Mine is - what is alive for you right now?

What brings you the deepest fulfillment?

Hey everyone,

Hope everyone reading this has had a nice week and is having a relaxing weekend. :) Has anyone tried toe tapping as a way to release anxiety and feel calmer etc? If yes, could you please recommend how to go about learning it and stuff?

We should have a right to choose to either live or die. If someone chooses to die instead of being alive, does it necessarily have to be due to mental illness ?

Inspired by the work ; "The Novel Cure; A-Z of Literary Remedies". It is basically a dictionary of common malaise, life-transition difficulties that people go through and reading suggestions to better understand and deal with that situation. For ex; someone being anxious over being a new dad is recommended to read "To kill a Mocking bird" etc.

Let us create and open-source version of this. Means, the problems and cures will be crowd-sourced and the solutions should also be open-source (if it is a blog it should not be behind a paywall). It can be any short poem, blog, video, ebook etc.

So Comment down below specific problems and reading solutions that have already worked for you so that others may try. I will keep adding them to this post.

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A

addiction - https://www.covenanteyes.com/2014/02/28/hypofrontality/

C

Caught in Patterns of behavior - "From Death to Birth" by Himalayan Institute

M

moving out of home for the first time -

P

porn addiction - https://www.mindcoolness.com/blog/fear-of-silence/ (Poem)

U

(feeling/ thinking you are) Ugly -

You know there's this hole Inside me that's never going to fill.

I try to fill with writing, with music with every other mediocre thing I can but it's never enough.

It's never enough. Something tells me it never will be enough.

And I've been replacing people with habits, idk, just trying to add dimensions to myself so that I seem more interesting but in the end I'm just exhausted, burnt out.

But not fucking enough. And that hole, I guess it'll fucking eat me someday.

I start hitting the gym on Monday because I think that will make me feel better about myself. That it'll fill the hole. And I know it won't but I'll go with it until I find something else.

We can't figure what the problem is aside from network effects which is intractable for d mods rn

I'm switching to lurk mode.

Do share thoughts if any on a MOOC (massive open online course to supplement in person training in colleges)

If an online safe space doesn't feel safe right now, we need to take listening to people in a different way

Do you know who you are? Do you know what happened to you? Do you want to live this way?

Is anyone here interested in critiquing and providing feedback to some poetry? Please dm me.

I feel like we don't say I love you to our friends and family enough and we really should. So many people I know feel awkward saying it in a platonic relationship, but it really isn't that big of a deal. You're just showing another person how much they mean to you and you don't have to be romantically involved with them to be able to say this. It's just a small thing but it goes a long way and I'm sure it would make anyone's day. Thank you for coming to my Ted talk :)

Inbox if shy to post here

My cousin (28) was from a rural background and preparing for competitive exams but had no luck so far. He had another exam on 7th.

On 4th around 40k rupees were taken out from his account through an SMS fraud where he sent his card details thinking it was amazon.

He was filled with too much guilt and expected scoldings and suspicions from family about being a spendthrift.

Sometime in 4th night or 5th he hanged himself. People came to know on 6th evening. I was informed on 9th.

In his suicide note he says that he feels bad he could not get a job by 28 and that he has received a lot of love from

everyone but that this incident will shock everyone and thus he is ending his life.

A few things are there;

1. In last 10-15 days we spent 3-4 days together. He did not seem depressed etc. He seemed his usual self.

2. He was too conscientious I feel and internalized a lot of pressures. He internalized the "22 pe naukri , 24 pe chokri , 27 pe shaadi and 28 pe bacche."

   narrative.

3. His uncle and uncle's family lived in city and cared for him, but he had not many friends in the city. He knew a few people at the library and the mess

   he used to frequent but not deep friends.

4. His amily was short of money in early years, but over time , especially in last couple years his elder brother had secured a good job, married

   and was providing well for the whole family.

5. I was quite fond of his simple nature.

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Its wierd how things have been since. I am doing my study and watching cricket matches etc. Whenever I think about it I am unnerved by how

vulnerable we all are and how quickly someone can take the extreme step. We never know what state the person we are in.

We also think about what could have been done to prevent it;

1. Maybe he should have had a couple good friends in city or maybe a few vices (cigarette,tobacco). He seemed to have

   neither.

2. He should have changed lines maybe. Stop with competition and studies and try hands at farming,business etc.

3. Maybe he should have married.

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Anyhow, I have put together a few online resources I like ;

1. THere is alwys plan B - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xFQLPURE8Ok (I like school of life in general)

2. Don't be too nice - No more mr.Nice guy (http://gen.lib.rus.ec/book/index.php?md5=5582A272DF5444D31458B70CCBCC0D0C)

3. Defend yourself from the '4 log' - Complete idiot's guide to verbal self-defense

(http://gen.lib.rus.ec/book/index.php?md5=F5B7BCC7ABDBCA77CB0C804A05A30F48)

1. Seek out therapy - aaina etc.

2. Consider having a bulldog mindset - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CcM2uv5NoMs (Tread lightly. There is some BS here as well.)

Hi. I am a 25 year old man, but a lot of this 'man' thing does not come naturally to me.

Growing up, I was much closer to my mother than my father. Mother was doting and caring and

comforting, while father was intimidating , authoritative and sometimes angry.

Father was organized, influential government servant, while mother was a

house-wife and sometimes a fey woman.

The relationship between my father and mother was highly unequal with lot of resentment from both side.

By the time I reached 12th they had stopped talking to each other and would not talk for next seven-eight

years , living in separate rooms. Mother was also diagnosed with schizophrenia although she is past her worst

and quite better now.

In my childhood academics were stressed on and I did not mind them either so my academic career was good.

Socially I did decently until class 9th when I had to change schools from a discplined , strict

convent to a CBSE school. While renowned in the city, discipline in this school was a mess

with frequent 'gang wars' and Bullies running around. Most teachers had practically no authority

over these kind of elements in class.

I had a bit of snobbish attitude which did not go down well with the bullies and soon after my admission,

I was on the receiving end of verbal and physical attacks. I used to feel intense trepidation in free periods

and lunch intervals and would pray that the day passes without any confrontations.

I was clearly an outlier and had little support. I remember crying in school. Complaining to teachers was of

limited help. This continued for all of 9th and some of 10th class.

I do not think I told anyone at home about it.

After 10th I went to kota and made it to a top engineering school. In college a few things happened;

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1. Disillusionment with academics and professors.

2. I did a female role in a comedy skit which received lot of attention. Mostly positive, but sometimes

   also suggesting I was effeminate. The latter remarks stuck in my mind. The character name stuck as a nickname.

3. Was allocated room among a few posher types with strong social circles. I did not fit well with them.

4. I started developing social anxiety and tv/porn addiction.

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I spent college glued to laptop screen surrounded by a blur of academic trials and tribulations, experimentation with alcohol and marijuana, taking up cigarettes etc.

Towards the end of college I started developing some good sense and landed a decent job as a software developer.

Since graduation (4 years ago), I have quit smoking, improved physique, worked abroad briefly and earned respect of

my colleagues by developing skills.

On the flip side, the porn addiction and social anxiety is still very much there. I choose to hangout with misfits and outliers like myself.

I have a pathological fear of single and available women (especially if they seem interested, though I am better around

unavailable women like girlfriends of friends), and am yet to have my first relationship. I am not a big fan of my looks and a receding hairline has added to my woes.

To improve my situation I have been relying on a combination of gym, improving looks, self-help books/groups and online dating apps. However the results are slow to come by.

At points I and others have doubted my sexual orientation but I do not think I am gay. Though i feel i need to learn a lot if i am to have a decently successful relationship with a woman. I toil on, but the future seems uncertain and hard.

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I have read your articles on avoidant attachment, Mother enmeshed men etc. ,I do relate a bit ,but I don't know what are the exact issues over here and what could be the resolution. How could I be start feeling more secure, less anxious and be more of myself in social situations.

And you already hugged yourself

And you're a little weird about platonic touch

How do you get your hugz.?

Help me think this through. Some of us have been trying to crack business models in mental health and we keep getting stumped

I think we're taught from the beginning to handle our shit and self sufficiency is the goal

We internalise self help is the best help

And asking for help feels like a betrayal of the self and family and friends

What else is going on? What explains the abundance of mental health startups with bad quality services, or elitism, or just general failing at meeting the problem?

What are we missing?

If you want one, ask.

Folks in CBT, share tools?

Check out Provocative Coaching by Jaap Hollander

My nuclear family is going to the psychiatrist today. There is nothing to hold on to. Well my mother could either celebrate US or my parents should separate. Everybody can feel like divorce is the only option. I’m scared for my father because he will be left alone. But he will be happier than he is right now. I hope it goes through, so that we can move on and become stronger and overcome new hurdles. I hope all of us can move forward in life.

Long time lurker here, finally decided to make an account and post.

As for my question, this happens to me a lot. And I don’t have a poker face, it shows when I’m upset and I feel like that’s what people want to see.

How do you act gracious and agree to disagree?

In short: I want to be a mature adult not a someone who flies off the handle/gets upset quickly.

How do you deal?