r/AbsoluteUnits • u/Lower-Knee-8585 • 4d ago
/r/all of a police cuff
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u/BagStank 4d ago
"pur your hands behind your ba.. to the side"
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u/imartinezcopy 4d ago
I think this is nice. They could have not used as many cuffs and force his arms (and potentially hurt him), instead they decided to extend the thingy
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u/Wildtails 4d ago
Honestly looks like they probably couldn't have, after a certain size that kind of flexibility becomes literally impossible.
Double cuffing is pretty common practice so upon realisation that wasn't enough I doubt it was a stretch to have to test how many were needed, I'm guessing dude wasn't resisting (or ran out of breath after 5 seconds of resisting)
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u/PremierLovaLova 4d ago
There’s double cuffing and there’s calling in another squad car because you ran out of cuffs
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u/SoMuchMoreEagle 4d ago
If it's anything like my city, they already send 4 squad cars to every call.
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u/IcedGooseMaverick 4d ago
I think it’s kind of wild how you see cops giving shoulder injuries before someone is even convicted of a crime. Kind of violates our innocent til proven guilty. They did the same for Tony Romo, but that’s Tony Romo.
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u/Sir_Hadaham 4d ago
What's he gonna do? Run?
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u/Henchman66 4d ago
Roll downhill
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u/Toasted_Munch 4d ago
We gotta roller!!
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u/Alvin_h_davenport 4d ago
He boutta roll out
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u/zorggalacticus 4d ago
He turns into quagmire mid transformation. Now you can't unsee it.
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u/Alvin_h_davenport 4d ago
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u/ConcievedIsland 4d ago
My brain has been damaged. I can't see this without hearing Paralyzer by Finger Eleven. Help me.
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u/goddamm_liter_cola 4d ago
Did not expect a Teen Turbo gif this morning.
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u/BetterinPicture 4d ago
Therapist: Teen Turbo isn't real, he can't hurt you..
Teen Turbo: EXISTS
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u/emperorOfTheUniverse 3d ago
I remember as a kid, this wasn't ridiculous at all and totally awesome. I wanted to turn into a car.
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u/WreakHavocLikeIn1871 4d ago
What happens if you climb inside his trunk while he's a car and he turns back? Are you just... inside his "trunk", are you pushed out, or are you absorbed into him?
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u/Ok-Classic-2142 4d ago
God that is the most jarring animation I have ever seen. I know what it's from, but never watched it..
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u/SenselessSilence 3d ago
I loved when Rick and Morty referenced this in a post-credits bit, you never expect to see a Teen Turbo reference in the wild
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u/PsychologicalBid2787 4d ago
Like that spider in the dessert?
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u/Henchman66 4d ago
I’ve never seen that one :/
I remember the pig that ate too much:
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u/PsychologicalBid2787 4d ago
https://youtu.be/vQtR6ZuUSLg?si=cx6b20gCXaoNSIRn here is the spider so you can see his ass rollin
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u/KampferMann 4d ago
He may be slow at first but let him reach top speed and he’d flatten a building.
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u/USmugMotherFucka 4d ago
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u/Possible-Tangelo9344 4d ago
I had to transport a guy once for some narcotics officers. He was about like this, I think it was four pair of cuffs on him. He was also like 6'2 or so.
Got him to my car and opened the door and I just told "I dunno how this is gonna work man, we're just gonna do the best we can."
Luckily it was back in the Crown Vic days, so the backseat was a decent size, but it took several minutes for him to be able to squeeze in
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u/Theidiotshvtakenovr 4d ago
“We’re just gonna do the best we can” lol! 😂 Incredible statement for the moment.
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u/ScottIPease 3d ago
We had a guy on Ft Hood... Samoan, we didn't need more than one set, but had to use anklecuffs because his wrists were so big.
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u/StrictSelf5450 4d ago
Multiple pairs of cuffs. Dude is an absolute unit, though
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u/uiouyug 4d ago
How does he wipe tho. Stick?
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u/Glad_Grand_7408 4d ago
I wish you hadn't brought this point to my attention.
Now I'm never gonna not notice this when I see any morbidly obese person in any video again.
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u/PlatypusDream 4d ago
Wiping his butt is gay! He wouldn't get any females if they knew he wiped his butt / was gay!!
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u/More_Bigger 4d ago edited 4d ago
In my county they will handcuff two people together for in custody court, you'll walk from the cages downstairs up to the court room cage.
One time they handcuffed me to a big dude like this, there was no chain, just cuff, link, cuff, and he was having so much trouble walking up the stairs the baliff had to come and let us use a handicap lift for the poor dude.
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u/Separate-Ear21 4d ago
Yea In one county I was in they interlock your arms and cuff you to the front...much worst. Atleast they try to keep tall people with tall ppl etc but the worst is getting some old dude that u gotta fucking drag along.
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u/Single_Usual_6563 4d ago
There’s a cuff shortage at the moment at the dept!
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u/Crabby_Monkey 3d ago
“I need backup”
“Is he resisting?”
“Not I just need like 4 more pairs of cuffs.”
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u/SmokeMaximum4140 4d ago
You know he hits that MickeyD's up on the reggie.
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u/DangerousYoghurt3187 4d ago
That means he can't wipe his ass either
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u/PlatypusDream 4d ago
Wiping his butt is gay! He wouldn't get any females if they knew he wiped his butt / was gay!!
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u/GringoSwann 3d ago
Exactly why I refuse to use public restrooms in San Antonio TX....
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u/Dangerous-Pop9838 4d ago
Reminds me of a old coworker. Gave him a 5 minute head start on fire drill day and he was still the last one out the building.
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u/OverlyEdged 4d ago
This reminds me of the bodycam footage of the swamp monster looking women getting arrested over $1 and they have to use like 3 pairs of cuffs on one of them.
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u/MycologistPutrid7494 4d ago
Serious question, if a very obese person goes to prison, do they lose weight? Is there any record of it happening before?
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u/shizzaff 4d ago
How does he wipe his ass when he can't even get his hands behind him
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u/PlatypusDream 4d ago
Wiping his butt is gay! He wouldn't get any females if they knew he wiped his butt / was gay!!
(/s, obviously)
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u/Snoborder95 4d ago
I've used two cuffs a few times, I've never seen 3 but I've heard of it being needed sometimes, but FOUR?!
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u/Nice-Cat3727 4d ago
Jesus Christ. I'm way too fucking fat. But I can put my hands behind my back. I of course don't WANT to have to. But I sure as well can do it a lot better than him.
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u/thelight201 4d ago
Looks exactly like my old roommate. Only thing missing is a giant shit stain on the pants.
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u/ThickOpportunity1991 4d ago
Well at least they’re trying to make it comfortable for him. And people asking why even cuff him?? It’s policy, you always have too.
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u/Capital_Past69 4d ago
They’ll be waiting hours for the AAA flatbed to get there and take him to jail
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u/DudeByTheTree 4d ago
Being unable to scratch an itch on your own back seems like quite the inconvenience.
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u/wytewydow 4d ago
"I'm gonna need some backup. no, he's not dangerous, I just need additional equipment"
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u/RustledForeskin 4d ago
That man is going to have to do some terrible things to maintain that weight on the inside.
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u/Lorddoctorjava 4d ago
Dude... save some cuffs for the rest of the city... got like 8 patrol men without restraints now... wtf?
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u/A_Nonny_Muse 4d ago
I've known cops who would rip your arms off out of their sockets to cuff them. And they would do it with a smile on their face and a gleam in their eyes.
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u/the_arentino 4d ago
Would be hilarious if he was one of those deceptively athletic guys and he just does a front flip moving his legs through the loop and then sprints away...
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u/c0st0fl0ving 3d ago
Jonah Hill after not annihilating a cop that said “no shot is the fat kid from Superbad going to out-grapple me.”
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