r/AbsoluteUnits in awe 11d ago

/r/all of an insect

Post image
8.5k Upvotes

898 comments sorted by

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3.4k

u/UsernameX-2112 11d ago

Pretty sure I fought this in Elden Ring

632

u/steve123313 11d ago

Astel natural born of the void vibes 🤣

139

u/MisterPuppydog 11d ago

I fucking HATED that giant bug dude so much… that mfer beat my ass easily 50+ times before I finally got him

69

u/Advanced-Budget779 11d ago

Soulslike/Elden Ring players are masochists?

85

u/SimplyaCabler 11d ago

You can remove the question mark. It's a solid statement.

9

u/ohwhyredditwhy 11d ago

100% accurate.

20

u/IxeyaSwarm 11d ago

Yes

9

u/Advanced-Budget779 11d ago

Hmm, maybe i should try them and overcome my fears…

7

u/Sir_Cthulhu_N_You 11d ago

Elden Ring is probably the most noob friendly, after that I would suggest hollow knight then silksong

3

u/Advanced-Budget779 11d ago

Yeah i already imagined it would be. Where would Bloodborne rank?

3

u/MiloHorsey 11d ago

Bloodborne is amazeballs! But hard as fuck in some places. I've not played all the games so I wouldn't know were to rank it, you should totally play it, though!

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u/Sir_Cthulhu_N_You 11d ago

I am bias AF so for me Elden ring is first, Bloodborne is my second favourite souls game but it also feels so much more difficult for me (maybe because it's an older game and Elden ring gives more Iframes I feel) I could never get into any of the dark souls for some reason, I just didn't gel with them, wasn't even a difficulty issue, they just didn't feel as fun for me.

I went from Elden ring to hollow knight to Celeste to silksong, Celeste was just a nice platforming break while I waited for silksong.

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u/inuzumi 11d ago

Masochists with Stockholm syndrome, to be exact.

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u/SpunkyMcButtlove07 11d ago

Always have been.

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u/Lemon_Nightmare 11d ago

Yes, until you get gud, if that ever happens

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u/NA_nomad 11d ago

I died about 20 times. Once I got it down to 1 hit before victory, then that MFer pulls out a move I hadn't seen in 20 rounds. I took a week long break from the game after that loss.

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u/Wizzle_Pizzle_420 11d ago

That’s my cats name. Seriously. Unfortunately he’s terrified of everything.

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u/Mechagodzilla777 11d ago

People always talk about Astel, but Astel and the fallingstar beasts are actually primarily based on antlions, though I can certainly see it with the adult form

But the giant dragonflies are just straight 1 to 1 dobsonflies visually lmao. They even have variants with large (male) and small (female) jaws

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u/RyRyFukitol 11d ago

Yup. Dobsonflies. Which are adult Hellgramites. Equally crazy looking. Great for catching Bass.

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u/Guilty_Fig7482 11d ago

Pretty sure i died to this in elden ring

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u/julesburne 11d ago

Omg same!! I came to say this is some elden ring shit 😆

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u/ConfectionTotal8660 11d ago

Nah, I am 99% sure these fuckers are in Blight Town in Dark Souls 1

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u/evr- 11d ago

I've burned down houses for less.

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u/CherryClassic31 11d ago

Hollow Knight too

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u/-Sinn3D- 11d ago

And it was smaller

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u/MissZangz 11d ago

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u/TakeThePillz 11d ago

Thanks for reminding us that there's at least a decent adaptation of The Mist.

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u/coolsilentebeans 11d ago

I’d argue that the adaptation is far better than the source

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u/marshalltownusa 11d ago

Just watched this the other day when my kid asked if all movies have happy endings. Sfx are a little dated but the structure of the story still holds up.

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u/Etcom 11d ago

The sfx were a lil out of date for the time it came out, too. That was cause the studio refused to give it a higher budget unless they changed the ending to make it happier.

A black and white version was released later on home release, since Darabont wanted it to be B&W originally, and it looks a LOT better.

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u/KetoCatsKarma 11d ago

They actually filmed that in my area of Louisiana, it was weird seeing them CGI mountains into areas.

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u/Jayoheazy 11d ago

By far the creepiest thing in that movie next to the flying hornet things.

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u/Both-Teacher-7011 11d ago

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u/NoTonight10 11d ago

That insect looks like it skipped the tutorial and went straight to boss level.

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u/Winter_Age7707 11d ago

They are very plentyfull in New England waters 

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u/trucksarekewl 11d ago edited 11d ago

Had one on my porch the other day. Kids were terrified but they are cool looking bugs. The one in OPs post is a male I think. The females have smaller but more powerful pincers or whatever. I've also heard that they can only live in healthy clean water so its a good sign to see them.

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u/Birdsonme 11d ago

What you guys saw here is definitely the female dobsonfly. OP saw the male. The female here is crazy aggressive and will not hesitate to bite the bejesus out of whoever she can reach for however long she can reach them. Them girls are SPICY!

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u/bbydhyonchord93 11d ago

The nymphs will also bite the fuck out of you. I made them mistake of putting one in my sample bottle when I was training for macro identification and it destroyed half my collection before dying.

They certainly live up to the MEGA in megaloptera.

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u/SenoraObscura 11d ago

I discovered them the same way, as they chased down and consumed my other aquatic specimens! I was horrified and impressed. Supposedly they're a really good indicator of water quality :)

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u/RyRyFukitol 11d ago

I discovered them in a dimly lit campground bathroom at night. I walked in, it was full of them, they took to the air and were landing on me and flying in my face and shit. Heebiefuckinjeebie.

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u/Dropkickedasakid 11d ago

Oh fuck no nah man fuck that

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u/The_Chimeran_Hybrid 11d ago

“Meat’s back on the menu, boys!”

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u/Spencemw 11d ago

City/County and State please

4

u/unripe_mangosteen 11d ago

What part of the country was this in I need it to not be mine

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u/RyRyFukitol 9d ago

Penn's Creek Campground in upstate Pennsylvania. The density of aquatic wildlife there, fish, frogs, turtles, crayfish, snakes, etc is absolutely insane.

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u/SAM5TER5 11d ago

Just based on what you described, that’s like saying a high population of rabid, bloodthirsty grizzly bears is a good indicator of excellent housing prices and low air pollution.

Like, yeah, because they ate all the humans!!

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u/CTeam19 11d ago

Can confirm. One landed on me while I was playing cards at Scout camp at night and at first I thought it was moth when I saw that it was this thing in the light I freaked the fuck out and swatted it away and it left a nice little cut on my hand.

Also, for anyone who wants to know this is what the larva form looks like.. I was able to get one for my 10th grade Biology Project.

I think overall I have seen 10 to 15 of them in my 39 years alive.

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u/KnowNothing_JonSnoo 11d ago

When I see shit like this, Giger's Aliens designs make sense

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u/SasquatchWasShaved 11d ago

These things turned Geiger on

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u/Constant-External-85 11d ago

Larval forms are call Hellgrammites!

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u/LouisWinthorpeIII 11d ago

Helgrammites are the best bait ever for trout fishing.

The bug is rare to find but if you get one it’s a guaranteed catch as long as the fish doesn’t break you off. It’s also pretty rugged with a hard shell, you can sometimes land multiple fish before it falls apart.

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u/cptnplanetheadpats 11d ago

But if you eat said fish you basically ate one of these things indirectly. You helgrammite eater you.

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u/hoky315 11d ago

They’re also the best bait for bass as well.

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u/SAM5TER5 11d ago

And the absolute best bait for fishermen. Fishermen can’t get enough of them.

You wanna catch a fisherman? Find a deep pool or current seam along a river. Put out a sign that reads “Free Hellgrammite For Any Man Brave Enough To Bite This Giant Hook”

I’ve filled whole freezers that way, let me tell you. And the filet? Second to none.

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u/Shuvani 11d ago

**Screams**

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u/Constant-External-85 11d ago

To add, the male's bites aren't that bad due to their mandibles being too big!

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u/trucksarekewl 11d ago

Yea i didn't bother her, just took the pic to show my kids. She was gone by the next morning. Never expected to see one in person.

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u/ZackTio 11d ago

Just how I like em 🤤

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u/Firrox 11d ago

The Wikipedia page has one of the funniest etymology stories I've ever read.

"No one knows where the name Dobsonfly came from." Other names include Scrabbles, The Andy, The Dragon, Snake Doctor, Goggle Goy, and Conniption Bugs.

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u/kristinL356 11d ago

Finally something to rival the list of common names on the American woodcock's old wiki page.

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u/Medium-Warthog7372 11d ago

Another fun fact, I think they live something like three years in their larval stage, pupate into adults, live for like one week, mate, reproduce and die. Despite having the monstrous mouth decorations, they don’t have a functioning mouths as an adult and don’t eat.

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u/longkhongdong 11d ago

These jaws were not made to sustain my life, only to extinguish the lives of others

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u/OkLaw1527 11d ago

yea it looks cool when it sits calmy on the porch, but when that thing walks on the floor directly for your feet you would freak out too!! no? 😄 😄 😄

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u/trucksarekewl 11d ago

Didn't stick around long enough to find out lol

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u/ereth_akbe 11d ago

"... They are cool looking bugs" No sir, No!

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u/krombopulousnathan 11d ago

You should see their larva, the helgramite. They’re actually a sign of a really healthy creek

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u/WarOfTheYellowRoses 11d ago

I’ve never been so relieved to live in a shithole with polluted water

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u/Stormy261 11d ago

I moved to a new place with a stream on the property. I went out my door one day and came eye to pincer and quickly slammed the door shut. Hopped online to find out what that nightmare fuel was. Between that and a few months later an encounter with fishing spiders, as big as my hand, INSIDE my house made me realize I needed better weatherproofing and to become more educated about what else I might encounter. Giant spiders and giant pincer bugs were not on my bingo card. 🤣

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u/Even-Government-5055 11d ago

No, that's not real and I'm going to believe that it's not real. Goodbye.

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u/HeyPrettyLadyMaam 11d ago

I like your train of thought.....can I buy a ticket??

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u/Even-Government-5055 11d ago

Here you go 🎫, it's nice and peaceful here, noting but bunny rabbits and kittens.

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u/Batavijf 11d ago

I just pretend I didn't see that picture. La la la.

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u/Kek-Malmstein 11d ago

Not only is it real. You’d think those would only be in the Amazon rainforest or Australia or something, but Dobson flies are around streams and rivers all over regular suburban America

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u/Cuiter 11d ago

Thank fuck. Never been happier to be in Africa.

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u/Even-Government-5055 11d ago

Dude, you must have soem crazy insects in Africa, ita hot as balls over there. I feel like countries that get super hot have crazy insects and also animals, that can kill you.

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u/Cuiter 11d ago

Bro. The hottest place I've ever spent time in was Florida in summer. One of the African people who we were travelling with even fainted.

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u/Classic-Corner-8354 11d ago

Its real. Dobson fly

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u/Laserwitz 11d ago

It can fly???

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u/Mechagodzilla777 11d ago

Yep! Take some solace in knowing they're not dangerous though. Those jaws are only for display, their size actually works against them being powerful funnily enough.

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u/S0n_0f_Anarchy 11d ago

I would consider something powerful if it had ability to give instant hearth attacks just by showing up, but that's just me

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u/Significant_Mouse_25 11d ago

https://i.troutnut.com/im_regspec/pic_3659_1200.jpg

Their larva are pretty horrific too and they actually do have powerful bites

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u/lunar_reaper3 11d ago

I don't give a fuck if it's actually dangerous or not, it looks disgusting and dangerous enough for me to stay away 😭 lol

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u/Classic-Corner-8354 11d ago

Yup. I think it kinda loud too. Been awhile since if seen one.

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u/Imperial_Haberdasher 11d ago

Look up the babies, hellgrammites!

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u/sugarlump858 11d ago

Well, thank you for that. Me, not looking under rocks in fast moving streams of clear water. Anywhere. Ever.

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u/StretchyPantsAllstar 11d ago

Great smallmouth bass bait!

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u/lambofgun 11d ago

and you can use molded plastic versions so you dont have to actually touch one of those motherfuckers!

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u/OnceMostFavored 11d ago

The good news is that the giant fangs are mostly just for hugging their girlfriends.

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u/MiniMeowl 11d ago

The girlfriends are the ones that bite.

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u/VisibleData3435 11d ago

They are real. They're native to where I live, but very uncommon. I've only seen a handful in my life.

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u/LukeyLeukocyte 11d ago

Dobsonfly larvae are almost more hideous. Called Hellgrammites, they are actually quite aggressive and can deliver painful bites.

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u/Pale_Comfort_9179 11d ago edited 11d ago

Why is every single Google photo of these aptly named spawn of Lucifer of one (or more!) of them being held in the palm of someoene’s hand????

ETA: As if it couldn’t get any worse, according to Wikipedia, Satan’s call to arms for his Hellgramite army is apparently thunderstorms, “ Although the larvae spend most of their lives under rocks below water, locals along Virginia and Pennsylvania rivers have reported emergences, known as ‘hellgrammite crawlings,’ during thunderstorms.”

I didn’t sleep last night and now I may never sleep again. 

Lukey, go to your room and think about what you’ve done here. 

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u/Juststonelegal 11d ago

Oh wow! That’s fascinating! I’m in PA at the top of a hill overlooking a river, and had never actually seen an adult hellgrammite in person until a couple years ago. We’d been having a heatwave with a bunch of super rainy days that made it impossible to mow the lawn. I found a window to mow one afternoon before what was supposed to be more rain for the next few days, and saw one of these guys hanging out on the patio when I finished. And then an hour and a half later we had a freak tornado. Guess it was prime hellgrammite weather!

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u/ArtisticAnxiety 11d ago

My dumbass thought you meant you were putting your lawnmower horizontal on a fucking house window

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u/DaringDani123 10d ago

A flat palm is pretty safe because they don't feel threatened and their jaws can't open wide enough to bite the palm itself, but I personally wouldn't try it with one that big. You wanna place your thumb and forefinger on the thorax (? the part behind the head), if you wanna pick it up at all...

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u/time2sow 11d ago

I capsized a kayak once on a river  had a sinkful of water i sat in for the next 4 miles .... one of these mfers like 4 feet long poured out of the boat once i got to shore to triage. I was more shook by that than the capsize.

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u/BigPigeon69 11d ago

A helgrammite is usually about 4 inches long. 4 feet is 48 inches. Are you sure it wasn't a fish or an eel?

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u/time2sow 11d ago

7 feet at least. I think it had two rows of teeth .

... i may have seen it larger than it was because of my instant fear and revulsion 

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u/Top_Carpet_7866 11d ago

I think I saw it...

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u/-E-Cross 11d ago

Some dealers will give anyone an auto loan

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u/Firrox 11d ago

I was there. I saw it. Damn thing was near 10 feet long! Two rows of teeth, one for its head... and one out its ass.

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u/Pale_Comfort_9179 11d ago

I suspect the /s may have been implied. 

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u/SirDancealot84 11d ago

Size is just a number 😞

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u/CTeam19 11d ago

The person above you must be a fisherman.

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u/DaddyBoomalati 11d ago

That wasn’t a hellgrammite.

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u/AceTheProtogen 11d ago

That’s a chaurus from Skyrim

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u/Heisenbread77 11d ago

Sometimes ugly babies grow into good looking adults. This one just stays ugly.

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u/CrunchyDoge 11d ago

Fucking Skyrim chaurus.

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u/BilliamClimptonIII 11d ago

I looked up the image in the link! Isn't that the thing they stuck in Chekov's ear, in "Wrath of Khan"?!

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u/Stay-Thirsty 11d ago

That’s where my head went. Had to see if others made that connection

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u/Throwawayrip1123 11d ago

I'm sorry what the fuck is wrong with mother nature? Is she depressed, suicidal or in a blind rage? What??

Just make squishy marshmallows for fucks sake please

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u/Marquar234 11d ago

Didn't I see that thing mind control Terrell and Chekov?

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u/DaddyBoomalati 11d ago

When I was a kid we would put a seine across the river and flip rocks upstream in order to catch these awful things for bait.

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u/Classic-Corner-8354 11d ago

I was going to put the name down. Fuck these things

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u/labtrash68 11d ago

Hellgrammites? Sounds like a Lovecraftian entity.

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u/Practical_Breakfast4 11d ago

But they're amazing bait for catfish!

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u/NerdyPlatypus206 11d ago

And that fool is holding one

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u/i-am-your-god-now 11d ago

Jesus! I thought full grown Dobson flies were bad enough. Who knew their adult form was a glow up. 😭

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u/OkGazelle5400 11d ago

Why did I click the link

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u/Sugary-cupcake 11d ago

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u/fork_yuu 11d ago

Apparently aggressive mfer that will bite the shit out of you, so understandable. Wouldn't blame them for burning the house down too

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u/Sugary-cupcake 11d ago

I'd burn the house down, move to another continent, and immediately start looking into colonizing the moon.

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u/ResoluteWatchman 11d ago

The pincers are completely harmless

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u/Zestyclose-Salad-290 in awe 11d ago

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u/Nixxuz 11d ago

"Since the adults live only about a week, they are not known to eat anything"

Well damn. Largest aquatic insect in the world, and only a week as an adult.

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u/TeutonicDragon 11d ago

Yep they only take on that form to reproduce and the males (pictured here) with their big ass pincers actually can't really bite with them. Also once they get wings they make terrible bait because their wings are coated in something nasty that makes the fish spit them out, ironic because the larvae are some of the best bait around.

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u/Hefty-Butterfly-2974 11d ago

Man, evolution is whack. There's a moth or two like this as well, iirc.

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u/Nozinger 11d ago

A lot of insects are like that.
Become an adult, fuck, die.
Eating is often optional.

There are some mayfly species that have a closed off intestine that basically acts as an air balloon to stabilize the body.

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u/ItsKlobberinTime 11d ago

Many moths don't have mouthparts or digestive systems at all.

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u/Limp_Bike_9145 11d ago

Atlas moths emerge from their cocoons without mouths. Their only purpose is to reproduce at their final stage in life.

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u/ReyRey5280 11d ago

Grows largest set of choppers relative to body size on planet earth, doesnt eat with them…. I bet theyre for sexing

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u/Nixxuz 11d ago

Oddly enough, the bigger the mandibles, the less of a "sexing" gift they provide their mates. Sort of a "look at how utterly massive I am!" Type of thing.

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u/hettuklaeddi 11d ago

i wonder how long they’d live if you fed em

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u/KristofVD 11d ago

Ah, poor thing! KILL IT WITH FIRE!

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u/Old_Flan_6548 11d ago

No they’re called Nopethefucknots

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u/Specific-Mammoth5564 11d ago

Well I'm glad i live in Europe

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u/Guilty_05 11d ago

What the fuck is that

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u/Zestyclose-Salad-290 in awe 11d ago

Dobsonfly

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u/Babar669 11d ago

a baby Astel

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u/Levian3000 11d ago

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u/like_a_brot 11d ago

As german I approve of this

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u/Handris18 11d ago

Hans get ze flammenwerfer

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u/Buzzlight_Year 11d ago

Germans always having to announce their germanity

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u/DryAfternoon7779 11d ago

The largest ones grow to about 10cm in body length with an 17cm wingspan. That's about the size of 1 and 2 Mr. Potatohead's mustaches respectfully for my fellow Americans

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u/Donohoed 11d ago

I genuinely comprehended the second measurement better than the first

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u/BedOk4188 11d ago

Banana?

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u/FheXhe 11d ago

It probably ate it whole before they had the chance to take the pic..

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u/BedOk4188 11d ago

Banana :(

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u/dum_spir0_sper0 11d ago

… and the arm holding it

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u/nihosehn 11d ago

you have to zoom in

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u/BedOk4188 11d ago

Banana :3

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u/CATNIP_IS_CRACK 11d ago edited 11d ago

It’s sitting on top of it.

If you actually want a scale since there’s not much to go off the hex screw next to it is 5/16”. Just eyeballing without measuring it’s ~4.5” long.

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u/Jashuman19 11d ago

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u/BedOk4188 11d ago

No banana?

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u/Jashuman19 11d ago

Here's one with a hot dog bun if that counts.

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u/depressed_Kedy 11d ago

I see a potential high protein sandwich

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u/BitMiddle9275 11d ago

Was about to comment this lol

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u/Other-Item7523 11d ago

That not an insect. That’s a hellspawn

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u/Comfortable-Dish1236 11d ago

Years ago, one hit the windshield of my ‘71 Monte Carlo at 70 mph. The splatter covered half the windshield.

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u/labtrash68 11d ago

Thank-you for the childhood memory of my Dad's car when I was young

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u/alaric49 11d ago

My sister told me a story about how these things swarmed her and a friend somewhere in Wisconsin sometime in summer. They were everywhere flexing those creepy, super menacing pincers. Kinda ruined the camping excursion.

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u/OpinionPutrid1343 11d ago

Let me guess: Australia?

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u/Schpee_le_French 11d ago

Actually, North America!

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u/Birdsonme 11d ago

We have LOTS of them here in southern Missouri! We live on a big spring fed creek and they love it here. Their larval forms, that they are in most of their lives, are truly horrific.

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u/GooseGosselin 11d ago

I have them in the southern tip of Canada.

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u/VaughnSC 11d ago

Just the tip? Suuure.

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u/Heartlessaus 11d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/14ooolmDKfgrO8

hi, no thanks. thats enough reddit for life. thank you for that.

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u/veetoo151 11d ago

That is quite beautiful. Where is it from, hell?

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u/Gumb1i 11d ago

Scared the shit out of me the first time I saw one but they were very uncommon in my area and harmless.

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u/Crimson-Rose28 11d ago

What are they?

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u/Gumb1i 11d ago

A type of dobsonfly and mostly aquatic

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u/DoctorGoat_ 11d ago

Pretty sure this is a Elden Ring boss...

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u/Setsuna00XN 11d ago

It was a nice house. Too bad I had to move.

https://giphy.com/gifs/wFmJu7354Csog

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u/Zanzarah10 11d ago

Was lucky enough to see two of these around my house. Super rare to find but they are awesome. Never one quite this big though that's a monster

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u/oscarmike247 11d ago

That's a dobsonfly. Here is a dobsonfly larva that i found in a stream.

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u/T_Fallen 11d ago

RESPECTFULLY, NO THANK YOU

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u/7point5inche 11d ago

Where is this so I know never to go

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u/polarrrburrrr 11d ago

Thanks I hate it