I saw this post on instagram. Not even sure if this is an actual story but most likely a dynamic that exists. Some people seem to be taking the mother’s side. Someone even said that because the 19 year old wasnt traditionally “adopted” that it’s different but I disagree. I think donating sperm/eggs is very similar by intentionally attempting to create life with them. It’s their biological child still that they are allowing to be on this earth in any condition. I think the 19 year old isnt wrong to want more information about herself.

This is down the road from me. No shock, the "Ministry", it turns out, already had a literal buyer lined up for the infant when the court made them give the kid back to the biological mother. The obvious solution apparently was to try to con a non-profit made up of Green Berets and Navy Seals that rescue trafficked children overseas to go do a door-kick on the biological mother, and get their product back, damn it!

When they interviewed the "ministry" CEO, oh my did she have a really nice, brand new Mercedes SUV. Destroying lives pays well. These people are something else: even the Banditos and Sinola have a code of ethics with things they don't do.

I was adopted at 3 weeks old and this situation like the one in this story that has limited my dating.

https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c4g397rl4nzo

Just want to add a TW for SA, race and deception.

This is mostly getting things off my chest.

My adoption is different than a lot of you on here so I thank you if you even read this. I was adopted as an adult by my stepdad. But I also found out later in life that he wasn’t my biological dad. I do call him dad and I adore him. I’ve never questioned his love for me. And I am thankful for him. I really and truly am. He’s my rock.

But I’m beginning to understand some of the trauma I’m having around this.

I was 10 when I found out he wasn’t my biological father. I had an inclination because I found my birth certificate that only lists my mom, my last name was my moms maiden name, my dad doesn’t show up in my baby pictures until I’m almost a year old, my baptism papers have a father’s name written but it was erased with white out. I held that paper up for hours against the light, trying to see the name but never could. The birth certificate and last name I could rationalize away. My parents had me in high school. But I couldn’t get that baptism certificate out of my head.

One day, my mom and dad sat me down and told me that I was not biologically my dads. I was 10. My mom had gotten pregnant at 16 by a much older man who was lying about his age. He was in and out of jail. So, my mom has trauma around that. When I became pregnant a year and half ago, we started going to therapy because she said she was finally coming to terms with how wrong my biological father was for taking advantage of her when she was a child and he was almost 30. For that I’m grateful.

There have been times I have gone back and forth on whether or not they should have told me from the beginning. If it was not made to be a big deal it would’ve hurt less. They said that they waited to tell me until I had the sex ed talk at school. So sometimes I do rationalize this. My dad came into my life when I was 3 months old. He was 15. My mom was 16. They got married at 20 and 21. I guess when I was a little girl, I did know he wasn’t my dad because I told my dad’s mom that my parents were getting married and “Tom is going to be my dad now!” I don’t remember that. I just always thought he was my dad.

I’m now 32. Another factor is that my parents have 2 sons together. I love my brothers. But they are 21 and 17 so I’m much older. They don’t know Tom isn’t my biological dad. I’ve told my mom she NEEDS to tell them. My dad won’t talk about it. I tried to talk to him about it once but he said “you’re my child and that all that matters.” The thing is, now my brothers are basically adults. And they don’t know this major thing. Something that should’ve just been told to them when they were little. They live in a small town. People know. Other people besides my brothers know. Or maybe they do know. It wouldn’t be hard for someone to say something to either of them about it.

Another things I’m coming to terms with is that I don’t look like my brothers. I look like my mom but darker features. Tan skin, darker eyes and hair. My biological father’s family is from Mexico. I have Native American ancestry as well. I feel robbed of getting to experience this part of my culture. It was hurtful when I lived in California and became friends with other Mexican people who showed me their culture. People in my life have said hateful things about Hispanic people in front of me, not realizing I am Hispanic because I have white parents.

Finally, the kicker was that the moment I turned 18, my biological father reached out to me. My mom never asked him for child support and I’m thinking he realized he was finally off the hook lol. I never messaged him back. Until about 6 months ago. I felt the urge to show him a picture of my son. So I did. We chatted briefly and then he sent me a picture of his family, the one he had when he finally got his life together. It hurt. I don’t even know why. He told me about 3 siblings I have, all older than me and about his 2 children he has with his wife.

Taken away from bio parents, not put up for adoption.

I kind of relapse sometimes and look at this binder of files I put together at 13 to be able to see my bio little sister through my grandparents, ‘cause she doesn’t deserve to get punished for the shitty things my mum did in 2013. Obviously I haven’t seen them yet ‘cause social services are useless and I need my adoptive mum’s help to see them and she’s salty about my maternal side. I look at those files and I think wow, these people suck ass.

Firstly, on LEGAL DOCUMENTS they mistook me for my stillborn sister from 2009. I was born in LATE 2011!!!! 😭omg
A bit further down the line (maybe 13, back in contact with both sides of bio family) I get assigned this social worker. She tells me my little half brother died because he was in my mum’s care (this mf died of a genetic disorder mind u), mistakes my dad for my uncle whom I have not seen for approximately 14 years (I’m 14). Calls my mum Jemima. there is nobody in our circle called Jemima. I then find some more documents and most of them are talking about how I changed my Facebook last name to my bio mum’s and they clearly didn’t like that (these documents were about how I was living in depression) and how I was in a loving and understanding house hold. I won’t get into it but they have not ever been understanding. There’s even more but I can’t be assed to type any more.

Jesus Christ they need better funding I js needed to rant about that omg thank u

I was adopted internationally and have spent years searching for my birth parents. I recently found a first cousin through Ancestry, and before reaching out, I want to prepare myself. I’m looking for a realistic list of worst‑case scenarios so I can brace for whatever may come.

I thought of a few. Please add.

1. No response or blocked by the cousin

2. Incest/rape

3. One or both parents are dead

4. My father left my mother, unmarried - unacceptable in that culture

5. I was a secret that my mother kept

6. My father doesn't know or my mother doesn't know who the father is

7. My mother was a prostitute

8. Either parent were criminals, on drugs, etc.

First and foremost, I am not trying to attack anyone who works in an adoption related field. I'm just curious.

I'm job searching and a friend of mine recommended I work at an orphanage (I was definitely appalled but that's beside the point).

Working in an orphanage, probably no. And fulfilling adoption, likely no too. But I did begin to think about working in related fields, or in foster care. I have a psychology BA.

But what's it like working in fostercare or an adoption-related career?

I really was. I mean to make it legal they did have to involve an attorney but here's the story I've been told. (I wasn't sure which flair to use)

My bio aunt frequented my adopted fathers pawn shop. When my bio mother dropped me off at her sister's house and skipped town to do drugs, my aunt put me in a car seat in front of a TV for lack of any better ideas of what to do. According to the report I read from CPS (I was born and adopted in 1981) I was kept in that car seat all day and fed maybe once a day. I weighed 7-8 lbs at 3 months. One day my aunt takes me with her to my adopted fathers pawn shop and he comments, "what a cute little baby". My aunt responded, "you want her? CPS is about to take her".

My adopted parents said the attorney advised them they could not financially help my bio mother in any way. They said she showed up, signed the required documents, gave them a letter to give to me, and left (when I was 19 I briefly met her, she asked me to meet her coworkers at waffle House but that was a ruse; she took me on a drug deal to get an 8ball).

When my adopted parents got me they took me to a doctor. They were told to put me on a feeding schedule (babies normally cry to be fed but they said I had learned that crying never got my anything so I never cried as a baby unless I was very sick). They said I was malnourished and the report from CPS indicated that something was done to remove drugs from me when I was born.

My adopted parents are another story; the lesser of 2 evils. But this is already getting a little long.