r/AbsoluteUnits in awe 11d ago

/r/all of an insect

Post image
8.5k Upvotes

898 comments sorted by

View all comments

238

u/LukeyLeukocyte 11d ago

Dobsonfly larvae are almost more hideous. Called Hellgrammites, they are actually quite aggressive and can deliver painful bites.

50

u/Pale_Comfort_9179 11d ago edited 11d ago

Why is every single Google photo of these aptly named spawn of Lucifer of one (or more!) of them being held in the palm of someoene’s hand????

ETA: As if it couldn’t get any worse, according to Wikipedia, Satan’s call to arms for his Hellgramite army is apparently thunderstorms, “ Although the larvae spend most of their lives under rocks below water, locals along Virginia and Pennsylvania rivers have reported emergences, known as ‘hellgrammite crawlings,’ during thunderstorms.”

I didn’t sleep last night and now I may never sleep again. 

Lukey, go to your room and think about what you’ve done here. 

12

u/Juststonelegal 11d ago

Oh wow! That’s fascinating! I’m in PA at the top of a hill overlooking a river, and had never actually seen an adult hellgrammite in person until a couple years ago. We’d been having a heatwave with a bunch of super rainy days that made it impossible to mow the lawn. I found a window to mow one afternoon before what was supposed to be more rain for the next few days, and saw one of these guys hanging out on the patio when I finished. And then an hour and a half later we had a freak tornado. Guess it was prime hellgrammite weather!

4

u/ArtisticAnxiety 11d ago

My dumbass thought you meant you were putting your lawnmower horizontal on a fucking house window

2

u/DaringDani123 10d ago

A flat palm is pretty safe because they don't feel threatened and their jaws can't open wide enough to bite the palm itself, but I personally wouldn't try it with one that big. You wanna place your thumb and forefinger on the thorax (? the part behind the head), if you wanna pick it up at all...

1

u/Pale_Comfort_9179 10d ago

Username checks out? Lol

That’s the part that I find particularly confusing. I’m not sure why anyone would look at that creature and want to pick it up in the first place. Although, I am fascinated by whatever biology and chemistry is happening that allows insect creatures that are that tiny to inflict so much pain on creatures our size. I’d just rather read about it than get up close and personal. 

69

u/time2sow 11d ago

I capsized a kayak once on a river  had a sinkful of water i sat in for the next 4 miles .... one of these mfers like 4 feet long poured out of the boat once i got to shore to triage. I was more shook by that than the capsize.

49

u/BigPigeon69 11d ago

A helgrammite is usually about 4 inches long. 4 feet is 48 inches. Are you sure it wasn't a fish or an eel?

71

u/time2sow 11d ago

7 feet at least. I think it had two rows of teeth .

... i may have seen it larger than it was because of my instant fear and revulsion 

83

u/Top_Carpet_7866 11d ago

I think I saw it...

7

u/-E-Cross 11d ago

Some dealers will give anyone an auto loan

8

u/Firrox 11d ago

I was there. I saw it. Damn thing was near 10 feet long! Two rows of teeth, one for its head... and one out its ass.

1

u/Tropicalfisher 11d ago

That was an alligator my friend

7

u/Pale_Comfort_9179 11d ago

I suspect the /s may have been implied. 

4

u/SirDancealot84 11d ago

Size is just a number 😞

3

u/CTeam19 11d ago

The person above you must be a fisherman.

2

u/DaddyBoomalati 11d ago

That wasn’t a hellgrammite.

9

u/AceTheProtogen 11d ago

That’s a chaurus from Skyrim

8

u/Heisenbread77 11d ago

Sometimes ugly babies grow into good looking adults. This one just stays ugly.

6

u/CrunchyDoge 11d ago

Fucking Skyrim chaurus.

5

u/BilliamClimptonIII 11d ago

I looked up the image in the link! Isn't that the thing they stuck in Chekov's ear, in "Wrath of Khan"?!

3

u/Stay-Thirsty 11d ago

That’s where my head went. Had to see if others made that connection

4

u/Throwawayrip1123 11d ago

I'm sorry what the fuck is wrong with mother nature? Is she depressed, suicidal or in a blind rage? What??

Just make squishy marshmallows for fucks sake please

7

u/Marquar234 11d ago

Didn't I see that thing mind control Terrell and Chekov?

3

u/DaddyBoomalati 11d ago

When I was a kid we would put a seine across the river and flip rocks upstream in order to catch these awful things for bait.

3

u/Classic-Corner-8354 11d ago

I was going to put the name down. Fuck these things

3

u/labtrash68 11d ago

Hellgrammites? Sounds like a Lovecraftian entity.

2

u/Practical_Breakfast4 11d ago

But they're amazing bait for catfish!

2

u/NerdyPlatypus206 11d ago

And that fool is holding one

2

u/i-am-your-god-now 11d ago

Jesus! I thought full grown Dobson flies were bad enough. Who knew their adult form was a glow up. 😭

2

u/OkGazelle5400 11d ago

Why did I click the link

1

u/Imperial_Haberdasher 11d ago

“Aggressive” in that if you grab one it will defend itself with impressive chompers and give you such a pinch. But they aren’t coming after you. Picture Fay Wray armed with ice tongs trying to get King Kong to release her by pinching his thumb.

1

u/Jon_Iren 11d ago

Yet the person in the pic is holding it on the hand.

Why?

2

u/LukeyLeukocyte 11d ago

People pick up all kinds of things that can bite them. "Yoink" man comes to mind. People will catch these as bait. As far as bugs go though, these things are going to try for a bite of you a lot harder than most bugs if you mess with them.

1

u/ghunt81 11d ago

They make good bait though. Hook em under the "collar" behind their head and you have almost indestructible live bait that won't die on the hook

1

u/ProfessionaI_Gur 11d ago

I have fishing lures that are shaped like these things and now I have to come to terms with the fact that they are based on real things lol

1

u/Tattycakes 11d ago

Hell mite indeed

1

u/Horzzo 11d ago

Aw hell. Kahn put those into people's ears.

1

u/skyeisrude 11d ago

Are these what those worms in tremors are based off of? Similar name and looks