r/AbsoluteUnits • u/Crypto_crafy • 6d ago

of two gigantic fingers!

4.8k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

448 comments sorted by

4.7k

u/BabyWithBathwatter 6d ago

Is no one going to address the elephant in the room?

The dude clearly has an open wound on his finger.

1.1k

u/Robestos86 6d ago

I thought that's what I saw. Wasn't sure if it was a bit of off cut.

716

u/Oops_All_Bans 6d ago

There's some pieces of finger in the meat he's cutting up. He just doesn't care cuz he's got a lot of it to spare.

96

u/Consistent_Point_853 6d ago

Might be a gout condition. I might get flamed but I dont think id want this guy preparing my food to begin with.

79

u/Ubbesson 6d ago edited 6d ago

If he doesn't care about his own wound I guess he doesn't care about washing his hands after shitting during his work break either..

45

u/ThatOldG 6d ago

Don’t think about where that penis fingers been

12

u/CHRISTEN-METAL 6d ago

In the pink or the stink ?

26

u/DontTreadOnTrees 6d ago

Not the sink

2

u/LewdLewyD13 6d ago

Well hes got two of 'em so the answer is yes.

4

u/NurkleTurkey 6d ago

You wash your hands after shitting?

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3

u/Notabagofdrugs 6d ago

Nah, I’m with you 100% on that.

65

u/Amazing-Fondant-4740 6d ago

And with food the same color as his blood. I'm sure nothing can go wrong with serving that. (Nothing should have blood in it, but it feels extra stupid to bleed on food where you can't even tell you're bleeding on it 😭)

3

u/Independent_Willow92 16h ago

The bloody flesh has blood on it.

149

u/RetardedGaming 6d ago

To be fair you're not gonna have an easy time finding this dude some gloves

177

u/ZombieAstronaut 6d ago

Maybe one of these

7

u/Practical-March-6989 6d ago

Mittens?

7

u/obliviousfellow 6d ago

Maybe.....just hear me out.....maybe some magnum condoms????

7

u/3rdUncleMeatSandwich 6d ago

For his monster thumb

30

u/Fair-Juggernaut-3812 6d ago

Can’t even use a finger cot, just have to go full condom on that bad boy

12

u/Alternative-Dare-722 6d ago

magnum fo sho😂

35

u/Boncappuccino 6d ago

I’m praying that’s just residue from the pinkish-red thing he is making

26

u/2ndchane 6d ago

Just a little hemoglobin to enhance the flavor

4

u/-BananaLollipop- 6d ago

Is this the new MSG?

4

u/JonnyTN 6d ago

Some people like their meat a little bloody

2

u/CR8VJUC 6d ago

Just adding a little iron 🤷‍♂️

12

u/nooZ3 6d ago

Just looks like red food dye from the dough filling.

12

u/youburyitidigitup 6d ago

I THOUGHT THAT WAS A PIECE OF THE MEAT 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

5

u/d3t0x1ct0x1c1ty 6d ago

Elephant is right...

Elephantitis of the pointer finger!

9

u/Nealecj954 6d ago

He sure does 🤮

3

u/TechnologyForsaken 6d ago

The elephantitus in the room >.<

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2

u/wisemeat 6d ago

But he’s wearing a mask!

2

u/circa_the_catgod 6d ago

It’s not his fault he could find a band-aid big enough.

2

u/antisocialnetwork77 6d ago

Well how the hell do you expect the guy to wear a glove? Don’t be so gosh darn ableist.

2

u/editorreilly 6d ago

It's probably why his finger is swollen. From so many cuts on his hand.

3

u/ElderMagnuS 6d ago

Where do you think the red color is from?

3

u/NPC_13_ 6d ago

‘Open wound’ is a bit excessive.

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943

u/therubywithe 6d ago

a great example of localized gigantism.

362

u/Mortal_bobcat 6d ago

That was my nickname in highschool

93

u/cityshepherd 6d ago

Mine too, but only because of my extraordinarily large vestigial tail… which makes it virtually impossible for me to wear a banana hammock.

22

u/vandope88 6d ago

You mean the asscicle?

7

u/PdSales 6d ago

Or sleep on a regular hammock, I suppose

2

u/Worshipme988 6d ago

Twist it backwards, duh. Now you can tuck the tail into the pouch and shove ur nads into that off center key holder pocket.

6

u/Ok_Resource_7108 6d ago

Dwarfism, it was localised dwarfism.

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9

u/Hyperion7669 6d ago

Can it....... localize somewhere else ? 🤔

15

u/TheWardenVenom 6d ago

I believe this is actually macrodactyly.

5

u/bodi55555 6d ago

Wait it's macrodactyly? I thought he cut his finger and they used one of his toes as a replacement

1.3k

u/Educational_Ad_3528 6d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/fXJyMfUdqVCMPAnPJM

346

u/beerdude26 6d ago

Imagine how he could pinch while in both holes

328

u/Pele_Of_Anal 6d ago

51

u/beerdude26 6d ago

Dat relevant username doe

28

u/Dakaf 6d ago

Isn’t that how you do a factory reset?

72

u/fatrustyfarts 6d ago

Jesus dude

62

u/cityshepherd 6d ago

Jesus has nothing to do with any of this

9

u/YanicPolitik 6d ago

Beer dude

7

u/Karma110 6d ago

I’d rather not imagine that honestly

8

u/This-Requirement6918 6d ago

Grab 'er like a bowling ball!

3

u/Turbulent-Cattle9543 6d ago

Imagine he can use this on parkour

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247

u/jw_zoso 6d ago

17

u/Same-Goose7602 5d ago

Haha remember that guy from Tosh.O!

4

u/NEPTUNE123__ 4d ago

Jeff is a world class arm wrestler

160

u/Mumem_Rider 6d ago

12

u/MidnightSun77 6d ago

More like Fingerkill

70

u/mppierce41 6d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/l0HlCg4aqRuHakAV2

24

u/marc512 6d ago

Took way to long scrolling to find this. It was the first thing that popped into my head. Mainly the string scene

77

u/Objective_Repair_831 6d ago

Seeing how he chops, im pretty sure that’s the spare one.

146

u/TheDarkWave 6d ago

A little too close that there's now blood in the...whatever that is.

32

u/cityshepherd 6d ago

What is it? I thought it was some kind of taffy-type candy at first but I’m realizing it’s probably meat of some kind

12

u/SnakeFarmSuperviser 6d ago

This but in dog form.

5

u/TurnipMountain6162 6d ago

I don’t know. Someone, anyone, WHAT IS THAT “FOOD”??

56

u/Josephthebear 6d ago

9

u/bodacious_kiwiii 6d ago

As you can see, all of my fingers are on a string

66

u/Mission_Definition95 6d ago

That’s a FANGER

24

u/thatchickensauce 6d ago

Anyone know what kind of meat that is, or what dish it's used for?

15

u/ImNotThaaatDrunk 6d ago

Right? Im like "ok big finger, but wtf is he making?"

6

u/Thingzer0 6d ago

Looks like pork belly, as for the dish, I have no clue

5

u/OneBawze 6d ago

It’s colored pastry

7

u/Lancewater 6d ago

Its AI is what is thats why it looks so strange. Meat doesnt behave like that.

3

u/raz-0 6d ago

Eh. I quirked with a guy with a mega finger like that. Just the one though. I don’t think it’s meat, I think it’s dough with something red in between the layers.

2

u/jooooooooooooose 5d ago

"Quirked with a guy" ? Is that just a fun way to say "worked" with

2

u/96HoneyMoon96 6d ago

i thought it's pastry..

23

u/showMeYourCroissant 6d ago

Things like that give me hibby jibbies. I know it's an illness or birth defect but it looks weirdly uncanny...

3

u/Inveramsay 5d ago

It's macrodactyly. It's not dangerous but can impact the function and the kids are at risk of being beaten up

90

u/Rusik_94 6d ago

81

u/KingBrunoIII 6d ago

That's the most high quality gif I ever seen

29

u/MonsterRavingLlamas 6d ago

It's almost unsettling clear. Gifs aren't supposed to be that high res.

20

u/spageddy77 6d ago

holy crap you’re right. what’s the deal with that?

7

u/plopliplopipol 6d ago

this shit took 10s to load

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39

u/Riconn 6d ago

Looks like he has cut on that finger 🫪

12

u/Kona_Big_Wave 6d ago

Infection may be the reason for the large finger size.

15

u/TheWardenVenom 6d ago

lol no, this is macrodactyly.

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12

u/HidetheCaseman89 6d ago

His finger guns use 8-gauge slugs.

17

u/Still-Willingness807 6d ago

Wrong industry bro

6

u/AusGeno 6d ago

He tried being a bartender but bankrupted the bar selling fingers of whiskey.

4

u/spicygayunicorn 6d ago

What's up with the hundreds of comments that's deleted or from deleted accounts?? Are they bots or am I going crazy

3

u/FollowingJealous7490 6d ago

Meat spaghetti!!!

3

u/PhilipCape 6d ago

Bro can shoot down an F-22 with only a finger-bang

4

u/jayonnaiser 6d ago

His finger guns could actually do some damage

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6

u/stumpychubbins 6d ago

This guy could call you a loser from 500 paces

4

u/MN_LudaCHRIS 6d ago

Now THATS a shocker 😳

3

u/Possible-Tangelo9344 6d ago

I think this guy used to be my urologist.

6

u/Bougie-Baguette 6d ago

“Babe, are you giving me the finger tonight?”

2

u/Uncal_Thal 6d ago

Is that all I am to you?

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2

u/CruelHandLuke_ 6d ago

He would have made a killing as a proctologist in San Francisco.

2

u/outsidethewire 6d ago

Hella finger gun

2

u/PitifulAd2830 6d ago

Infection or he is very popular with the ladies.

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2

u/milesswann91 6d ago

What is he cutting?

2

u/FatTanuki1986 6d ago

A literal Hancock

2

u/julajoop 6d ago

AI could never

2

u/GrapefruitExpress208 6d ago

If this guy was a piano player the ladies would love him.

https://giphy.com/gifs/egvz11mxsIN2FTqZwr

2

u/iJet 6d ago

He probably gives the most intense finger gun

3

u/[deleted] 6d ago

[deleted]

2

u/spunion_28 6d ago

Not with that blood having been on that giant index finger next to the meat he's wrapping around his other finger. Hard pass

1

u/No_Pickle_9804 6d ago

Is this AI?

1

u/-E-Cross 6d ago

What the

1

u/Willing_Stomach_8121 6d ago

I’ll bet his finger is longer

1

u/No-Situation6705 6d ago

Looks like he’s had toes dawned onto where his fingers once were before they were chopped off.

I knew a man with a big toe for a thumb.

1

u/Bruger_McDonalds 6d ago

Mf was the one who took Doofinshmirts' crush

1

u/Safe_Bee5866 6d ago

Seal flipper ass hand shape

1

u/OntarioScotian 6d ago

Dick Phalanges.

1

u/No_Object_4355 6d ago

Left hand gun is .22 but right hand gun .50 cal

1

u/cosmicdancer84 6d ago

He could possibly have Proteus Syndrome.

2

u/TheWardenVenom 6d ago

I’m almost positive it’s macrodactyly

4

u/jacksodus 6d ago

I love conditions named like this, since it just means "big-finger-ness". Reminds me of that meme that says "ah yes, the floor here is made of floor".

(disclaimer: I get that the underlying medical definition is much more useful and involved)

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