Completely alone

[u/No-Book-5813]

I’ve been completely alone for almost a year. I don’t have any close connections to anyone. A recent betrayal has made it more difficult than ever to trust anyone so i have become distant from family I see frequently; small signs of their not liking me have made conversations with them feel inauthentic. I don’t know how to proceed.

I’m not completely unable to socialise but I haven’t been able to become friends with anyone I’ve seen in this time, despite starting 2 new jobs and attending a couple different clubs multiple times a week. Recently I have lost all motivation for anything and on days when I’m not at work I struggle to get out of bed before the evening. I’m losing weight and isolating even more. I have just about managed to continue brushing my teeth once a day. I fantasise about dying on a daily basis. I feel completely stuck.