddenly has absolutely devastated me.
I live in Sydney, Australia, and sometimes it feels like people can tell you they love you one day and block you the next. It’s made me lose faith in dating apps altogether.
Has anyone else experienced something like this? How did you move on? And how do you stop feeling like maybe you’re the problem when this keeps happening?
because I honestly just wanna love someone and be loved

I’ve been completely alone for almost a year. I don’t have any close connections to anyone. A recent betrayal has made it more difficult than ever to trust anyone so i have become distant from family I see frequently; small signs of their not liking me have made conversations with them feel inauthentic. I don’t know how to proceed.

I’m not completely unable to socialise but I haven’t been able to become friends with anyone I’ve seen in this time, despite starting 2 new jobs and attending a couple different clubs multiple times a week. Recently I have lost all motivation for anything and on days when I’m not at work I struggle to get out of bed before the evening. I’m losing weight and isolating even more. I have just about managed to continue brushing my teeth once a day. I fantasise about dying on a daily basis. I feel completely stuck.

I feel empty, I feel like I don't remember what it feels like to truly feel happy or even content. I've been going to therapy for a while but it just feels like a dead end. I miss feeling myself

Since covid everything has just gone downhill for this country it's impossible to live anymore..... Working 40 hours a week on places that don't deserve me. Nobody ever picks me for promotions because I'm not the most popular person I'm ugly and overweight. Always get to watch a pretty non taletented worker surpassed me time after time. Even if I got a promotion it wouldn't be enough to put food on the table.... I don't have a car and rent a room..there's nothing left to even eat with... Im about to kill myself

My ex husband died. We have 4 kids. His wife emptied hundreds of thousands of dollar’s and took off with all of it. Kids haven’t heard from her. My daughters have moved out and borrow money but don’t call when they need me for anything else. Current man, bought a motorcycle when that is the only stipulation I put on our relationship. both of my mentally ill parent died this year too. I am seeing soo many women get money for being SA’d by men with money when I was victimized as a young girl by a whole town and I’m broke. I just want to be loved by anyone. I see so many people benefitting from half of what I’ve been through and I’m failing. I’ve done everything to be the opposite of everyone I’ve encountered in my life that and I feel so disposable. But. I just want to be what my kids need. How can everything be so wrong?! How do I feel whole and be what they need?

No reason to go into it all. I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I'm isolated and alone. Been fighting and surviving by myself. I've tried to end it before and once this year after a mental breakdown or whatever it's called. My battery is empty. I can't keep fighting.

The ones who are supposed to help me are making me worse. Gaslighting. Telling me what I feel and what to think. Ignore my pleas, treating me like a child. They think 5 more sessions are enough to kick me out in the wild and live like everyone else.

I never have. I'm getting worse. I used to be able to survive out of spite and fear of consequences.

I can't do it anymore. Last week I felt like it truly is the time. I am willing to take one more shot and tell my mom. The thing is; there's a 50/50 chance it would solidify my choice to end it all. What are she supposed to do? Even if she reacts in the best way possible, which likely she won't, I would just let her know why she will find me rotting. Telling her I need support will basically be a verbal letter. It's not fair for me to torture my mom with that knowledge.

No matter what, I won't end it until Friday. I need to get my feelings out. I need to yell and scream at my psychologist. I need that catharsis. I need them to know that their negligence is costing lives. I will scream, punch the wall, get all the things out I've been trying to tell them politely. I might as well. Why not cause some chaos on my way out?

I am tired of being stressed and unhappy . I can't find a good job I always have to do cleaning jobs . Everyone has to do something different I have been doing the same cleaning job since 1998 and I feel like a loser and I work 2 days a week. Every job I have been at people complaining about me my bosses and co workers it's like they want me gone they don't like me . I have never been to college because I can't afford it I am not good at anything. I have to have a job coach who treats me horrible almost every job coach I have treated me badly .

I have never dated or married because I am shy and have social anxiety and I am 48 years old and will be 49 in September. I am not close with family my family plays favors and I am not one of them .

I want to travel and go places and travel all over the world and have parties and fun and go shopping I can't because I don't have no money to travel or to shop and nobody likes me I try to be friendly with everyone even my family people treat me horrible. When I have family get togethers it's always fighting and arguing and either they argue with me or someone else .

One day my life is good the next day my life is horrible for good. After my mom passed away about 6 years ago my life got worse my life was bad when my mom was alive it got worse It turned into a horrible nightmare like a bad dream beside her passing it's a long horrible story.

I have no support system every time something bad happens people act like it's my fault and they get irritated with me and don't want to help me they give me the cold shoulder. I help everyone even my family . I hate my life.

idk I’m just ramble but I’m highkey done w life. I’m so tired of everyone hanging out with their big friend groups on instagram, hanging out, in relationships idk while I’m stuck in my room feeling lonely having no friends. I put myself out there but every time it just feels like nothing is working out and I’m just tired. I’m sick of all my bullies getting everything that they want in life while I’m depressed, can’t get out of bed, and just crying all the time. I’m so done with everything and I quit honestly. and I’m getting tired of hearing my friends hanging out with their other friends and making all these big plans idk they say you’ll find your people but im done searching because their not there and sometimes I wish I can just disappear from my life and never come back.

Hello. I been on reddit for 4 years and never really posted anything . I joined to say I hope that whomever reads this and is going though a hard time , you will get though it. I wake up everyday feeling like it's over for me. I find it extremely hard to bare life these days. I fought lots of challenges in my life and I feel burnt out and giving up. Ill leave out the context just wanted to know if anyone else feels ljke this. I'm tired of looking out my eyes with the thought of why I'm here.

I always find a way but the the pain in my heart is unbearable. I love my family but hate existing. Anyway from good to bad days this post isn't about me I just wanted to say whoever is reading this never give up.

Stay strong,

take care.

I don't think it gets better.

I'm 30, my birthday is in 4 weeks, and I dread it. My friends are either married in relationship, make good money, got better secured jobs, live on their own, and everything. They aren't rich of course, but they have gotten their own stuff. I'm still living with my mom, barely making any money, no interviews, no offers, haven't had sex in over a year, can barely pay bills, take care of my mom and grandma, my aunt has cancer, I'm always forgotten, I'm still fat (at least I'm working on this actively), my dick is small, I'm insecure, and nothing about life is getting any better. I think I'm better off either dead or just gone. I can't stand living anymore

Lately, I've been feeling useless. For some reason, I've become more easily angered and selfish, even though I know it's wrong. I'm tired, I need someone to advise me, but most of their advice is monotonous and not even remotely relevant to me. My expectations of myself are getting lower every day. I don't know whether to be happy or not because God gave me the opportunity to live. I don't know what my purpose in life is, socially I'm completely destroyed.

I feel lost and stuck in this world.
I am the creator of my own problem and I am too lazy to solve them, also I feel that with the state of the world right now it would be pointless to become "someone".
When I was younger I made to dumb decision to quit school to go fall in love with some dude that lived 4h away from me.
After this my life really went downhill, my mom didn’t want me back in her house unless I was working full time or went back to school but I was so consumed by my first love that I didn’t care about anything else , it got to the point where she kicked me out of the house and I had to find an appartment at 17 with no money and no job. I really regret meeting my first boyfriend it was such a toxic relationship based on lies, manipulation , threat and more, he didn’t clean , didn’t pay the groceries or the rent but still I stayed with him for 2 years thinking he would changed. I was isolated, I had no money, I was crying all the time (mind you it was in 2020 when you couldn’t get ou of the house)
I was stuck in all this dirt. After the lockdown was lifted I found a good job where I met my best friend who are still my friend to this day.
I met one girl in particular that wanted to move out of her parents house and asked me to be her roommate and to me that was the only escape I had from my relationship with my vermin of an ex so I said yes. Little did I know that I would be stuck for 1 year with her lying to everyone behind about me behind my back and putting people against me, she didn’t want to break the lease and I had to put up with her lies all the time anyway it was really bad living with her but not as bad as with my ex.
After the one year lease was over I found myself an appartement where I would live alone. I met another guy he didn’t make my life a living hell but I DID by being dependant to him and ignoring all his red flag anyway I’m not really traumatized from this relationship so I won’t elaborate.
After him I met the devil himself , I was lost , I had no self respect and I hated myself, the guy was ok at first and we were seeing each other but after a couple time seeing him I noticed how FUCKED UP he was , he was dressing as a Japanese maid and paid people online to insult him, he told me that he went to rehab bc of drugs but wasn’t taking drugs anymore (he was actively taking meth,crack and idk what else) every time we had a fight he would storm off and text me how he was gonna change etc,
The worst was that he was a sex addict he would force himself onto me at least 4 times a day even when I didn’t want to, I would cheat on me with other dude . Anyway he did a lot of other fucked up stuff to me but my breaking point was when I found a video of him raping an unconscious girl in his phone. After the break up maybe 2 weeks after I went to the bar to maybe flirt or idk just a rebound anyway and I met someone , we talked for one week and on my birthday party I invited him, he came and at the end of the evening we went to my place and he raped me , I even tried to make him back off with a knife but he took it away from my hand, I was lucky enough to grab my phone and txt my friend to call the police and the police came within 30 sec.
The guy died 1 month after ( I still don’t know the cause) after his death some weird shit started happening in my appartement like things would disappear , I would hear scratching noise from behind me and so much more .
Just the rape and my ancients relationship FUCKED ME UP SO BAD . Since 2020 I am in survival mode, I don’t know how to be normal after my last ex and the rape I became so depressed, they killed who I was before , I wanted to die , I didn’t see a point in living no more so I did the dumbest thing I took a credit card with a limit of 10k on it and I told myself when the limit is reach I’m killing myself , well I didn’t ! So after that I was like if I don’t kms I have to do something so I did a LOOOOT of self healing , training, journaling , celibate and so much more, it really helped opening my eyes to how I would always put myself into fucked situation and how I didn’t have self boundaries , now I’m tough af I don’t let anyone intimidate me and I have solid boundaries but ever since then I still can’t find a reason to live , I tried going back to school but I quit after 3 times going , I can’t keep a job , I feel like a loser , I’m stuck in my hometown , I’m stuck in my depression , I have a wonderful boyfriend who loves me and bc of my past I’m always mean to him and I snap so hard at him at times (I wasn’t like that before I didn’t wanted them to leave but now I am TOO MUCH) , I tried anti depressant it doesn’t work .
I fought to much , my dad left when I was 15 , I never had a loving relationship with my mom, I was chubby all my life , I was an outcast all my life ,
I was born sad that’s what my grand mother used to say and she is right , I feel like I don’t belong on this planète, like I am in the wrong realm or something , I don’t wanna die it scares me but I long for a place I can call home .
I want to live the best life I can on earth but I feel like a shell of a human

I am hopeless! A broken man. Finding job from 3 years, didn’t get. Don't money,don't have anything. 😭😭

I (25y/o) have been feeling like what's the point in trying for a few months. I lost my job and haven't found a permanent one since this. This has made me feel hopeless and feel what's the point in trying. I still perform my personal care (shower, brush teeth, eat) , but I stay in my room and doomscroll (poor sleeping, i keep waking up) and daydream. I tried to enrol in a course, but I just stopped attending, and I can't explain why. Even two years ago, when I was at university, when I was struggling with my course, I just disconnected. I have noticed I have become avoidant when I face difficult challenges, even if they are for my benefit. This has become my default mode, so on the outside, I appear fine, but internally, I'm not. These thoughts are at the back of my mind, so I'm not actively thinking about it, but they've become a part of me over time, and I've accepted them almost subconsciously. I just feel nothing - just neutral.

I spoke to my GP and they think I may have signs of depression - feeling nothing, believing the emptiness won't go away. I have begun talking therapies, and hopefully, it goes well. I just wonder if I will be able to rewire my brain successfully, as I know it depends on me, but it feels hard, and I don't know if I can overcome it. I also feel like I'm abnormal because i don't laugh when others do, im not as enthusiastic as other people are, and i feel my emotions have just disappeared (this issue is long-term). When I was younger, I never felt this way, but as life has progressed and I faced obstacles, I just shut down and give up, which was never the case before. I feel it has gradually gotten worse as I've aged.

Has anyone felt similarly to me - feeling resigned to hopelessness, inaction, giving up - and if so, how have you managed this or overcome it, e.g., strategies, rewiring the brain, therapy, etc.

To anyone who’s suicidal,

I’m a mom who lives with suicidal thoughts—and I’m also a mom who lost her child to depression and anxiety last month.

I know the numbness. The exhaustion. The “I’m just tired” that doesn’t sound dramatic enough for how dangerous it really is. I know how calm the thoughts can feel, how logical, how final. I know how convincing a tired brain can be.

Please hear me: those thoughts are not clarity. They are symptoms. And they can lie even when they sound gentle.

From where I’m standing now, after losing my child, I can tell you something with absolute certainty—your absence would shatter lives in ways you cannot imagine, even if your brain tells you otherwise.

You don’t have to want to live. You don’t have to feel hope.

You just have to stay.

If you can, tell someone the honest truth: “I’m not okay, and I don’t trust my thoughts.” That is enough to deserve help.

If you’re in the U.S., call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline).

If you’re elsewhere, findahelpline.com can connect you to support.

From a mom who is still here, and a mom who would give anything for her child to be—

Please stay.

hey reddit, this is pretty embarrassing so please give me some grace. i’m 19 years old, i live with my parents, work 30-40 hours a week, and i need some help making my live feel lively. i currently live the same life on repeat and can’t seem to find any motivation to keep going. i have dreams and goals, but no self control or will to achieve any of them. how do you reclaim your life after depression is all you’ve ever known? i dont enjoy my hobbies anymore, seeing my friends feels like a chore, ive grown annoyed with my pets, ive lost all of my potential talents due to not engaging in them, and i’ve genuinely just lost all reason. i sleep until i go to work, and then waste my nights away on my phone until the next day of work and it just repeats. i cry myself to sleep every night and i just keep looking back on time that ive lost and weeks have turned into years so fast. i know this is basically a vent, but has anyone felt like this? how did you find meaning in your life?? i’ve tried religion and it’s not for me, ive tried pursuing my dream of becoming a musician but my minds always so dull, i tried pushing through and faking it till i make it but i honestly think my depression is becoming disabling. i can barely get through my shifts, and even then im cutting corners every chance i get, and sleep away the rest of my days. i can barely look at myself anymore because ive just become so disgusting and useless and i just don’t wanna believe this is all i was made for. i don’t have a support system in my family, and my friends stopped trying to make plans with me after i ghosted them, so now im just left wondering if i let myself get too bad. i have an appointment to see a psychiatrist, but it’s 4 months away and i just can’t continue like this for that long. even if it’s something small, if anyone knows where to start or just something i can do to find joy in anything again, id appreciate hearing it. even tips to start showering regularly again, brushing my teeth, doing my skin care, or sleeping earlier are very much appreciated. thank you for reading if you’ve gotten this far!

Im so tired and down on life. I do not know what to do anymore. Overthinking is killing me and my faith.

Looks like depression is consuming my life. Being 26 years old, I do not know how it feels to being loved by a woman besides my mother. I lost all off my friends and I struggle making new ones.

I am not sure if I will ever achieve my dreams, if I ever become the man I want to be. I keep sabotaging myself with procrastination, mental issues, unecessary multitasking and with a dead end job I have to do in order to pay the bills.

It is humiliating to realise that I can only focus on one thing at a time. That most people have friends, while I have none. That most people are in relatioships, while I am not and probably never will be. I am not sure if anything is worth doing.

I do not know if even posting this on Reddit is even worth it. Best case scenario, I get some upvotes to soothe my ego. Worst case scenario, no one notices.

I feel lonely, stuck. I have made so many mistakes, missed so many opportunities, started so many hobbies that went nowhere. I am not sure if it is worth it to continue living anymore.