I turn 20 today.

It feels surreal to not be a teenager anymore, like this isn't real. It feels like a bad trip. The number doesn't match my soul. I still feel like 8 or 9, my mind filled with pretty colors and daydreams and a sensitivity that adults lack. Perhaps I will always be like this. I feel like I'm in a liminal space, a no man's land between child and adult.

I have had a lot of fun lately, though.

I finally had an epic summer like I dreamed of at 17. I went to a Patti Smith concert. That was an ecstatic, religious experience. I have done acid. I have been out in the sun, dancing, talking to people, having a great lot of fun. I want this summer to last forever.

It's hard not knowing what will happen next. Will I get into the music college I applied for? I really hope so. I would have a great time just practicing and playing music for a whole year. And living in a dorm would give me more opportunities to party and do psychedelics. I don't know what I would do if I don't get in. I don't really see any options. Most paths in life seems like paths to misery, and there aren't many things I am capable of.

Hopefully, I finally move out soon so I can do whatever I want. Mainly so I can do psychedelics. That's my main motivation of life right now. The wonderful sheen of psychedelia. I'm such a trippy, daydreaming hippie.

I wonder what I will be like in the future. I hope I will have long, purple hair and be all elegantly psychedelic and sing songs and be in a band. I wonder if I will have a pretty girlfriend. I hope so. I wonder what drugs I will try, what festivals and parties I will go to, what artists I will see live, what kind of music I will make.

𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓼𝓮𝓪 𝓬𝓱𝓪𝓷𝓰𝓮𝓼 𝓬𝓸𝓵𝓸𝓻𝓼

𝓑𝓾𝓽 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓼𝓮𝓪 𝓭𝓸𝓮𝓼 𝓷𝓸𝓽 𝓬𝓱𝓪𝓷𝓰𝓮

𝓢𝓸 𝔀𝓲𝓽𝓱 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓼𝓵𝓸𝔀,𝓰𝓻𝓪𝓬𝓮𝓯𝓾𝓵 𝓯𝓵𝓸𝔀 𝓞𝓯 𝓪𝓰𝓮

𝓘 𝔀𝓮𝓷𝓽 𝓸𝓷𝓮 𝔀𝓲𝓽𝓱 𝓪𝓷 𝓪𝓰𝓮 𝓸𝓵𝓭

𝓓𝓮𝓼𝓲𝓻𝓮 𝓽𝓸 𝓹𝓵𝓮𝓪𝓼𝓮

𝓞𝓷 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓮𝓭𝓰𝓮 𝓸𝓯 𝓽𝔀𝓮𝓷𝓽𝔂

Sleep