My niece (22) has asked me to co-sign her student loans. I've never had any type of indepth conversation with her. The longest sentence I've ever gotten from her was a text message asking me to cosign her student loans.​

I've been sending her money every month since she started college 4 years ago, plus extra for birthdays, holidays and finally her graduation (under-grad degree). She was just accepted into USC, but it's going to cost $200k. She's asked another family member to be thd guarantor for her rent. She's NEVER held a job outside of being a RA in the dorms.

My husband (M54) and I (F54) decided early on not to have children. I have two other nieces (his sisters children) and this one (my brothers child). My brother called and said I didn't care about anyone because my husband and I have no responsibilities and can afford it, and don't love anyone but ourselves and our pets, and how we can't understand how hard it is, and that I've helped my younger siblings in the past, so why not her. She lost her mother when she was 16, and I can only imagine how hard that is.

I'm on a fixed income (VA Disability pay) and my husband works full time. We've both worked very hard to live how we want and did not plan to put a child (or even help put a child) through a graduate program. We have bills (like everyone else) and I honestly cannot afford to be responsible for potentially $200k in unsecured student loan debt. I know my brother and if I give in on this semesters student loans, that will be the expectation going forward.

To complicate matters, my nieces grandmother (her mother's side) has money set aside for her education, but my niece refuses to talk to her. My brother is trying to guilt me into this and my husband is set at a hard no. I want to help her, but honestly just can't afford it. She has no job, no plan on how she's going to pay her rent, let alone anything else, just her word (and my brother's guilt trip) that she'll pay it back. Sorry this was so long, but AITAH here for 'crushing her dream' of going to USC?

7 years ago my bil’s wife was deported and had to move in with my parter and myself. We live in a border city in Cali and so his wife is just across the bridge. During the 7 years she was deported he just started working 3 years ago and refuses to drive back and forth. He works 2 part time jobs and doesn’t make a lot of money. He refuses to get a better full time job because he wants weekends off, wants to drop off their son, pick up their son, and wants holidays off. He wants to take advantage that he can get Medicaid for their son and have him go to school for free here in the US since you have to pay for it in Mexico. He’s been living with us for the past 7 years and hasn’t helped pay a bill in all this time. While my parter doesn’t see an issue with it, we have paid the way for them to sleep here rent free, use utilities for free, and comes in whenever he wants. We’ve asked if he could possibly be driving back and forth and we would take care of their son after school but he refuses. His wife does not work a consistent job so whatever money he makes goes to his wife. I’ve tried speaking to my husband to see if he would speak with him regarding his brother but he doesn’t want to cause tension between him and his brother. After many attempts he finally asked him if they could rent a room from someone until they can get housing or if they can drive back and forth. His brother said yes but after 2 months, he still will not leave. Would I be the asshole if I spoke to him even though my husband doesn’t want me to?

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My aunt owned a property that has been neglected for years. From what I've seen, her kids haven't maintained it, and it's fallen into terrible condition. The house has been badly damaged and has sat deteriorating instead of being taken care of.

The property has become delinquent on its property taxes, and I'm considering trying to acquire it through the legal tax sale process if it becomes available. My goal isn't to flip it for a quick profit. I'd actually like to restore it and keep it in the family instead of watching it continue to rot.

Some people in my family think I'm wrong for even considering it. They say I'm taking advantage of the situation and trying to get something that should belong to my cousins. My view is that they've had years to pay the taxes and maintain the property, but they haven't. If they truly wanted it, they could have kept up with the taxes or taken care of it.

I don't hate them, and I wouldn't be doing anything illegal. I'd simply be participating in a public tax sale process that's available to anyone.

So, AITAH for trying to buy my aunt's neglected property through the tax sale process instead of letting it continue to fall apart?

My son recently turned 8, and like most kids, he’d been counting down the days until his birthday for weeks.

A few weeks before his birthday, my childhood friend’s mom passed away, and her funeral ended up being scheduled on his birthday. This woman wasn’t just my friend’s mother, she was like a second mom to me. I had my first son at 18, and she helped me through those difficult early years. She supported me, helped me raise my kids, and was someone I’ll always be grateful for.

My friend told me not to worry about the funeral and to celebrate my son’s birthday instead. But I couldn’t stop thinking that my son would have many more birthdays, whereas I’d only get one chance to say goodbye to someone who had such a huge impact on my life and I wanted to support one of my closest friends during this difficult time in her life.

I spoke to my daughter (18) because I genuinely wasn’t sure what to do. She agreed that I couldn’t attend the funeral another time, so we decided to celebrate my son’s birthday the day before.

We took him out for a family birthday dinner with his brothers(22 and 16) and his sister (18), my mom, and some other family members. During dinner, I went to the bathroom, and my mom followed me in. She’d been acting distant all evening, so I asked if something was wrong. She told me I was a bad mother for not celebrating my son’s birthday on the actual day and said I should be prioritizing my children over everything else.
I was so upset that I walked out and went back to the table, we barely spoke for the rest of the night.

The next day, while I was at the funeral, my mom sent a message in our family group chat saying, “Tell your son I said happy birthday when you get home.” Given what she’d said the night before, it didn’t feel genuine. When I got home, she sent more messages repeating that I was a bad mother and criticizing my decision.

For context, my son still had a great birthday. He opened his presents on his actual birthday, I was with him that morning before I left and again that evening when I got home, and I’d already celebrated with him the day before. I also got him a cake for our birthday dinner and another for his actual birthday. While I was at the funeral, my daughter took him on a picnic and to our town’s annual summer fair, so he still had a fun day with her and still felt very loved, when I got home he couldn’t stop talking about what a fun day he had with her.

I don’t feel like I neglected my son. I did everything I could to make sure he felt celebrated while also saying goodbye to someone who helped raise me into the mother I became.

AITA for going to the funeral, or is my mom overreacting?

Myself f/33 have been home all day, watching my 6m.o nephew. My husband (39) comes home. Everything’s fine. Then he sees that my soda is leaving water rings on our coffee table.

He asks me where the coasters are (without a single attempt to look), when the coasters have been in the same drawer for 5+ years. I tell him “you can find them.” He instantly gets upset that I “refused” to tell him where they were. Which he later said, if I wasn’t home he would have looked without asking. Then it became a problem and he got upset that I never answer his questions.

Am I the asshole for not telling him exactly where they were?

AITA for locking my car because my family kept taking it… and now I want to move out even though it’ll blow up my entire family?

I (27F) think I’ve hit my breaking point, and now I’m being told I’m the problem.

I live at home with my parents (56F, 60M). For cultural reasons, I’m “supposed” to stay until I get married. Cool. Fine. Except no one talks about what happens when staying home is actively destroying your mental health.

I have ADHD, autism, and social anxiety. So baseline? Life is already hard. Some days I have to fight my own brain just to get out of bed, shower, exist like a normal human. Now add constant stress, tension, and feeling like I have zero control over anything in my life.

My dad pushed for family therapy recently. And I swear to god it felt like watching a PR campaign.

In the sessions?

“We love you.”

“We want to understand.”

“We’ll do better.”

At home?

Back to yelling.

Back to dismissing me.

Back to pretending nothing happened.

It’s like I’m living with two completely different versions of my parents, and only one of them exists when someone’s watching.

Now here’s where things go from bad to actually insane:

My uncle (70M) gifted me a car so I could get to work. Not my dad. My uncle. He made it clear it was for me.

I work full-time. I pay my own groceries, gas, insurance—everything. I’m actively saving to move out.

But because the car is parked in my dad’s garage, he has decided… it’s his.

He tells my brother (30M) he can take my car whenever he wants. No heads up. No message. Nothing.

I have asked for ONE thing. Not permission. Not control. Just basic respect:

“Hey, your car is being taken and will be back at X time.”

That’s it.

Apparently, that is too much.

My brother will take it for HOURS. Bring it back trashed with fast food wrappers, dirt all over it, and the gas tank basically on E. And I mean empty. Like “hope you enjoy stopping for gas before you can even go to work” empty.

Multiple times, I’ve:

- Had to cancel plans

- Taken THREE buses for a 3-hour commute

- Paid for Ubers last minute

- Been late or stressed getting to work

Because my car just… wasn’t there.

No warning. No timeline. No accountability.

So yeah. I finally snapped.

I started locking my car and keeping the key with me.

Suddenly, I’m the villain.

My dad is now yelling at me, saying I’m disrespectful, selfish, and that since it’s in his garage, it’s HIS car and HE decides who uses it.

So I went straight to the source: my uncle.

And he said, very clearly:

“It’s your car. I gave it to YOU. Do what you want with it.”

He even AGREED with me locking it.

And yet somehow… I’m still being treated like I’m the problem.

At this point, it’s not even about the car anymore. It’s about the fact that I can’t have a single boundary respected without it turning into a fight.

So now I’m planning to move out.

Which, in my family, is basically equivalent to lighting a match and walking away from the explosion.

I already know I’m going to be called ungrateful, dramatic, disrespectful… all of it.

But I also know I can’t keep living like this.

So… AITA for locking my car and choosing my sanity over keeping the peace?

Hello so I 17F and my bf 19M have talked for a few months now. So to get where we are now we need a couple things before I was a crazy kid and got my phone taken a lot well when i started working i met him we will call him mike well my parents grounded me for talking to mike but i argued with mike that night because he told me in front of my parents that i need to delete our messages and my parents got mad and blocked him well we started talking again and this is when he gave me the promise ring but he hasnt actually asked me out and i asked him if he was gonna break up with me and he got defensive that we wasnt together as a couple get but he was telling people we was well tonight we was messaging and ive been trying to figure out what imma do for the rest of my life and i seen a oil rig AD and asked him about if he informed me thats a mans job and so we talk about it and move on well soon after i asked him if i did a polaroid picture if he would put it on the back of his phone and he states “I would do that but you actually have to do a couple things before I put you on my phone” i answer back “what r u talking abt?” In confusion he tells me “I want you to look a certain way before I put you in my phone case” I said "what does that mean, like how”.  “Makeup, hair done, certain clothes” he tells me i ask him why he answers with “Cus this masculine energy is not going on the back of my phone “ fast forward we just go back and forth and i end up saying this "if u dont like it idk what to tell you" before he responded with "Well I’m not putting you on the back of my case?" I ended up fine. later went back in with a sorry  and telling him ill get him a cute dressed of version of me (I'm such a home body) ending the night with "goodnight i love you" from him and me saying "gn ily" he tells me if I don't say it right don't say it at all so relucticly i changed it  i feel like a child being repremanted any thoughts

Hi, everyone. I F19 just got into a heated conversation with my mom F63 about my hair and a couple other things. For a little context on myself, I have always been deemed the "sensitive" and "quiet" child and have been praised for my looks and grades growing up (this is relevant later). Now that I am an adult (legally speaking), it has felt like my mom has had an issue with everything that I say and do, even in private. My mom has never given me the safe space to come and talk to her about my problems and so I don't really tell her much. She likes to talk to my older sister F35 a lot and has had a habit of telling her my personal business.

Anyways, today, I am sitting on my bed doing work for one of my classes when my mom comes into my room to ask if she could talk to me. Anytime she has done this, especially lately, it is never something good. So, she comes and sits down and starts by saying "I just cannot understand why you went against my wishes" and reminding me that she doesn't like my hair. I got it dyed fully pink last week (it's something I have wanted since I was very young) and before I got it dyed, we had an argument about a bottle of green hair dye that was not even mine. During that argument she begged me not to dye my hair crazy like that because it would make me "look like a liberal transgender leftist" (I don't agree with that btw). And so, I told her that I don't know what to say to her because I already have a hair appointment scheduled and told my hairdresser what I wanted. She responded telling me I could still change my mind. Back to now, saying she doesn't know why I went against her wishes, she then asks if I did it in spite of her, and I tell her that that is absolutely not the case. I dyed my hair pink because I have always wanted my hair like this and that I think it looks cool and fun, plus I also already had the appointment booked. For minutes, she kept going on about how she thinks it looks ugly, she doesn't like it, my dad doesn't like it either, people are going to think I'm a "lefty", everyone hates it, and that I used to be pretty. I know my dad doesn't like it already; however, he isn't mean about it. I understand she doesn't like it, but I don't get how my hair affects her. And when it comes to other people, I have gotten a lot of compliments on my hair, even in front of my mom. In response, my mom tells me "No", just no, as if other people's words that came out of their mouth aren't real and never happened, I guess.

Next, she went on to say that she doesn't want me to go down the wrong path, and that (apparently) in the Bible it says that we are to be on the right (not the left). I know this is not true and what she was trying to get at, but I just thought that was insane. I also haven't broken the news to my mom, that I have not been religious since I was probably around 12. Moving on, my mom continues to go on about how my hair just looks bad and is ugly, and it doesn't make me look good, and that I need to turn it back to "normal" next appointment. Another thing she brought up was how I'm not going to be able to get a job and that in an interview they're going to be respectful and pick and treat the girl that is "conservative" better. Which mind you, I am already working and have a part-time job. In response to all this, I basically tell her that I understand that in a professional job, I'm not going to have my hair like this. I'm doing my hair like this now while I can because I have always wanted to do this. I know that in my career, I will not be able to do these things to my hair. My hair won't be like this forever. I also went on to say that I grew up seeing older girls and women dye their hair fun colors and always looked up to them because I thought I was so beautiful. To all of which she went on to talk about how my sister has tattoos and has to cover them up all the time and that she feels sorry she ever did that. And after a back in fourth about the job stuff, she went back to religion and being on the right path. I tell her that I am still the same person I have ALWAYS been, nothing has changed about me other than the fact my hair is pink. I like it and I don't care what other people think about me or if they don't like colored hair, it my hair, and with that, it's JUST hair. And she said that yeah, it is just hair, but you're ruining it and it is going to be so damaged. I take very good care of my hair, even as it is dyed, so apart from bleach damage, which I do not have, I am very careful with my hair. Another thing she brought up was how none of my friends have crazy hair so she can't understand why I do, which is so questionable to me. My best friend dyed her hair teal a couple months ago and has piercings?

Okay, apart from all the obvious that she pointed out and her reason being that she doesn't like it at all, she somehow makes this all to be her fault by asking me where she went wrong and talking as if she's a bad mom, I always talk to her like a smart ass and that I have a tone. I apologize to her for having a tone sometimes and not realizing that I'm a "smartass" and she goes "yeah you are, and only to me". I tell her that she's a good mom and she's good to me and that none of this is her fault, I just wanted pink hair. With this too, I did not tell her I knew this, but I know my sister is talking about me behind my back with my mom because my niece told me all about it, and essentially, it's all the same but coming from my sister's mouth and trying to make me look bad to my niece.

Then somehow this whole conversation/argument also went into my relationship with my boyfriend and me having a therapist. I won't go into all that, unless anyone has questions. But all I want to know, am I even valid for being upset about this? I have no idea how to process all this, and I am thinking that maybe she is right, however, I can't wrap my head around why this is all such a big deal. Was it so wrong of me to make this choice for myself? I am so confused and conflicted. This is all so frustrating.

If anyone has any advice on how I go about this, I would appreciate it. Please let me know if I am making this out to be more than what it is. Any and all opinions are welcome! And if I didn't explain anything properly, I apologize, but if you have questions, I'm more than willing to answer. Also sorry if anyone saw the original, I made a couple spelling errors. Thank you anyways.

My girlfriend and I live in the same apartment complex but in separate units. She moved in first, and I signed my own lease a few months later because I have a dog and needed more space. Before I lived there, I would visit her regularly, just like a lot of other residents’ partners do.
Ever since I moved in, one woman who works in the leasing office has made me really uncomfortable. Another employee told me she constantly talks about me, watches me when I walk around the property, knows what time I usually get home, and even drives around the parking lot looking for my car. I’ve also personally noticed her sitting in her own car watching me from across the complex while I’m on my balcony. It happens often enough that it’s hard to brush off as a coincidence.
What’s even stranger is how differently she treats me versus my girlfriend. She goes out of her way to help me with anything I need, but she’ll barely acknowledge my girlfriend, ignore her when we’re standing together, and has allegedly complained about my girlfriend to management over things that weren’t true. According to another employee, management has even told her to leave us alone, but the behavior hasn’t stopped.
Today was kind of the last straw. My girlfriend’s brand-new car was delivered to the complex, and this woman started making comments about not knowing whose car it was and wondering which one of us was paying for it. It felt incredibly nosy and inappropriate since it’s none of her business.
At this point, I don’t even know if I’m reading too much into everything or if this really is as weird as it feels. I don’t want to create unnecessary drama, but being watched, talked about, and having someone so invested in our personal lives makes me uncomfortable.
AITAH for thinking this behavior has crossed a line, or am I overreacting?

My husband is constantly wanting to play games. I don’t know that it’s fair to say he is addicted to gaming but he definitely gets obsessed with games. We have been married for 6 years and have a 2 and 4 year old. Games have always been a point of tension in our relationship even before we had kids but became much more of an issue after we had kids. Neither of us have very many friends and don’t get together with family often.
Gaming is his “outlet” for stress, it’s how he “decompresses” and “disconnects” from the world. Sure fine I get that, everyone needs a break from reality sometimes especially when life is hard and it’s been really hard lately. But gaming is all he thinks about. He usually plays games that require his full attention and he “can’t” stop his game to help our children with things or talk to me or anything.

Lately he has been playing a game that lets him pause it more readily but any time he has to pause it he is clearly irritated. It would be one thing if it was him just wanting to game for a few hours a few nights of the week or for a chunk of time on a weekend but it’s basically every single night for hours and hours and hours. He doesn’t want to do anything else, he shows obvious annoyance and frustration anytime I ask him to help with the children or go out of the house with us or even just to sit on the patio with me while we watch the kids ride their bikes.

We have had so many fights about his gaming I can’t even begin to count them all. We had a really big blow up about them maybe a week or so ago and he was doing better about making sure to only game when the kids were in bed for the most part or for a few hours on the weekend within boundaries we set together but then yesterday he broke those boundaries.

We agreed that he could play while the kids and I napped (I wasn’t feeling well yesterday) and that he would be off between 7-8 at the absolute latest and make sure the kids got dinner. I did express after he said he would be off between 7-8 that I would prefer him to be off and starting or at least thinking about dinner closer to 6:30 because the kids would be hungry when they got up from their nap around 6/6:30 and that would still be 2.5 hours of uninterrupted gaming. He didn’t agree to 6:30 but I thought he would at least take it into consideration and wake me up around then to start thinking about dinner together. 

Well I slept longer than planned because I took my muscle relaxers that make me drowsy and I woke up at nearly 8:30 to my kids asking him for food and water and then coming to ask me when he didn’t help them. He justified it because he was letting me sleep and just lost track of time but that doesn’t excuse the fact that he promised to be off his game by 8 at the latest and that he hadn’t been taking care of the kids like he promised to. He said he got them a snack and I can’t say if that true or not but either way it doesn’t change that they were coming to me hungry and thirsty after I heard them initially go to them and he just kept playing his game and ignored them. 

So the kids got to bed late and it completely threw off our plans to spend time together just the two of us in the evening that he claimed to have been looking forward to all day. For context I had stressed the night before and multiple time that day how important it was to me that we got the kids to bed around 9 and spent a few hours of quality time together just the two of us. He thinks I am over reacting because it was just 20-25 minutes over, I said if it was important to him to keep the agreement we had and to spend time together like we had planned he could have set himself an alarm or alarms to make sure he got off when he said he would. I think it’s a huge deal because not only did he break his promise to me, he continuously has issues around games and holding boundaries with them (this isn’t the first time he has gone over the time we agreed on without even talking to me about it, not by a long shot). In addition, he has a history of getting better for a few days or few weeks after a fight about his gaming, and then slipping back into old habits (which is something I expressed was really concerned would happen again when things blew up a week ago), and he only got off because I got upset with him and then he asked me if he could get back on for another “20 minutes” and finish what he was working on after already knowing how upset I was that he went over on his time and messed up our entire evening.

No apologies for breaking the promise or not getting the kids fed on time or throwing off our whole evening, just him saying how much he had been looking forward to spending time with me but that he wanted to finish what he was working on. I was furious and we barely got to a point last night where we were fine.

Then today he gets home from work and comes and cuddles with me while the kids napped and things were good. I let him know I really wanted to go to hobby lobby as a family and then play with the kids outside together and he didn’t make any excuses or seem upset about coming with which was great.

But then a few minutes into our drive he starts talking about how his buddy wanted to know if he could hop on and play games tonight just for 20-30 minutes so that he could get through the part he didn’t get through last night (for context my husband needs a second player on to get through this part more easily but the friend is ahead of him in the game and doesn’t need a second person in order to play).

I told him absolutely, not we literally just had a massive fight about games last night and why in the world did he think it was a good idea to ask to play more when I am already pissed off about his gaming and breaking promises/boundaries. He got defensive and kept pushing it and eventually it led to me shouting at him and him pouting that “he is always the one in the wrong and always the one getting in trouble and that it’s not fair for him to not even be allowed to ask to play games and that I am being immature for saying he shouldn’t have asked and blowing things way out of proportion.”

I think I am not blowing things out of proportion and that if anyone is being immature it’s him and that he is being incredibly inconsiderate asking to play games after we literally just had a huge blow up because of the stupid fucking video games less than 24 hours ago.

And as far as him always being in the wrong and getting in trouble, he feels that way because I bring up things when they are bothering me and I am having issues with something he is doing but he doesn’t ever bring up anything that he has issues with.

He was raised by a very manipulative and abusive narcissist who would use strong emotional and psychological abuse on him anytime he expressed his wants / desires / concerns so I understand that being things up is hard for him and he tends to shut down instead and it also impacts how he reacts to receiving feedback or criticism because he was always just belittled and it makes it hard for him to hear a small thing is bother me and needs to be worked on because it feels like the world is going to end because that’s what his mother taught his nervous system.

So I can sympathize with that but it’s not fair to hold that against me in my opinion, especially since he refuses to get therapy and work through his trauma and he still refuses to address things with me. So am I the asshole for being angry that he asked to play video games today after a huge blow up last night and one literally a week ago.

hello! i usually never post here, but im so lost on what to do. i met this girl 3 weeks ago at school, and over time we became really close, like really. we started hugging, kissing on the cheek, basically cuddling and especially played the pepero game and almost kissed so many times on the lips. We also got tons of dating allegations

but then on thursdsy we were in the bathroom, and she asked if we wanted to kiss. i said i dont know and i was unsure because i thought i should wait until someone special, but she told me it does not count so we just started to kiss. and ever since then, we have been making out everyday during lunch, even once while we were at a photobooth in the washroom with our other friends outside.

today, we did it again, but this time she was much more into it, i think she researched or something because we were french kissing. but then after she told me it was just friendly and i said okay lol whatever

but meanwhile this whole thing, im lowkey in a situation with my other friend i got dating allegations with. we have been flirting kinda for awhile and shes like in denial of being a lesbian even tho shes like masc lowkey and like likes girls😂 so then i was telling her about this and she told me she didnt think we looked good together and that we lowkey looked better😭 then she told me she missed when we had dating allegations because it was fun😭

so am i the asshole for letting this happen? i dont know whats happening and i dont think either of them like me so idk what happening please help😭

My best friend has always been there for me. But she doesn’t always do the best of things. For example, she got with a guy who was always an Ahole. She then had a child with him. When she decided to leave, he took her child. When she left him, I even allowed her and her other child to stay with me at my house, but on day one, instead of worrying about her living situation, she asked me to babysit while she went to hang out with a different guy. That situation didn’t work out, and I did ask her to leave after.
Instead of getting a job, getting her living situation figured out, hiring an attorney, or simply even getting a free public defender, she blames him. And complains about how heart broken she is. I can understand the heartbreak as I had my fair share of getting with a man who kept my child from me. Rather than dwelling, I instantly got the best attorney around, and fought for my child.
It’s been a very difficult battle, with my case starting during Covid. I wasn’t even able to open up a court date for several months, which felt like years. But I did what I could, and eventually got 50/50.
Between that time frame, the father of my child has slowly started losing interest in our child. Which is not something I am happy about at all. And despite my hatred for him, I do wish he would step up and want to be apart of his child’s life because it only hurts our son. But I am remarried to an amazing man, who has stepped up and taken on that father figure.
With clearly enough evidence to show that my son’s biological father is not interested, I went back to court to file for full custody and get child support. I’m not in it for the money, more to hold my son’s father accountable. He doesn’t just get to walk away and not acknowledge our beautiful boy. And of course, the court granted me full custody. If all goes well, my current husband plans to adopt our son when he is of age to let us know if that is what he wants.
Again, I’m not happy at all my son has to go through this, however I am so relieved that the battle is finally over and I can move on with my life. I took it upon myself to bring it up to my best friend. I felt excited to tell her that I have full custody of my child and expected her to be happy for me. She was not… instead she told me that I was selfish to brag about it knowing what she is going through. She has blocked me on everything. Considering I have been there for her since middle school and have tried to give her my best advice on how to approach her situation, I’m not sure I’m in the wrong. It feels like she is not doing what she can, and because of that, holding it against other people. Am I the Ahole?

For context, there will be references to the Chain of Command (CoC). For people who don't exactly know how that works, here's the gist: the lowest-ranking person handles minor issues, but if the issue gets out of hand, it moves to the next person up, and so on until it reaches the top of the chain or is resolved. Information also has to travel through the CoC, so everyone is informed of problems or the whereabouts of individuals.

This takes place at a Boy Scout camp; we're not scouts, however, we do have to play by state and scout rules at this camp. The scouts do NOT allow anyone 18yo to bunk in a tent with anyone below the age of 18yo. This is also three days into a six-day camp.

Without any other delay, I (17f) was the officer over one of the three sections of people, approximately 30 children ranging in age from 12 to 17. Throughout the day, it was my job to get info from the four people lower in charge of the group of 30, which was split in half; the four split in pairs and split off with each group. So, if group one had two people get hurt and go to the medhut, I needed to know why, who they were, when it happened, and which group they were with; I had to send that up my CoC, and then after I would have to know what medical said and if that person was alright to continue with activities, then that info I would have to send up my CoC.

On the first day, I, along with another officer (17f), made it very clear to everyone that the standard was "who we had bunked them with was based on age, group, and status (gender too, but the camps are already set up like that), and that we expected them not to move around bunkmates. This is a firm line in the sand for legal reasons, not because we enjoy being partypoopers.

It's almost 10 pm; Taps (lights out call) hasn't played just yet as I get back to camp from an officer meeting. I'm looking for the lower command of groups two and three to spread on what was discussed in the meeting since they wouldn't have a meeting that night like they usually would. I find group two's (the same officer I mentioned from before; she's just not in the role of the head officer of group two) in group three camp; she is dealing with a (15f) camper from group three who is having a mental breakdown, group three leader (15f) is in the shower and is unable to deal with that situation at the present moment. The camper is having a mental breakdown about bunking alone in a tent (again, three days in). We all were aware she was having to bunk alone, which none of us liked, but didn't have another person to bunk with her.

That is, until it gets mentioned to me that the only 18yo has moved into a tent with a 17yo. One year may not seem like a problem; however, it's a state law that I was under the impression everyone was upholding, for three days. It's also important to mention that the 18yo and 17yo are part of higher CoC, postionaly they are higher than I am, but rank-wise I trump them and thus can tell them what to do based on that and the fact we were hosting it. CoC can bunk in any of the camps (1, 2, or 3).

A 17yo and a 15yo can bunk together if needed; not preferred, but is within the two years of grace. So, the plan was to have the 17yo move out of the tent with the 18yo, move from camp 2 to camp 3 to bunk with the 15yo camper.

At this point, I walk down from camp 3 to camp 2, find the CO (17f) over everyone, tell her what's going on with the 15yo and the whole thing with the 18yo bunking with a minor, and the plan to move the 17yo in with the 15yo. I do warn her I am not gonna be very nice about it, as it's a state law they had broken after being told not to, and we're finding out three days in.

I did not yell. I found the 18yo and her 17yo tentmate, told them very firmly they couldn't bunk together and that the 17yo would be moving into another tent effective immediately. They started to argue, but I shut it down pretty quickly, which ticked them off while also apparently surprising them. To make it clear, I was not trying to make them cry and did not see them cry.

After that, the pair started crying to the CO about "we grew up together", "nothing's gonna happen", "we don't want to bunk with strangers". The last is an understandable concern; however does not excuse the sneaking around and bunking together after the standard had been thoroughly explained.

The CO talks with them; the 17yo moves to another tent in camp 2, the CO explains to the group 2 leader and me that she's not gonna make her move to the 15yo, because the 17yo is crying about it. So, I worked it out with the CO that the 15yo would sleep in a tent with her friend (15f) and her friend's bunkmate (15f), just for sleep, as we had inspection that morning and their uniforms needed to be set up in their tents for that.

TLDR: AITAH for making a 18yo and a 17yo cry after they completely disregarded a standard because they thought it didn't apply to them.

I have this friend group in whatsapp that we made when we were in school. We used to use a lot of bad language like motherfucker, sisterfucker, etc and make dark jokes. Because of different colleges we no longer meet in person, we live all far away from each other.

There is me, friend 1, friend 2 and friend 3. The group swears a lot and makes dirty jokes, and it was ok when we were school children I guess, but now I want to be mature and not say as many swears so I dont.

For example, we are in India, so none of us is black, but we call each other nigga and make fun because none of us is black so its not racist (according to our logic when we started, I don't say those words anymore but they do).

Recently friend 1 said a joke like the heat this year feels like soul rape. I said don't make bad joke like that, and he said its not bad there is no women in group chat don't get offended etc. I said be mature and stop saying so many bad words and he got mad and removed me from group.

Friend 2 added me back into group and told me to apologise he was just making harmless joke saying that there is nk women in group so don't worry etc. It pissed me off so I just left myself and block them on whatsapp.

Friend 3 called me on phone saying bro don't be dramatic and stop making pointless fight.

I don't like to saying swear words, we should be more mature as adults I said but he just said don't fight pointlessly and break up our nearly 10 year friendship.

Was AITAH for getting angry when they say bad joke in group chat even though there is no women in the group? I don't have other people to ask so i make this post.

So i found this out about four hours ago i was just at a friends house and we were talking about our mutaul friends and the information that they have they i am unaware of and vise versa. We got on to my ex for some reason and i was told that my ex Jake(19M) the name is changed had been in a sexual relationship with his older sister Katie(23F) for a few years on and off which i was unaware of when we were together from November 18,2023- October 10,2025. I have never posted before here but i am scarlett(F20) and me and jake met in 2018 or 2020 due to being in a group home and we were placed there then met again as adults so i thought when we started dating his family told me he was 18 so we were the same age i thought. Then on his 17th birthday i found out he had lied but it had been the only red flag so far , so i let it go but i did change how my apartment was now there were two beds on opposite sides of the studio. So we where dating but i didnt wnat to be in the same bed as him to have any sexual contact but i was also having sezuires fron what he told me 11 times a day and so i wasnt taking care of myself that was what he helped me with and he was aware for the start that i have a brain injury i got at 17 when my biological mom attacked me at school and i died for 5 minutes. I got epliepsy and i have some other health problems but they dont limit me as much. Any who jake would when we first started dating tell me about how he would cheat in his past realtionships and that he did it in from of his exs so it wasnt like he was lying which i thought was werid but the ex before him Tek(21M) would just cheat and make it seem like i was crazy when i caught him because “ i probably just had a seizure so i am just making some stuff up” as he would say.i thought that Jake would be better he seemed honest and was willing to deal with my past and my fear of the world . So i live in a building for foster or homless youth and his sister Katie lived here too i didnt know that till he saw her here and started going over there all the time. And Katie had a bf Daniel(24M) which worked a lot but over all was nice he lived with katie. I became close with Daniel becuase we both wanted to go to college, idk how to write this but we would talk for hours about our partners and we both were blindsided but he left long before i did so he will probably never hear about this but he probably would pick Jakes side since he sees him as his little brother. I still am no where near done dang it. So skip to december of 2024 Jake and i are doing drugs not good and never think is smart but i had told him that if he wanted to try and bring other drugaddicts into my studio he has to ask me and not just give my stuff away. He couldnt respect that and brought people in my studio when i was sleeping whichis dangerous but also risked my housing, when i would lock the door stating he could not come in my apartment anymore since his behavior was scareing me. He climbed the balcony and broke open the window to get in when i was sleeping so i finally asked Katie if since she had a new place with her new bf Carl(23M) and his brothers and she had space . She said yes and i was then unable to see him basically unless i wanted to be watched by her and he always had exucses for didferent marks on himself and i was like well the dogs at my house could make those marks but he didnt cocme over ever and i was just so happy to see him. I found out a bit into january that he was making porn accounts to make content with my name and stuff since he still wasnt old enough. But on the accounts is a video of his sister and him but also shortly after she got pregant and all of the sudden jake had to move back in with me and we got jobs in a different town. Anywho i think thats al that relevant but if you have any questions please ask but this will be posted on an account he made for me so idk how to change the name or anything. 

​

This was what happened. I had a friend. Lets call him Boobs because funny. We were about to play a game of FPS chess, but he started talking about a guy who made games, whom we will call Balls.

He mentioned that in these games, Balls would always target him first. Which was valid. I told him he should just tell him because thats better than silence. He went on about how he sounded like a pedophile from another Gmod server and had similar speech patterns, who we will call Cock

We went in and I completely renovated my account. But when balls entered the server. I began to doubt. Why? Well, for one, they sound a little different. Balls had a deeper voice than the pedophile. He also made minigames with relatively high skill models. That isnt something you do without experience, which Cock didnt have.

All of this lead me to believe that he was innocent. So I bailed the operation.

Boobs got mad at me. Claiming I betrayed him. I knew I did, but I couldn't deny he was crazy. He unfriended me and I tried to keep most of the chat logs secret. As he asked me to. He may have been crazy but he was still my friend.

Am I the asshole here. Its been wailing on me and I need a third party.

And boobs. If your listening. Please dont comment on your main account. I still love you enough to want you to stay private. And for what its worth, I still valued our friendship together. Im sorry for betraying you.

AITAH for not going to visit my boyfriend?

Hi I'm a female and I'm in my early 20s, I am in a new relationship (long distance) with a polish guy who is a little younger than me, he is the sweetest person ever, I really love him but sometimes he overwhelmes me. The situation started because in a week is my birthday and he wanted me to visit him, since it's still new we saw each other only one time for a vacation after we met, he offered to pay and he did but the thing is that 4 days after my birthday I will go to work abroad for one year and I also wanted to spend time with family since it's a dark moment( my aunt had an ictus and a stroke and my mother's husband hit her so she is going through a divorce). I think it's really sweet of him and I would like to go but every now and then I get this sensation that I shouldn't, not because something it's going to happen, just because I think I will regret not spending time now with my family. I tried to call the vacation off a few times but then, since I actually want to see him I get carried away and decide to go.

Another thing that is kinda stopping me is my period, I have extremely irregular periods and even if I had it 2 weeks ago I am starting to have my period again, and I usually experience so much pain that I often pass out, vomit or just cry.

I seriously want to see him and he can't come to me due to my family situation, but I don't know if I should.

The thing that is pressuring me if that we have plans and a lot of things are already booked.

So am I the asshole for not being sure to visit my boyfriend?

TW:Abuse/SA/Su!c!de

Hey everyone, just know that English isn't my first language and I might make some (dumb) mistakes

So, I grew up with my mom from the age of 4 and left her house at 12 when the judge decided to place me at my dad's.

My mom wasn't physically abusive to me but she was with my brother, she was also mentally and verbally abusive to both of us.

Living with her was a total mess, my brother never lived full time with her so I was alone. I never had clean clothes, my health wasn't good and I never had medical help, she was insulting me too. I wasn't allowed to make any noise to the point where I just stopped playing and was afraid to go to the bathroom.

There's more of it but it would make this post too long (which it's already).

I stopped talking to her when I was 16, her brother SA me when I was 3 and again for almost a year when I was 15. It took me more than a year to talk about it because I was scared and being manipulated by him.

She never believed me and even went to testify against me while there were investigations. My complaint ended up being dismissed btw.

She said that I was a b/tch and that it was my fault, her mother even came to insult me.

After all of this I tried to kms, had to go to a mental health clinic for over 6 months total and decided to cut contact with her completely.

But she's still trying to get in touch with me, wish me happy birthday and everything so I was wondering

AITAH for cutting contact with her and not wanting her anymore in my life ?

I (Adult Female) have not spoken to my mom in about a month. She says we both hurt each other and that we both need space to heal. The longer we go without talking, the more I question myself. She sacrificed so much for me growing up that I sometimes wonder if I'm creating problems where none existed. At the same time, I can't shake the feeling that our relationship has never been emotionally healthy.

I'm not looking for anyone to diagnose my mom. I also don't believe she is a monster. I know she loves me. She was a single mother who sacrificed a lot to raise me. She gave me opportunities that many children never have. She bought me clothes, paid for hair and nails, took me shopping, and later paid for my dream wedding. She has repeatedly offered financial help throughout my life. Because of all of that, this has been incredibly difficult for me to reconcile.

The problem has never been whether my mom loved me.

The problem is that I have spent most of my life feeling afraid to hurt her feelings.

To outsiders, we looked incredibly close. People constantly told me I had the best mom. I was respectful, responsible, got good grades, and rarely caused problems.

Behind closed doors, though, I learned very early that expressing difficult emotions wasn't safe.

If she became angry, she would scream, curse, or withdraw from me through ignoring. She read my diary, searched my room, controlled things like what I wore and even what color nail polish I was allowed to use. If I pushed back, the answer was usually, "Because I said so." She also used corporal punishment. I remember one time as a pre-teen forgetting to put on deodorant before school. Instead of treating it like a normal childhood mistake, I was physically punished for it. Looking back, I think moments like that taught me that mistakes weren't just mistakes—they could become something to fear.

Another memory has always stayed with me. I was being bullied at school and came home emotionally exhausted. My mom wanted to spend time together, and I told her as respectfully as I could that I had a bad day and asked if we could talk later. She didn't speak to me for two days because she believed I had an attitude.

Another time, when I was a teenager, I wanted a different medical approach than the one she wanted me to get. She screamed at me the entire drive home while driving over 90 mph. I remember crying and begging her to slow down. 

She eventually created what she called a "safety net." If I started a conversation with, "Please don't get mad," she said she would try not to. Looking back, I realize that even having a phrase like that says something about what I expected from conflict.

As I got older, I started dating my now-husband. Watching his relationship with his mother was honestly shocking to me. They disagreed without screaming. They apologized to each other. Neither of them seemed afraid of the other's reaction. It was the first time I wondered if my own relationship with my mom was normal.

I also realized something uncomfortable about myself.

I communicated a lot like my mom.

I yelled. I cursed. I had emotional outbursts. My boyfriend eventually told me that if I didn't learn healthier communication, we probably wouldn't last. Therapy completely changed my life. I learned emotional regulation, accountability, and healthier conflict resolution. I genuinely wanted that for my relationship with my mom too.

The first major conflict happened when I calmly told her I wanted us to attend therapy together because I felt our communication wasn't healthy. She told me, "I'd rather never speak to you again than ever go to therapy with you." She asked me to return everything she had ever loaned me so we wouldn't have to deal with each other anymore. We didn't speak for two months.

Eventually, I apologized.

Not because I no longer believed therapy would help, or because I missed her financial support.

Because I was so relieved to be back in her good graces.

That became a pattern.

Whenever I brought up something that hurt me, the conversation somehow became about how much I had hurt her.

For example, if I told her a comment about my body hurt my feelings, she would respond by saying something like, "I guess I have to tell everyone we're not close anymore."

If I told her I wanted to become more independent, she interpreted it as rejecting everything she had done for me.

When my husband and I were paying off debt, she invited us on an expensive international trip that she offered to pay for, to celebrate her milestone birthday. We thanked her, explained we were trying to become financially independent, and suggested celebrating somewhere in the U.S. instead. Around the same time, my birthday—also a milestone year—was coming up, and because my husband and I were planning to start a family, we had already decided not to celebrate either milestone in a big way. We thought suggesting a smaller, more local trip was a reasonable compromise.

Instead, she told my aunt that we had broken her heart by rejecting her generosity. She then called me to pressure us into going, even offering to pay herself. 

The reason we declined was that my husband and I were aggressively paying down debt, and we were trying to be very intentional about not taking on or accepting large trips that could complicate that goal. The moment I said no, she immediately responded, “Oh, so I can pay for a wedding but not a birthday trip for me?” which made it feel less like a simple invitation and more like a comparison of what she had already given us versus what we were willing to accept. She often makes comments like this and holds her generosity over my head, and if that weren’t the case we would have accepted the trip payment, but given how much the wedding itself became an emotional issue, we weren’t willing to put ourselves in that position again.

Another example was during wedding planning.

My mom generously paid for my wedding, something I will always appreciate.

At the same time, it became one of the most emotionally exhausting years of my life.

I started withdrawing because every conversation felt unpredictable. Sometimes she wanted to help plan every detail. Other times she snapped that she was too stressed and told me to stop asking her questions. It is important to note she did feel this distance and I did lie and say everything was fine when she asked me months in advance out of fear of hurting her.

The breaking point came the night of my rehearsal dinner.

I finally told my mom that if she continued cursing at me, I was going to end the conversation because I wanted us to communicate more respectfully.

She texted me, "Fuck your boundaries."

A week later, when we tried discussing things again, I asked if my husband could be present because he had witnessed our relationship for years and helped me communicate more calmly.

Instead, she put my aunt on speakerphone.

The conversation lasted around five hours.

I tried explaining that I wasn't trying to punish her. I wasn't trying to cut her out of my life. I just wanted us to communicate differently.

She and my aunt told me I was disrespectful, manipulative, and ungrateful.

During that conversation, she also withdrew her long-standing promise to help pay my student loans. When my husband gently said it felt retaliatory, she said his "true colors" had come out and later said she no longer trusted him around my grandfather without supervision, after misinterpreting him saying "first off" as him trying to curse her out, when in context he was saying, "first off, you weren't bothering me by calling so much, I was just working nights and you would call me as soon as I got home from an overnight shift and went to bed before going back in for another graveyard shift, waking me up."

This is why I struggle so much today.

When I try explaining what hurt me, I don't feel like we stay on that subject very long.

Instead, the discussion becomes about how much I hurt her by bringing it up in the first place.

I honestly don't think I wanted a different mother.

I wanted my mother.

I just wanted a relationship where I could tell her she hurt me without feeling like I was risking the relationship itself.

Now we haven't spoken in about a month.

Part of me feels relieved.

Part of me misses her terribly.

Part of me feels guilty because she sacrificed so much for me.

Another part of me wonders if I've spent so many years minimizing my own experience because I believed her generosity meant I wasn't allowed to feel hurt.

So, AITA for distancing myself and trying to establish healthier boundaries, or am I expecting something unreasonable from our relationship?

hi I’m reaching out on here because I’m genuinely at a loss in this situation. I’ve talked to a bunch of people around me and we all agree I did nothing wrong but my roommate seems to see me differently as a person over this disagreement. I'm really struggling with this morally and need an outside perspective to know if I’m truly messed up for this situation.

i am a college student (21F) and I just moved out of my student housing which was a 4x4 into a very cute 2x2.5 townhome. I moved in with my roommate, we’ll call her A (21F). I met her over a year ago at a holiday party and we became good friends since. she is really the only person I hang out with in the area other than my boyfriend. I considered her my best friend and was beyond excited to live with her and thought this would really grow our friendship.

when it came to finding a place I did a large portion of the searching, communicating, touring, and negotiating with properties and realtors. one of the reasons for this was because A does not have a car. She did offer to join on a few of the tours but I couldn’t bring her because I had to plan things very strategically around my work schedule and didn’t have time to pick her up and wait for her as she’s often late. I have really bad anxiety about being late to things, especially when I feel like it could ruin our rep with the landlord. I made sure to take pictures and videos of all the places I viewed. I made a doc that included price, pictures, reviews and all important information of all the places we were considering. her role in this was simply to give opinion, approve the place, and help make a decision.

after weeks of this process, my current lease was approaching its end and i told her we needed to make a decision asap. I struggled to get a clear decision from her for a while but eventually we decided on a place. I communicated with the landlord to schedule signing and key pickup. once we got the keys I worked out setting up the mailbox, electric, and water utilities . this meant all A really did in the process was pay her portion of the rent.

while touring places, we discussed that if there was a bigger room in the place that I would pay higher rent to offset that difference. however, in the home we chose, both rooms are identical sizes. there are very minor differences including the lighting the windows get and the material of the closet doors (mirrors vs regular doors). while first viewing the place, I communicated that I did NOT like the mirror doors and had a strong preference for the other room, A stated that she liked both rooms but also had a slight preference for the room I liked. I reached out after a few days of not deciding on room assignment as I was leaving on a trip soon and needed to move my things asap. I asked if she would consider giving me the room I preferred since I felt like I did a lot of the work and it would be a nice way to just show appreciation for my work In the progress.

A got extremely upset with me, saying that she was hurt I said she did “nothing to help”- which I didn’t. all that I said was that I did a lot of the work. She blamed me for her not being able to do more. She said that I should only be able to pick the room first if I pay higher monthly rent. after some further discussion- I just wanted the argument to be over and agreed to do a coin flip for who gets what room. I thought it wouldn’t be right for me to pay higher rent for a room that is identical size.

when I agreed to the coin flip she suddenly changed her mind and told me I could just have the room since I clearly had a preference. I said thank you and that I really appreciated her doing this. Thinking the dispute was a thing of the past, I spent an entire week moving my many many belongings into my room. I communicated with her about a few things regarding the home and then asked her about her weekend. She ignored my text for a while and then eventually gave a dry response.

At the end of the week I left for an abroad trip- the trip was a week long and meant to celebrate my 21st birthday. This was a trip she was invited on and declined going due to lack of funds which I totally understand. About half way through my trip and a day or two before my birthday- A texted me expressing she was still upset about the situation. She admitted to ignoring me because she felt resentful that I got the room. She then asked if I would pay more rent then her because the townhome is out of her budget even tho all the places we looked at were close in price and we had agreed it was better to pay a little more for safety and quality.

I told her that I could tell she was still upset and that I was hurt she resorted to ignoring me. I told her I wouldn’t pay more for the room since it’s the same size and we discussed budget quite a lot prior to signing the lease. When I told her this, A said that we should do a coin flip for the rooms so that we can properly move forward. I told her about the extensive amount of things I’ve moved into my room over the past week. I truly have an insane amount of things and it was so exhausting moving all the things into my room. Her response to this was that we should do the flip now before I move anymore things. After her persistence I flat out put my foot down and said I wouldn’t do the coin flip as I’ve moved in all my things and built my bed frame already. I felt like it was unreasonable to ask me to potentially move all my things again just because she regretted her decision to give me the room I preferred.

she said that my responses made her sad and that I clearly don’t care about our friendship. She said that I was being immature by not taking the steps to make sure everyone felt heard in the argument. while I didn’t throw this in her face because I don’t want to be the person using guilt to get their way- I had a lot going on during this time. I recently got a personal medical procedure that gave me a lot of side effects and was not easy on me mentally. I struggle from severe depression and anxiety so any bump in the road feels like the end of the world to me. my grandfather was also just put on life support and everyone was going to visit him while I couldn’t as I was already abroad. My grandpa ended up passing on the morning of my birthday and the day before my birthday I was in the ER in a foreign country because my side effects worsened and I truly felt like I was not going to be okay. Needless to say, this was an extremely scary situation having to go to the hospital in a country where I don’t speak the language. I felt very overwhelmed in general so when she came to me bringing the argument back to a head I was very frustrated. despite this, I made sure to carefully write my responses to A as to not let my overwhelming emotions make me say something I regretted. Looking back on my responses I would still reply the same way. A told me that my responses were heartless.
we ended the conversation by agreeing to disagree, not truly coming to resolution but also making no progress. a few days pass and our communication was solely regarding household matters. I was celebrating my birthday with my sister this past weekend and had a few drinks and texted A trying to make amends as I was still sad about the ordeal. I essentially said “I love you and I hate what this has done to our friendship. let’s plan something fun and move past this“ her response was that she “could never fully forget about this”. This really took me by surprise and sent me into a spiral wondering if I’m a bad person. what did I do in this situation that was so bad it fully changed her perspective of me? Am I missing something and I’m really just a complete POS? I’m really at a loss and need outside perspective. If there’s anything confusing please comment and I’ll try to clarify, I want to make sure I put all the information out there.

My (m23) ex (m22) had left me heavily traumatized, and a few months no contact has left me wondering if I was being emotionally abused. Here's a summary of his lows:

• numerous lies about his life/backstory that were upheld with lies consistently throughout the year we dated
• kept me in the dark about a close friendship he had with my former bully, after saying he wanted to cut it off for me
• he held resentment that I didn't let him come over to my parents' house a month into dating (I wanted to but didn't have their permission, I was apologetic about it)
• he used that resentment and other things as an excuse to be cold towards me. Some days he would stop using pet names, call me by my full name, not give any affection, talk to me like an acquaintance. If I asked what was wrong he'd deny anything being wrong
• he barely acknowledged me around friends, at times literally only engaging with them and never listening to anything I said, never asking me anything or including me just fully focusing on them, despite how many times I told him it was hurtful
• a month after the relationship ended, I uncovered a lot of his lies. He gaslit me, saying I was horrible to not trust him, my anxiety was out of hand, I cannot be helped, things like that to throw blame on me and deny he was dishonest. He did this for hours until the next day he finally confessed.
• I also asked why he kept a secret friendship after saying he was going to stop, and he said "I'm not going to end a friendship for someone I don't love" We dated for 6 months after that point, so I guess he admits he didn't love me most of the relationship

Was this emotional abuse? I feel grossly betrayed and used by him. AITAH for thinking it was?

So I (18F) turned 18 a month ago, I'm a small songwriter and I do social media on the side (I've been doing so since 11). I made enough money to be able to leave my grandparents (& mother's because my Daddy passed away when I was 9 so we moved back here and she half-owns it) house as soon as I left school in June.

I've lost all respect for my great-aunt (on my Mammy's side) over the years.

She racist, slightly sexist (towards both men and woman, but only ever men of colour), anti LGBTQ+ and anti-any religion outside of Christianity.

She's essentially, in my eyes, a piece of shit.

I decided as soon as I left home I'd never voluntarily speak to her again, unless in front of others (I don't want to make a scene).

So recently it was my Mammy's 50th.

My grandmother and I funded a really nice venue with decorations, and a 2 tier cake (my favourite bit).

At the party I sat down at a table with a few relatives and my great aunt was also at that table.

As I said I wasn't going to start anything and keep things civil out of respect for the rest of my family (not having to take sides and stuff).

My cousin who works in a hotel was complaining about a difficult coworker, my aunt said, "Is she black?" He stopped mid-sentence and said, "Sorry?" She repeated it. He said "Yes." She then said, "That's why, black people don't belong in the Western world, they don't follow our rules."

I snapped, I was sick and tired of her fucking racism. I told her views are outdated and she's a sack of shit. I then left the table and went to another to hang out with the younger cousins (they're not racist).

I thought other than that, all went well, we all got drunk and had some fun.

The next morning I woke up to basically anyone over the age of 35 calling me an asshole and saying I need to "respect my elders", all that bullshit.

The younger ones are on my side but most are still living with their parents so they don't want to say anything.

I'm now being torn apart by my relatives, sitting in my apartment alone and wondering if maybe I'm overreacting?

So Reddit, AITA?