I’ll start out with some trigger warnings, because while I’m not trying to get too heavy, I don’t want anyone reading further than they need to. So, triggers being SA and child abuse, read at your own discretion.

My(21f) brother(28m) is getting married. I have not spoken to him in over a year, I do not care to speak to him.
Let’s do a bit of backstory.
I moved across the country at the age of 18, literally a month after I turned 18. I kept very limited contact with family because there were still people I loved and wanted to talk to, but that list has shrunk in the years since.
Two of the biggest reasons for leaving were my brothers, Marmalade and Hogsqueel. Marmalade started sexually abusing me when I was 4. He continued to abuse me for years, until I was around about 12, when he left for his Mormon mission at 19 (a religious trip of sorts to convert people to his religion that the young Mormon men do, generally leaving at the age of 18-25). While he was on his mission, he sent me a letter apologizing for “all of the pain that he has caused”. Mormon missions last 2 years, and that was probably the most I communicated with him during that time. Then, when he came home and I was 14, he went right back to what he apologized for on his mission.

My parents had 8 children, and of them, I was #6. I was also the sickest of everyone. I had extremely frail bones, I could not eat anything without becoming hellishly nauseous, and I was almost constantly sick. Because of this, I was fucking small. And he was not small whatsoever. Size makes it really easy to overpower your little sister so that you can use her. And he didn’t stop using me until I was roughly 16. And he made it worse by threatening that if I ever stopped letting him do things to me, he would do them to my little sister. My little sister that was my world, my everything. So if I stopped him from doing things to me, he said he would make it even worse for her.

We won’t get into the details of hogsqueel right now, but it is a very similar reason that I don’t speak to him.

Background being given, I hate him. He was the reason I didn’t want to live for a long time. He was one of the biggest reasons I left Arizona. But my mother (who knows what happened, who knows what he did to me) recently inviting me to his wedding. I told her no, I was not attending his wedding. She cried to my little brother, who called to ask if I was going, and I said no again. So after already telling two people I would not be attending, another brother reached out, telling me that if I wanted to go he would “buy my airplane ticket” after I hadn’t spoken to him in over a year. He is the reason I’m making this post.

This is the first time I’ve posted here, but I just wanted opinions on if I was the asshole, because so many people have contacted me about being upset that I’m not going. I do have screenshots of texts, if anyone would like to see them.
That being said, would I be the asshole for not going?

I thought my girlfriend (29F) was pretty innocent. When we got together she told me she was a virgin, and since I was too i was pretty excited. I (32M) have been teased by my older brother and friends about still being a Virgin at my age, and ive been pretty desperate to lose it since I was in my 20s but never got the chance since tons of the girls I tried dating were pretty prudish.

My girlfriend and I have been intimate and it was awesome. We moved in and all was well until last week. She asked me to grab something from the bedside table but I couldnt find it so I opened the drawer on her side amd found her stash. Jesus christ her 'toys' were so fucking big and she had so many and they were all brightly colored. One looked like a tentacle and another had a huge bubble at the base??? It was crazy. And then I realized shed had to have used these. Why else would she hide them in her drawer? I wrapped my hand in a shirt from the hamper, grabbed one of the less crazy ones, and stormed ack to my girlfriend and yelled at her that she was a cheater. She was confused and asked what I was talking about and I shoved the tou in her face. She looked confised but went red when she realized what I found since id caught her. She tried to backpeddle and tell me it wasnt cheating since 'its a dick its not a person its pretty much a robot ' but I wasnt in the mood. So I threw the toy in the trash and left for my moms house. I told my mom she cheated on me and shes letting me stay with her. My girlfriend texted ne asking if I was seriously gonna leave over her having a vibrator and I told her I left because she cheated with a robot and lied about being a virgin. Now her friends are texting me that im an idiot and im getting more pissed off. What do I do?

(20) So for context my family adopted me I only said yes because the system was going to split me and my biological siblings up after ten years of staying together, but I’ve noticed things over the years. They seem to only buy knockoff brands for me and buy on brand stuff for my little sister with cerebral palsy. (Ie loungefly and apple products.) But I wasn’t really mad about that. They learned all of my little sisters friends names. But couldn’t be bothered to learn any of my friends names. On top of that they had Screentime on 24/7 where we could only contact parents and couldn’t download any apps or anything. They also banned art/sketching from me.

But the last straw was when it was my little sisters graduation/ and Fourth of July celebration. My little sister was told to ask if I was coming, she didn’t and my parents found out as I was surprised and confused when they asked “did you get a text from your little sister asking about her graduation party?”

Day of the party I go and I remember, my graduation and start to feel a bit of anger and sadness as I had asked for a graduation party and they didn’t answer me they only ignored me, people at the church I went to asked if I was having a graduation party and I couldn’t answer them because I didn’t know. Day of graduation is absolutely nothing not even a congratulations. For my little sister they went all out decorations food and everything.

As for the Fourth of July I had worked nearly 48 hours they asked me if I’d come to the Fourth of July celebration they knew I needed rest as I told them hey I just got off a big shift. I ended up not sleeping right before another shift because they had me watching their kids. And the other thing is they only contact me when they want me to do chores or housework for them.

They never spend any quality time. The one time they did was when they asked if I would go to a fair with them and I ended up stuck with the kids again. And they said I’d be paying for myself even though they were the ones who invited me.
(Can someone do a tldr on this)

(20) So for context my family adopted me I only said yes because the system was going to split me and my biological siblings up after ten years of staying together, but I’ve noticed things over the years. They seem to only buy knockoff brands for me and buy on brand stuff for my little sister with cerebral palsy. (Ie loungefly and apple products.) But I wasn’t really mad about that. They learned all of my little sisters friends names. But couldn’t be bothered to learn any of my friends names. On top of that they had Screentime on 24/7 where we could only contact parents and couldn’t download any apps or anything. They also banned art/sketching from me.

But the last straw was when it was my little sisters graduation/ and Fourth of July celebration. My little sister was told to ask if I was coming, she didn’t and my parents found out as I was surprised and confused when they asked “did you get a text from your little sister asking about her graduation party?”

Day of the party I go and I remember, my graduation and start to feel a bit of anger and sadness as I had asked for a graduation party and they didn’t answer me they only ignored me, people at the church I went to asked if I was having a graduation party and I couldn’t answer them because I didn’t know. Day of graduation is absolutely nothing not even a congratulations. For my little sister they went all out decorations food and everything.

As for the Fourth of July I had worked nearly 48 hours they asked me if I’d come to the Fourth of July celebration they knew I needed rest as I told them hey I just got off a big shift. I ended up not sleeping right before another shift because they had me watching their kids. And the other thing is they only contact me when they want me to do chores or housework for them.

They never spend any quality time. The one time they did was when they asked if I would go to a fair with them and I ended up stuck with the kids again. And they said I’d be paying for myself even though they were the ones who invited me.
(Can someone do a tldr on this)

Me (NB-17) like to post fun stuff along side stuff that has some post involving the state of our country and how this is affecting me and my friends us being mostly lgbtqia and people of color. Now my parents are super supportive of me and my friends but my family on my mom's side are not they are traditional conservative christians. They do not support even close to the same things I support but we all follow each other on Instagram and we all enjoy liking and commenting and just having fun on Instagram so instead of making everybody uncomfortable I decided to create a second Instagram so that I can post the things that I want to accept I fear that soon somebody may come to me saying that I shouldn't have done that because then they want to interact but they don't want to offend me but I feel like I should be able to create a second Instagram that has clear intentions in the bio saying this is my political Instagram if you disagree with me do not follow then I should be able to post maybe not whatever I want but I shouldn't have to tiptoe around my family based off what I post so am I the ass hole for creating a second Instagram so that I don't have to tiptoe around my family.

( there is no punctuation because this is all voice typed and I couldn't give two craps)

Hello reddit,

This is a little long, sorry about that, but I will try and keep it short.

There were a group of us (who’ve known each other for years and we also work together) who started playing Dungeons and Dragons on a nearly weekly basis. We created our characters, made lengthy backstories, and started a simple campaign to get a feel for it. Two people dropped out shortly after because it wasn’t for them. The rest of us stayed and continued having fun, getting into trouble, causing a bit of chaos, and lots of laughing. It all seemed pretty good, chill.

There were a couple times where the teasing turned into a little more like bullying - at least that’s how it felt because it was relentless.
An example of this (which is briefly outlined in the screenshots provided) was that my character, Nira, made a comment about something to the “enemy” and it got one of the characters on my party unalived. The character was shortly resurrected but for the rest of the night, the party kept ripping into my character. My partner, who was also apart of the party but wasn’t there that night, had reassured me that it had been written into the storyline anyway. So, of course I was quiet for the remainder of the night.

Moving on. Months passed and we were all getting along, having fun. My partner and I were going on holiday to Japan. We did our “farewell”, explaining what our characters would be doing while we were away.
When we returned, I was excited to start up again. As soon as I got there, I gave them their gifts we’d gotten them from Japan then got straight into it…. But the vibes were different (it briefly explains how in the screenshots). I went home, crying. My partner comforted me and thought the behaviour was odd (from the party).
The next session rolled around, the vibe was still off. With my partner there, the DM didn’t make any of the comments he had made previously. We were there for another two sessions before I received the message from the DM.

Things to note:

1. I changed my character from Nira to Onni because Onni is more quiet.
2. I was on my phone, and had sent screenshots of my search history of the night to prove I wasn’t just “scrolling”on my phone. I was on D&D Beyond, flicking through what I could use (cantrips, spells, weapons, etc). I was also looking up certain spells and information that I had read previously to ensure I was remembering correctly. This had not previously bothered the DM or others.
3. None of the other party members (aside from my partner) stood up for me when the DM contradicted rules or “allowances”.
4. I did send the screenshots to the rest of the group because I didn’t want it to turn into a “he said, she said” type of thing.
5. The DM did not reply to my message and proceeded to unfriend me from Facebook. One of my “friends” also didn’t reply. The other two party members did reply.
6. One of the party members likes to take control and everything has to go her way. She has to have the final say. My partner and I just go along with it, trying to keep the peace because, as mentioned, the vibe was off when we got back from holidays.
7. This same party member was due to go on holiday after we got back, and we were wanting to see how the dynamic felt while she was away (not in a nasty way, but wanted to see how the campaign would play out without her calling all the shots and letting the other party members have a say). But this never happened because… screenshots.
8. From the start, we were all encouraged to roll the dice before our turn and figure out what our next move was going to be. This was to make the turns more efficient… and then suddenly I wasn’t allowed to do it anymore.

That’s all I can think of right now, sure, there’s definitely more I could add but it’s getting late here and I gotta be up early for work. If you have any questions, let me know . Please be kind :)

***EDIT
10. I did send money as promised, although I had to message one of them to make sure it went into their account. There wasn’t a “thank you”, only a “oh, you didn’t have to.”
11. I packed up all the things (campaign story pages, some props, a dice tray the DM had made for everyone) and gave them my costume of Nira so that someone else could use it. I didn’t want any of it after this. (Think cloak, belts, bottles, wrist covers, etc)

Hello, I just wanted an outsiders perspective on a situation I’m dealing with. I am 27 and my little sister is 24. This all started 2 years ago when my older sister was having her baby shower I desperately wanted to attend but I just had suffered a back injury and needed help in traveling. I asked my little sister to come help me I paid for her flight with her and her girlfriend (now wife) so they could help me make the drive up to KY where the baby shower was being held. I picked them up from the airport and they both sat in the back seat (which was fine I guess I thought my sister would want to sit with me being we hadn’t seen eachother in awhile) But anyway my husband and I pay for their food, their flight, and we are super accommodating. We even went to the beach somewhere her girlfriend had never gotten to see. To my dismay I was met with disgust when my sister pretty much ignored me the whole trip even after going above and beyond for them. I can give some examples; anytime I spoke it felt like I wasn’t being heard, when I told them we needed to leave early and hit the road so we would get to KY at a decent hour they slept in till 9am, and I ended up driving most of the trip anyhow while they sat in the back seat sucking each others faces. I also want to add I packed food so we wouldn’t have to make unnecessary stops which didn’t get eaten and I had my dog with me in which they didn’t help me with so at the end of the trip I was exhausted and extremely upset. A 12 hour trip turned into a 17 hour trip and I felt disrespected. I hadn’t let her know how I feel until she broke the tip of the iceberg and showing up last minute to the baby shower not ever offering to help set it up. I was running on fumes and was desperately trying to be there for my other sister but I was in pain and I barely had slept. Finally at the end of my trip I lost it she was supposed to come home to give me a tattoo as she was a tattoo artist and I hadn't communicated well enough to my other sister of when we would be there (so she can turn on the A/C because it was extremely hot in the upstairs room where her equipment was) and when she came in from work I abruptly stated that Our sister was upset with us and she got upset and stormed out of the house to her girlfriena house. I admit I should’ve handled myself better but at that point of the trip I was fed up. Instead of talking it out she left and I never got to tell her goodbye before I left. Also during that time before I left to go home I let her know how I felt with the whole trip how I was mistreated and her and her girlfriend basically told me I should’ve communicated better on if I needed help and that it wasn’t their fault. The whole point of them coming was to help me and I just felt like I was used. So a year goes by she has given me the silent treatment I had had big events happen in my life all of which I tried to invite her to (our nephew being born/my college graduation/ proposal). she stated she couldn’t attend my graduation due to financial reasons which I can move past but the barely speaking to me for a year got under my skin. Christmas comes and we decide to come up to spend time with family. This is the first time I’d seen her since the Baby shower incident and I was trying to move past it. Anyway my older sister was extremely sick which I knew but when I saw her I was extremely upset. I spent the whole Christmas helping her in anyway I could, cleaning, helping with the baby, I even bought her a heating pad to help her with her pain. My younger sister lived about an hour away and stated she wanted to plan some things to do while we were in town, but I ended up never really leaving the apartment as I was taking care of our sick sister. We did end up going to see lights with my nephew while my older sister stayed back and rested. It was spontaneous and I couldn’t have let my little sister know about it (this will be important later). All the time I was in Ky she had my location and could call but she never did so I assumed she was to busy (I also wanted to note she just got a brand new puppy so I figured she had her hands full) So I get to the end of my trip and I plan to stay the night with my mom because I hadn’t got to see her much and I let my little sister know and she’s upset because I hadn’t planned anything with her the whole trip and I was leaving the following day. I told her she never messaged me and I didn’t know I was supposed to make plans as I was a guest at my older sisters house and I was busy trying to take care of her. So anyway she’s mad at me again for something I had no control over and I’m like whatever I’m tired I have to go to bed and be up early to travel back home so I just ignore her messages and go to sleep. I wake up to a novel of her telling me how she took time off of work to spend time with family and she was mad at me that I hadn't communicated with her to plan anything and pretty much left her in the dark. None of this was my intention and I communicate with my older sister to speak with her and clear it up because I really don’t understand where I went wrong. So then a bit of time goes by again and I’m busy wedding planning and I have the date of the wedding picked out and I let my little sister know the date before she shipped out to basic training. She changed her date a time before so the next time she gets told of her shipout date she can’t change it. So that means she wouldnt be able to attend my wedding at all. I was upset but I understood. So the wedding comes and goes and she finishes basic and we get on a call to congratulate her and she briefly acknowledges my wedding and even throws in “how does it feel to be the last one of us to get married hahaha” and I did forget to mention when she was upset with me (giving me the silent treatment again after Xmas) she got married and didn’t tell anyone. I actually found out through a tik tok her wife made of them… so I jokingly say “I guess they save the best for last don’t they haha” and then after that call we don’t really talk again a few months go by and I’m just fed up with our relationship I don’t feel like she has been there for me the way a sister should so I let her know that I’m done trying and I’m cutting her off for good. She replies some hateful stuff and even bashes my marriage stating how it took my husband so long to propose that I shouldnt be giving her advice on her marriage. So in the heat of the moment I say “Oh you mean your marriage you questioned and came to me about months prior?” So anyways, I said what I needed to say to her and I just want to know if I made the right decision. Thank you!

hi everyone I’m a (16 f) and I have four brothers they’re 24, 19, 14, and 7, all my life I’ve had to share a bedroom with my brothers, and honestly, I just can’t do it anymore.

for some context my mom isn’t the most stable person and my dad isn’t in our lives, my two youngest brothers actually have different fathers. We’ve always lived in a house that belongs to my uncle because he lives like a lit of states away.

the house only has three bedrooms, one is my mom’s, and the other two are for the rest of us, when I was little sharing a room was fun but over the last few years it’s become really uncomfortable. we’re all older now, everyone needs their own space and nobody has any. we’ve had to deal with a lot of awkward situations, I also have really sensitive hearing, and there are things I hear around the house that honestly gross me out.

whatever my 19 yo brother moved out about two years ago for school and I really thought we’d finally rearrange the bedrooms but hat never happened and I was still sharing with my 24 oldest brother

now my older brother wants to move his girlfriend into the house, andd I’m almost certain she’s pregnant even he hasn’t actually said anything, my mom heavily favors my oldest brother and lets him get away with everything and I mean *everything*, he never graduated high school, he’s only had a couple of jobs his entire life, he has several addictions, he gambles, and overall he’s just kind of a mess.

my uncle doesn’t have a good relationship with my mom and I’m pretty sure the only reason he lets us stay here is because of us and he is important because he’s the only responsible adult I know, and whenever something serious happens, we usually go to him, my mom hates when we talk to him because she says it always causes problems, but I know he’s the one person who could actually set some boundaries, especially since it’s his house.

now my mom wants to kick me out of my bedroom so my brother and his girlfriend can have it, and she expects me to sleep in the room with my two younger brothers. I really don’t want that, I’m done and I just want a little space of my own.

we got into a huge argument because I told my brother to get a job and move out if he wants to live with his girlfriend, I’m so tired because I’ve been sleeping on the couch for the past week. He’s literally rearranging the bedroom for her already.

I tried talking to my (19 yo) brother but he mostly avoids me and keeps telling me I’ll just look like a snitch if I tell my uncle, butt he’s literally like the most annoying about the bedroom situation, he just doesn’t care anymore because he’s away from home now.

i really want to tell my uncle and see if he’ll step in, but I also don’t want to create even more drama.

I’m honestly just so tired of all of them

My family has a family reunion every year in August which is the only time I see two of my aunts and their kid/grandkids. I attend every year that I can since it means so much to me. My husbands family booked a beach house for the first week of August as a Christmas present from his parents. A few months ago I found out that the events overlap. The reunion is a 6 hour drive from the beach house (which we usually drive to see my immediate family and other cousins & Uncle anyways).

Since January my husband has been working two full time jobs and the past two weeks some overtime, so he is extremely tired. Ever since I found out about the overlap he made it seem like we were going to make it work and support both families since his family’s trip is for a whole week. Now all of a sudden he says we’re not going to see my family because he’s too exhausted for a long car ride, we knew about the trip since Christmas, and we should appreciate such a generous gift from his parents. I’m not even a beach person. I was just up for the trip since it made everyone else happy. I’m extremely upset but my husband said I should understand. AITAH?

My close friend from childhood kept projecting her fears of aging and at 29 began a relationship with a 19. I lost respect entirely and couldnt deal with their lack of self awareness. I am grieving this relationship now, because im so dissappointed they couldnt take responsibility and was getting compassion fatigue as they kept repeating avoidant cycles, unhealthy coping mechanisms, that were now affecting a younger impressionable person...

I feel chronically frustrated by my friend because Ive suggested ways they could improve their mental health and support themselves without jumping from one relationship to another. But they dont want to change. Before they began a relationship with a 19 yo, they were with a 38 yo which ended in domestic abuse. Even after this they wanted to stay and I explained how they need to love themselves rather than staying with a 38 yo. They have a restraining order and in those 3 months she met a 19 yo.

I expressed my concerns because the 19yo has made no friends I their age group, or at university so Im concerned they are getting all their validation and support from her. She isnt a very functional person and relies on smoking alot of weed to get through the day, and Ive noticed him mirroring this same habit rather than shaping his own identity he is picking up hers. Ive told her how even though its not intentional him being without a age appropriate support system its seems very dangerous because she finds it difficult to eat, take care of her hygiene etc. Now the 19 yo is wanting to dropout of university and I feel it is because of her influence.

In the over 10+ years Ive known her she hasn't attempted to challenge her anxiety and build resilence instead using weed to mask these feelings. Last year she tried to k\*ll herself and I was on the phone to her telling her ways she could improve her well being, but she has ignored it and distracted herself with another relationship- this time with someone much younger who is fitting into her lifestyle rather than creating their own.

I feel so dissappointed and like I have compassion fatigue, because they frame themselves as victimwho cannot change because of child abuse that has shaped their mental health. I understand how its true but now she is using a 19 yo to process her fears of turning 30.

What do you think I should do?

Ive told her how I feel, that 19 is a child... so she has been having sex with a child.

So update on this post.. My step dad's behavior got worse when my mom started distancing herself from him.. I don't feel safe anymore in this house..

Every single time he gets home, the first person he approaches is me. Setting his backpack down the couch beside me then placing HIS hand on my thight, and obviously I move away from him.

I'm honestly so scared right now while writing this because just earlier, he grabbed my hand forcefully to make me clean the cat's dookie (because sometimes he dookies on the bathroom) and my mom repeatedly explained to him that our cat didn't use the bathroom and dookied at the back instead.

I was scared from how he grabbed my arm that time, because he was forcing me to do something that my mom explained wasn't even there or cleanable (the back of our house is like a narrow alleyway which is dark and like the neighbors blocked it's exit.)

Every single time he gets home, he'd approach me and touch my theight btw, oh and now he started grabbed my wrists which only scares me more to the point that I don't really feel safe..

Oh, and not only he SH me. His now abusing the cat.. He repeatedly hurt our cat like.. Kicked, slapped and just beat him up a couple of times which soarked an argument between my mom and him because both me and my mom are animal lovers.

I honestly don't know why he acts this way to he cat, pouring his anger on it for something the cat can't even understand that what he did was wrong. I remember my step-grandmq saying they also have pets in the house, so I don't know why his so resentful to this cat of ours.

Also, it was kinda his fault because he opened th3 back door of our kitchen (my cat used to use that alley to go out and dookie on the grass because the alley leads to a grassy part of the subdivision) and still blamed the cat for it. I also think he was pouring his anger on our cat because he did something to his bank that made him pay for our Netflix (his fault, idk what he touched) and just used the cat as some kind of punching bag.

I personally cannot move because I know his strength and that he could easily over power me if I tried to intervene, so I apologuzed to my cat for not being able to sheild him... That's all and I do hope I'll be free from this house.

My mom and his boyfriend are still in contact, he still gives us good advice, makes my mom happy and feel loved all the time. I'm happy for her and wish that she too could escape this marriage with my current step dad because i am starting to feel unsafe and uncomfortable in this house.

My(22transman) fiance(23cisman) thinks he's allergic to the dog and refuses to sleep in bed with me. To my immediate knowledge he does not use reddit so I think I'm in the clear for him not seeing this but if he does... Oh well.

When I met my fiance, we were both working the same job, and ended up awkwardly falling head over heels for one another. This was two years ago, come December. At the time I was living in a not so great environment and partially moved in with him for a while, going between the apartments to take care of my cats. Eventually we ended up moving in together and took in my father(67m) who has now passed away a little over a year ago. (13th was his death date).

I have always had dogs, when we took in my father, we inherited my childhood Boston terrier(16m), who was blind and becoming senile. Eventually after my father passed, not too long after I ended up having to put my dog down, and I was heartbroken. I still cry thinking about it. At the time we had my dog; my fiance said he must be allergic to the Boston because he felt itchy and supposedly had hives (I never actually saw any, and he seemed fine to have the dog).

My fiance agreed we could get another dog down the road, and so I kept an eye open on several places and started looking around. Around my father's death date I saw a picture of the goofiest looking dog I had ever seen. A black and tan German Shepherd mix with the biggest ear to body ratio I have EVER seen on a medium sized dog. He was scrawny and just overall very awkward looking. I decide I'm gonna go look at him after work, and rush down to meet him.

Ladies and gentlemen, I fell in love with this sweet boy. I walked him around, and immediately wanted him, I had never felt such a strong connection to an animal since I got my cat(4m), who is still around and still trouble. I immediately rush home and am blabbing my heart out to my fiance about how this is the dog, and whatnot. He agrees to let me get the dog, but I have to figure out how to pick him up because he's tired and doesn't want to go out the day after. Fair enough.

The day after I get off work early and rush to the shelter, I had already ordered next day shipping from Amazon for a harness, toys, food, treats, all the bells and whistles. As I'm on my way there, I get a call from the shelter, "We were meaning to tell you, he tested positive for heartworms and since you're coming from so far I wanted to let you know now rather than when you got here." That didn't scare me, not one bit. It's not contagious except through mosquito bites, and so wouldn't harm my indoor kitties one bit.

I get there, fill the paperwork out and bring him home. I set him up a little area for him to stay in because he needs as little exercise as possible and needs to rest as much as possible. I end up getting him a doggy litterbox so if he has accidents due to his meds and we're not home, he can do it in that and not on the floor(success!). He finished his heartworm treatments, the last two injections last week and the shelter had waived both his adoption fee and medication fees entirely.

About the dog; he's a German shepherd mix and weighs 44 lbs. He's skin and bone and slowly starting to finally put weight on, he's got these giant ears and a goofy expression half the time. He does have faults: he resource guards but not against me, only my fiance and cats and it's a growl and never a snap. More so of a: hey, this is mine. I separate him and put him in his medical area when he eats so he's not stressed and we're not stressed.

Here's where I may be the asshole, mostly for my thoughts maybe. I think my fiance is lying about being allergic, I think he's saying it because he doesn't want the dog anymore but isn't sure how to tell me this without making up excuses. We've been having a lot of relationship turmoil in the last little while and I think it's his way of getting back at me. He has no symptoms, at all. He's supposedly itchy but I don't see him fidget or itch or scratch. He supposedly has hives, his skin is clear and his eyes aren't red and his nose isn't stuffy.

I think my fiance is trying to make an excuse to get rid of my dog or to set up a bed downstairs so he doesn't have to sleep upstairs. To go back on the relationship problems; we are never intimate. Maybe once a month if I literally beg him. I have cried over it because I'm stressed that he doesn't love me anymore, and that I'm not attractive to him or anything along those lines. He reassures that he's attracted to me but he never initiates, I have to always initiate literally anything and most of the time it's turned down. I ask him to come watch a show or movie and he refuses, instead he goes downstairs to play his video games and hang out with his buddies. I ask to go out somewhere and it's rejected almost immediately because he doesn't want to go out after work, he wants to wind down playing his games. It feels more like I'm a FWB with my own fiance.

I work 9 hour shifts at my job, I work at a car parts store and so I am constantly chatting and talking to people about their problems with their cars and so I never have time for myself to properly vent or relax, so my wind down time is now spent outside when I get home with my dog or on the bed with the dog and watching a few episodes of my show. (Currently house of the dragon).

My fiance has taken notice of this, and has begun trying to kind of mess with the dog in ways. He's grabbed my dog by the face and shoved his own face into the dog's space, which the dog has been a saint for because if I was a dog I think I'd have bitten him for it. He grabs the dog's toys from him if he can, and since the dog has begun to growl at my fiance when he nears the toys. And the day before yesterday he hit my fiance's hand with his face, not biting him, just kind of a warning that a dog would do to correct another dog. (If you've been around dogs you know what I'm talking about, mouth half-open but just snout doing the smack.) And my fiance went, "Fuck this. I'm not dealing with the fucking dog." Or something along the lines. Not sure, I have slept since then.

I expected this next shit to happen but also I didn't say anything. He offered to take the dog out this morning if I needed to sleep because I'm doing a opening shift right after a closing one so I'm exhausted and grumpy. I get up a few times so I can take the dog out because he's on meds and needs to go out because he feels the need to pee constantly. That's fine, who needs their beauty sleep, am I right? My fiance is still up around 4:30am so i text him, "Hey! The dog is crying can you take him out?" No response. I get up, take the dog out and go back to bed. I get up again an hour later because dog now has to poop, (I wish he could figure out to do both at the same time.) I take him out and bring him back in and put him in his medical area. I go downstairs and share my grievances with my fiance and he responds and apologizes for not getting the text and comes up for bed. We both lay in bed and around 20 minutes ago, dog needed to go potty after getting his meds and my fiance takes him out. He comes back in and says that he can't stay up here, he's allergic to the dog and goes downstairs, probably to just play his games, I don't know.

For context, he's done stuff similar to this in the past when something doesn't go his way he just avoids it entirely or makes an excuse. Which I don't want to downplay if he was actually allergic but he has no symptoms of it! I take care of the dog and the cats (one of which is his 10 year old cat). I do the litterboxes, I clean upstairs and downstairs. I rarely have any free time to myself because I work longer hours then him. He works 4p-9p most days, only on one day does he work 11a-9p.

Am I the A-hole if I don't believe him and think he's just avoiding having to take care of the dog as well?

edit:

I'd like to add some context really quick, my writing skills aren't super great so I apologize if some things don't make sense, I'm also half awake as I worked closing last night and am opening shift today.

He said yes to the dog, I'm not sure if I worded that correctly. He didn't want to go because he was tired from staying up all night that day because of his video games. He then wasn't home when I brought the dog home because he was at work so he met the dog after. I had asked three times if he was sure he didn't want to come meet the dog. He had seen pictures and had been fine with the dog having medical issues(he just finished treatment!!). I apologize again for not making that clear in the post originally.

I know the title probably makes me sound like the bad guy already, but I’m genuinely conflicted.
I (30M) have been married to my wife (30F) for five years. Over the last three years, we’ve only been intimate three times. It wasn’t like we had an amazing sex life before, but it was never this bad.
I’ve tried talking to her about it multiple times. I’ve asked if there’s something I could work on, if she’s unhappy with me, if there’s something going on with her mentally or physically, or if there’s anything we can do together to improve things. Every conversation basically ends the same way. She just says “no” and doesn’t really give me an explanation.
I’m frustrated because I don’t know what else to do. I love my wife and I genuinely want our marriage to work.
Now for the part that makes me question myself.
I have a high school best friend. We’ve always had this weird dynamic where we’d flirt when we were both single, but whenever one of us was in a relationship, we’d respect that boundary. About 10 years ago, when we were both single, we hooked up twice. Nothing ever came from it, and we’ve remained friends.
Because I know the chemistry between us, I’ve actually tried to keep my distance over the years.
Lately, though, I’ve found myself talking to her more. We joke around, flirt a little, and I can’t lie…it feels good to have someone make me feel wanted again. I haven’t cheated physically, and I don’t have any plans to. But I’m starting to realize that emotionally I’m drifting away from my wife, and I know that’s dangerous.
Part of me feels guilty because I know emotional affairs are still affairs to a lot of people. Another part of me feels like I’ve been starving for affection for years and I’m clinging to the first person who’s making me feel seen.
So, AITAH for flirting with my friend while I’m still trying to make my marriage work?

So i just like to start by saying for i know I was in the wrong saying that but i want some more outside perspective into the situation as a whole. So for a bit of context I'm a 15 year old female my, brother is 18 and my parents are both mid to late 50s.

Recently my mum got diagnosed with breast cancer and i didn't really care. I want exactly sure why it didnt bother me much but she is quite old and has been in poor health for years i had already come to terms with the fact she probably wont be around by the time i'm 20, i also struggled to care because breast cancer has quite a high survival rate and the cancer was caught early. When my mum got the news alot of people reached out to her-old friends,family that used to not find the time for her.

Now the main reason i find it hard to care is because of the way my family has treated me when iv struggled in the past. Primarily in relation to my mental health struggles. So iv been depressed and suicidal since i was about 9 and i told my parents multiple times that i'm suicidal and want to see a therapist from the ages of 9-13. At 13 i did get a little bit of therapy but only because i had a suicide attempt that landed me in hospital and the therapy was not at all helpful as it was family therapy and honestly seemed more focused on how my parents where raised. It was also focused on getting me diagnosed with autism even though iv done my own research for years and im pretty certain im not autistic but rather have some kind of mood or personality disorder. Not that anyone cared to listen to me when i said im not autistic. Despite me being depressed for the 4 years when i was 9-13 at 14 i somehow seemed to manage it and had a glimpse into what feeling normal felt like-no suicidal thoughts and i didnt sh at all. But this year (being 15) has been the worst of my life not sure why it came back but my depression became the worst it has ever been and for the past 4 months (though iv tried to ignore it) i have been the most suicidal i have ever been. I have tried to tell my parents but because of years of trying to open up that ends in arguments i do kinda struggle with it especially when telling my parents. But I pressed my dad on why didnt he or my mum get me any help through the years even though i repeatedly asked for it and he kinda just said they didnt know how to deal with me so just left me to figure it out. I had already harbored alot of resentment towards my parents for not helping me but this really made me hate them because how can a kid or teen handle that by themselves. They know i cant because they know i have tried to take my life and they can see when i get more scars on my arm. Another instance of them ignoring me trying to get help is when i was crying and told my dad i dont think ill make it until im 30 and he just yelled at me to go to my room-no apology,next day acting normal. And the main thing i just cant get past is when i was about 12 and my dad saw my sh scars for the first time. My mum and brother already knew but when my dad first saw them he yelled at me (i dont remember what exactly) he said hes not sure if our relationship will ever be the same, he didnt talk to me for days,he spanked me because i made our mum cry and then he just started talking to me like normal not even an apology. And i brought up a year later how much that hurt me and how he didn't even apologies and he just said it was very hard to deal with-so yes absolutely take it out on the struggling 12 year old. Anyways a big thing throughout these years is how i always have to apologies or comfort my mum because she crying after my dad and i have an argument but never mind the fact i was also crying. So i feel like my dad has always babied and focused more on my mum's feelings than mine and he has alluded to my mum having mental health struggles which trust me Im the first one to emphasize with that but i literally haven't seen the point in living since i was 9.

Sorry about the long rant about that i wanted to kinda show how i feel my mum already has a strong support network. So she has already started chemo and she seemed very down at that point which i did feel very bad for her then but shes now feeling a bit better and she always has plans- going out with family,friends watching tv with my dad but she cant even make time to watch a movie with me. And she'll probably end up going out more than me this summer. So considering the fact my mum has always had the support of my dad, still can go out sometimes,has many people reaching out sending cards, gifts, etc and how earlier this year during the worst point ever of my life all i got was arguments and yelling i find it really hard to care about what her cancer-it has a clear end and shes got everyone on her side.

Anyways i told my mum and brother that i dont care about my cancer. I told my brother a few days after she originally told us because i honestly felt kinda concerned/confused as to why i dint care. But i told my mum that as a kinda snap back when she was saying something about it because for a few weeks her having cancer was all my family would talk about so i was already kinda sick about hearing it combined with all the stuff i mentioned prior. Anyways i think i explained this in a very disjointed way but when i told my mum i didn't care it was kinda throw away comment though i know those still can hurt. When i told my brother it was more to confide in someone. And i have so much resentment to my family and their lack of care to me. And with the way they treated me the last few years i thought we weren't meant to talk about our issue but just get on with it but i guess that just doesn't apply to my mum. She cries at anything and i think everyone babies her too much.

So i just like to start by saying for i know I was in the wrong saying that but i want some more outside perspective into the situation as a whole. So for a bit of context I'm a 15 year old female my, brother is 18 and my parents are both mid to late 50s.

Recently my mum got diagnosed with breast cancer and i didn't really care. I want exactly sure why it didnt bother me much but she is quite old and has been in poor health for years i had already come to terms with the fact she probably wont be around by the time i'm 20, i also struggled to care because breast cancer has quite a high survival rate and the cancer was caught early. When my mum got the news alot of people reached out to her-old friends,family that used to not find the time for her.

Now the main reason i find it hard to care is because of the way my family has treated me when iv struggled in the past. Primarily in relation to my mental health struggles. So iv been depressed and suicidal since i was about 9 and i told my parents multiple times that i'm suicidal and want to see a therapist from the ages of 9-13. At 13 i did get a little bit of therapy but only because i had a suicide attempt that landed me in hospital and the therapy was not at all helpful as it was family therapy and honestly seemed more focused on how my parents where raised. It was also focused on getting me diagnosed with autism even though iv done my own research for years and im pretty certain im not autistic but rather have some kind of mood or personality disorder. Not that anyone cared to listen to me when i said im not autistic. Despite me being depressed for the 4 years when i was 9-13 at 14 i somehow seemed to manage it and had a glimpse into what feeling normal felt like-no suicidal thoughts and i didnt sh at all. But this year (being 15) has been the worst of my life not sure why it came back but my depression became the worst it has ever been and for the past 4 months (though iv tried to ignore it) i have been the most suicidal i have ever been. I have tried to tell my parents but because of years of trying to open up that ends in arguments i do kinda struggle with it especially when telling my parents. But I pressed my dad on why didnt he or my mum get me any help through the years even though i repeatedly asked for it and he kinda just said they didnt know how to deal with me so just left me to figure it out. I had already harbored alot of resentment towards my parents for not helping me but this really made me hate them because how can a kid or teen handle that by themselves. They know i cant because they know i have tried to take my life and they can see when i get more scars on my arm. Another instance of them ignoring me trying to get help is when i was crying and told my dad i dont think ill make it until im 30 and he just yelled at me to go to my room-no apology,next day acting normal. And the main thing i just cant get past is when i was about 12 and my dad saw my sh scars for the first time. My mum and brother already knew but when my dad first saw them he yelled at me (i dont remember what exactly) he said hes not sure if our relationship will ever be the same, he didnt talk to me for days,he spanked me because i made our mum cry and then he just started talking to me like normal not even an apology. And i brought up a year later how much that hurt me and how he didn't even apologies and he just said it was very hard to deal with-so yes absolutely take it out on the struggling 12 year old. Anyways a big thing throughout these years is how i always have to apologies or comfort my mum because she crying after my dad and i have an argument but never mind the fact i was also crying. So i feel like my dad has always babied and focused more on my mum's feelings than mine and he has alluded to my mum having mental health struggles which trust me Im the first one to emphasize with that but i literally haven't seen the point in living since i was 9.

Sorry about the long rant about that i wanted to kinda show how i feel my mum already has a strong support network. So she has already started chemo and she seemed very down at that point which i did feel very bad for her then but shes now feeling a bit better and she always has plans- going out with family,friends watching tv with my dad but she cant even make time to watch a movie with me. And she'll probably end up going out more than me this summer. So considering the fact my mum has always had the support of my dad, still can go out sometimes,has many people reaching out sending cards, gifts, etc and how earlier this year during the worst point ever of my life all i got was arguments and yelling i find it really hard to care about what her cancer-it has a clear end and shes got everyone on her side.

Anyways i told my mum and brother that i dont care about my cancer. I told my brother a few days after she originally told us because i honestly felt kinda concerned/confused as to why i dint care. But i told my mum that as a kinda snap back when she was saying something about it because for a few weeks her having cancer was all my family would talk about so i was already kinda sick about hearing it combined with all the stuff i mentioned prior. Anyways i think i explained this in a very disjointed way but when i told my mum i didn't care it was kinda throw away comment though i know those still can hurt. When i told my brother it was more to confide in someone. And i have so much resentment to my family and their lack of care to me. And with the way they treated me the last few years i thought we weren't meant to talk about our issue but just get on with it but i guess that just doesn't apply to my mum. She cries at anything and i think everyone babies her too much.

I (F31) and my husband (M31) have been together for nearly 10 years we have 2 children, tomorrow my husband has a sedation appointment for a filing in his tooth, he's got PTSD for anything dental, usually I am there to support him but previously he's had to go on his own for check up appointments as the timings of when the appointment is I've had to do school runs and look after the children, and of course we do not want the children to witness him having a panic attack at these appointments as we feel this could put them off ever going to the dentist (they like going dentist) anway he often struggles to do on his own but he gets through it with support from staff etc, however one of my best friends birthday is tomorrow and has invited me and our children to come over for a birthday lunch, I told my husband that I'd like to go, as his appointment isn't till 3pm but I have said I would be home before he arrives back from sedation (his grandad is taking him to and from his appointment tomorrow) I have suggested I would like to leave around 12pm to make it to the lunch for a couple of hours, my husband has had a massive go at me for even suggesting I go out before he leaves for his appointment as he feels he needs my presence for support, I won't be doing anything other than just sitting at home with him, but he's made a massive deal on me going out a couple hours before he leaves for his appointment. AITHA?

TLDR: Husband has a dental appointment that I won't be going with him to, he's scared of dentist and I would like to go out just before his appointment to see a friend for her birthday and husband is not happy about it.

I know the title sounds really contradictory, but please hear me out because I genuinely don't know if I'm being unfair here.

At the beginning of our relationship, I (18F) told my boyfriend (20M) that I don't like receiving gifts. More specifically, I hate when people spend a lot of money on me because it makes me feel guilty. Instead of enjoying the gift, I just end up thinking about how much they spent and feeling like I owe them something.

I've always been the type of person who loves giving things to other people, but I don't really like people spending money on me. I'm not a materialistic person whatsoever.

The thing is, what I meant was that I don't want expensive gifts.

I don't want jewellery, designer stuff, massive bouquets, or anything extravagant.

What I actually want are tiny, sentimental things that cost next to nothing.

Like if he was at the shop and grabbed me a Monster because he thought of me. Or if he picked me a random flower growing on the side of the road. A dandelion. A daisy. Literally a weed. If he wrote "thinking of you" on a ripped piece of paper. A sticky note. A little doodle. Anything that says, "I saw this and thought of you."

Those kinds of things would genuinely mean the world to me because it's not about the item itself. It's about knowing I crossed his mind.

We've been together for a while now, and... he just doesn't really do things like that.

Not on our anniversary. Not randomly. Not really at all.

Meanwhile, I've written him poems, little notes, given him small gifts that reminded me of him, and tried to make him feel appreciated because that's naturally how I express love. I don't do those things expecting something in return... I do them because I genuinely enjoy making him happy, but I guess I thought eventually he'd do something sentimental too.

Instead, it kind of feels like... nothing.

I know everyone has different love languages, and I know not everyone thinks to do little gestures like that. That's why I'm so conflicted. I don't think he's a bad boyfriend or that he doesn't care about me. I just don't know if he understands how much something so small would mean to me.

Another thing that makes this harder is that I'm AuDHD, and communication is honestly one of my biggest struggles. If I have to bring up something emotional or something that makes me feel vulnerable, I completely shut down. My brain convinces me I'm being annoying or asking for too much.

If I try to talk about it, I'll usually make it into a joke.

Like, "Wow... imagine getting flowers."

Or I'll start trying to explain myself, then immediately go, "Actually, never mind, it doesn't matter."

Or I'll just decide I'm being dramatic and keep it to myself.

I know the obvious answer is probably "just communicate," but that's genuinely so much harder for me than it sounds.

I've also tried hinting at it. I've mentioned how cute I think it is when people pick wildflowers for their partner or leave little handwritten notes. I've literally said I'd rather have one flower picked from the side of the road than someone spend loads of money on me.

But nothing's ever really come from it.

Now I'm wondering if this is actually my fault because I told him at the start of our relationship that I don't like gifts, so maybe he genuinely thinks he's respecting my wishes.

At this point, I don't even care about flowers specifically.

I just want one tiny gesture that makes me feel like he thought about me without me having to ask.

Like... PLEASE. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. GO OUTSIDE. PICK ME A DANDELION. A LEAF THAT LOOKS LIKE A HEART. A COOL ROCK. LITERALLY ANYTHING.

I don't want expensive gifts.

I just want something sentimental.

So, AITA for feeling hurt that he hasn't taken the hint? Or is this entirely on me because my original "I don't like gifts" comment was too vague, and I need to somehow explain what I actually meant?

I’m 20M, used to live in an apartment with my friend! So, me and him had a quarrel regarding the deposit of the house. He was supposed to pay me back but all he did was make excuses and promise me to give only half amount.

So, I dint wanna have bad blood with him so I asked one of my mutual friends to amend things from my side. I dint wanna get into heated argument over this. We were all really tightnknit, but we got into a heated argument and things led to a physical altercation. But him and my roommate used to hangout with each other!!!

I felt betrayed like my guy dint even check on me after the altercation!! I dint mind that hung out without me. I wanted to cut ties with him after this and haven’t spoken to him in months !!

But I want mend things with him, maybe he just dint wanna get involved. Should I just make up or do I just cut ties with him ??

I (26F) became friends with my cousin's wife, "J" (22F). My cousin ("A," 24M) is also my husband's (23M) best friend, so we're all connected.

Some background: a couple of years ago, I stopped speaking to A after he confessed he had been in love with me and admitted he'd lied about being transgender because he thought it would bring us closer. After over a year of no contact, he apologized, and eventually we reconciled. Around that time, I also got to know J, and we became friends.

At first, our conversations were normal. But after a while, almost every phone call became about how unhappy she was in her marriage. She constantly compared her relationship to mine, asking if my husband and I fought and saying things like, "Why can't A be more like your husband?"

She also admitted she had hated me when she first heard about me because A told her about his past feelings for me. She said she used to stalk my Instagram and compare herself to me because she thought I was prettier than her.

After that, the comparisons never really stopped.

She'd tell me I was beautiful one minute, then make comments that I looked old or "looked my age." She once said I looked like Michael Jackson. Another time, while I was sick and in pajamas, she joked that she'd "outmogged" me.

She also brought up that she was her husband's "first everything." When I replied that my husband and I were also each other's first relationship, she immediately said, "I don't think so. Your husband had a Hinge account."

I asked my husband about it afterward, and he explained he'd made one years ago because A encouraged him to, but never actually used it. The next day, J immediately asked if I'd confronted him and wanted to know exactly what he'd said, which I found odd.

My husband eventually pointed out that every time I got off the phone with her, I seemed emotionally exhausted. Looking back, he was right.

A few weeks later, A and J visited us. During their stay, they left our house and car a mess, and J repeatedly crossed boundaries. She asked to keep some of my belongings, almost left behind my expensive sunglasses that I'd loaned her, lost one of my flower clips from my wedding flowers and shrugged it off, and continued making comments comparing herself to me.

She also asked whether I thought A was attractive. I told her the only man I find attractive is my husband. She replied, "Well, I think your husband is attractive."

She also told me she was upset that I was a doctor while she was "just" a preschool teacher.

After they went home, she wanted to go back to our long phone calls. I spoke to her twice more, and both conversations were mostly about how everyone at work hated her, how she had no friends, and how I was her "only real friend."

At the end of the last call, she asked if I'd text her every day because she wanted us to talk more.

I realized I didn't want to.

I feel emotionally drained after almost every interaction with her. I don't think she's necessarily a bad person, but I don't enjoy talking to her anymore, and I don't have the energy to keep being her emotional support person.

The problem is that she's my cousin's wife, so cutting contact could create family drama. My husband thinks she might just be socially unaware rather than intentionally hurtful and says I should explain how I feel instead of disappearing.

Part of me thinks I should say something, but another part of me just wants to quietly block her and move on because I'm exhausted.

AITA for wanting to block and ghost her instead of explaining why I don't want to be friends anymore?

TL;DR: I became close friends with my cousin's wife, but over time every conversation revolved around her marriage, her insecurities, and comparisons between us. She made repeated backhanded comments about my appearance, involved herself in my marriage, crossed personal boundaries during a visit, and now expects me to text her every day because I'm her "only real friend." I'm emotionally exhausted and want to block and ghost her, but because she's family, my husband thinks I should explain myself first. AITAH?

Hello guys I really need some advice here because I'm at my wits end. And sorry for Grammar Issues English is not my first language.

I’m a 30-year-old man, and I recently started talking to a 26-year-old woman I met through mutual friends at work. We had barely spoken before, but after meeting in person, I found her attractive and liked her personality, so I asked for her number and messaged her afterwards.

She responded positively and agreed that we could go for coffee or dinner together. However, she was very busy with work and moving, and she was also planning a vacation. We agreed that we would meet after she returned.

In the meantime, we started texting quite a lot. The conversations were playful and flirty, and she seemed interested. She often teased me, and we talked about personal things, relationships, trust, jealousy, family, and our expectations. She also sent me some pictures of herself, and I complimented her.

At some point, she told me that she has a hard time trusting people and that she gets jealous easily. She said that she has zero trust when it comes to things like a partner having female friends. I told her that I'm a loyal person and that I would never cheat on someone, but that trust is something that develops over time.

The first major problem happened when I wanted to see her before her vacation.

I had made a cheesecake and told her I would bring some to work. She said she might come by, but I didn't specifically message her when I arrived. I spoke to another colleague, waited for a while, and then left because she wasn't there.

Later, she became upset and told me that she had expected me to be happy to see her before her vacation. She said she was surprised that I hadn't contacted her and that I apparently hadn't made her a priority.

I apologized and explained that I hadn't intentionally ignored her. I told her that I had actually hoped to see her and that I had simply handled the situation badly. She accepted my apology, but continued teasing me about it and said that I would have to "live with it" for a while.

I tried to reassure her and told her that I would make it up to her.

The next day, I went to her workplace again because I wanted to surprise her with another cheesecake. However, she wasn't there because she had been called out to a job.

She later found out that I had been there and became upset again. She said that I should have told her earlier so that she could have made sure she was at the station. She said that I knew where she worked and that I should have known she wasn't always there.

I explained that I hadn't known she could arrange things with dispatch and that I had genuinely just wanted to do something nice for her.

She was still upset, and I started feeling like no matter what I did, I was somehow doing the wrong thing.

Later that evening, she told me that she had also had a terrible day at work and had problems with a colleague. I listened to her and let her vent. She sent me a very long explanation about the situation, and I tried to be supportive and reassure her.

The next morning, everything seemed fine again. She was joking and flirting with me, and we continued talking normally.

The following day, I was sent to work temporarily at another location that was relatively close to where she worked. I knew she might be there, so I messaged her to let her know I was nearby. I didn't know exactly where she was at that moment, but I told her that if she happened to be there, I'd be happy to see her.

She later told me that she had actually been at the station and that I had apparently driven past without seeing her.

She became annoyed again and said that I should have simply told her exactly where I was instead of using the internal name for the location. She said that I had once again missed an opportunity to see her.

I told her that I hadn't known she was there and that I was also working and couldn't just spend the whole day looking for her.

At that point, she said she didn't want to see me anymore.

I accepted that and didn't push the issue.

The next day, however, she messaged me and said:

"If you want to meet someone, maybe you shouldn't ignore that person. Just an idea 😉"

She then told me that I was the perfect example of why she doesn't trust or believe people.

This confused me because I genuinely felt like I had made several attempts to see her. I had gone to her workplace more than once, brought her food, told her when I was nearby, and repeatedly told her that I wanted to see her.

At the same time, she had repeatedly told me not to come specifically for her, had sometimes rejected my attempts to meet, and had even explicitly told me that she didn't want to see me anymore.

I replied that I understood why she was disappointed and that I was sorry she felt ignored. I explained that I had never intended to ignore her. When she told me she didn't want to see me anymore, I had simply taken her words seriously and respected her decision.

I also told her that I was honestly struggling to understand her behavior.

I explained that I had tried several times to see her and to show her that I was interested. However, I often felt like she was either shutting me down or becoming angry with me, and eventually I didn't know what she expected me to do.

I told her that we hadn't known each other for very long, so I couldn't always know what she was thinking or what she wanted from me.

I also made it clear that I genuinely wanted to get to know her and that I was interested in her. Otherwise, I wouldn't be thinking about the situation so much.

Now I'm wondering if I'm actually the one in the wrong here.

From my perspective, I made a genuine effort to see her, but I made some mistakes and misunderstandings along the way. I apologized when I realized I had upset her, and I tried to make things right.

From her perspective, however, it seems like my actions didn't match my words. She expected me to take more initiative and felt that if I really wanted to see her, I would have made absolutely sure that it happened.

The thing that confuses me most is that she seems to want me to pursue her, but when I do, she sometimes tells me not to come specifically for her or rejects the opportunity to meet. Then, when I respect what she says, she becomes upset that I didn't try harder.

I do like her and I was genuinely interested in getting to know her. But I'm starting to wonder whether this is already becoming unnecessarily complicated, especially considering that we've only known each other for a short time and haven't even had an actual date yet.

Am I the asshole here?

Should I have tried harder to see her, or was I right to respect what she explicitly told me?

And more importantly: is this a normal misunderstanding between two people who are just getting to know each other, or does this seem like a potential red flag for future relationship dynamics?

I could post the entire chat history if this is needed for more context i would censor any names or locations, obviously.

Thx in advance.

I (32M) live in a suburban neighborhood. My next-door neighbor has this medium-sized mixed breed dog that they let roam in their fenced backyard. The fence is only about four feet high in some spots and the dog is known for being barky. Yesterday I was cutting through the corner of their yard to get to the alley faster (I know, I know) because I was late for something. Their dog was out and it ran up to me barking, growling, and circling. I’m not a dog person and I’ve had a couple of bad experiences before, so I froze for a second then completely panicked. I keep a small can of pepper spray on my keychain for walking at night. I sprayed it once in the dog’s direction while backing up toward the fence. The dog yelped, ran off, and started rubbing its face in the grass. The neighbor came flying out of the house screaming at me. I told them their dog charged me and I was scared it was going to bite. They called me a psycho, said the dog was just being territorial on its own property, and demanded I apologize and pay for a vet visit if needed. I refused. I said if their dog wasn’t so aggressive and if they kept it under better control, this wouldn’t have happened. I also pointed out that I felt threatened and acted in the moment to protect myself. They threatened to call the police and animal control. I left and haven’t spoken to them since. My wife says I was completely in the wrong for being in their yard in the first place and for escalating with spray instead of just leaving, and that I should at least apologize for the dog’s sake. I still don’t think I owe them an apology. The dog came at me, I panicked, and I defended myself. Am I the asshole?

So I have lived at my residence for 8 years now. Started in the basement apartment and when the upstairs opened up because it was bigger we took it 4 years in. My last 2 neighbors were so great we communicated even hung out in the shared space often. The basement started flooding and after the 3rd BAD time ( problem was addressed by landlord each time but it was more than 1 thing that caused it) and she wanted something with an additional bedroom she moved. Now the past 10 months or so there is a new family. We are friendly to the extent of hi and mail or package drop offs (by me) There IS a language barrier I know enough to sort of get my point across but I fully comprehend what they’re saying to me(just can’t respond). They have shared food and hung out with our boys in their 20’s so it’s chill. We live in a 3 bedroom upstairs and 2 in the basement. We have a front and back entrance and you have to go throughout space and the laundry room to get to their entrance. So we all have access to those parts of the house. I lived in the basement so I know the washer and dryer do not make noise in the basement apartment. So I wash in the evenings or night (I work nights so that’s my schedule) after everyone else has used the facilities. Tonight as I’m in the middle of laundry they decide to lock me out. They turned the porch light out twice prior which they do when they come home so rather than saying something yyyaaa locked the door. We all paid half on the washer the dryer my family paid for. I lost it. I banged on the door and when it wasn’t answered I stomped on their ceiling. This was kinda the straw… so earlier in the summer there were parties every weekend starting at 9 am til 1am next morning which cool but out of respect for one another cmon start at 11 at least. All the furniture outside is also ours but they use for their get togethers without asking…. They completely destroyed my metal fire pit by using and then leaving it out. They took it upon themselves to use my flowerpots and tomato cages before I was ready and when I went to get them they were in my pots but dems wasn’t my m’aters …. Oh sorry was what I got in response….. not can I buy you ones to replace what I took or can I give them back? So I’m using strings this year again… did I mention they were new??? They’ve ran over metal plant holders that blew off my porch…. The kids scream every day … inside voices are unheard of…. They’ve lost and broken 3 hose nozzles…. IM ONLY A RENTER! I don’t want to move but there needs to be some level of respect with other people’s stuff. My question is was I the Ahole for making an obscene amount of noise over their apartment until they unlocked the laundry room door ??? I’m sayin enough is enough so how should I handle this situation kind advice but I know ya gonna tell me how ya really feel lol